Run and Hide
by HumanEmotion
Summary: When a camping trip goes horribly wrong, will Jamie be able to survive?
1. Prologue

Run and Hide

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Blue Bloods, it belongs to CBS... would I really be writing fanfiction if I had anything to do with the actual show? LOL

**A/N:** Okay, so I had this idea ages ago, but since I intended on it being a chapter story I didn't expect to get it out right away. To be honest, I'm kind of nervous about publishing it in the first place. It's not that I don't like the story I've written, but it could easily end up being over the top. Guess I won't know until I actually publish though, right? ;) I'm also not quite done with the story, but since I'm close enough, I'll start it anyway. I know this chapter is slow and kinda weird... I hope that even if it bores you, you'll give it a chance. It gets better! This is just the set up - so yes, it's short LOL. :) It's a Jamie-story, again (of course ^_~). Wanted it to be Jamie/Danny, but it also works as Jamie/male family members.

Enjoy! :)

* * *

Prologue

Jamie lay on his back in bed with his arms tucked under his head. He stared at the ceiling bathed in darkness. Turning his head, he gazed out the window at the lights of New York City. They twinkled innocently, but he knew things were not innocent. That was one of the downsides to his job; the things he saw, the things he now realized people were capable of. Not that he hadn't known before, he just didn't personally see them until now. His undercover work, having to pretend to be a tough mob member, having to pretend to agree with the way things were done, even having to pretend to be in the drug business, took a large toll on him. A physical toll too, if he wasn't careful. At least that was over, for now. He just had to lay low. Secretly, he hoped to lay low for a _long_ time. He didn't have much desire to get back to _that_ part of his job.

The stress got to him. He found himself lying awake quite often, tossing and turning and staring at the alarm clock by his bed. Other nights, even if he was able to fall asleep right away, he'd keep waking up. Not always from nightmares; sometimes it was just worry that woke him and kept him awake. Unknown to his family, there were nights right after a tough shift that he would drive home, then walk to the closest bar. He'd sit for a few hours, drinking more than he normally would. The moment he really started to feel it was the exact moment some female would sit beside him, almost as if they could see the stress and drunkenness surrounding him. She'd flirt, he'd flirt, he'd pay his tab and follow her out. Those nights were not his proudest of moments, leaving him feeling ashamed by early morning and sneaking out without her noticing. He always felt disgusted with himself, for using them as a way to forget and for letting _them_ use _him_. He knew he'd never develop a relationship with any of them – they only wanted one thing. He prayed every day that he would not run into any of them on the street during a shift. If they recognized him, and if Renzulli was with him, he'd never hear the end of it. Renzulli would probably tease him about it, making him feel worse. If Renzulli found out, Danny wouldn't be far behind, and his father wouldn't be far behind that. He could already feel the humiliation, and see the disappointment written on his father's face. His grandfather and Erin wouldn't be happy about it either. He could already hear the lecture he'd get from his sister.

Tonight could have been one of those nights. He had been just steps away from his apartment door when he thought he could use a few drinks. He had stopped himself, telling himself that this was not a good habit to get into. With the way things were going, he could end up in Alcoholics Anonymous with a child support court case to boot. He _had_ to turn things around! He'd kept on walking, straight into his building. He'd hurried into his apartment, grabbing a bottle of water instead, ignoring the few bottles of beer that he kept in his fridge.

He needed time away. Tomorrow was Friday, his first day off in what felt like years. He had the entire weekend. He made up his mind, a look of determination filling his features. He'd leave tomorrow afternoon, grab his camping and hiking equipment, and spend the weekend in solitude. He knew of a campground a couple of hours out of the city that specialized in quiet getaways. You had no choice but to leave your car at the main office and to hike to a campsite once checked in. He had met many people who had done solitude weekends and had come out better for it.

He smiled to himself. Yes, that was what he needed, an entire weekend of peace and quiet, letting nature surround him, no cop duties to worry him. He needed a few moments of self-reflection. He'd also have to tell his father and Danny where he was going of course, so they would know where to reach him if he was needed.

He rolled over, feeling more at peace than he had in a long time.

~~TBC~~

* * *

**A/N 2**: Yeah, okay... I know what you're saying. Jamie would never act like a... um... male slut?... so why write him like that? You're right, he probably wouldn't, but there was one episode where Renzulli asked him something about how his love life was going and Jamie answered with "nothing serious"... made me think one-night stands weren't out of the question ^_~ (and I'm ashamed to admit there was a bad case of jealousy that followed that LOL). Also, I know nothing about New York, so I have no idea if there are any campgrounds around. I made that part up. ;)

Please review. Thanks! :)


	2. Chapter 1

Run and Hide

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own anything.

**A/N:** The uploader's being a pain in the butt. -_- Anyway, here's the first chapter. I was going to have this up earlier, but... well, see the 'pain in the butt' comment. LOL Things start moving a bit more, but it's still going to be a bit slow. Thanks for the reviews (and alerts!) for the first part; I'm happy that people didn't think it was boring. :)

Enjoy! :)

* * *

Chapter 1

Jamie finished his packing. He'd packed as light as possible, only carrying his hiking backpack with a couple of changes of clothes, a few toiletries, and a small lunch cooler with sandwiches, water, fruit, and some granola bars. He could always walk back to the main office if he felt he needed more food. There was a sandwich shop next door. His one-person tent and sleeping mat were attached to the sides of the pack, and his sleeping bag was hooked to the bottom. He grabbed his keys, shoved his feet into his hiking shoes, and grabbed his jacket on the way out the door. He nodded to the doorman as he left.

"Have a good weekend, Mr. Reagan." The doorman smiled at him. Jamie smiled back.

"Thank you. Please, call me Jamie. Mr. Reagan makes me sound like my father."

"Of course, Mr… Jamie."

Jamie laughed, then headed out to the parking lot. He placed his backpack into the backseat of his car. He had to make a couple of stops first before he could hit the road. He had to let his family know he was going to be away for the weekend.

Pulling out onto the main road, he drove to his father's house. He knew Frank was working a short shift today, so he'd likely be home, or at least he would be soon. He pulled up next to the familiar house and came to a stop. He walked to the front door, pulling his keys and fiddling with them to find the house key he always kept on his key ring. He quickly unlocked the door, stepping inside and closing it behind him.

"Who's there?" called a voice. "Are you home, Francis?"

"No Grandpa, it's Jamie." Jamie called.

"Jamie! Come in my boy!" Henry hurried towards his youngest grandson. "Can I get you some lunch? I was just putting on some soup. Your father should be here any minute."

"No thank you, Grandpa. I already ate."

"Well, come sit down then. Can I get you something to drink at least?"

Jamie had to laugh. His grandfather was always trying to play host, forgetting this was the house his grandchildren grew up in. They were capable of getting their own food and drinks. "No, Grandpa, I can't stay long. I'm just waiting for Dad."

"Everything okay, Jamie?" Henry asked in concern.

"Yeah, everything's fine." Jamie smiled in reassurance. "I'm going away for the weekend, and I'd like Dad to know that. That's all."

Henry looked surprised. "Okay. Who are you going with?"

Jamie gave a short pause. He never thought of the reaction he might get when he said he was going camping alone. In the Reagan family, solitude usually meant something wasn't right, and Jamie wasn't comfortable telling them _everything_ that bothered him. Thankfully, he was saved by the arrival of his father.

"Pops, Jamie!" he called out in greeting, having seen Jamie's car out front.

"Hi, Francis. I've got soup on the stove."

"Smells great, Pop. Hi Jamie." Frank rounded the corner, taking off his coat as he went. He smiled at his youngest.

"Hey Dad." Jamie smiled in greeting.

"What brings you here? Going to stay for lunch?"

"No, I can't stay long. Dad, I'm going away for the weekend. Camping trip."

"Sounds fun. Who are you going with?" Frank asked, sitting down in his chair.

Jamie gave another short pause. "Actually… I'm going by myself." He braced himself for the surprise, followed by the concern he could practically see building up in both his father and grandfather.

"Camping? By yourself?" Henry asked incredulously.

"Pop…" Frank admonished. He looked at Jamie carefully, concern radiating from him. "Son, what brought this on?"

Jamie frowned slightly, trying to make it seem like it was no big deal. "Dad, it's nothing. I'm just going to go out to Angels Retreat for the weekend…"

"That solitude place? You know, you don't have to go there alone. Small groups go out there, too." Henry piped up. He was concerned for his grandson, but felt that going alone was a bit much. Jamie wasn't the type of person who wanted to do things alone… was he?

"Grandpa, it isn't a big deal. I just feel that I need some time alone…"

"We're Reagan's… we stick together, there's no need to..."

"Pop!" Frank interrupted his father. "Really, that's enough. Jamie… please talk to me. What's wrong?"

Jamie could feel anger starting to build up, but he pushed it down. "Dad… why does anything have to be wrong?" he argued. "I just want some time to myself. That's all."

"Alright, Jamie." Frank placated softly. "I'll go with you on that. You're a quiet person, you always have been. You do okay with people, and you're fine by yourself. I'm not questioning that."

"Then _what_?" Jamie asked, sounding slightly exasperated.

"Jamie… people don't just go out there on a whim, just to go camping. There are other places for that. It's called a retreat for a reason. People go there to find themselves. People go to find inner peace. That's the only reason why I question anything. Is there something wrong?" he finished point blank.

Jamie stared briefly at his father, not sure whether he should feel upset or not, before looking at his feet. He opened his mouth, then quickly shut it again. He glanced over at his grandfather who was looking at him in concern.

"Jamie." Frank prompted. "If it's the job, you know I'm not going to be disappointed if…."

"No!" Jamie interrupted quickly. "No Dad, I'm not getting cold feet. I still wouldn't change my decision for anything." That much was true. He felt truly connected to his police work; he loved helping people. He loved to make a difference, and he really did feel that he was making a difference, even if it was only minor such as helping a lost tourist.

"Then what?" Frank prompted again. He always worried about his children, and this time was no different. Especially when Jamie looked like he could break any second. He knew something was bothering his youngest, he could see it radiating from his eyes, read it on his face. He also knew he'd probably only get a half truth. Jamie may be one of the kindest people he had the pleasure of knowing, but he could also be the most stubborn. The thought that something bothered his son enough to send him into solitude, to give him a need to find that peace within himself, scared him. If Jamie needed to run, what could possibly be going through that mind of his? This was one of the times that Frank wished he could change the policy on off-duty guns… just in case. For the safety of all officers, of course, he told himself. Not just his own son.

Jamie glanced at his father again. He sighed. "I still love the job, I love making a difference… I don't love the other side of the job. The bad side. Personally seeing everything that I always knew was there, knowing what people are capable of… undercover work…" he trailed off, glancing at his feet again. "I don't like what the bad side does to me. I don't like how it makes me feel… what I'm afraid of turning into…" he trailed off again, afraid he'd said too much. He wasn't ready to go _that_ far into his occasional nightly activities! He didn't want his father, and _especially_ his grandfather, to even guess at them.

"Son…."

"I just need some time, Dad." Jamie interrupted. "Please." he said quietly, his face practically begging his father to understand. "Some time alone would be good for me. Away from the city. Away from work."

Frank nodded, caving in. "Alright, Jamie. I'll leave it for now." He emphasized 'for now' with a look. A look that clearly said 'this isn't over.'

Jamie gave a nod of understanding. He'd definitely said too much! He'd have to cross that bridge when he came to it. He stood up to leave. "Thanks Dad, grandpa. I'll be back in time for Sunday dinner."

Frank nodded. "Hey, Jamie?"

Jamie stopped walking towards the front door, turning to face his father. "Yeah?"

Concern continued to radiate from Frank's tensed body. "You know you can come to me for anything, right? It doesn't matter the time of day, you come to me. Any issue, any time." Frank glanced at his own father, who tossed him a knowing, understanding look.

Jamie felt his throat tighten. "I know, Dad." he choked out around the forming lump. "Thanks."

"And Jamie?"

"Yeah?"

"If you ever, _ever_ find yourself staring at your gun in the darkness of your apartment… you get yourself over here. Don't stop to think about it. You come to me." Frank felt his own throat tighten at the words he wished he never had to say. He had said them to Danny, too, and it hadn't been any easier. He had been hoping to avoid them with his youngest. Unfortunately, luck was against him.

Jamie had to look away and swallow a few times before he could answer. Did his father really think he'd do that? That it was bad enough he'd even _think_ about killing himself? _Was_ it that bad? No, he assured himself, not fully convinced. It wasn't that bad. It couldn't be. "Yeah… I… I promise, Dad, but it's not that bad. That's _not_ why I want to leave for a couple of days…"

"Glad to hear it." Frank said, sounding somewhat relieved, but not feeling the same. He still had an odd feeling in his gut, something telling him that there was something seriously wrong, but he just couldn't figure it out. He looked at Jamie. "Be careful, son." he murmured gently.

Jamie nodded. "I will, Dad. Bye, Grandpa."

"Bye, Jamie." Henry replied, looking like he wanted to say something else but had changed his mind. He just gave a weak smile to his grandson, squeezing his shoulder as he passed by. He had the same feeling as Frank, something inside him that wanted to pull Jamie back into the house, sit him down and never let him go. There was silence as they heard Jamie close the front door. "He'll be okay, Francis. He's strong. Whatever it is, he'll get through it."

"I know, Pops." Frank replied, still fighting the lump in his throat. He rubbed his hands together, fidgeting.

"And… maybe it's nothing. Maybe we're just being old fogies. Maybe he just wants a nice weekend to himself. He'll arrive at Sunday dinner refreshed and acting like himself again." Henry continued hopefully, the words sounding hollow to his ears.

"Sure." Frank replied, trying to sound cheerful. In reality, he remained unconvinced of his father words, and very convinced that his son was in a rather dark place. A place he should not be in alone.

~~TBC~~


	3. Chapter 2

Run and Hide

Disclaimer: No, I still don't own anything.

A/N: I'm definitely going to strangle the uploader one of these days. LOL ;) It keeps giving me my documents in a jumbled mess... anyhoo, it's working for now, so here's the next chapter! :) I'm still more or less setting up the story... I didn't realize it dragged! LOL Also, I made up the name of the campground - I don't know what's around the NYC area, if anything at all. The name seemed to fit. ;)

Enjoy! :)

* * *

Chapter 2

"I'm not seeing it, Jackie."

Jackie sighed, annoyed. "If you just unscramble these words…"

Danny looked up from the newspaper. "I'm still not seeing it, Jack. It makes no sense!"

Jackie glared at him. "Men. Honestly. You're all so… I'm about to jump to the other side, unless I can meet someone who isn't so bullheaded and dumb!"

Danny raised an eyebrow. "Hmm… I wouldn't mind seeing that! Ouch!" He rubbed the back of his head from where Jackie had smacked him. Someone cleared their throat, causing him to look up into the amused face of his brother. "Oh, hey Jamie. What brings you here?"

"Oh, now there's someone I could get along with!" Jackie cooed, pinching Jamie's cheeks. He gave her a funny look, pulling away. "Your brother's an ass, Reagan." she told him. "Teach him some of your good manners before he offends anyone else!" She shot one last glare at Danny before stalking off to get some coffee, and to leave the brothers in peace. Jamie stared after her, looking confused.

"All that over a newspaper?" he snorted, sitting across from his brother.

Danny shook his head. "She likes her word games." He stared down at the puzzle he'd been trying. "I just don't get it. Here, Harvard, maybe you…"

Jamie smiled, holding up his hand. "No, Danny. I'm not here for that."

"Oh, okay. What is it?" Danny felt concern rise as he watched his brothers face go from amused to slightly uncomfortable. "Is everything okay?"

Jamie steeled himself. "I'm going away for the weekend. Camping."

Danny looked surprised, then he grinned evilly. "Ooh, go Jamie! Who is she?"

Jamie stared at him incredulously. "Really?"

Danny shrugged. "You're going camping, you haven't mentioned who you're going with, and you looked kind of uncomfortable when you were about to tell me that you're not going to be in the city for the weekend. You must have a girl with you. When do we get to meet her?" he grinned again.

Jamie stared at him, shaking his head. "Wow, Jackie was right… maybe this wasn't such a good idea…" he stood to leave. "You know Danny, I wouldn't need to go camping just to get a girl home with me." Jamie tossed him a look, then turned towards the door. He had at least told him he was leaving for the weekend. Good enough, right?

Danny stood, reaching toward him. "Whoa, kid, sit down. I'm sorry. What's up?"

Jamie glowered, but sat down again. Danny followed suit, staring intently at his brother. Jamie sighed.

"I'm going camping alone, Danny."

"Okay… why?" Danny asked, slowly emphasizing his words.

Jamie sighed again. _Again_ with the overly concerned look. "It's no big deal, Danny. I just want some time alone."

"Fair enough. Where are you going?" Danny tried to push down the concern. He knew Jamie could see it written on his face, and he could read the annoyance on Jamie's. Maybe it was no big deal. Nothing wrong with wanting some time alone.

Jamie paused. He really didn't want to say, but he knew he should. He sighed. "Angels Retreat."

The concern pushed back to the forefront of Danny's mind. "Jamie, it's meant for solitude."

"Uh, yeah… I kinda _knew_ that." Jamie muttered sarcastically.

Danny sighed in frustration. "People go there to find themselves…"

Jamie stood again. "You know, I heard this from Dad and Grandpa already…"

Danny stood with him. "Jamie, you don't _need_ to find yourself. You _know_ who you are!"

"Maybe it's not about that, Danny! Maybe I just need some peace and quiet!" Jamie found himself feeling angry, a feeling that occurred all too quickly these days.

"From what?" Danny asked, voice rising.

"Maybe from you!" Jamie bit out, voice a half shout. The precinct had gone quiet. Jamie's eyes widened as he glanced around at the other detectives staring at the brothers. "Whoa... Danny, I'm sorry…" He shook his head, looking horrified. "I should just go…"

Danny wiped the surprised look from his face, wonder quickly replacing it as he watched his brother hurry towards the door. "Jamie… hold on!" he jogged after his brother, grabbing his arm as he reached the door. "I'm sorry, Jamie. I shouldn't have gotten upset. I'm worried, okay? What's going on?"

Jamie shook his arm free. "Nothing, Danny. I just need some time, okay?" Jamie's eyes begged his brother to just leave it be. "I'll be back in time for Sunday dinner."

Danny looked at him in concern, trying to fight the feeling of unease creeping its way into his gut. He wanted to force Jamie to tell him what was on his mind, but he didn't want to upset him further. He nodded instead.

"Alright, kid. We'll see you then. Um… have a good time?" Danny smiled weakly, his statement more of a question than a goodbye.

Jamie nodded slowly. "Yeah… thanks." He smiled uncomfortably. "See you…" He nodded again, then quickly turned and left the precinct. Danny stared at the empty space where his brother stood seconds before.

"Everything okay? Kid seemed upset."

Danny turned, finding Jackie behind him looking concerned. "Yeah. Yeah, it's fine." He forced a smile, heading back to his desk. Jackie shook her head, turning to follow. Danny suddenly stopped. "Jack…"

Jackie took a quick step sideways in order to avoid running into her partner. "What is it?"

Danny tapped a pen on the top of the desk, fidgeting. He moved to his chair, a look of concentration on his face. Jackie stared at him, waiting. She tapped her fingers on her coffee cup. Finally, she rolled her eyes.

"Earth to Reagan!"

Danny startled, looking at her. "Sorry, Jack."

Jackie sat across from him. "What is it, Danny? Is there something wrong with Jamie?"

"I don't know Jack. Is it normal to go to Angels Retreat just because?"

Jackie looked surprised. "Is that where he's going?"

"Yes."

"Well, I don't know… maybe he just wants some peace and quiet. This can be a tough job, you know."

"Yeah, but he's never run before. Why would he just take off, go somewhere on his own? Why would he want to be alone?"

"Danny, everyone wants some alone time every now and then." Jackie placated. "Just give him time. If I know Jamie, he'll come through it, whatever _it_ is, with flying colours. He'll be home Sunday."

Danny smirked. "You were listening."

Jackie smirked back. "You two were practically yelling at each other. I _had_ to come out, just I case I needed to break the two of you up."

Danny snorted. "Fine. I'll give him time if that's what he wants. If he doesn't seem his normal self after he gets back, _then_ I'm going to find out what's wrong. And he _will_ tell me." Danny stared down at the abandoned word puzzle, not really seeing it. Something was wrong with his baby brother. He just had this feeling that things were not going to go well.

~~TBC~~


	4. Chapter 3

Run and Hide

**Disclaimer:** My bank account still tells me that I do not own anything to do with this show.

**A/N:** Well, I told myself when I updated the last time that I'd update again Friday. It's Friday, so here's chapter 3! Finally, something longer! Thanks for the reviews on the last one!

Enjoy. :)

* * *

Chapter 3

Jamie sat in his car outside Danny's precinct, head against the headrest, unsure of what just happened. That was not the way he wanted to leave for the weekend, upset and fighting with his brother. He couldn't understand why he felt so angry, or why he said what he did. The detectives sitting at their desks probably thought he was insane. The way they stared after his outburst...

He sighed, starting his car. He probably should go and apologize. Maybe he'd give Danny a call before he started hiking, apologize again for what he said. He turned on his radio, tapping his fingers to the current song, but he wasn't really listening to it. He didn't understand his family's concern. He just wanted some time alone, why was that so horrible?

'_You're running.'_ A small voice in his head told him.

"I'm not running." He told the voice out loud.

'_Yeah, you are. Life is tough, and you can't take it.'_ The voice mocked snidely.

"Oh, shut up." Jamie groused, feeling his cheeks heat up in embarrassment. Great, now he was talking to himself. Maybe he _did_ need help! Sure, his last few tours had been tough ones to take, but he didn't hate his job. He had many good times on the beat.

'_Except the one last night. You haven't told your family of _that one_, have you?'_ The voice insinuated. Jamie pursed his lips. He'd definitely screwed that one up, but he knew he wasn't fully to blame. He hadn't gotten to the scene until it was nearly over. Still blood on his hands, though.

He gripped the steering wheel tightly. He just needed to get to the resort, find some peace and quiet. He'd be fine. Right?

~~BB~~

Danny walked up the steps to his father's front door later that evening. Thoughts of Jamie had been bugging him all day. His brother had been acting strangely, but didn't seem willing to talk about it. He just insisted that he needed some time alone. Insisted he was fine. Was his kid brother in some kind of trouble? Did something get to him that caused him to run away from everything and everyone? Was he doing more undercover work that no one could know about? Danny sighed, trying to get the questions to stop. Maybe his father knew something.

"Dad?" he called, opening the front door.

"Danny? Come in, son." his father called back. Danny followed his voice to the living room where his father sat in his chair reading the paper. He nodded at his grandfather who was sitting on the couch, watching TV.

"Hi Dad, Grandpa."

"Danny!" Henry smiled. "Can I get you something?"

"No thanks, Grandpa. I already ate." Danny smiled. His grandfather was always trying to play host.

"What brings you here, son?" his father asked, noticing the unease surrounding his oldest. Danny sighed and took a seat on the second chair by his father's.

"Dad… Jamie came to see me today."

Frank raised an eyebrow questioningly. "You, too?"

Danny gave him a strange look. "What do you mean?"

"He came to see us, too." Henry supplied. "Well, he came to see Francis, but I overheard."

Frank shot him a look. "You stayed in the room Pop, you didn't just overhear."

"Yeah, well…" Henry smiled sheepishly. "He's my youngest grandson. Something seemed to be bothering him, so I wasn't going to just go away."

"You noticed that too, huh?" Danny grumbled. Frank looked at him, concern written on his face.

"Did something happen, son?"

Danny looked uncomfortable. "We may have argued a bit…"

"What did you say to him?"

"Um…" Danny hesitated, scratching his head uneasily. "I might have asked him who the girl was…"

Henry let out a short laugh while his father just shook his head.

"Really Danny, was that necessary? You know your brother's not like that."

"He's old enough." Danny remarked defiantly. Frank couldn't help but smirk.

"That may be, but I'm sure he's not going to a retreat campground just to hide a woman from us."

"Yeah, well…" Danny grinned sheepishly.

"Back to the point, he got angry over that?"

"Yeah, he did. It wasn't normal. He gets angry, especially at me, but that was drop-of-the-hat style angry. Once he realized he raised his voice, he seemed to get all embarrassed. He tried to leave. I caught him at the door, but he still wouldn't say much, except that he'd be back on Sunday."

"Said the same to us." Henry supplied.

"He got upset pretty quick with me, too." Frank sighed. "I didn't expect it, but I just brushed it aside. He calmed down soon enough."

"What's going on, Dad?" Danny asked, voice laced with worry. "Something is bugging him."

"I know there is, but I don't know what." Frank sighed, his heart squeezing painfully at the thought of his youngest facing his demons alone.

"Do you think he's in trouble, Dad? Have you heard anything?" Danny asked, dreading the answer.

"No. I haven't heard anything. I'll see the report summaries of the last few days on Monday."

"Maybe he was… involved… in something."

"What are you saying, Danny?" Frank asked, disapproval colouring his tone.

"Do you think he's gone back undercover?"

"No, I don't Danny. I would have heard by now."

"Are you sure?" Danny asked, knowing he was toeing the line.

"_Enough_, Danny. Yes, I would have heard." Frank frowned at his oldest.

"Alright, Dad." Danny placated, holding up his hands. "I was just asking."

Franks sighed. "I know, son. I'm worried. Something is going on with Jamie, and I have no idea what it is. That scares me."

Danny just nodded, staring at a spot on the floor. _'Damn it, kid. What did you get yourself into?'_

~~BB~~

Jamie pulled into the gravel parking lot, noticing only a few other cars. He grabbed his backpack and walked into the office. He smiled at the desk clerk, a young female, probably around twenty-one.

"Hello sir." She smiled. "I'm Lacy. Can I sign you in?"

"Yeah." Jamie replied. "Under Jamie Reagan. I'll be staying until Sunday afternoon."

The girl smiled again, typing up his information. She printed off a copy of the receipt. "If I could just get you to sign here, Mr. Reagan. I'll need your credit card number, just for security. Unless you'd like to pay now?"

"I'll pay." Jamie said, pulling out his wallet. He handed over his credit card.

The girl took it, running it through the machine before handing it back. "Okay, just sign here." She handed him a pen. He quickly signed the receipt. "And you're done. If you need anything, just come back to the office. We have many supplies here for guests. The furthest campsite is only a twenty minute walk away. Enjoy your weekend!"

Jamie smiled at her bubbly personality. "Thank you, Lacy." he said, turning back towards the door. He hurried out, eager to hit the trail. Since it was a Friday, the resort could fill up with singles and small groups. He wanted to get a good spot. He knew there was a lake around here; getting a spot on the shoreline would be nice. He'd always liked the water.

After ten minutes of walking, he spotted a glint through the trees, guessing that it must be the lake. He veered off the trail, coming into a small clearing equipped with a small fire pit. The lake lapped gently on the strip of sand just a couple of feet from the clearing. He smiled softly. This would be perfect. He dropped his pack, stretching. It was late afternoon, and the sunlight was becoming weaker. His stomach growled.

He turned to his pack, pulling the tent from its bag. He grabbed the pegs, making quick work of setting up his shelter. He unhooked the sleeping mat, and unrolled the sleeping bag on top of it. His home away from home set up, he turned to the fire pit. There was a stack of logs and branches by the edge of the clearing closest to the trail; he grabbed a few, making a teepee in the middle of the pit. He grabbed the matches he'd placed in his pack. Lighting one, he lit a few of the smaller branches and bark pieces, placing them amongst the teepee. He shook the match out before it burned his fingers and tossed it amongst the flames. It had been Joe that had taught him to make a proper fire.

_# # #_

"_Jamie."_

"_Go away, Joe. I've got it." Fourteen year old Jamie mumbled, attempting to get a log to catch the flame. "Ouch!" he cried as he dropped the match, sucking his burnt finger._

_Twenty-one year old Joe shook his head at his brother's stubbornness. He was starting to regret his decision. He'd decided that he and Jamie needed a bonding weekend. They'd gone out to a campground a few hours away. Their parents hadn't been enthused with the idea, as the campground was known for its wild parties, but Joe reminded them that it wasn't a holiday weekend and it was the holidays that were the worst. They'd be fine. Besides, he could take anyone down that attempted to harm his little brother. His parents finally conceded, telling him to keep a close eye on Jamie._

_Once there, Jamie decided to light a fire. He'd piled on logs, grabbing a match and lighting it. He placed it on the nearest log. There was come ash and smoke, but no flame. He tried again with the same results. He frowned at the logs._

_Joe almost laughed. Jamie's face was screwed up in concentration, his tongue poking out through his teeth. "Jamie." he tried again. "Here. Teepee the logs, like this. Use a few of these branches and bark pieces as kindling. Now light the kindling."_

_Jamie's eyes lit up as the flame caught, quickly spreading to the teepee. "Thanks, Joe!"_

_# # #_

Jamie smiled at the memory. Joe had always been so patient. Even when Danny had gotten frustrated and had given up trying to help with whatever it was Jamie was attempting, Joe kept at it. He wanted his brother to learn, and knew that Jamie was capable of doing anything he wanted. Even if it took forever, Joe would still help him.

Jamie's smile turned sad as he thought about his brother. Even Joe's good instincts couldn't get him out of the trouble he'd gotten himself into. Was Jamie following the same fate? He'd messed up one too many times. Last night was no exception. Was he cut out for this?

Jamie sighed, pulling out his lunch cooler. He rooted around, pulling out a bottle of water and a sandwich. He ate, lost in thought, staring out at the sun setting over the water. He listened to the water lap against the edge of the beach. He'd always loved the water, even as a toddler. He'd caused panic a few times amongst his family when he'd disappeared from their sights; he'd only wanted to investigate the moving wet stuff further away. He didn't understand what the fuss was about. Jamie smiled as he remembered arguing with his brothers that it was just like the bathtub, only bigger. The looks of horror they had given him had almost scared him away from going near the water again, but he was nothing if not stubborn. He had demanded Danny teach him to swim, as he was the strongest swimmer of his three older siblings. Danny had complained, but finally agreed.

_# # #_

"_Jamie, you've got to paddle with your arms, like this. It's called treading water, and if you don't you're just going to sink!"_

_Jamie coughed up his millionth lungful of water. He was starting to regret asking his brother to teach him to swim. Danny didn't have the patience for this. Jamie could feel frustrated tears well up in his eyes._

"_Jamie, don't cry." Danny grumbled, reaching out to squeeze Jamie's arm. "I'm sorry, kid. Look, just do what I do, okay?"_

_Jamie nodded, following his brothers hand movements. He added the leg kicks, just like Danny was doing. His eyes lit up as he realized he was staying afloat and in one spot. "Danny, I did it!"_

_Danny grinned back. "See kid, I told you!"_

_# # #_

Jamie grinned, remembering. He had kept on swimming from that point on. He was like a fish. He'd scared his siblings one afternoon by going underwater and holding his breath for several minutes. He was examining the bottom of the lake and hadn't realized that they were panicking, thinking he'd drowned. When he did pop back up to get some air, he found himself hauled out of the water by his father. His mother and sister were in tears. Danny and Joe were livid. That he could deal with. It was the look of fury on his father's face that worried him. Would his father ban him from swimming?

After a serious talking to about what not to do while swimming, and a week-long grounding for being reckless, he was allowed back into the water. He never again stayed under for as long while his siblings and parents were around, but later on as a teenager, he and his friends would hold contests while at the local pool to see how long they could stay under. The loser would have to buy everyone their lunch that day. He never spent a single penny.

Jamie stretched, feeling peaceful. It was dark. He looked at his watch, it was only a little after ten, but he figured it would be better to get a good night's sleep and start his day early. He grabbed his toothbrush and made his way to the public washroom. After cleaning up, he walked back to his campsite, carefully making sure the fire was out before crawling into his tent. He removed his sweatshirt before crawling into his sleeping bag. He turned out the flashlight he carried, encasing himself in darkness. Only the pale moonlight shone through the canvas of his tent. He listened to the light waves on the beach. His eyes grew fuzzy, lids heavy…

_A young boy stared at him, anger filling his face…_

_Jamie panted, his side burning as he ran…_

_A shot rang out…_

_Blood blossomed over a grey sweatshirt…_

_Jamie held him close, trying to get him to wake… the tears fell, knowing he had failed…_

"_I'm sorry…"_

Jamie sat up, gasping, his eyes tearing open from the nightmarish images lodged in his brain. Sweat beaded on his forehead, the cooler air in the tent instantly freezing him. He grabbed his sweatshirt, pulling it over his head, sliding back down into the sleeping bag. He rolled onto his side, pulling the edge of the bag under his chin. His throat felt clogged, and a few tears rolled onto his pillow before he could stop them. He quickly wiped them away, angry at himself. He closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry…"

~~BB~~

Jamie woke up late the next morning. He hadn't had any more nightmares but he couldn't relax enough to get a full nights rest. He stuck his head out of his tent, the air already muggy. He looked at his watch. It was nearly eleven. He decided a swim would be in order before anything else and dug out the swim trunks he'd packed.

He waded into the water, his muscles already relaxing. He smiled as he dove under. He was in his element, watching as a few minnows swam by. Seaweed tickled his leg, barely fazing him. He just kept swimming, remembering his swim with Erin when they were kids.

_# # #_

"_I'm so _bored_!" fourteen year old Erin grumbled, poking a rock with her toe._

"_Go swimming, then." sixteen year old Danny replied. Thirteen year old Joe was reading, but nodded his agreement._

"_Yeah, Erin. That would be better than having to listen to you complain!"_

"_Oh, shut up, Joe. What is it, Jamie?" Erin asked, smiling at her youngest brother. Jamie, then six and already a fish, had shuffled up to her, looking expectant._

"_I want to go swimming." he insisted. "Will you go with me?"_

_Erin shot her snickering brothers a look, but smiled. "Sure, Jamie. Let's go." Jamie grinned, grabbing his sisters hand and pulling her towards the water. "Slow down Jamie, the water will still be there when we get there!"_

"_I want to go swimming _now_!" he insisted, trying to make her walk faster. She rolled her eyes, sighing. Finally they reached the water's edge; Jamie ran right in. She ran after him, grabbing him before he could go under._

"_Jamie, you need to stay in sight of me! Don't go running off like that!"_

"_Sorry." Jamie pouted. "Can we go over there?" he asked, pointing to their left. "There's not so many people."_

"_Sure, Jamie." She pulled him back as he attempted to swim off. "Together! What did I just say?"_

_Jamie sighed, annoyed. "You told me not to go running off."_

"_Exactly. So wait up."_

"_Then _hurry_ up!" Jamie grumbled, splashing her. Erin giggled, splashing him back. He laughed, starting a splashing war as they moved over to where it was less crowded. Jamie broke away, swimming around, examining what was under the water, but always keeping an eye on his sister so she could see him at all times._

_He never expected the terrified screaming to jar him from his daze. He jumped, taking in a mouthful of water. He coughed and spluttered, trying to see where the screaming was coming from. His eyes widened as he saw Erin freaking over something. He noticed Danny and Joe leap up from their spots on the sand. He dove under water, trying to see what was attacking his big sister. He was poised to save her from it…_

_All he saw was a green strand of… something. He reached out, tearing it from the lake bed. As a result, it stopped touching his sister. He popped up just in time to see Erin turn and run as well as she could through the water. She was crying. Danny and Joe made it to the water's edge, relieved to see her and Jamie alive and well. Jamie could see them questioning her as he swam as hard as he could to the shore. His feet touched ground and he took off, tearing after his sister. She was yelling at her brothers, pointing frantically at the water. He caught up to them and held out his hand._

"_It's seaweed." he informed, looking innocent. His siblings stared at him for a few moments. Erin screeched and ran back to her beach towel. Jamie ran after her, seaweed still clutched in his hand, his brothers howling behind him._

_# # #_

He smiled. She had never forgiven him for that. To this day, she still insisted that he touched her deliberately with the seaweed strand. The story had made for some tense Sunday dinners whenever "beach" and "swimming" were brought up, though Danny still found it rather hilarious.

Feeling refreshed, Jamie walked up the small beach back to his campsite. Toweling off, he quickly dressed, stuffing his feet into his hiking shoes. He grabbed a bit of food and another bottle of water, intending on hiking further along the trail. He hurried off, the day much shorter since he had slept in.

He remembered a time when he had gone hiking with his father and grandfather. He'd always been one to explore, and sometimes he became so absorbed in it that he would wander off and lose track of time. He cringed slightly, remembering the look on his father's face the last time he'd wandered off. His grandfather had been all for corporal punishment, only to be deterred by his son.

_# # #_

_Twelve year old Jamie had barely waited for the car to stop moving before he jumped out._

"_Jamie!" his father called from behind him. "Don't run off, it's too easy to get lost in here!"_

_Jamie stopped, frowning. Adults were always too slow! Pent up energy made his small body tremble. He was ready to go, wanting to run through the trees and hear the crunch of leaves and sticks under his feet. They had driven to the nearest hiking trails that morning for a day of hiking and exploring. Now that they were finally there, no one except Jamie seemed to want to do anything._

_Jamie frowned again, watching his grandfather lift the backpacks out of the back of the car. Adults weren't just slow, they were turtles!_

"_Jamie, come get your pack." his father called, motioning him over. Jamie practically ran over to him, grabbing his pack and slinging it onto his back._

"_Can we go now?" Jamie grumbled, looking expectantly at his father. Frank couldn't help but smile._

"_Patience, Jamie. We'll leave in a few minutes. We just have to wait for your grandfather."_

_Jamie scuffed his toe before hurrying to his grandfather's side. Henry smiled at him._

"_Just a few minutes, Jamie. I'm making sure we've got everything."_

"_You made sure of that before we left the house!"_

_Henry gently pushed him aside. "And I'm making sure again, Squirt. Go wait by your father. I'll be faster if you quit interrupting."_

_Jamie sighed, seeing the truth in his grandfather's words, and shuffled back over to his amused father. He sat on the nearest rock, chin in his hand._

"_Okay, we're ready." Henry called, his own backpack slung over his back. Jamie bounced up, walking quickly to the trail. "Jamie, wait for us kiddo."_

_Jamie slowed, waiting for his father to take the lead. His grandfather walked beside him, occasionally pulling on his arm when he started to fall back, lost in his own thoughts._

_They had walked for nearly half an hour when Jamie realized he needed a bathroom. He tugged on his grandfather's arm._

"_What's up, kiddo?" Henry asked, causing Frank to turn from his position at the front of the line._

"_I need to water some plants." Jamie said, using one of his grandfather's humorous hiking terms. Henry laughed. Frank just shook his head._

"_Really, Pop. Alright, Jamie. Don't go too far."_

_Jamie nodded, disappearing a little ways into the trees. Times like these he was very happy to have been born a male!_

_Just as he turned to head back to the path, something shiny caught his eye a little further away. He took a few steps towards it._

"_Jamie!"_

"_I'm coming, Dad!" Jamie called back. He'd just take a second to examine the shiny thing then he'd get back to his father and grandfather. He hurried towards the object that was sparkling in the pale sunshine filtering through the treetops. Reaching it, he picked it up. It was just a CD. Someone had probably dropped it while hiking. He looked at the front of it. He didn't recognize the artist. Disappointed, he dropped it back to the forest floor, standing and turning back towards the path._

_Or, what he thought was the path. He looked around, feeling a stab of panic. Everything looked the same! The trees were thick around all sides; he couldn't see a single break, a space that would lead him back to his family._

"_Dad?" he tried, his voice barely a whisper. He cleared his throat, trying again. "Dad!"_

_Silence. Where were they? They couldn't be far! Jamie didn't even think that _he_ had gone too far away… but he'd been so focused on the shiny object he could have walked for a lot longer than it felt. He tried walking, but he only felt that the trees were becoming thicker. He tried turning, walking in another direction. Nothing was familiar. Tears started filling his eyes. He ran as fast as he could, dodging branches and tree trunks._

"_Dad!" he sobbed. "Grandpa!" Still there was silence. He kept running, his feet pounding against the dirt._

_He hit the ground, his foot tangled up in a tree root. Painfully, he pulled his foot free, testing to make sure nothing was damaged. The pain he felt radiated from his hands. He examined them, tearfully pulling a few pine needles embedded in his palms. He also felt something trickling down his face. He put his hand to his forehead, pulling away and noticing a small smear of blood. He must have hit his head on something when he fell. He turned, noticing another tree root where his head would have been. He sat on the ground, feeling miserable and sorry for himself._

_He dragged himself backwards, leaning against the tree with the offending roots. It was getting dark, and the temperature was dropping. He pulled his jacket tighter around him, pulling his legs up to his chest. He wanted to cry but angrily stopped himself. Twelve was much too old to cry! He put his head on his knees instead. He felt dizzy._

_He opened his eyes slowly. He was on his side, twigs pressing into his cheek. He must have dozed off; it was even darker and colder now, and he was pretty sure he was hearing things._

"_Jamie!" a voice yelled from far away. Jamie shakily sat up, scrubbing a hand over his eyes, willing the voice to go away. He didn't need his mind playing tricks on him… he was pretty sure by now that he would die alone out here with no one able to find him._

"_Jamie!" called another voice, closer this time. This one sounded like his grandfather. His eyes welled up, tears falling against his will._

"_Jamie!" a third voice yelled from somewhere behind him, much closer than the other two. Jamie turned…._

_He let out a rather high pitched shriek as something large bowled into him, mauling his face…._

"_Duke! Get off! Down, boy!" the third voice called, hauling the dog off of Jamie. The excitable German Shepard who had been cleaning the boy's face reluctantly backed down, tail wagging, knowing he had done his job well. A treat was place in front of his nose, which he eagerly gobbled._

_Jamie found himself staring up into a uniformed officer's kind green eyes. The officer leaned forward, helping Jamie to sit up. He turned to look over his shoulder._

"_I've found him!" he called out. He turned back to Jamie. "Jamie? Are you okay? Are you hurt?" Jamie shook his head._

"_No… not badly…" he stuttered, exhaustion claiming him. "Is that Duke?" he asked, pointing to the dog._

"_Yes. I'm sorry he jumped on you. He's still training and doesn't always hold back his excitement. Did he hurt you?"_

"_No." Jamie smiled at the dog who was grinning a doggy smile, tail still wagging. He barked a couple of times as two more figures hurried to their position._

"_Jamie! Thank God you're okay!" Frank hurried over to him, picking him up and quickly setting him on his feet. He checked him over as Henry hurried up to them, grabbing Jamie into a tight hug._

"_You called in the hounds?" Jamie mumbled sleepily. Henry laughed._

"_No. This was just a favour. Off the record." He turned to the young officer, passing Jamie back to his father. "Thank you, Colby. If it weren't for you and Duke, I don't even want to think…" Henry trailed off. Colby nodded sympathetically._

"_Of course, Sir. You know I'd do anything to help." He turned towards Jamie. "I'm glad you're safe and sound, Jamie." Jamie nodded, leaning into his father._

"_Come, Jamie." Frank spoke softly, pulling Jamie in the direction of the trail. "The car's just over here. We need to get you home."_

_Jamie stopped suddenly, panic once again coursing through him. "Does Mom know?"_

"_No. We haven't said anything yet, Jamie, but she's going to find out."_

"_Please don't tell her!" Jamie begged. Now that the initial panic had worn off, he could see anger growing on his father's face. His grandfather looked disappointed in him. He didn't want anyone else to be mad at him._

"_I won't have to, son. You're all messy and dirty, and you're bleeding. She's going to ask what happened."_

"_Can we just say that I… that I rolled down a steep hill or something?"_

"_You're not going to lie to your mother, Jamieson!"_

"_Grandpa?"_

"_No, Jamie. I still think a couple of good licks with a belt would be enough to teach you not to run off again!"_

"_We're not using violence as punishment, Pop!"_

"_Worked in my day!" Henry grumbled. Frank sighed, turning back to his son._

"_You're in a lot of trouble, Jamie. You are going to be grounded for a long time."_

_Jamie looked stricken. "But the baseball game…"_

"_No. I'll give the tickets to Danny."_

"_Dad!"_

"_Son, do you think you've earned it? Do you really think that the behaviour you showed us today earns you the right to go to a baseball game? We explicitly told you not to run off. We told you to stay in sight of us and not stray too far. You ran off anyway. _Anything _could have happened, Jamie, _anything!_ Do you even realize how much fear and worry and panic you put us through? We couldn't find you! You were missing for hours! You could have been hurt or killed!" Frank stopped his tirade, watching his son's face redden as the tears poured out of his eyes. He pulled him into a tight hug. "We love you, Jamie. You can't go running off like that!"_

_Jamie nodded against his father's chest. "I'm sorry Dad, Grandpa. I wasn't even thinking."_

_Henry ran his fingers through his grandson's hair. "What caught your attention, Squirt?" he asked as they reached the car. He opened the back door for Jamie to climb in. Jamie did, pulling his seat belt firmly around him, clicking it into place. He leaned against the door, exhausted, watching as his father climbed into the driver's seat. His grandfather climbed into the passenger seat, turning to look at him expectantly._

_Jamie's eyes were closing again. "Something shiny." he mumbled in response, sleep finally claiming him. He didn't catch the look of surprise that passed between the adults in the front, and only vaguely heard his grandfather speak._

"_I swear, Francis. You've got a crow for a son!"_

_# # #_

Jamie smiled in remembrance of his grandfather's words. He had always enjoyed shiny objects and often stopped to look, even if it was just a piece of tinfoil glinting in the sunlight, much like a crow would. Erin had completely freaked one day as he stopped to pick up a piece of metal. He hadn't realized the edge was sharp and cut his finger. Erin spewed on about germs and disease as she forced him to drop it and dragged him back home. It had barely even bled. He didn't know what her problem was but his mother had acted all exasperated with him too, so he figured that he must be in the wrong again. He remembered doing a lot of crying that day, too.

Jamie looked up at the sky peeking through the trees. It was starting to get dark already. He turned, getting ready to head back to his campsite and grab more food. A noise caught his attention. He turned, walking a short distance into the trees, quietly stealing up to a clearing. He peered around a tree, trying to make sense of the scene before him.

Four men stood around a kneeling figure. They could have passed for concerned friends hovering around another friend who had drunk too much, except for the fact that the kneeling man was tied up and had a rag shoved in his mouth. The meanest looking man carried a gun with a silencer.

Jamie's heart sped up, his hand reaching automatically for his own gun. He cursed internally the second he remembered he had left his gun and badge at home, not thinking he might need it during a weekend of solitude. As he was frantically trying to figure out what to do, he heard a small popping noise; the gun flashed and the man fell face first to the ground, shot execution style. Jamie swallowed the bile that threatened to come up and turned away. He was sure they hadn't noticed him. He ran quietly back to the path, racing back towards his campsite, intending on packing up and getting back to his car. He'd get home, tell someone what happened. He'd gotten partial descriptions of the four men in the pale evening light. They probably had records and were in the system.

His heart in his throat, he stuffed his loose clothing into his pack, immediately reaching for a tent peg.

A twig snapped. Jamie forced himself to breathe, telling himself it was just an animal.

His heart fluttered to a halt as he heard a sound only in his nightmares…

"He went this way!"

~~TBC~~


	5. Chapter 4

Run and Hide

**Disclaimer:** Nope, still don't own anything except for my villains.

**A/N:** Thanks for the reviews and alerts! :) This chapter ended up shorter than the last one (which, of course, I didn't realize until I uploaded... thought I had uploaded the wrong chapter LOL). It looks much longer in Word. ;) Anyway, here's the next part. Enjoy! :)

* * *

Chapter 4

_"He went this way!"_

Jamie's adrenaline surged. He had been so sure that he had slipped away unnoticed, but realized, with cold dread settling in the pit of his stomach, that he was very wrong. He fumbled for his phone, cursing as he realized there was no signal. His brain whirled frantically, panic clouding his mind. He couldn't run for the path as that would put him right in their line of sight. The beach! If he ran along the beach for a different area of trees, he could take a run at the path from a different direction, and hopefully from farther away.

He didn't even stop to think. Tearing towards the sand, he ran to the right, the direction that he knew would lead him back to the main office. He left his things, knowing he'd have to come back for them later. He stayed on the loose dry sand, hoping his footprints would be harder to see than on the wet sand closer to the water. He tore to the far edge of the beach, disappearing into the thick trees.

~~BB~~

"This is the only campsite that's being used, Jake. This must be his!" a burly man with dark hair and a scruffy face grunted. Jake, a clean shaven man with reddish hair nodded. He was clearly the leader as the other three men seemed to wait for him to speak.

"You're right, Andy, but where is he? He couldn't have gotten away _that_ quickly!"

"Maybe he's trying to hide!" A third man with brown hair snickered, swiping aside the partially open tent door, appearing satisfied with the resounding rip the tearing fabric made. Only a sleeping bag and mat were left inside.

The fourth rummaged through the pack, tossing clothes and food onto the ground. Bored, he kicked it aside. "He doesn't have anything interesting with him." he yawned, running a hand through his sun-bleached hair. "Why are we going after the runt anyway?"

"He saw us shoot someone, Cole. You can be such a moron sometimes!" Jake snapped. "We have to put him away before his verbal diarrhea reaches the police!" The third man snickered again. Jake shot him a murderous look. "What's so funny, Kevin?"

"Verbal diarrhea." Kevin snorted. "It just sounded… funny… nothing's funny, Jake." he mumbled, scrubbing a hand through his hair and cringing away from the glare his partner was throwing at him.

Jake tore his eyes away from Kevin, scanning the trees. "Cole, take Andy and go back to the path. He obviously didn't start there because we didn't see him, but he might show up there. Kevin, come with me. We'll check along the beach."

The three men nodded, separating. Kevin followed Jake, scanning the ground.

"I don't really notice anything, Jake."

"Just keep looking. He didn't vanish into thin air!"

"Hey Jake? These look a little like footprints." Kevin said, stopping to point at a scuff mark in the sand.

"Could be anyone's prints." Jake muttered, uninterested.

"But they look like they were made by someone running."

Jake stopped, his interest peaked. He stared at the scuff marks. "You could be right. And he couldn't have gotten far, the beach is small."

"The trees?"

"Let's check them out." Jake nodded, hurrying towards the edge of the trees.

~~BB~~

Jamie stopped, winded. He listened carefully, hearing nothing. He'd gotten a fair ways in; the trees were thick enough that the darkness closed in around him, making him strain his eyes. He turned to his right, sure that the path was around there somewhere. He walked at a brisk pace, straining his eyes and ears, looking and listening for any sound or sight that the four burly men were catching up to him. He only heard silence.

He stopped suddenly, grabbing the stitch in his side. He tried to breathe through it, ignoring the pain. His side seized defiantly. He groaned quietly, sitting on a fallen trunk. He'd rest for a couple of minutes then get moving again. He stretched carefully, leaning backwards. The cool night air teased his sweaty forehead, sending shivers down his spine. His eyes blurred, but he couldn't risk napping. He had to keep moving. He stood, testing his side. The stitch was mostly gone; only an occasional painful tug remained. He could live with that.

A sound made him freeze. He held his breath, straining his ears. He laughed at himself. It was probably just an animal, and he couldn't hear anything else to indicate otherwise. He shook his head at his jumpiness and continued walking forward.

The light was a bit brighter in front of him. His heart thumped in anticipation, his mind telling him that the path was just in front of him…

There was a shout as he reached the beaten down grass of the path. He turned, arms raised in defense as a dead weight crashed into him, forcing him to the ground. He swung his elbow, catching the scruffy man in the jaw. He cried out, reeling back. Jamie jumped to his feet, taking off down the path, hoping to outrun them.

"Jake!" another man shouted. "We've got him!"

The man who must have been Jake barreled out of the trees with a second man right behind him. Jamie had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that he had been herded without even realizing it.

"Well, go after him Cole! Don't let him get away!" Jake hollered, chasing after Jamie, the other three men on his heels. The burly one who had run into Jamie at the start was trying to nurse his split lip. He glared at the back of Jamie's head.

Jamie put on another burst of speed. His lungs were bursting, his throat tearing from the ragged gasps of dry air, but he couldn't stop or he was dead. The stitch returned in spades, nearly causing him to stumble. His breath hitched, but he forced himself to continue. He could hear footfalls behind him…

"Gotcha, you little bastard!" a voice snarled.

Jamie landed face first on the ground. A fist smashed into the side of his face, causing a burst of light to explode in front of his eyes. He lay stunned, trying to pull air back into his wooden lungs, when a rough pair of hands yanked him to his feet. He whirled, throwing his fist into the nearest face, the same face he'd hit before.

He felt a crack under his fist and knew that he'd broken something. The man howled, clutching his nose, blood leaking from between his fingers. The man turned his wild, angry eyes on Jamie, throwing his own punch. Jamie dodged. Another fist slammed into his stomach, doubling him over. A kick to the back of his legs sent him to his knees. He gasped for air as he found himself surrounded by the four men. Regret filled him… this was it. He was going to die, and he hadn't said goodbye to his family…

He cried out as someone roughly grabbed his hair, forcing his head back. He stared into the angry face of Jake.

"We should just kill him now and be done with it."

"No, Andy."

"Jake, he broke my nose!"

"Like we really care, Andy!" Jake spat, his grip tightening on Jamie's hair. "You'll get patched up when we get home." He turned away from the bleeding man, looking again into Jamie's face. Jamie glared back. If his mouth wasn't so dry, he'd spit at him.

"This one's got spunk." a man snickered.

"You know, Kevin," Jake started, smiling evilly. "For once, I agree with you."

"We should just take him out and leave, Jake." Another man grumbled. "I'm ready to go."

"Cole, we're not going to kill him. Yet." Jake smirked, releasing Jamie's hair and mockingly patting his head. "He looks familiar to me. What's your name?"

Jamie just glared, refusing to answer.

"Spunky, alright." Andy grumbled. "Damn bastard… my nose hurts!"

"Shut up about your nose, Andy! No one cares!" Jake barked. He looked back at Jamie. "Fine." he smiled. "You don't need to say anything right away. I have ways of making you talk, and believe me…" he leaned down next to Jamie's ear. "They _always_ work!" He straightened, giving Jamie a sneer. He grabbed one of his arms. Cole moved up on Jamie's other side, grabbing his other arm. Together, they hauled him to his feet, attempting to drag him down the path.

Jamie's body felt weak with the loss of adrenaline, the exhaustion of his run and the recent fight. He knew however, that if he allowed himself to be taken he'd probably be returned to his family in pieces. His mind spun, his eyes looking for an out.

They reached the end of the path. He could see the small office with the tiny store beside it. He could see his own car in the parking lot. The only other car that was left was a black van parked off to the left. He prayed that someone was looking out the window of the office, but he couldn't see anything besides pale light from a lamp. No silhouettes. No movement. The store looked like it was closed. Fear seized him. He'd have to make a move on his own. If he could just get into the office…

He twisted, breaking free of Cole's loosened grip. He shoved an elbow into Jake's stomach, causing him to let go with a surprised grunt. He took off down the hill towards the office…

A heavy weight grabbed him around the knees, forcing him back onto the ground. He twisted backwards, trying to throw a punch. Andy grabbed his fists, shoving his arms down and pressing a knee into Jamie's stomach, winding him. Jamie grunted, trying to twist free.

"I've had enough of this little punk!" Jake growled, grabbing his gun.

"I thought you said…" Kevin piped up.

"I'm not going to kill him you moron!"

"Then what are you doing?"

Jake ignored him. "Haul him up!"

Cole and Andy grabbed Jamie's arms, forcing him to his knees. Jamie struggled, but his remaining strength was quickly waning. He glared at Jake, his eyes hard. He swallowed thickly, glancing at the gun and back to Jake's face, trying to read his mind.

"You need to learn to listen, punk!" Jake growled into Jamie's face. Jamie's lips thinned.

"Go to hell!" he hissed.

Jake quirked an eyebrow. "You asked for it."

Jamie tried to dodge, but was held firmly by the brutes on either side of him. The handle of the gun swung towards him. He'd barely closed his eyes when the hard metal slammed into the side of this head. He collapsed, his captors having let go as soon as the gun hit him. He tried rolling onto his side, but he could barely move. Lights sparkled in front of his eyes, darkness closing in around the sides of his vision. He heard far away laughter as the darkness grew.

_'I tried...'_ he thought as unconsciousness claimed him. _'I'm sorry…'_

~~BB~~

"Now what?" Kevin asked, staring down at the unconscious lump of a man lying at his feet. He kicked him lightly in the ribs. "Should we leave him?"

"No!" Jake sighed, rolling his eyes. "We leave him and that's evidence. Grab him and get him into the van. Quick, before someone looks out the office window!"

Cole and Kevin each grabbed and arm, dragging Jamie towards the van. They tossed him into the back of the van, smirking as he landed like a sack of potatoes.

"Tie him." Jake ordered. "When he wakes up, I don't want him fighting again."

Andy grabbed a rope that was on the floor of the van, proceeding to tie Jamie's hands behind his back. He tied his feet together and, as a final dig at Jamie's pride, he grabbed a roll of tape, sticking a piece over his mouth. "What?" he asked, responding to Cole's inquiring look. "The brat annoys me. I don't want to hear his voice."

Cole nodded, climbing into the back row of seats. The others did the same, leaving Jamie to himself in the back. "He's bleeding, Jake." Cole informed. "That gun did a number on him."

Jake turned, staring back at Jamie, watching a trickle of blood run from his forehead just above his temple. "He'll get over it." he muttered, turning to stare out the windshield.

Cole decided to stay quiet. It did no good to argue with Jake. Jake cared for no one. Other people's injuries didn't bother him. The only one he had cared for was dead.

They drove in silence. They were nearing the edge of New York City when they heard a weak shuffling coming from the back. Cole turned to look over the back of the seat. Jamie had woken up, his half opened eyes unfocused and filled with pain. He was trying to turn over, to get an idea of where he was.

"Keep him silent!" Jake barked from the front.

"He's fine, Jake. He's still out of it." Cole called back, trying to catch Jamie's eyes. Jamie finally looked at him. "Keep still." he muttered to Jamie. Jamie glared, but stopped moving, too weak to continue anyway. Cole shot one last look at him before turning back around.

~~BB~~

Jamie groaned silently. His head throbbed. He was trying to figure out why the blond one looked like he was attempting to warn him, but his brain was too fuzzy to think. Every little movement sent pain stabbing through his head. He closed his eyes again, willing unconsciousness to claim him once again.

~~BB~~

Andy raced inside the building in search of the first aid kit. His nose had stopped bleeding, but it was swollen and purple and it ached so bad he was starting to wish that he could just cut it off. He left the other three to deal with the bastard lying unconscious in the back of the van.

Kevin peered in at the lump. "What do we do with him?"

"Get him inside." Jake ordered. "Put him in the basement room."

Cole reached in, dragging Jamie towards him by the legs. Kevin grabbed him under the arms. They heaved, lifting him out of the van and carried him into the house.

"Kid's heavy." Kevin grunted. He and Cole stumbled to the basement stairs. "I say we just let him roll down on his own."

Cole shook his head. "Steep stone stairs would probably kill him, idiot. Jake doesn't want him dead yet."

Kevin frowned. "Fine." He tugged on Jamie, forcing Cole to keep up. They stumbled down the stairs, nearly falling themselves. Jamie's head bounced off the wall a couple of times as they wobbled unsteadily. Finally, they reached the bottom.

"The room with the lock." Cole ordered, nodding his head towards his right. Kevin grunted in agreement. They entered the room, dropping Jamie unceremoniously onto the floor. Kevin prodded him with his toe.

"He's really out of it."

"Yeah, well, what do you expect? Jake really clocked him."

"Bastard deserved it." Kevin snickered, pushing past Cole and heading back upstairs. Cole glanced around him before quickly leaning over Jamie. At least the kid was still breathing. The gash on the side of his head was clotting; only a few drops of fresh blood remained. Cole gave up his quick examination. Jake would be satisfied that the kid was alive, and less likely to fight back. He stepped out of the room, closing the door behind him. He grabbed the key and locked it, stuffing it into his pocket as he headed back towards the stairs.

~~BB~~

Jamie moaned as he slowly woke for the second time. His arms and hands were numb. He tried feebly to roll off of them onto his stomach instead. Succeeding, he rested his throbbing head on the dingy carpeting beneath his face. Summoning another ounce of strength, he lifted his head, his eyes stinging dryly. He blinked a few times, the dark room coming into focus. It was empty. He could see weak light filtering through the tiny, grungy window high above his head. The room had a stale smell, the carpets dusty and the wall filled with dirt and cigarette smoke. Jamie forced himself onto his side, keeping the injured side of his head away from the floor. There was a door a short distance away from his feet. If only he wasn't tied up!

Jamie agonizingly sat up, pain shooting through his head. He breathed through his nose, trying to get the world to stop spinning. When the world seemed relatively stable, he wiggled around so that the door faced his back. Leaning backwards, he inched towards the door on his backside, using his hands to guide him. After several painful moments, he bumped into the solid wood of the door. Using it as leverage, he inched upwards, finally standing on his own two, albeit tied, feet. He felt around behind him, grabbing the handle with his hands. He twisted the knob.

He let out another moan, this time in frustration. The door was locked. He hopped forwards, the movement jarring his sore head. He collapsed to his knees on the other side of the room, under the window. His dry lungs on fire, he fell sideways, leaning against the wall. He squeezed his eyes shut.

How did he always get into these messes?

~~BB~~

"What have you got there?" Andy mumbled through his bandaged nose. He pointed at an object in Kevin's hand. Kevin kept tapping it against the table.

It was about four in the afternoon on Sunday. The men were bored. Jamie kept on sleeping, but they knew that he had been awake once his position had changed. Unable to wake him themselves, they left him alone until he woke up on his own. He was no fun to deal with while unconscious.

"It's the kid's cellphone." Kevin sneered, holding it up. "I snitched it out of his pocket the last time I was down there."

Andy snatched it from him, turning it on. He skimmed through a few of the menu's, Cole glancing over his shoulder.

"Well, what do you know!" Andy smirked. Kevin snatched the phone back.

"What?" he asked, skimming through it himself. A slow sneer lifted his lips. Jake reached over, grabbing it from his grasp.

"What's got you two so happy?"

Andy and Kevin glanced at each other. "He's a Reagan, Jake." Andy said, puffing himself up for finding the information first. "You know, the same name as Detective Daniel Reagan, the one who put your father in jail several years ago? This kid must be his brother! Look at the background picture."

Jake smirked, staring at the picture. It was a family gathering of the males in the family. His father, an older man who must be his grandfather, the aforementioned Daniel Reagan and, there in the middle, was the kid. They all wore happy smiles.

"You know I hate my father. He's just a drunk loser." Jake sneered. He could care less about what Danny did or didn't do. "This could still work to my advantage, though."

"How's that?" Cole asked cautiously. He didn't like the manic glint in his companion's eyes.

Jake smiled patiently. "_Because_, Cole, I've remembered _exactly_ who this kid is."

"Who?"

Jake's smile turned ugly. "Jamie Reagan." He was met with blank stares. "Do you idiots _not_ remember just a few nights ago?"

"Oh… whoa, that was _this_ kid? No wonder he broke my nose! He's a cop!" Andy grumbled before glancing at his companion, panic filling his face. "Jake, this is bad, _really_ bad! He's a _cop_!"

Jake smiled again, his eyes glinting evilly. "Yes, Andy, he is. And he's going to pay _dearly_ for what he has done. He's going to wish he had never been _born_!"

~~TBC~~


	6. Chapter 5

Run and Hide

**Disclaimer:** Ooh, my bank account went up... oh, nope, never mind it's just my meager paycheque. I still don't own anything to do with the show.

**A/N:** Just watched the show tonight, and I congratulate them on creating the first episode to make me cry. I spent the whole show thinking something bad was going to happen, and what got me? No, it wasn't the child being returned to his mother, though that was close. It was the end of the episode - the family dinner and the Mother's Day prayer they participated in. T_T

Thanks again for the reviews/alerts! Feedback is appreciated. :)

On another note, I get the feeling that there may have been some lost interest in the story - I take the bad with the good... if something bothers you, go ahead and tell me that too, if you want. Then I know what to change/avoid the next time around. ^_^

Anyway, onward! :)

* * *

Chapter 5

Danny opened the front door, sniffing appreciatively. His kids raced in ahead of him, laughing and taunting one another.

"Boys, slow down!" Linda called after them, quickly righting the vase that was about to fall off of the small table by the door. She shared a look with Danny, who smirked.

"Boys will be boys."

"That's always your excuse, Danny." Linda grumbled, making her way into the kitchen. She gave him a smile as she passed.

"Dad? Grandpa?"

"Living room." Frank called.

"Kitchen." Henry added, poking his head out the door. Danny glanced inside. Erin was trying to put a salad together as Linda checked on the roast in the oven. His grandfather was holding a pan containing two loaves of fresh bread.

"It smells great, Grandpa." Danny smiled, heading into the living room to meet with his father. He passed by Nicki, who was trying to hold off her cousins as they tried to tickle her. Danny laughed before grabbing his youngest.

"Leave your cousin alone, boys. Nicki doesn't deserve your torture." He put Sean down, ruffling Nicki's hair as he passed by.

"Hi, Uncle Danny."

"Hi, Nic. Don't let them pull one over you. I give you permission to attack them back."

Nicki grinned evilly at her cousins, who shrieked and took off down the hall.

Danny shook his head, continuing on to the living room. "Hey Dad."

"Danny." Frank smiled in greeting, putting down his paper. Danny sat on the couch closest to his father's chair.

"Dad, have you heard anything from Jamie? I noticed he wasn't here yet when Linda and I pulled up." He asked, worry tinting his voice.

Frank bit his lip, sighing heavily. "No, son. I haven't heard anything. I tried calling his apartment half an hour ago, but there was no answer. His cellphone didn't connect."

Danny nodded, staring at his feet. "Well, his cellphone makes sense. There's no signal up there. But wasn't he planning on being back by now?"

"Yes, that's what worries me. Your brother is almost anal when it comes to being on time."

"Yeah, he freaks if he's a minute late." Danny smirked. His smile faded as he shared a worried look with his father. "Do you think he…" Danny trailed off, not wanting to even think it.

Frank shook his head. "No, I really don't, Danny. He was upset about something when he left on Friday, but I don't think it was that bad."

Danny nodded, an uneasy feeling settling in his gut. "Maybe he had car trouble on his way back?" he tried. "Who knows when the cell towers start broadcasting again. He might not be in range."

Frank shrugged. "It's always possible, but he keeps that car fine-tuned. It runs better now than it ever did before."

Danny sighed. "I don't know what else to say. Something's not right though, Dad. I just know it."

Frank's face fell. "I know, son. I've had the same feeling all day."

"Dinner!" Erin called, poking her head into the living room. The two men stood up.

"Let's just give it some time, okay?" Frank said. "Maybe he's on his way now. He does become distracted sometimes."

"Yeah, you're right, Dad. We'll just see how it goes."

They made their way into the dining room, taking their usual places. The rest of the family filed in. Henry sat at the other end of the table opposite Frank. He gave a quick, suspicious glance to Jamie's empty seat, sharing a look with Frank and Danny. They both shrugged.

Nicki said Grace that night. As soon as she finished, the food was passed around. Conversations and laughter filled the air with the sound of clinking forks and knives. The three men at the table joined in, pretending that nothing was wrong, but took turns secretly casting worried glances at Jamie's empty chair, one that continued to remain empty.

"Where's Uncle Jamie?" Jack asked once the main course was over, looking enquiringly at his father. Danny cleared his dessert out of his throat as he tried to think of an answer.

"He told me earlier that he might have another engagement to get to tonight. He wasn't sure if he'd get here in time for dinner. My guess is that he couldn't get away."

Jack stared at his plate. "He never misses, though."

Danny ruffled his hair. "Sometimes things have to change. He'll be here next week." He gave a quick glance at his father, fervently hoping that he was telling his son the truth. He felt eyes burning into him and glanced across at his sister. Erin was staring at him, eyes narrowed, trying to read him. He looked away quickly.

"Come on, kids." Henry said, interrupting the tense silence. "Come help this old man clear the dishes."

"No, Pop, you sit." Linda protested. "I'll get them. Come on, boys. Help your mother."

Erin and Nicki stood, gathering up dishes and heading into the kitchen. The boys sighed, reluctantly picking up their own plates and following their mother. Danny, Frank, and Henry were left alone to stare at each other.

"What do we do?" Danny asked the two older men.

"Maybe we should try calling him again." Frank supplied. Danny nodded.

"You're right, Dad." he agreed, pulling out his cellphone. "I'll give him a call."

Danny wandered out onto the back porch, dialing Jamie's apartment as he went. He listened to the ringing in his ear. Two rings. Four. Eight. Danny sighed, hanging up. Jamie's apartment wasn't that big. It wouldn't take him so long to get to the phone. He dialed Jamie's cellphone number. It rang several times…

"You've reached Jamie Reagan. I'm not available right now, so please leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you as soon as I can."

Danny groaned in frustration. He heard the beep. "Kid, it's Danny. Call me when you get this, okay? We're worried, you haven't shown up and you're _really_ late. Just call me." He hung up, snapping his phone shut. He made his way back into the dining room, where Erin now sat with her father and grandfather. She turned to look at him.

"Danny, where's Jamie? Has he…" she paused, glancing into the kitchen. She lowered her voice. "Has he gone back undercover?"

Danny shook his head. "No, not that we've heard."

"Then where is he? It isn't like him not to be here!"

"You think?" Danny snapped. Frank cleared his throat, gaining their attention before a fight could break out.

"Danny, did you reach him?"

"No, Dad. There's no answer at his apartment. His cellphone connected, but went to voicemail. I left a message for him to call me."

Frank nodded. "It didn't connect when I called earlier. I suspect that he's back in the city, at least."

"Or at least his cellphone is." Henry muttered.

"What are you three not telling me?" Erin asked, worry for her brother pushing through.

The three men sighed. "Erin… did you see him at all on Friday?" Danny asked.

"No, why?"

"He didn't really seem like himself. He said he was going camping."

"Okay, so what? Maybe that's where he is now. Who did he go with?"

Danny glanced at the other two before turning back to his sister. "He said he was going alone, and that he was heading up to Angels Retreat."

Erin raised an eyebrow. "Why would he go there?"

"Question of the day." Henry grumbled sarcastically. Frank shot his father a look before answering his daughter.

"We don't know, Erin, but something was bothering him. He wouldn't talk to us. He just kept brushing us off. He kept asking what the big deal was and that he just wanted some time alone."

Erin looked at her hands. "Maybe he's been finding the job hard to take. Who wouldn't want some alone time just to think? I'm pretty sure you three have thought the same thing."

The three men glanced at each other, guilty looks on their faces. "Maybe." Henry supplied. "But we've never run off. We've had people to talk to. So does Jamie, but he chose not to. He chose to actually take that alone time. That's what's scaring us, sweetheart. He doesn't usually do this."

Erin sighed. "I know, Grandpa. Do you…" she trailed off, biting her lip. "Do you think he would hurt himself?"

Frank shook his head. "No, I don't think so. He wasn't acting like that. And he specifically said he'd be back in time for supper tonight."

"Except that he wasn't."

"Exactly."

The four stared at each other, worry mirrored on their faces, each wondering what trouble their son, grandson and brother had gotten himself into this time.

~~BB~~

Jamie woke up slowly, light hitting him directly in the face. He squinted, turning his head away from the tiny window above him. He rolled onto his side, first noticing that his ties were gone, that the tape was off of his mouth, then finally noticing the figure standing just inside the room. It was that blond brute. He stood leaning against the wall, arms crossed. He pushed away from the wall, walking over to Jamie.

Jamie sat up painfully, his head still throbbing, though not as bad as before. He stared at the man before him, watching as he plunked a full bottle of water down in front of him. The man's face surprised him. He wore an almost sympathetic expression.

"Watch yourself." he muttered before turning back towards the door.

"Wait!" Jamie croaked out. The man turned to face him, eyebrow raised. "What am I doing here? What do you want with me?"

A look of pain crossed the man's face, though it was gone so fast that Jamie thought he'd imagined it. The man shrugged. "Whatever Jake wants, Jake gets" was his answer. He quickly left, locking the door behind him. Jamie stared, dumbfounded, at the closed door. Did that man just try to warn him again? Slowly, he reached for the water bottle, cracking the top. Praying it wasn't poisoned, he downed half of it in one gulp. Taking another sip, he replaced the cap, placing the bottle off to the side for later. He leaned his head against the wall.

A sudden realization dawned on him; being back in the city, his phone would be in working order. He fumbled around, feeling his pants pockets. Frowning, he checked his shirt pocket, then his jacket. His lips tightened. The freaks must have grabbed it from him while he was unconscious. He sighed heavily, now more than worried. There was no way out.

He sat, lost in his own morbid thoughts when the door opened again. He stood as quickly as his head would allow, pressing himself against the wall. He stared warily at Jake. His other three cronies filed in behind him, Andy and Kevin smirking and looking excited, Cole shooting wary glances between Jake and Jamie.

Jake smiled, the smile looking rather evil. "Why didn't you _tell_ me, punk?" he asked, pretending to sound hurt.

"Tell you what?" Jamie mumbled, his throat still dry.

"Why didn't you tell me you were a cop, _Jamie._ Oh, and you definitely left out the part that you're a Reagan as well. _Shame_ on you, withholding information like that." Jake pouted mockingly.

Jamie stared, horrified. "How did you…"

Jake scoffed. "You think I'm dumb, Reagan? You think you can take me for a fool? You wear your heart on your _sleeve_, moron. Or, should I say _your phone_!" He held up Jamie's stolen phone. "Really, putting a picture of your beloved family right on the screen… anyone could see that and identify you. Do you not _think_?"

Jamie's mind raced. That was his personal phone. He never kept it on him while at work. His entire family knew the number of his work phone if they needed to reach him immediately. Otherwise they left a message on his personal phone that he'd get to at the end of his tour. He hadn't been undercover in ages, so he didn't think that factored in. He glared at Jake.

"You're bluffing… you must think _I'm_ the fool!" he spat, ignoring the pain in realizing that this crazy psychopath now knew the members of his family.

Jake snorted, narrowing his eyes. "What is_ with_ you, Reagan? Any other man would be crying out for his daddy by now. You _know_ you're going to die, don't you? Yet you stand here, all tough and macho…"

It was Jamie's turn to scoff. "You really think I'm just going to roll over and give up?" His own eyes narrowed. "I won't _give_ you that satisfaction, you bastard! You _won't_ break me!" If he was going to die, he was going to die fighting.

Jake raised an eyebrow as Andy and Kevin snickered. "Watch me." he snarled, angered by the defiance this man showed. No one got the better of him, especially _this _man! "You ruined what happiness I had, Reagan!" he snarled again. "You're going to pay for that!"

Jamie's eyes widened. "What the hell are you talking about? I've never even met you before…"

"Really?" Jake growled. "You don't remember Thursday night? It wasn't _that_ long ago!"

Jamie's eyes widened as he remembered. "You… that was you… the boy…"

_"You killed my brother!"_ Jake snarled, leaping towards Jamie. Jamie tried to move, but with his back already against the wall and his head still throbbing, he wasn't nearly fast enough. Jake grabbed him by the throat, squeezing. Jamie grabbed at his arm, trying unsuccessfully to get him to let go as he gasped for air. Jake was just inches from his face.

"I… I didn't…" Jamie squeaked out, the pressure in his head increasing.

"Yes, you did! You may not have pulled the trigger, but you still killed him!" Jake spat, finally releasing him. Jamie covered his throat, doubling over, gasping as he tried to pull air past the bruises. "He was the only person I gave a damn about, and you killed him!"

"No…"

"I'll be back for you, Reagan! And you'd _better_ keep your mouth shut next time!" Jake whirled around, pushing past his startled thugs. Andy and Kevin hurried out after him, disappointed that they didn't get to witness a good, old-fashioned beat down. Cole stood there a few seconds longer. Jamie glared hatefully back.

"I told you to watch yourself." Cole muttered quietly, the look of sympathy back on his face. "I'd do as he says next time." He turned, quickly leaving and locking the door behind him, leaving Jamie in his musty dungeon.

Jamie slid down the wall, massaging his throat. He could definitely feel the bruises forming already. He swallowed painfully, his eyes stinging as he remembered the whole reason he ran away Friday afternoon. He remembered the whole reason he couldn't face his family…

His cheeks burned as he felt the tears start down his face, but he didn't bother to wipe them away.

~~BB~~

Danny cracked open an eye, glaring that the offending sunlight that tickled his eyeball painfully. He glanced at the clock, the red numbers showing that it was nearly six-thirty Monday morning. He'd barely slept, only dozing off and on, waking up every couple of hours. His mind was full of thoughts of his brother, his nightmares showing him the worst possible scenarios. He looked at Linda as he sat up, still sleeping peacefully. He heard silence coming from his sons rooms, indicating that they, too, were still sleeping.

Danny stood carefully, unable to relax. He shuffled towards the bathroom, turning on the shower. He showered quickly, turning his attention to shaving. He stared at his tired looking reflection.

"Jamie, you'd better be okay…" he mumbled to himself, turning off the light as he left the room. He wandered back into the bedroom, noticing the bed was empty. He dressed quickly, making his way downstairs. Linda was standing in the kitchen.

"Morning, babe." she smiled in greeting. "Coffee's ready. The eggs will be just another minute. Could you go wake up the boys?"

"Sure, Lin." Danny said, kissing her gently.

"Ewww!" came the voice of his oldest son. He turned, grinning at Jack who stood there in his pajamas, rubbing sleep out of his eyes.

"Good morning to you too, Jack." Danny laughed. Linda smiled.

"Do you want eggs, Jack? Or just toast and cereal?"

"Cereal _and_ eggs, Mom. Please?"

"That's fine, honey. Did you see your brother upstairs?"

"No." Jack replied, sitting down at the table. "I think he's still asleep."

"I'll go wake him, honey." Danny said, making his way back upstairs to his youngest son's room. He poked his head inside just in time to see Sean sit up, sleepily rubbing his eyes. "Hey buddy, are you getting up?"

"Yeah, Dad." Sean replied, yawning. He hopped out of bed, hugging his father before walking into the bathroom and closing the door. Danny headed back downstairs.

"He just got up."

"Good." Linda replied, scooping eggs onto a plate and adding a couple pieces of toast. She handed the plate to Danny just as her youngest shuffled down the stairs. "Good morning, honey. Do you want eggs?"

Sean made a face, making his brother laugh. "No, Mom. Just cereal."

Linda smirked, handing a bowl and the box of cereal to her youngest. "Be careful with the milk. The container's full." Sean nodded, carefully pouring out the cereal into the bowl. He grabbed the jug of milk that sat on the table, using both hands to pour. He set it back down triumphantly, not a drop having been spilled. He looked at his father for approval.

"Great job, Sean!" Danny cheered, patting his son on the back. Jack snorted into his eggs.

"What?" Sean pouted.

"I had the milk figured out ages before you, Sean!" Jack retorted. "I was younger than you when I poured _my_ first glass!"

"Now Jack," Danny interrupted. "You know it doesn't matter _when_ you were able to lift the jug without spilling. The point is that you did it. Sean did very well, just as you did."

Jack nodded, looking sheepish. "You're right, Dad. I'm sorry, Sean." he said, looking at his pouting brother. Sean nodded, stuffing a spoonful of Cheerios into his mouth. He still glared at his brother every now and then.

Danny stood, taking his plate to the sink. "I've got to run, boys." he said, giving Linda another kiss. "I'll see you at dinner."

"Bye Dad!" his sons chorused.

"Have a good day, honey." Linda said, feeling like something was wrong but unable to put her finger on it. She watched her husband hurry towards his car. She shook off the feeling, getting back to the dishes waiting in the sink.

~~BB~~

"Good morning, Sunshine."

Danny glowered at his smirking partner. "Morning, Jackie."

"What's got you in a fury this morning?"

Danny shrugged off his jacket, tossing it onto the back of his chair. He plopped down, leaning his elbows on his desk. He sighed, squinting into his coffee cup, the black liquid looking less appealing than it did just moments before. "It's Jamie."

"Is he still in a mood?"

Danny shrugged. "I wouldn't know. He didn't come home."

Jackie stared at him. "What do you mean he didn't come home?"

Danny gave her a funny look. "What else would I mean? He didn't show up at dinner last night, and all attempts to phone him went unanswered. Dad tried earlier in the day when his cell wouldn't connect. I tried after dinner and was able to leave a message on his cell."

"Then he's back in the city, right?"

"It would seem so, but why wouldn't he answer or get back to us or show up when he said he would?"

It was Jackie's turn to shrug. "I don't know, Danny. I don't have any answers for you. Maybe you should try calling him again?"

Danny nodded, already reaching for the phone. He dialed Jamie's apartment. In a repeat of last night, it rang several times with no answer. Danny sighed, hanging up. He ran his hands over his face, worry settling in the pit of his stomach. He uncovered his face to reach for the phone again, catching Jackie's sympathetic gaze. He lowered his eyes, quickly punching in Jamie's cellphone number.

"You've reached Jamie Reagan. I'm not available right now…"

Danny groaned, hanging up. "Voicemail." he grumbled. "Damn it, where _are_ you Jamie?" he mumbled to himself.

"Danny," Jackie gently interrupted his thoughts. "Why don't you give the office at Angels Retreat a call? Maybe they can tell you when he left."

Danny nodded again, annoyed that he didn't think of that first. He picked up the phone, doing a quick check in the phone book to find the number. He punched it in, waiting impatiently for someone to answer.

"Angels Retreat, Lacy speaking. How may I help you?"

"This is Detective Danny Reagan. I'm calling to ask when Jamie Reagan checked out."

"One moment, Detective." Lacy answered. Danny tapped his fingers impatiently, listening to some rustling from the other end of the line. "He hasn't checked out yet, Detective. We usually allow an extra day free, but he's going to have to check out by three this afternoon or else we'll have to charge him extra. Would you like me to get a message to him?"

Danny mind whirled. "Is his car still there?"

"Yes, Sir. Is everything okay?"

"Sure. I'm just checking up, that's all. Thank you, Lacy. I'll get back to you if I need to ask you some questions."

"Sure, Detective. I'll be around."

Danny hung up, peering at Jackie uncertainly. She raised an eyebrow impatiently.

"Well? What did she say?"

Danny swallowed thickly. "He hasn't checked out and his car's still in the parking lot."

A worried look crossed Jackie's face. "Danny, you said you were able to connect with his cellphone to leave him a message. That means that either _he's_ back in the city, or his cellphone is."

"I know." Danny sighed. "Either way, it can't be good. Either he's back in the city _without_ his car, or someone has his phone and left him out there. He's run into trouble, Jack, I can feel it, but I have no idea what that means."

Jackie nodded in agreement. "I think we need to take a little side trip."

"I think you're right." Danny said, standing and grabbing his jacket. Jackie quickly stood, hurrying to their Sergeant's office door to tell him that they needed to take a detour. Danny smirked as he could hear Jackie arguing with him. The smirked wiped off his face when she mentioned his brother. _'Jamie…'_ he thought pitifully. _'What's happened to you?'_

Jackie walked out of the office, nodding at him. "We have a go, Danny."

"Thanks, Jack. I probably would have gotten myself fired if I had gone in there instead of you."

Jackie laughed, following him out. "I don't doubt it, Reagan."

~~BB~~

"Baker, are you sure about this?"

"It's not much to go on, Sir, but yes, I'm sure."

Frank pursed his lips. "He's in more trouble than I thought."

Baker gazed at him sympathetically. "Did he tell you anything, Sir?"

"No. He didn't say anything to anyone. Now we have no idea where he is or what kind of trouble he's actually in."

~~BB~~

Danny pulled into the gravel-covered parking lot, immediately spotting Jamie's car. His heart squeezed painfully, but he pushed aside his fear and got out of the car. Jackie jogged around to stand at his side.

"Shall we hike?" she asked.

"Yeah. The trail starts over there. I'll just let the front desk know."

"Sure, I'll wait."

Danny walked over to the office, pulling open the door. The young girl smiled at him.

"Hello, I'm Lacy. Are you looking for a campsite?"

"No. I talked to you earlier on the phone. Detective Danny Reagan."

Lacy looked surprised, but gave him a tense smile. "Of course, I remember now. Is there something wrong, Detective?"

"I don't know yet, Lacy. You told me that my brother hadn't checked out yet. Did you see him at all since he checked in?"

"No, Sir. It was a fairly quiet weekend, though. Most people left by Saturday night. Only one car stayed, but they didn't even check in. We allow for short hiking trips or beach trips without payment so when they left a few hours after arriving, I figured that's what they were doing."

"Another car was here? Do you know how many people were in it?"

"I glanced out the window when they arrived, just in time to see three, maybe four men. I didn't see them leave. I was closing up. When I left, their vehicle was gone."

"What kind of vehicle was it?"

"A van, Sir. Black, maybe a dark blue. The license plate wasn't facing the office. I remember that they parked across about three parking spaces."

Danny nodded, making a few notes. "Thank you, Lacy. That's all for now."

Lacy nodded. "Um, Detective?" she asked as Danny reached the door. He turned around.

"Yeah?"

"I hope that Mr. Reagan… your brother… is okay. He seemed really nice."

Danny nodded. "I'm hoping he's okay, too." he said softly. Giving her another nod, he headed back to Jackie's side.

"There's tire tracks over there, parked across three and a half spaces. Must have been a large vehicle, and judging by the dirt spray, they left at a fast pace." she told him.

Danny nodded, his stomach tightening. "That's what Lacy said. She noticed a van arrive, then when she looked out a few hours later, it was gone again."

"And that was okay with her?"

"This place allows for short hiking or beach trips, apparently. People don't need to pay for those."

Jackie shook her head. "This place is an emergency waiting to happen." she muttered. Danny snorted in agreement as he headed for the trail.

After a few minutes, Jackie slowed. "Danny…" she trailed off, pointing. Danny's heart thumped as he recognized Jamie's tent.

"It's a mess…" he mumbled, staring at the ransacked mess of his brother's campsite. His pack had been emptied, its contents strewn around the grass, and kicked to the side. The tent door had a large tear in it. He took a few tentative steps towards the fire pit, carefully poking at the ashes. "It's cold…"

Jackie placed a hand on his shoulder. "Danny, let's keep walking. Maybe there's more evidence in another site."

Danny nodded, slowly getting to his feet. The bad feeling he felt last night returned ten-fold. They kept walking, Danny's nervous legs wanting to give out, but he forced himself to keep moving. Something to his right caught the corner of his eye. "Jackie…"

"What is it?"

"To the right, in that little clearing… is that a body?"

Jackie moved forward ahead of Danny. She reached the edge of the clearing before Danny could even move. "It's not Jamie." she called back to him. Feeling some relief, he managed to make his feet carry him towards his partner. He strode over to her, taking in the violence.

"He was shot execution style in the back of his head. He's still bound and gagged." Danny said, the bile churning uneasily in his stomach.

"We've got to get to a phone, call this in. Keep your eyes open for anything else." Jackie reminded him. Danny agreed, leading the way back to the trail. They passed Jamie's ruined campsite once more, Danny's heart thumping uncomfortably. He looked away, staring at the ground.

They reached the end of the trail, his eyes sweeping for clues. He stopped suddenly, Jackie running into the back of him.

"Brake lights would be nice, Reagan." Jackie grumbled. She looked at his face, the torn expression and concern-filled eyes causing her heart to speed up. She followed his line of sight to scuff marks in the dirt. "Looks like a struggle took place here."

Danny nodded. "Jackie… is that blood?"

Jackie followed his finger to a dark stain on the grass. She swallowed thickly, crouching down. "Yeah, it looks like it."

Danny made an indecipherable sound. "It looks like someone was partially dragged over to where the van was parked."

"Hit then taken?"

"Seems to be the case." Danny mumbled, his gut turning to ice. He had a pretty good feeling that the person involved in the struggle was Jamie, though he couldn't prove it yet and still didn't know why his brother would be in that situation to begin with. "We've got to call this in, get some backup out here. We need to shut this place down for a while."

"Right. Go talk to Lacy again. I see a payphone outside the store. I'll call in for backup and a CSU team to come out, and explain the situation."

Danny nodded, his throat tight. "I've got to phone Dad… what am I supposed to say to him?"

Jackie tossed him another sympathetic look. "I think you should just tell him the truth as we know it so far. Maybe it's not as bad as it seems. Wait until we hear from CSU before you go all doom and gloom."

Danny smirked slightly. "It's really too late for that, Jack."

"I know, Danny." she replied softly, just as worried as he was about the young officer she considered a friend. "Talk to Lacy. Call your father. I'll handle the station."

"Thanks, Jack." Danny squeezed her shoulder, heading back towards the office. Lacy looked up as he walked in, giving him a smile.

"Detective." she greeted, noticing the grave look on his face. Her smiled slipped. "Is everything okay?"

"No, it's not. We are going to have to shut the retreat down for a while. I don't know for how long. There's been a murder…"

Lacy gasped, interrupting him. She looked horrified. "Oh my God, is it Mr. Reagan?"

"No! No, it's not Jamie." Danny reassured her quickly. "But he may have been kidnapped. There are signs of a struggle where the trail starts. Are you _sure_ you didn't see anything?"

Lacy looked tearful. "No, I didn't notice anything. I'm sorry."

Danny tried to look reassuring. "It's okay, Lacy. You haven't done anything wrong. I have to ask, though. Didn't that van raise _any_ suspicions? Anything at all?"

Lacy shook her head, looking scared. "No, Sir… I didn't even think anything of it… I'm still new here, only a month on the job, and everyone who has come in has been trustworthy… I mean, I know I should have guessed that something wasn't right. Who parks across three spaces? But I just didn't realize it at the time… I didn't even _hear_ anything! I'm so sorry, Detective…"

Danny patted her awkwardly on the back, trying to get her to stop crying. "Lacy, it's not your fault, I've already told you that. You're not in any trouble."

Lacy buried her nose in a tissue. "I know, Sir… it's just… this happened on my watch and I feel so _guilty_! I mean, when Mr. Reagan came in, I couldn't figure out why he needed time alone… most people look haunted by something, and he didn't. A little sad, maybe, but I didn't think there was anything wrong. He just seemed so nice, and if something happened to him while I was here and could have done something…"

Danny tried again to get her to stop crying. "Lacy, there was nothing you could have done. Even if you _did_ notice, these men could have injured or killed you if you tried something, or they could have kidnapped you as well and we would have _two_ missing people to search for."

Lacy sniffed, her tears finally stopped. "Yeah… but at least I would know where your brother is."

Danny's lips quirked. "True. But _we_ still wouldn't know where _either _of you were."

"Good point." she agreed, offering him a watery smile.

"Okay, my partner is outside calling in backup and a CSU team to scour the area. We'll need to block off the area. You should call your boss and let him or her know what's going on. Stick around for right now as the officers may need to ask you more questions." Lacy nodded her understanding. "Is there another phone around here that I could use? I have a call to make as well."

"Of course, Detective. There's a public landline phone on the wall over in the corner." Lacy pointed to the far side of the room. Sure enough, there was a plushy chair right by the phone that was attached to the wall. A small table sat to the left of the chair, holding a phonebook.

"Thanks." Danny replied, heading over to the phone. He picked up the receiver, his finger hesitating over the numbers. He swallowed, finally punching in his father's office number, knowing it would be Baker who would answer. He sat on the soft chair, listening to the phone ring, his heart thumping nervously in his chest.

"Commissioner's Office, this is Detective Baker. How may I direct your call?"

"Baker, it's Detective Danny Reagan. I need to speak to the Commissioner immediately."

Baker hesitated. "Of course, Detective Reagan. One moment, please."

Danny frowned as he was put on hold. Why did Baker hesitate? Did she know something that he didn't? If his father knew, why didn't he call him?

'_You've been in the middle of nowhere for a few hours now, dummy!' _a little voice told him. _'You don't have cell reception!'_

Danny nearly blushed, feeling like an idiot. His little internal voice was right. His heart sped up again when the elevator music in his ear stopped, indicating that his father had picked up the line.

"Danny? I tried to call you an hour ago! Where are you?"

"Dad, I tried to call Jamie again when I got into the precinct. There was still no answer…"

"I know, I did the same." Frank sighed heavily.

"Jackie and I took a side trip. We're at Angel's Retreat now."

There was a heavy pause from the other end of the line. Frank cleared his throat. "What have you found out?"

"Dad, he hadn't checked out yet, and his car is still here. The only other vehicle here was on Saturday night, a black or dark blue van. It had parked across three spaces and was only here a few hours, according to Lacy at the front desk. She saw three or four men when they arrived, but didn't notice anything when they left."

"Didn't they check in?"

"No. Dad, this place needs some major protocol changes. They don't require someone to sign in if they're only going to hike or take a beach trip for a few hours. They could have known exactly who these guys are! Maybe they would have noticed…"

"Calm down, Danny. Tell me what you found."

Danny took a shaky breath, attempting to calm himself. "We found Jamie's campsite… it had been ransacked. His backpack had been emptied, the contents strewn all over the ground. His tent was ripped. We walked further… there was a body…"

Frank swallowed audibly. "Danny…"

"Dad, no, it wasn't Jamie! It was a man, shot execution style. He was still bound and gagged. He was probably a victim of the men from the van… the ones I suspect have Jamie right now. There were signs of struggle at the end of the path… blood, too."

Frank sighed again. "Danny… Jamie was part of a shooting on Thursday night."

"What? Dad, when did you find out?"

"Just this morning. Your brother wasn't even supposed to be in the area. It was just south of Chinatown."

"Dad, did he shoot anyone?"

"No. It appears he didn't even pull his gun. He was just in the area. There was a fatality, though. We're pretty sure it's drug related."

A tense silence followed. "Do you think the guys who likely have Jamie were a part of that? Maybe they saw who he was and went after him."

"That's what I fear, Danny, but how would they know where to find him? He was in the middle of nowhere."

"I think the body that was left behind out here may hold a few answers. We've got backup and a CSU team on the way."

"Good. Danny, I've got to go, but I need you to keep me posted. I need to know why Jamie is involved in this. I need to know what happened to my son!"

Danny's throat tightened as he listened to his father's shaky voice. "I know, Dad. I'll keep in touch. I _will_ find Jamie!"

"I know, son. I believe you. Good luck, Danny."

"Thanks, Dad." Danny sighed, slowly hanging up the phone. He stood, easing his way towards the door. Lacy nodded at him, her expression tense and worried. He tried to smile reassuringly at her as he left. He spotted Jackie outside, talking to a uniformed officer. Backup had started arriving. She nodded at him as he stepped outside and made his way over to them.

"Danny, this is Sergeant Arnett. He's going to be heading up the investigation out here. CSU is on its way."

"Detective Reagan, I'm sorry to hear of your brother. I had only met Officer Reagan once, but he's a very promising cop."

"I know he is." Danny spoke, pride in his voice. "He's got good instincts… though they didn't help much out here."

Sergeant Arnett gave him a sympathetic smile. "We'll do everything we can to help, Detective. When one goes down, we all fight to get him back."

Danny had to smile. "That I know very well. Thank you, Sergeant."

Cars started pulling up as uniforms and CSU members got out and milled around. Some walked up the trail to examine the ransacked campsite, others headed towards the body. Still others examined the tracks left behind by the fleeing vehicle, and the site of the struggle. Danny's breath caught as he watched one CSU member grab the blood evidence. He felt positive that it was Jamie's blood, but a part of him wished fervently that it would be some random stranger's instead. About an hour after it started, the body was wheeled down the trail, the body bag strapped to the stretcher. A member of the Coroner's Unit walked up to him.

"Detective Reagan? I'm Andrew Koehler. We need to do an autopsy, but we've already taken blood samples. We'll get all results to you as soon as possible."

"Thank you, Koehler. Please put a rush on it."

"Will do." Koehler nodded as he hurried after the body bag. Danny watched as the van left, sure that the body inside held a large part of the puzzle. CSU wrapped up their final investigations, packing up all evidence and getting back into their vehicles. The remaining officers started heading back to their own cars. Sergeant Arnett walked back over to him.

"Detective, we're about done here. You'll get all results as soon as we've received them. We'll find Officer Reagan, I guarantee you that."

Danny gave him a thankful yet tense smile. "I appreciate your help, Sergeant. Keep me posted." Arnett nodded again, jogging back to his own cruiser. Once again alone, Danny turned to Jackie.

"Well? I don't think there's much else we can do here. We should probably get back into the city."

"You're right." Jackie agreed, getting back into the car. Danny hopped in behind the wheel, quickly starting the engine. They pulled out, each lost in their own thoughts.

'_Hold on, Jamie. Wherever you are, just hold on.'_

~~TBC~~


	7. Chapter 6

Run and Hide

**Disclaimer:** Same basic words here; if it's in the show, I don't own it.

**A/N:** Seems like I'm on a roller coaster for chapter length; it's back to short again. Anyway, thanks for reading! :) I wanted to answer Iris' question about tracking cellphones - I don't know if every cellphone has that capability, but since some definitely do the answer to your question is yes, they could have. Truth is I didn't think of it right away LOL. I'm really bad at that, it seems. ;) Thanks for the question! :)

Onto the story, we're back to Jamie again. You go ahead and read... I'm just gonna stay over here... (O_o)

* * *

Chapter 6

Jamie stood under the window, glaring at it. The daylight was getting weaker; it must be early evening. Jake and his cohorts hadn't been in to see him since Jamie had nearly been strangled to death. Jamie felt grateful for that solitude, but couldn't help but worry about what was to come.

For the last hour he'd tried to figure out how to get up to reach the window. There wasn't a stick of furniture in the room and the window was a good two or three feet above his head. He found he could jump high enough to get his hands on the sill but it did no good to dangle a couple of feet off the ground and the wall was too smooth to climb. The window appeared to be solid, too. He'd have to break it to even attempt to get out through it, and he had nothing to break it with. It was small and narrow enough that he was positive he'd get stuck partway through. Besides, jumping hurt his head.

He sighed angrily, sitting against the wall, his arms propped on his knees. He ran his hands through his hair, cringing as his fingers raked over the dried patch of blood and bruises over his temple. He swallowed thickly, grateful that the hit hadn't been any lower. He still felt dizzy from it.

It was stuffy in the room with very little air movement. He'd abandoned his jacket hours ago, leaving it on the floor to use as a cushion under his head. He was thirsty, bordering on dehydrated, and his stomach growled continuously. He'd finished the last of the water in the water bottle a couple of hours previous, and his only food had been what he had eaten Saturday afternoon. He'd toured his small dungeon, finding a tiny bathroom with a sink and a toilet in it, albeit dirty, and was amazed that there was a small bar of soap by the sink and a dingy facecloth and towel hanging from the rack. Used or not, they were better than nothing. He'd contemplated filling the water bottle with water from the sink, but it was cloudy and contained a brown tint and an odd smell that turned him off. He figured facing dehydration was a better option than possibly giving himself a parasite. He could wash while holding his breath and refrain from thinking about the colour of the water, but he refused to ingest it.

Feeling a need to move around, he walked into the tiny bathroom. He peered into the dusty mirror above the sink, squinting in the dim light. He could see finger-shaped bruises on his neck, still tender to touch. His throat wasn't too sore, though, so he figured the bruising didn't go too deep. He leaned on the sink, staring at his reflection until he became too uncomfortable with the fear and uncertainty in his own eyes. Losing his own staring contest, he gazed down into the dirty sink instead, wondering what his family members were doing at that moment. They _had_ to know he was missing; he'd said he would be back in time for Sunday dinner and being Monday evening, he was sure they would have tried to contact him with no success, but where would they start to look? Even _he_ didn't know where he was, or if he was even back in New York City. He could be in the next state or across the country for all he knew.

He walked slowly back into the main room. Bored and tense, he lay on the floor on his back, his jacket pillowing his head. He stared at the ceiling, noticing a small light bulb off to his left. There must be a light switch on the wall somewhere, but he had no desire to get back up again to find it. The dark matched his current mood anyway. He didn't know how to get out of this, and his lack of control over the situation angered him to no end. He was determined to fight, but how long could he continue along that path? He nearly lost back at the campground, and again just hours previous.

He sighed mournfully. How long would it take before he started hoping that Jake would just finish the job and be done with it? He'd fired back at the psychopath that he wouldn't break him, but he doubted his own words as soon as they left his mouth. He was already starting to wish that this nightmare would just end, that it would just let him be free.

'_Stop thinking like that!'_ he thought to himself, angrily wiping a hand over his eyes which had started stinging again. _'You can't give up yet, Reagan! There's too much fight left in you for you to just give up!'_

His heart thumped as he heard a scuffling sound from the other side of the door and a key in the lock. He sat up quickly, taking an almost defensive stance while slowing his breathing as he waited for the door to open.

He groaned and covered his face as light assaulted his eyes. Something pushed on the top of his head as he tried to make the spots in front of his eyes go away. He swatted at thin air, backing up quickly before lifting his head and squinting at the figure standing in the bright light from the overhead bulb. It was the blond brute again. Jamie glared at him, wishing he could make him disappear.

"What do you want now?"

"You're hungry, aren't you?" Cole muttered. "I brought you some more water and a sandwich. It's your choice, though."

Jamie hungrily eyed the sandwich sitting on the plate that had been place in front of him. The bottle was beside it. "What did you do to it?"

Cole snorted. "Nothing. The bread may be a bit stale, but it won't kill you."

Jamie glared again, grabbing the plate and the bottle. He kept his back to the wall, staying as far away from his captor as possible. "What's the bastard doing, anyway?"

"Jake? Plotting to kill you." Cole smirked. Jamie snorted into his food.

"What else is new? What's he really doing?"

"I don't know." Cole answered truthfully. "He wants his group to do the dirty work, but he's always for himself. He never says anything until the last minute."

"Why are you with him, then? Why don't you just leave?"

"Leave Jake? Are you serious? The only way you leave him is by running and hiding, or by death. You pick your fate and personally, I think death is more appealing. Once Jake has you in his sights, he won't give up."

Jamie stared, swallowing the lump of dry food with difficulty. It caught in his throat, making him cough. He gulped some of the water, hoping to soften it. "That's reassuring." he choked out.

Cole snorted. "Keep your mouth shut next time and do as he says, he may prolong the inevitable if you're good."

Jamie glared at Cole's retreating back. He was impossible to understand!

~~BB~~

"Jake, what do you want to do with him? It's dangerous to keep him around! The cops will be looking for us!"

"I don't care about the cops, Kevin!" Jake snapped. "I am going to break him, make him _beg_ for death by the time I'm through with him! _No one_ gets the upper hand on me! _No one_ takes away what is mine and gets away with it!"

"Jake," Cole hesitated. "He didn't really take anything away… he wasn't responsible for…" Cole bit his words, stepping back hastily as Jake whirled on him.

"You got a man-crush, Cole?"

"Of course not…"

"Really? 'Cause you've been trying to stall me ever since we saw him in the woods two nights ago. Seems to me that you must dream about him at night! You don't want me to hurt that pretty little face of his, do you?" Jake sneered mockingly.

"I'm just trying to make you think it through, Jake. Whatever, it's your call." Cole backed off.

Jake smirked, his eyes manic, shivers of fear running down the spines of his onlookers. "You're right, it _is_ my call! And he is going down! I will break him piece by piece until he _begs_ to die. There will be nothing _left_ of him to send back to his precious family!"

~~BB~~

_Jamie stood, plastered to the wall in the alley, listening to the commotion just a stone's throw away. He knew he should reach for his radio, call it in, but he wasn't even supposed to be in the area. He'd made a quick stop at a shop in Chinatown to grab a birthday gift for Nicki, a necklace he knew she'd like. He cursed at himself; he should have waited until morning after his shift was over. His heart thumped in his chest as sweat rolled down the back of his neck. He should leave this area to the cops who _were_ supposed to be there, but he felt rooted to the spot…_

_He wanted to yell out as he saw a child round the corner, calling to one of the older men…_

_He only just noticed the gun in another man's hand…_

_He felt bile rise in his throat as blood blossomed over the sweatshirt…_

Jamie jerked awake, gasping, the meager sandwich he'd eaten for dinner churning uneasily in his stomach. He rolled off of his back, hoping the sick feeling would go away. With a shaking hand, he wiped at the sweat on his forehead. He glanced at his watch, noticing that it was after four in the morning. He groaned, getting up to splash some cool water on his face. Drying off, he shuddered at the stench of the liquid before making his way back to his sleeping spot, taking a mouthful of the bottled water he'd been saving. He rested his forehead on his fists, breathing through the images that still assaulted his mind.

'_Get me out of here… please…'_

His head shot up as he heard muttering on the other side of the door. He scrambled to his feet, backing into the corner farthest from the door. The door swung open. Jake smirked at him. The other three filed in behind him.

"Aw, poor little Reagan… you're already breaking aren't you, toughie? Do you want daddy yet?" Jake mocked.

Jamie clenched his teeth together, refusing to speak. Cole caught his eye, giving a tiny nod.

"Answer me." Jake snarled. Jamie still refused, but he swallowed painfully as Jake stalked closer. He moved, keeping his back to the wall while attempting to keep his sides open. Jake smirked.

"Are we gonna dance, Reagan? You want to show me some fancy footwork?"

Jamie stopped, realizing that anything he did would bring Jake's ire onto him. He clenched his fists instead, narrowing his eyes as Jake got in his face. Jake stood a good two inches taller than him, and he glared hatefully down at him. Jamie glared hatefully back.

Jake's fists grabbed his shirt before he could even blink, pressing him into the wall. Jamie tried to break his grip, but Jake's anger seemed to fuel him forward. Jake yanked him forwards, shoving him roughly towards the middle of the room. Jamie stumbled, quickly righting himself, keeping his fists up in case Jake were to launch himself at him again. He never expected to be grabbed on either side and forced to his knees. He struggled futilely, Andy and Kevin much taller and sturdier than he would have expected.

"Cole, give it to me." Jake demanded roughly. Cole stepped up into Jamie's line of sight, but appeared to hesitate. Finally, he handed over the small object. Jamie breathing hitched, watching as the taser was placed into Jake's evil hand.

'_I'm so screwed!'_ he thought, panicked. He'd been tasered before as every rookie had to be tested out while in training so that they knew what it felt like, but Jake wouldn't exactly be kind about it.

Jake snickered. "I can make you talk, little Reagan. I told you before, and now… _now_ I can show you!"

Jamie had barely closed his eyes when he felt the little electric prongs plunge into his abdomen. His body jerked as his muscles stiffened. Vaguely, he could feel Andy and Kevin's grip tighten as his body threatened to fall forward. He could see little bursts of light behind his closed lids as Jake kept the electricity coming.

Jamie gasped, slumping forward as the taser was taken away. His stomach clenched painfully, but he refused to throw up, not wanting to give them the satisfaction.

"You really think you're done yet, Reagan?" Jake sneered from behind him. Jamie closed his eyes again as he felt electricity course through his body once more, this time from his right shoulder. His fists were clenched, the fire coursing through him. He bit down a cry of pain…

He fell forward as Andy and Kevin released him, snickering. He lay, hunched over and breathing hard, praying that Jake would become bored and just go away.

He couldn't stop the cry that tore from his throat as the electricity plunged into his chest. He hadn't noticed that Jake had knelt down beside him. He could feel his erratic heartbeat, sure that his heart would explode…

The tears streamed down his face as Jake let up. He curled into a ball, praying that Jake would leave…

Jake used his foot to roughly press his shoulder, easily forcing the tired man onto his back. Jamie tried to glare, but his watering eyes told him the effect was diminished. Jake sneered down at him.

"What do you have to say to me?" Jake snarled.

"Go… to… _hell_!" he ground out between clenched teeth, his words earning him a swift, rough kick to his side. Jamie jerked, moaning, trying to curl over onto his now throbbing ribs, but Jake stepped down hard onto his left arm, preventing him from turning over. Jamie grimaced, quickly losing feeling in his hand as Jake's shoe pressed on his wrist. Jake's face twisted in anger.

"You are the most stubborn little bastard, Reagan, but you _will_ break!" Jake sneered, releasing his arm and giving Jamie another kick to the ribs. Jamie immediately curled back into a ball, trying to protect his sore middle. Jake laughed as he walked out, Andy and Kevin snickering as they followed. Cole retreated, closing the door. Jamie felt his stomach twist. Shakily he got up, stumbling for the bathroom, getting to the toilet just as the contents of his stomach decided to come up. He continued to heave, bringing up nothing, his ribs and sore muscles pulling at his body. Shakily, he grabbed some toilet paper, wiping his mouth. He flushed the toilet, standing with difficulty. He turned…

He nearly fell backwards as he came face to face with Cole, who automatically reached out to steady him. He held out another bottle of water.

"Take it easy with this one, you don't want to throw up again."

Jamie looked at him warily, but took the bottle anyway. "What are you doing here?"

Cole regarded him with interest. "I'm actually quite impressed with you, Reagan. You probably shouldn't have told him to go to hell, but you held your tongue better this time." He smirked before continuing. "You move pretty well for a man who looks like death warmed over."

Jamie shoved angrily past him. "Stuff it." he growled, moving carefully back to his spot under the window. He sat, holding his ribs. He breathed through the pain the movement caused. He glared at Cole, who had lazily followed and was now standing with his arms crossed, regarding him closely. Jamie felt his skin crawl. What was it with him and his piercing eyes? He was starting to make him feel violated.

"You're holding your own" was Cole's only answer to Jamie's questioning glance. He turned, quickly leaving the room and locking the door.

Jamie leaned his head against the wall. He placed the full water bottle beside the one he hadn't finished yet. He closed his eyes, his angry demeanor starting to dissolve. Is this what his life was becoming? Was he going to be locked in here forever, receiving stale food and hoarding what water he could get his hands on? Was he to become a plaything for the psychopaths, to be used when they wanted entertainment, and left on his own when they were bored? More tears escaped his eyes.

"Help me…" he whispered. "Someone help me…"

~~BB~~

Danny sat up with a muffled cry, shaking. He scrubbed his hands over his face, glancing at the clock. It was four-thirty in the morning. Linda stirred beside him.

"Babe? What's wrong?" she muttered, still half asleep.

"Nothing, Linda. Go back to sleep."

"Okay…" she mumbled, a soft snore filling the air.

Danny shakily got out of bed, making his way to the bathroom to splash some water on his face. He gulped some right out of the tap before drying off. He left the bathroom, wandering downstairs to stare out the window into the backyard. His hands still shook.

His nightmare was nothing unusual. Jamie had been running away from him, terror on his face, when a shot rang out. Danny tried to get closer to his brother as maniacal laughter filled the air. He got there to find his baby brother covered in blood, the life rapidly leaving him. His eyes were cracked open and tear filled…

Danny bent his head as Jamie's words rang through his mind…

"_Help me…"_

~~BB~~

"_Jamie?"_

"_Dad?"_

"_Jamie, son, where are you?"_

"_I'm here, Dad… Dad, you've got to help me!"_

_Frank fumbled around in the darkness, only able to hear his beloved youngest child. Tears sprang to his eyes as he heard the panic in his son's voice._

_A shout filled the air, a crash from somewhere to his left…_

_A scream filled the air as Frank stumbled over something…_

_Frank realized the scream came from him as he held his youngest son in his arms. A son no longer with the living…_

Frank jerked and sat up, tears already streaming down his face. He roughly wiped his eyes, getting out of bed.

"Jamie…" he mumbled. "Just hold on, son…"

~~BB~~

_Henry squinted into the darkness. He reached for his glasses, his vision no clearer than before. He could feel something in front of him, even though his hands came up empty as he waved them around._

_Something shimmered in front of his eyes. There was a person standing there…_

"_Jamie!"_

"_You're running out of time, Gramps." Jamie said, smiling sadly. Henry stared. He _looked_ healthy enough…_

"_Jamie, where are you?"_

_Henry jumped as Jamie was suddenly forced to his knees. He looked down at his grandson as Jamie's eyes streamed tears…_

"_I love you…"_

"_Jamie!"_

_A shot rang out as an animalistic cry rang through the air..._

_Henry caught his grandson as he fell forward, cradling the dying man…_

_The animalistic cry ripped from his own throat…_

Henry's eyes flew open as he gasped for air, his heart thumping in his chest. His hands shook as he reached for his glasses, shoving them onto his sweaty face. His throat constricted as Jamie's sad, haunted face came to the forefront of his mind, as his falling, blood covered body fell into his arms…

"It was just a nightmare…" Henry mumbled to himself, wiping his eyes. He glanced at the clock; four-thirty in the morning. He stiffly got out of bed, shuffling to the stairs. He would just go into the kitchen, make himself a cup of tea to calm his nerves, then go back to bed to try to get some more sleep.

He stopped short in the doorway, observing his son sitting at the table staring into his own cup of tea.

"Can't sleep, Francis?"

Frank raised his eyes to his father, shaking his head. Henry's breath caught at the haunted look in his son's reddened eyes.

"Can_ you_, Pop?"

Henry sat at the table, pouring himself a cup of tea from the pot resting on the table. "No. All I see are nightmares… Jamie…"

Frank nodded sadly, his lips shaky. "Pop… I held my dead son in my arms…"

Henry's eyes widened. "I held my grandson as he died in my arms, Francis. Our nightmares were at the same time, of the same thing… what does that mean?"

"It means we have to find him…" Frank mumbled.

Henry stared at his hands resting on the table. "I can't take this, Francis. He's been gone since Saturday. Do we even have a hope at finding him alive?"

Frank's eyes flashed as he shot a glare at his father. "Don't ever say that, Pop! Don't _ever_ give up hope! We _will_ find him and he _will_ be alive!" Frank tore his eyes away from his father's. "He has to be… I can't go through this again…" he mumbled.

Henry lowered his gaze, his heart shattering at the fear in his son's voice, at the fear that coursed through his own body.

~~BB~~

Jamie's eyes opened slowly. A few weak rays of sunlight shone through the grime on the window. He glanced at his watch, squinting in confusion… why did it read four-thirty? Was it already four-thirty in the afternoon? He stared at the unmoving second hand, realization dawning that the electricity that had coursed through his body that morning must have stopped his watch. His arm flopped over his eyes as his throat tightened. He knew nothing, now… and they had complete and total control over him.

~~TBC~~


	8. Chapter 7

Run and Hide

**Disclaimer:** Nope, I still own nothing to do with the show.

**A/N:** Thanks for reading! I'm glad you're still hanging onto the story. :) Anyway, it's all starting to come together now... but I think I watch too much Criminal Minds with their psychopaths... O_O

I'm just going to stay over here, hiding from the masses...

* * *

Chapter 7

Frank looked up as Danny walked in through the door, looking clean shaven yet haggard. There were dark circles under his eyes. He nodded tiredly at his father.

"Morning, Dad."

"Morning, Danny. Do you want something to eat before work?"

Danny shook his head. "No, I already ate before I left the house. Where's Grandpa?"

Frank sighed. "Neither of us slept well. He was still asleep when I got up an hour ago."

"Not anymore, Francis." Henry grumbled, entering the living room with a cup of coffee in his hand. "Morning, Danny."

"Morning, Grandpa."

"You don't look like you've slept much either, Danny." Henry said, looking pointedly at his grandson. Danny shook his head, running a hand through his hair.

"No, I didn't. I woke up about four-thirty this morning with a nightmare… what?" he asked, shooting a funny look at his father and grandfather, who were staring at him with a mixture of horror and confusion on their faces. They glanced at each other, their heartbeats nearly audible.

"So did we, Danny." Frank answered his son. Danny looked at him oddly.

"You did what?"

"We woke up with nightmares, too." Henry supplied helpfully.

"At four-thirty in the morning." Frank continued. It was Danny's turn to stare with horror and confusion.

"What… does that mean that… what the hell?" Danny choked out incoherently, sitting down on the couch.

Frank nodded in agreement. "That's about what we came up with too, son." Danny stared at him, fear boiling in his stomach.

"Dad… I dreamed that Jamie… Jamie was running away from something. He was terrified. There was a shot and…" Danny choked off, his throat too tight to continue. He looked tearfully at his father. "Dad… he was nearly dead when I got to him… he was pleading for me to help him…"

Frank cleared his throat. "I could only hear him in the darkness, there was nothing to see. He sounded panicked, asking me to help him… there was a bunch of noise, and I tripped over something… it was his body… I could only hold him…"

Danny stared in horror at his father, who was staring at his shoes. He turned to his grandfather, whose eyes were watering. He almost didn't want to hear what horror story he would come up with.

Henry glanced at his grandson, then his son. He sighed. "Jamie stood before me in the dark, looking healthy, normal even. Then… he was on his knees, tears streaming down his face." Henry paused, a lone tear making his way out of the corner of his eye. "He told me that I was running out of time… that he loved me… and that was it. There was a shot and I… I caught my youngest grandson in my arms as he lay dying…"

The three men stared at their feet, lumps in their throats, unable to speak. Finally Danny cleared his throat.

"Okay, so we all have nightmares of Jamie. That's not unexpected. They're all of him dying. Considering that's something we're worried about anyway, it's not really unexpected either." Danny paused, waiting for them to respond. They nodded at him to continue. "They're all at four-thirty in the morning. I know this sounds weird, but… maybe something happened at four-thirty in the morning?"

Frank sighed. "I just don't know, son. I know it's odd, but maybe it's just a coincidence. I don't even want to think…"

Danny nodded, agreeing with his father's unspoken words. "Look, I've got to get into work. I'm hoping the results from the retreat will be in by now. I'll keep you posted, okay?"

"Thank you, Danny." Frank replied, standing to give his son a hug. "Pop, my car will be arriving soon. Will you be okay here?"

"Yeah, Francis. Go." Henry nodded at him. "Find Jamie."

Frank nodded sadly as he followed his oldest to the door. "I sure hope so, Pop. I sure hope so."

~~BB~~

"Baker, are you sure about this?"

"Yes, Sir. I just got word."

Frank nodded, feeling a bubble of hope expand in his chest. He nodded to dismiss Baker as he grabbed his phone, quickly punching in his son's cellphone number.

"Danny Reagan."

"Danny, I think I've found something!"

"Dad?"

"Something that might keep your brother alive!"

~~BB~~

"Are you sure, Dad? This is big if it's true…"

"I'm only going by Baker's word, but she's sure it's true."

Danny felt hope starting to push back the constant fear that resided in his chest. "Keep me posted on this, would you? I'm just getting the results of the evidence in now."

"Will do, Danny. Let me know what happens on your end."

"Of course. Talk to you soon."

Danny hung up, watching Jackie stride over to him with a folder in her hands. She plopped it down on the desk before him as she sat down in the chair across from him. Danny quickly opened it, scanning the contents.

"The blood was indeed Jamie's, but we had already guessed that." Jackie supplied, not willing to wait for her partner to finish reading. He gave her a look, but she bustled on anyway. "The body we found had cocaine and meth in his system, though it was weak. He'd probably taken a combination of the two the night before. My guess is that the men who shot him were settling a debt."

"But why the execution style shooting?"

"Danny, you already know that Jamie was involved in a shooting on Thursday night, don't you?"

"Yes, my father told me that. Why?"

"The report is inside that folder."

Danny glanced down again, skimming quickly through the first half of the report. Dread filled his stomach as he continued. Slowly he finished reading, glancing up at his partner who gave him a look of sympathy.

"Jackie… if these men killed the man we found at the retreat out of revenge, and if they have Jamie… we need to get to him _now_!"

Jackie nodded. "Except that we have no idea where he is."

~~BB~~

"Danny, did you find anything out?" Frank asked, clutching the phone in his fist.

"The blood was definitely his, Dad. The body we found had remnants of cocaine and meth in his system, likely taken the night before. Dad, it sounds like a debt was settled… I read the report of what Jamie was involved in… his description of the shooter is the same as the body we found."

"So you know how serious this is."

Danny sighed. "Yeah... but we don't even know where he is…"

Frank sighed heavily. "I know son. We're working on it but…"

"We might still be too late…"

Frank swallowed heavily as Danny's words hung in the air.

~~BB~~

_Jamie stood stock still, cursing his timing. He was just outside of Chinatown after having stopped at a market to buy his niece a necklace for her birthday. He listened to the commotion just a few feet away; drug gang members heckling someone seemingly random, a buyer from the sounds of it. He knew he should reach for his radio and call it in, but he felt paralyzed. His feet were made of stone. _

_He peered around the wall he was standing against, debating on whether he should break up the argument. He knew he should just leave, walk down the alley and leave the situation to the police who were supposed to be in the area in the first place. This wasn't his area. _Why_ didn't he just wait until morning when he was off duty to buy the necklace?_

_His heart constricted as a boy of about twelve rounded the corner at the end of the street. He watched as the kid's face lit up, recognizing one or all of the men. He called out someone's name…_

_Their attention diverted, no one noticed the buyer pull his gun. Jamie's heart thumped painfully as the man pointed it. Without thinking, Jamie jumped out onto the sidewalk reaching for his own gun._

_The kid's face turned from excitement to horror as the man pointed the gun in his general direction. The four gang members scattered, a redheaded man running for the boy, telling him to run away._

"_Freeze! Police!" Jamie yelled, yanking his gun from its holster. A shot rang out as the men scattered._

_The gunman took off into the nearest alley, Jamie torn between chasing him and checking on the fallen…_

_His fear won out as he raced over to the body on the ground… he was only twelve… _

_The redheaded man screamed at him to help his brother… Jamie was fumbling, shaking hands trying to put pressure on the wound, blood leaking around his fingers. He grabbed at his radio._

"_This is Officer Reagan. I need a bus…" he rushed, rattling off the street corner, already hearing sirens in the distance._

"_Do something!" the irate man screamed._

"_I'm trying!" Jamie yelled back, panic clear in his voice. There was too much blood, there was no way this kid would make it…_

"_Damn it!" the man shouted as police cars screamed ever closer. "You're a dead man!" he yelled as he took off towards the alley, the very same one Jamie had stood in moments before. Jamie stared after him, feeling the child's life force bleed out of him at an alarming rate._

"_Reagan, step away!" a voice barked, a hand roughly pulling on his arm. He looked into the face of a vaguely familiar looking Sergeant, his brain going numb. "I said, step away!"_

_Jamie stood shakily, letting himself be yanked off to the side. His hands felt cool… he stared at the shining coat of red on his hands…_

"_I should have your badge for this, Reagan!" the Sergeant barked angrily. "What the _hell_ were you thinking? This isn't your area! You're out of bounds, _and _you're involved in another shooting… you're a magnet for trouble, Reagan!"_

_Jamie swallowed past the lump in his throat. "I don't… I wasn't thinking, Sir…"_

"_No, you definitely weren't." The Sergeant's voice had softened, a concerned look replacing the look of fury that had been there seconds before. "You're a good person, Jamie. You're a good cop. But you _need _to _learn_ your _boundaries_. What were you doing down here?"_

_Jamie swallowed again. This was it. He was fired for sure! "I… I was on break and used it to buy my niece a necklace for her birthday… I knew I'd forget if I didn't get it now… I should have just waited until tomorrow…" he trailed off, his breath hitching._

_The Sergeant gave him an incredulous look before shaking his head. "Look, Reagan… I need to write up a report, your statement needs to be in it… your father is going to see it."_

_Jamie nodded, sure that final blow was about to hit. He prepared himself to march into the Commissioner's Office to hand over his gun and badge…_

"_You were on break. It happens. You were nowhere near the initial incident, you just saw the gun being pulled and ran over to help the victim. The shooter took off before you could catch him."_

_Jamie looked stunned. "You're not going to… I'm not fired?"_

_The Sergeant smirked. "No. But if I see you around here again while on duty… if you get into another situation and you _don't_ call it in immediately..."_

_Jamie nodded, grateful. "Thank you, Sir. I'll stay away."_

"_Good." the Sergeant responded, giving Jamie a small smile. "One last thing. Did you talk to any of the men?"_

"_Only one… he was the boy's brother… he was screaming at me to help him but he took off when the cruisers started arriving."_

"_Did he say anything before he ran?"_

_Jamie thought about it, but stopped himself. He shook his head. "No, Sir."_

"_Alright. Did you get a look at the shooter?"_

"_Dark hair, tall but stocky. He only turned my way once, but I think he had a cut above his right eye, as there was a bandage over it."_

"_Okay, good. Thank you, Reagan. Despite everything, you did just fine."_

"_Thanks, Sir." Jamie said, still feeling nervous sweat running down his back. "Hey, Sarge? How's the boy?"_

_A sad look flitted over the man's face. He shook his head. "I'm sorry, Reagan… he didn't even make it into the ambulance. He was probably dead by the time you got to him."_

Jamie woke slowly, his eyes already filled with tears. He rolled over, holding his sore ribs. If only he'd done something differently… if only he hadn't been there at the time. If something had changed, he wouldn't be in this mess…

~~BB~~

Jake thumped around, muttering angrily to himself. Andy sighed, annoyed.

"Jake, just sit down already. You're making me nervous." He yawned, then ducked as a glass shattered over his head.

"Shut up, you useless thug! I don't want to hear your voice!" Jake screamed.

Andy shrunk back, shooting a look towards Kevin who shrugged in response. Their self-proclaimed leader had become wilder and more terrifying as the hours grew. They both had tried to warn him on several occasions that because they had kidnapped a cop, the rest of the police force would be on them in no time. It was like Jake didn't even care, he was so hell-bent on getting his own revenge – revenge that he had plotted the moment he overheard that other officer talking to the brat as he crouched down in the alleyway like a sewer rat, straining to hear the verdict on his kid brother.

Cole watched silently from the chair he was sitting in. He knew Jake wouldn't stop until Jamie was dead, and it didn't matter if Jamie went mute. In fact, he was starting to think that the longer Jamie stayed silent, the worse Jake would become. He suppressed a shudder that tried to run down his spine.

"Kevin, go into the garage. Go get the gift we made for little Reagan, won't you? Take Cole with you."

Kevin stared warily at him, but quickly got up and hustled out the back door. Cole sighed and followed at a slower pace.

~~BB~~

Jamie stumbled from the bathroom, his muscles still aching, nerves twitching occasionally. He sunk down the wall to a sitting position on the floor. He didn't know how long he'd been there. He didn't know what time it was, or even what day it was. He slept off and on at all hours. The longer he was there, the more he doubted anyone would be able to find him. Or maybe they weren't even looking… he buried his face in his hands, trying to push that thought away.

'_Of course they're looking for you!'_ he thought angrily to himself. _'They have to be…'_

The door swung open. Jamie stood up as quickly as his body would allow, panic surging through him. Jake entered, smirking. This time, the other three hovered out in the hall. Jamie stumbled backwards as Jake shoved him roughly against the wall.

"What do you have to say, Reagan?" Jake snarled.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Jamie spat back. "Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"Stop playing dumb, Reagan!" Jake shouted, his eyes wild. "You know _exactly_ what you need say!"

"No!" Jamie shouted back, trying to push Jake away from him as Jake gripped his shirt. "It wasn't my fault!"

Jake growled, shoving him one more time. "You _will_ talk, Reagan… you will break eventually, and _then_ you will talk!"

Jamie glared at the insane man before him. Jake whipped around, stalking towards the door. Jamie let out the breath he didn't know he had been holding and started to relax…

Jake turned suddenly, running towards him, an inhuman scream tearing from his throat. Jamie stiffened, trying to dodge him, but he wasn't fast enough. Jake grabbed him, slamming him against the wall, the impact forcing the air out of his lungs. As he choked, gasping, Jamie twisted, trying to free himself. He kicked out with his foot, catching Jake on the shin. Jake snarled, jumping on him and forcing him to the ground. Jamie struggled, trying to throw his elbow into any part of Jake that he could reach. Jake just laughed.

"Reagan, you have so much to learn!" Jake mocked. Jamie growled, trying to twist out from under him. "Hold still, _Jamie_, you wouldn't want this breaking!"

Jamie stilled, confused. He clenched his teeth as something sharp jammed into his neck. Something cool seem to slide through his veins, chilling him. His muscles refused to work. Jake got off of him, rolling him over with his foot. Jamie's vision swam.

"What… what did you… do to… me?" Jamie mumbled, his voice weak. Jake just sneered.

"Come get our guest, boys."

Jamie wanted to struggle as three sets of hands lifted him, but he couldn't get his body to cooperate. He lost focus as his eyes threatened to close, but he forced them to stay open. They took him out of his small dungeon into another room. He squinted, taking in a box-shaped object on the far side of the new room they had dragged him into. His heart sped up.

"No…" he mumbled, trying to pull his limbs free with no success. "Please… no… I don't want to… go in there!"

The lid of the box lifted. He saw Jake's sneering face as Andy and Kevin heaved him into his tiny living space. Tears leaked unbidden from the corner of his eyes. He caught a glimpse of Cole's face as the blond started to close the lid.

"Please…" he begged him. "Don't… don't do it…"

He caught a tiny flash of regret in Cole's eyes before the lid closed, encasing him in darkness. He heard a clicking sound, knowing it was a lock. He fought against his body, but his body refused to move. He was already finding it harder to breathe…

~~BB~~

Cole stared at the hand-built box that sat on the other side of the room. He had been forced to sit there and wait. The muscle relaxant would wear off eventually; it was his job to listen, to determine when Reagan was ready to break. Then he had to go let Jake know.

He sighed to himself. He'd always hated this part, having to harden his own heart just so Jake could get what he wanted. This time, though, he was hoping to get a little something out of it as well.

~~BB~~

Jamie had tried to sleep, but every time he closed his eyes, he'd see the walls surrounding him close in on him. His eyes shot open, seeing the lid of his box just inches from his face. He hated being closed in. Hot tears kept leaking from his eyes.

It felt like he'd been in there for hours. Why weren't they coming back? He clenched his fists.

Surprise hit him as soon as he felt his fingers move. He tried moving his hands. Hope flared as his muscles started responding. He reached up, still weak, pressing against the lid. It didn't budge. He tried pressing against the wall to his right, but not even a cracking sound could be heard. He tried kicking…

"Let me out…" he mumbled. "Please… let me out…"

He could hear scuffling outside. He waited for the lid to lift, but there was nothing.

"Let me out, you bastard!" he shouted at whoever was standing out there. He heard snickering.

"Really, Reagan, you've got to ask nicely!"

Panic was flaring in his chest as he felt the air thicken. He shoved at the wall, hoping the wood would start cracking. He wanted out so badly. "Please… let me out…"

"There, wasn't that better? Are you ready to talk?"

Jamie stayed silent, tears running down his face.

"Then perhaps you need a little more time in there…"

Jamie's heart thumped painfully. "No! Please, I'll say whatever you want… just let me out!"

Jamie squinted as light hit his eyes. He gulped in a lungful of air greedily, springing out of the box. He landed on his knees on the cement. He stood shakily, attempting to push through the men surrounding him. Jake grabbed him as Jamie tried to throw a punch.

"I thought you were going to talk, Reagan!" Jake snarled, attempting to subdue the struggling man. He waved over Andy and Kevin, who grabbed Jamie, pulling him roughly out of the room. They yanked him down the hall, shoving him roughly into his dungeon. Jamie landed hard on his knees.

"I can't tell you what you want to hear!" Jamie screamed at him. "It wasn't my fault! I didn't kill your brother!"

"You had a hand in it, Reagan! You could have shot the man before he got to my brother!"

"There was no time! Why can't you understand that? I _ran_ out of _time_!"

"And so did my _brother_!" Jake screamed, slamming into Jamie. Jamie tried to block the fist flying at his face, only to receive the other in his stomach, injuring his already bruised ribs. The wind slammed out of him as he tried to curl up, prevented by the fact that Jake was straddling him. He tried to twist sideways, not noticing Jake's fist until it slammed into the side of his face. Lights burst in front of his eyes as he raised his arms to protect himself. He jerked as another punch landed on his lower back followed by another to his ribs. He was sure he felt something crack that time.

"Stop…" he wheezed.

The pressure eased off of his legs as Jake got up. Jamie curled painfully into a ball, his body shaking. He cried out, clenching his jaw as he was forced up onto his feet and shoved roughly into a chair. Andy tied his ankles to the legs of the chair while Kevin forced his arms behind him, tying his wrists together. Jamie grimaced, biting back a yelp as the movement jarred his ribs.

Jake leaned over him, gripping his face. "Fine, I don't care anymore… you're a stubborn little bastard who can't admit when he failed… you are going to _beg_ me for death when I'm through with you." He jabbed his knuckles into the bruised flesh around Jamie's ribs, pressing hard. Jamie's eyes watered, but he refused to make a sound as he glared back. Jake's face twisted into a mask of hatred.

"You just sit here and think for a little while. I'll be back for you, you can count on it." He jabbed the bruises one more time before stalking out of the room, his three thugs following him. The door slammed, the lock clicking into place.

Jamie took a shaky breath, letting his head fall back as he tried to keep the tears at bay.

~~BB~~

"We've got a name, Dad."

Frank's hand clenched around his phone. "Tell me, Danny."

"Jake Caulfield. He slipped up and left some of his own blood at the murder scene."

Frank frowned. "Danny, why does that name seem so familiar?"

Danny hesitated. "I put his father away a year ago for drug trafficking and the rape and murder of four women."

"So this might be a little more personal than just his young brother on Thursday night…" Frank sighed heavily. "Did you happen to get an address?"

"No. It's like he's gone off the face of the earth. His last known address burnt down three months ago, and there's no other record of him anywhere. There's also no connection to any of the men that are working for him… it's like they don't exist. We have no idea who they are. Dad, have _you_ heard anything yet?"

"No, son. Nothing. I'm still waiting for word." Frank swallowed thickly, fear for his youngest returning full force. "Keep trying, Danny. Keep me posted."

"I will, Dad."

Frank stared at the wall for a long time after he hung up the phone.

~~BB~~

Jamie cracked open his eyes as he heard the door opening, his head pounding and his ribs throbbing in time with his heartbeat. He followed Jake's path as he sauntered over, his eyes fearfully staring at the large fishing knife in his hand. Jake stopped in front of him, a look of interest on his face as he examined the blade, testing it with his thumb. Jamie's breathing picked up pace as Jake walked lazily around his chair, stopping behind him. He closed his eyes as he felt the flat part of the blade rest against the side of his neck.

"You know, Reagan… I've been wondering something. You've been here nearly a week already, did you know that?"

Jamie's eyes snapped open. "No… you're lying, it hasn't been that long…"

"You have no way of knowing that though, do you? It's been nearly a week, just believe me on this."

"I don't believe a word that comes out of your mouth." Jamie snapped. He regretted his tone as soon as he felt the sharpened edge prick the skin just under his jaw. He closed his eyes, praying the knife wouldn't move.

"Then you haven't wondered why you're still here? Why your precious family hasn't rescued you yet?" Jamie remained silent. Jake sneered, removing the knife. "What if I told you we got to them first?"

Jamie's eyes snapped open. "No… you're just saying that. You haven't done anything to them…"

"Oh, but what if we did? I mean, that_ was_ a pretty nice explosion, wasn't it Andy?" Jake smirked at his partner standing by the door. Andy gave a laugh in response.

"One of your best, Jake." he approved.

Jamie's eyes stung. It couldn't be true… his family _couldn't_ be dead…

The knife flashed as Jake ripped open Jamie's shirt, exposing his bruised flesh. Jake's eyes lit up at the blue and purple bruises around Jamie's ribs. He caressed them with the knife point.

"I do a good job, don't I?" Jake applauded himself, earning another laugh from his cohorts. Jamie's jaw clenched. The edge of the blade rested on his skin just above his bellybutton. Jake leaned closer to him. "Would you beg to die if you knew you had no one to go home to?"

"I still don't believe you!" Jamie ground out, hissing as the blade nicked his skin. The mask of hatred was back on Jake's face.

"You're a tough one to crack, Reagan, I'll give you that." Jake muttered, glaring at his prisoner. Jamie wanted to shy away from the cold, calculating look in his eyes. Jake smiled coldly as he ran the point of the blade over Jamie's chest. Jamie could feel little droplets of blood oozing out of the tiny cuts. He tried to squirm out of the way. Jake let out a laugh.

"Where are you going to go, Reagan? And you might want to be careful, one little slip could mean one great big disaster!"

Jamie stopped his movements, knowing that Jake was right. His chest and stomach were stinging, little droplets of blood running thin rivers to soak into the waistband of his jeans. Jake sneered at the look of pain in his eyes, taking the knife away. He leaned forwards, resting his hand on Jamie's chest. He wiped away some of the blood, his hand almost gentle.

Jamie couldn't stop the muffled cry as Jake pressed his hand roughly onto one of the deeper cuts. "You will regret the day you crossed me, Reagan." he whispered, leaning close to his ear. "You're going to wish that you'd never been born." Pressing on the cut one more time, he pushed away from Jamie, sneering as he sauntered towards the door, ushering his cohorts out ahead of him. Jamie sighed, clenching his tied fists as the door slammed shut.

"Help me…" he muttered tearfully. "Someone, please help me… I can't do this alone…"

~~BB~~

"Cole."

Cole jumped as Jake snuck up behind him. "What?"

Jake leered at him. "He's almost about to break. I can tell."

Cole stared at him wearily. He could almost sense what was coming next. He shook his head. "No, Jake. He's not ready yet."

"Trying to protect your toy, Cole?" Jake sneered. "He's about to break. I need you to finish him."

"Jake, I don't…"

"So you've said a million times. Just get in there."

Cole swallowed at the snarl in Jake's voice. "Fine." he agreed, grabbing the key to the basement room. Shooting a hard look at Jake, he stalked down the basement steps. Unlocking the door, he pushed it open, stepping inside. He slowly leaned against it, snapping it shut behind him. Jamie's head shot up at the sound. Cole walked over to him, staring down at him, arms crossed. Jamie tried glaring, but the pain in his eyes made it look more like a pleading glance. Cole's heart thumped in sympathy, but he hardened his face as he glared back. He was afraid that Jake was right.

~~BB~~

Jamie stared at Cole, feeling a bit nervous with the way Cole stared at him, like he was trying to see through him. "What do you want?" he croaked out, his voice thick.

Cole smirked as he circled the chair. "You ever thought about being touched by another man, Reagan?"

Jamie's eyes widened. He tried to lean away from him. Cole snorted.

"Relax, Reagan. I like women, just like you do."

"Then why are you here?" Jamie wheezed, trying to get his heart to stop jumping around as he relaxed his muscles.

Cole sat on the floor a few feet away from Jamie. "Because, no matter how often I try to tell Jake that I don't fall that way, he's got it in his head that that's what I do." Cole shrugged. "To tell you the truth," he smirked, "I think he's got his own latent feelings that he's too afraid to admit to." Jamie just looked at him incredulously. "Whatever, Reagan. I'm not going to do anything to you."

"So, why are you here?" Jamie repeated.

Cole sighed. "He thinks you're close to breaking. He thinks I can finish the job."

Jamie tried to swallow the lump in his throat. Jake might actually be right. "Does…that… usually finish the job?"

"I wouldn't know. I've only done it once, back when I first joined Jake's group. I was scared of him, and just… I hated myself afterwards and vowed never to do it again. I fake it, tell him the job's done. It's not hard to pull off… he's usually tortured them enough that they've either retreated into their own minds, or they're already begging for death. You're tough, Reagan, but he's not finished with you yet. He doesn't need me to do this, and he knows it. He's just trying to give himself time to think."

"I still don't understand why you're here, then. Why do you care?"

Cole regarded him seriously. "I'm not a killer, Jamie. I fell into the group because of the drugs, and once you're in, that's it. He's insane, but I can't leave… I can only hope that one day someone takes him out. That's why I stand back, let the others do the dirty work. I observe, but I just can't get involved… I don't feel the way they do."

"Why don't _you_ do it? Why don't _you_ take him out?"

Cole smirked. "I would, but Dumb and Dumber are just as insane as Jake is. I wouldn't stand a chance."

Jamie sighed, tears threatening to fall. "I'm screwed…" Cole was suddenly in his face, gripping his chin in a vise-like grip. "Hey… that hurts… back off!"

"Don't you give up, Reagan! I'm trying to keep you alive, here!"

"Fine job you're doing, then!" Jamie snapped.

"I do my best to stall him. I can't keep him off forever, but if you would just stay _quiet_…"

"What good does that do?" Jamie snapped again. "No matter what I do, he attacks me. I can't hold out forever… I don't want to…"

"Don't. Don't say that. I know you don't want to give up."

"I can't keep going… and if it came down to it… _you'd_ kill me, too."

Cole let go of Jamie's face, stepping back. A thoughtful look crossed his features. "Yes, you're right. If it meant my own life, I probably _would_ take yours."

Jamie looked at him with a renewed sense of fear. "Get out." he snapped, his voice like ice.

Cole glanced at his own watch. "Fine. I've been in here long enough anyway to put on a good show. Keep your mouth shut, Reagan." Cole reached behind Jamie, untying his wrists, then working on his feet. "It wouldn't look real if you were still in the chair when they get back, Reagan." he smirked, answering Jamie's silent question. He stood, turning on his heel and hurrying towards the door, his fingers playing with a small rectangular object in his jacket pocket.

Jamie glared at his retreating back. The door slammed shut. Jamie squeezed his eyes shut as a sobs threatened to break loose.

~~BB~~

"It is done." Cole snapped as he stalked towards the front door, slamming it open as he stepped outside into the sunshine. Jake grinned after him. It was time the Reagan's fell and Jamie would be the one to do it. Take out the bottom block, and watch the rest tumble.

~~TBC~~


	9. Chapter 8

Run and Hide

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything to do with the show - if it's recognizable, it's not mine. I just borrow them, take 'em apart, then give them back after trying to put them back together. ^_^

**A/N:** Sorry if this is a late update; I'm stretching the time between updates as I am not yet finished with the story - I thought I was, but I couldn't just wrap it up and tie it with a neat little bow. I don't make things easy by any means LOL. ;) And I do have to work and contribute to life, too. ;)

So yeah, okay... I don't know where this stuff comes from. I like psychology. I like the inner workings of how the mind works. And apparently I'm sadistic. (O_o) Oh yeah, and the next few chapters are making me nervous. (O_O)

So go ahead and take a look... just remember, if you kill the author you can't receive any more updates... ;)

* * *

Chapter 8

"I've received word, Danny."

"Dad?" Danny asked, feeling a sense of excitement break through the gloom surrounding him. "Then we've found a way to keep him alive!"

"Maybe… don't place everything you've got on this. We still have to get to Jamie ourselves."

"I know, Dad. We're working on a location. Another one of his cronies was identified today… Kevin Sheffield. He _does_ have an address, but he hasn't lived there in ages. Jackie's working on his parents as we speak."

"Good. Keep me posted."

~~BB~~

Jamie startled awake, unsure of what woke him. He had gone back to his usual spot under the window once he'd been released from the chair. He spotted Andy standing in front of him. He rolled away, quickly getting to his feet in a crouching position, his ribs tugging painfully. He shrunk back as Jake stepped out from behind him. He had been surrounded, and hadn't even realized it. He stared at the object in Jake's hand.

"Hold him."

Jamie tried to lunge away, but Andy was too quick for him. He and Kevin each grabbed an arm in a tight grip. Jamie struggled, trying to pull his arms away. Jake kicked him, connecting with the bruise that had already formed. Jamie cried out, painful fire erupting under his skin…

"You're weak, Reagan." Jake sneered, readying the weapon. Jamie's watering eyes stared fearfully at the thick leather whip in his hands, following Jake as he circled them. "You're nothing. You're dirt under my feet…"

The whip rained down on Jamie's back, snapping harshly against his skin. His body jerked forward as he held his tongue, his eyes streaming. The whip snapped again, catching his chest, stinging the newly scabbed cuts from the knife. A grunt escaped his lips as his fists clenched. The whip snapped again and again, each time Jamie's resolve wavering. White hot pain streaked through his body. He found it harder to breathe, his breath coming in ragged gasps. His brain fought to stay alert. He barely felt the floor under his body as Andy and Kevin let go. Jamie shivered, unconsciousness threatening, as the whip rained down…

~~BB~~

Cole stared, his face a solid, emotionless mask. The only thing that gave away the fear was the slight shaking of his hands. He shoved them in his jacket pockets to hide them. He watched Jake's manic face as he whipped the youngest Reagan over and over. He watched as Jamie's body fell, the man trying futilely to curl away from his punishment. He watched as Jamie struggled to breathe…

His fists clenched in his pockets; he couldn't just stand still. He strode over to Jake, grabbing his arm before he could bring the whip down onto the barely conscious man at his feet.

"Back off, Cole! He'll still be good for your later use!"

"Shut up, Jake. You're going to kill him, and you know it! How are you going to complete your plan if he's dead?"

Jake turned to glare at him. "Damn it, Cole. Unfortunately, you're right." He knelt down next to the quivering body. "Tell me, Reagan… what are you?"

Jamie's unfocused eyes squeezed shut as his jaw clenched. "I'm…"

"Yes?" Jake murmured gleefully.

"I'm weak… I'm nothing…" he mumbled, praying that Jake would leave him alone, having heard what he wanted.

An evil smile broke over Jake's face. He quirked an eyebrow. "Exactly, Reagan. See, was that so hard? Rest now, Reagan. You've got another show later."

Cole swallowed thickly, his hand clenching around the small rectangular object in his jacket pocket. It looked like Jamie would follow the path of Jake's other unfortunate victims… he could only hope he was in time…

~~BB~~

Jackie hung up the phone, a triumphant smile adorning her lips. She reached for the phone again, about to dial a number; it rang just as her fingers touched it…

~~BB~~

Danny entered his father's house, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "Dad?" he called. "Grandpa?"

"Living room, Danny."

Danny entered the living room to find his father in his chair, reading the paper. Henry was in the other chair, staring at the TV but not really seeing it. "Hi." he murmured softly, taking a seat on the couch. His father lowered the paper, giving him a stern look. "What's wrong?"

"You were supposed to keep me informed, Danny."

"Dad, we just got the information… Kevin's parents said he had fallen in with a bad crowd and moved out a year and a half ago. They refused to say where. Their little angel would _never_ do something as bad as _killing_ or _kidnapping_." Danny muttered sarcastically. "We showed them the pictures of the man we found in the woods…"

Frank nodded. He knew all too well the use of shock value to get information. He hated it, but sometimes it was necessary. "Did you find an address?"

"They didn't know exactly where but they thought that he had moved to an area behind that old industrial site."

"That area's abandoned now. No one's willing to stay there since the reports of poisoning through the ground water leaking into the water system. The noise chased people away, too. It's set to be demolished in a couple of months."

"Exactly. It's perfect for hiding someone, and if nothing else, we could get them on squatting."

Frank smirked. "Did you check it out?"

Danny nodded. "Yes… it's empty, Dad. There's no movement anywhere, no vehicles… no signs of life."

Frank stared at his son, a lump forming in his throat. He shared a scared look with his father. "Danny…"

Danny lowered his eyes. "I know, Dad… that was our best shot, but we're not giving up. Jackie's still at the precinct, and I'm going to go back as well. I just wanted to tell you personally…"

Frank nodded, hope fading fast. "Thank you, Danny. If only we…"

He was interrupted by Danny's cellphone ringing. Danny reached for it without even looking at it. "It's probably Jackie." he said, flipping it open. "Reagan."

"Nice to hear your voice again, Reagan."

Danny sat up. "Who the hell…"

"What, you don't remember me? I'm hurt!"

Danny clenched his phone in his fist, shooting a look at his stunned father and grandfather. "Jake?"

"Ah, finally the old brain clicks in."

"How did you get my number?"

A sigh. "Look at your phone, moron." Danny frowned, taking a quick glance at the screen. His eyes widened. He flashed his phone at his father. His father looked just as stunned to see Jamie's number across the screen.

"Where's Jamie?" he demanded, his voice hard, motioning for his father to call Jackie and get her to put a trace on Jamie's phone.

"Put me on speaker, first. You don't really think I trust you, do you?"

Danny motioned for his father to wait. "What are you talking about?"

"You'll get your precious brother's phone traced. If you put me on speaker, I can hear what's going on around you."

Danny clenched his teeth, suppressing a frustrated snort. He motioned to his father to continue, mouthing 'kitchen' and 'close the door' to him. "Fine, Jake. I'll put you on speaker." he replied, giving a look to his father who nodded in understanding. He already had the phone in hand and was dialing Jackie. He quickly walked into the kitchen, closing the door to explain the situation.

Danny pressed the button for speakerphone, motioning for his grandfather to keep quiet. His father wandered back into the living room, pointing at the kitchen, meaning that he had left Jackie alone to put the trace on. He wanted to hear what this bastard wanted.

"You're on speaker."

"Good." Jake's voice came through sounding small and tinny, but just as menacing. "You Reagan's are all alike, aren't you? It took a long time to break him…"

Danny swallowed the lump in his throat. "What are you talking about?"

"When you put my father away, Reagan, you kept at him until he caved. I don't really care, mind you. He was a drunken loser that beat us and killed my mother, it's not like I actually liked the guy… but you never gave up. Your weak little brother couldn't save the only person in the world that was important to me… I had to do it, Reagan. I _had_ to break him."

Danny clenched his fists. "If you hurt him…" he growled, feeling his father's hand on his shoulder. His grandfather joined them on the couch, offering what support he could.

Jake laughed. "Oh, that's an understatement, Reagan. But he was a tough nut to crack. Like you, he's stubborn. He's tough, though he doesn't look it right now."

Danny felt the bile rise in his throat at the audible sneer in Jake's voice. "I swear Caulfield…" he stopped, feeling his father squeeze his shoulder in warning. He breathed deeply, trying to calm himself. "Let me talk to him…"

"I don't think he's in much of a talking mood right now… but I assure you, he's very much alive. For now."

Danny's jaw clenched. "Why, Jake? Why was this so important to you?"

"That boy was my brother! He was the only good thing I had!" Jake screamed into the phone.

"Jamie didn't kill him!" Danny ground out. "He wasn't around… he couldn't have stopped…"

"He wasn't around? Is that what he told you? So much for trust in the family." Jake snickered.

Danny glanced at his father, frowning. "What are you talking about, Jake?"

"He was there, Reagan. He pulled his gun. He could have fired… but he was too slow. Then when he had a chance to save my brother, he didn't try hard enough…"

Danny shook his head. "No… you're lying, Jake. If Jamie had the chance, he would have taken it. He would have fired his gun."

"Well, rookie mistakes, I guess." Jake mocked. "Now _my_ brother is dead, thanks to yours. I think this is only fair, don't you?"

"What is?" Danny stuttered, panic rising. "What are you talking about, Jake?"

"An eye for an eye? Your brother for mine? I'd say a trade, but since I'll never get Toby back…"

"Jake, just stop and think about what you are doing…" Danny tried reasoning with him, his hands cold and shaking. He could feel his grandfather tense up beside him, feel his father's hand gripping his shoulder…

Jake's voice carried away from the phone. "Hey Andy… go ahead."

The Reagan's stiffened as they heard something electric in the background, followed by a small moan they knew had to have come from Jamie…

"Oh, _turn _up the_ heat _already, Andy… you're being a pussy!" Jake growled.

A snap of electricity was heard, followed by a scream… sobbing… another cry of pain…

"Stop…" a tiny voice mumbled from far away… "Don't, please… no more…"

"Jamie…" Danny whispered, his brain going fuzzy.

Another scream…

Danny startled as he heard his own name. "Danny…" a voice sobbed. "Stay away… don't bother coming for me… it's too dangerous…" Jamie's voice was cut off by another cry of pain…

"It won't be long now." Jake's voice snarled menacingly. "Bye, Reagan. Enjoy your life without your brother in it."

The three Reagan's stared at the phone, hearing nothing but the dial tone, Jamie's screams still ringing in their ears. It was only when Danny reached for his phone with a trembling hand that he realized he had tears streaming down his face. His grandfather was hunched over, face buried in his hands. His father…

"Dad…" Danny said, reaching for him. Frank's face was a picture of horror and pain.

"My son…" he mumbled. "My baby boy…"

"Dad!" Danny gently shook him, heart tearing in two as he watched the tears fall from his father's eyes. "You left Jackie on the other line, didn't you?"

Frank seemed to snap awake. "Danny? Yes… in the kitchen…"

Danny raced for the phone. "Jack?"

"Danny?"

"Did you get anything?"

"Yes, Danny. What was that noise? Was that Jamie?" Jackie sounded stunned and tearful, her voice thick.

Danny swallowed. "Torture… Jackie, what did you get?"

Suddenly, Jackie was all business. "I had been about to call you Danny, right before your father called me. We didn't go far enough into the abandoned residential area."

"What do you mean, we didn't go far enough in?" Danny was only partially aware of his father and grandfather standing behind him.

"There are two old abandoned farmhouses, one closer to the residential area, and one a few miles away. I had forgotten they were there, but they're even better for squatters as no one would think to look there."

"Which means they're better for hiding someone."

"Exactly. Danny, the trace I did on Jamie's phone came from that area… the first farmhouse. And not more than two minutes ago, I just received inside word that it _is_ the old farmhouse."

"Jackie, thank you! Suit up, let the group know. We're going in. Stealth mode, so they don't know we're coming." He quickly hung up, turning to his anxious elders. "We've got him, Dad."

"I'm going with you." Frank spoke, his voice hard.

"Dad…"

"No, Danny, I'm going."

Danny knew there was no arguing with him. "Alright. We have to stop back at the precinct. My group has been in on this since day one, and the Twelfth will want in on it as well."

"I'm already putting a call through." Frank said, pulling out his cellphone.

Henry stopped his grandson. "Danny… whatever you find…"

Danny hugged his grandfather. "I'll bring him home, Gramps. No matter what, he's coming home."

Henry nodded, throat clogged. He watched as his two family members barged out the door to Danny's waiting car.

"Hold on, Jamie." he mumbled. "They're coming for you. Just hold on."

~~BB~~

"Jake, we've really done it now." Andy mumbled in a panic. Kevin fidgeted nervously beside him. Cole stood off to the side, glaring at the floor.

"Forget it." Jake snarled, a wild look on his face. He didn't even look connected with reality anymore. "He's dead… that's all that matters."

"Yeah, but they're cops." Kevin muttered, shooting a nervous look at the unmoving body on the floor. "They'll be all over us in no time! We have to get out of here!"

"I had them put me on speakerphone so that I could hear if they called for a trace. They wouldn't risk it."

Andy shot Kevin an incredulous look. Did Jake really believe that? Kevin shook his head, muttering in Andy's ear.

"He'll believe anything now. His so-called logic is the _only_ logic according to him." Andy nodded in agreement.

"We have to get out of here."

"Agreed."

Jake was pacing, muttering to himself. His head snapped up as he heard scuffling. "Get your asses back here, morons! We have to bury the body! We can't leave evidence!"

"We already _have_, you idiot!" Kevin screamed back.

Jake was panicking, muttering incoherently. He didn't see his dead man try to roll over, or Cole perk up at a sound near the top of the stairs, nor did he see the blond streak lunge at him. He landed on the ground on his face.

"Snap out of it, Jake!" Cole shouted. "Let's get out of here before the cops show up!"

Jake let himself be pulled up and shoved towards the stairs. They reached the top of the landing…

There were shouts, lights flashing in their eyes… red and blue lights outside…

Jake snarled, lunging towards the only figure he could see, the only one closest to him…

Danny gave a yelp as he suddenly found himself tumbling backwards down the front steps. He hit the dirt, grateful the fall wasn't too steep. He blocked the hits from the murderous redhead on top of him. He landed his own hate-filled punches as he tried to reach for his gun, which had fallen out of his hand. It was too far away. Jake lunged for it…

They scrambled for it. An elbow hit Danny's face, snapping his head back. He grabbed his jaw, trying to blink away the lights…

A shot rang out… another followed milliseconds behind it…

Danny jerked, expecting the pain. He looked up, noticing his father's smoking gun, Jackie's gun following suit. He scrambled upright, noticing the body at his feet.

Jake was very much dead, two spots of red growing and meshing together on the front of his shirt. He watched as two of the men were hauled away, both of them staring angrily at the ground. The blond man was being led to another car. He caught Danny's eye, giving him a short nod. Danny gave a tense nod back.

"Nice shot, Sir." Jackie smiled, holstering her gun. Frank gave a tense smile in return.

"You too, Detective." Frank praised her. He quickly turned to Danny. "Are you alright, son?"

"I'm fine, Dad." he muttered, feeling his split lip. "Nothing broken." Frank nodded, resting a hand on his shoulder. Danny motioned to a couple of uniforms to stand guard over the body as they made their way into the house.

"I found Jamie!" Renzulli's voice shouted from somewhere downstairs, a silent command sending uniforms flying down the stairs, EMT's following behind them now that the house was cleared.

Danny's heart lodged in his throat. He knew he was running, but the descent seemed to move in slow motion…

Frank's breath stopped as his heart pounded painfully in his chest. He followed his oldest, staying right on his heels…

Danny stopped in the doorway, Frank running into him. Uniforms turned towards them, shooting looks of sympathy as they moved aside…

They moved closer, Frank's hand on Danny's shoulder for support. Renzulli hunched over his partner, speaking to him, almost begging…

"Dad…" Danny mumbled, staring at the mess that was his brother. He collapsed to his knees, taking in the fear in Renzulli's eyes, the tears running down his face. He felt his father kneel next to him, a hand constantly on his back.

Jamie was covered in blood, cuts, and welts. There was a dried patch of blood on the side of his head just above his temple that looked like it was days old. A bruise was starting on the left side of his face. The blood soaked into his jeans, the cuts still oozing at an alarming rate. Bruises littered his ribs, a few visible lumps indicating that some were cracked or even broken; more bruises covered his lower abdomen. There were two-pronged burns on his chest and stomach, likely from the taser that Danny had heard earlier. His wrists contained rope burn, the flesh on his arms exposing tiny cuts. His left wrist was still oozing blood from a much deeper cut. Danny guessed that his back was just as bad judging by the way Jamie was tensed up, as if he were trying to make himself float above the floor...

Danny took a shuddering breath, leaning forward to gaze into his brother's face. He placed a hand softly on his cheek. "Jamie…" he murmured. "Jamie, open your eyes…"

Jamie's eyelids fluttered, but didn't open. His breathing was shallow and ragged. His hand twitched and Danny grabbed it, squeezing gently. He received a weak squeeze in return, a wordless thank you…

"Danny… son, we have to let the medics get in here…" Frank whispered softly, also reaching for his son's hand. "Jamie," he murmured, "Hang on son, we've got you. You've just got to hang on…"

They reluctantly stepped away as the EMT's moved in. They gripped each other for support, not noticing the band of uniforms and detectives surrounding them, offering their own support as they solemnly and silently watched one of their own placed on a stretcher. Jackie placed her hand on Danny's arm, tears leaking from her eyes as she watched the young man she considered a friend lie on the stretcher, struggling to breathe.

Danny closed his eyes as the EMT's wheeled Jamie past him. He couldn't stand to watch the tears leaking from under his baby brother's closed lids as tears ran from his own…

~~TBC~~


	10. Chapter 9

Run and Hide

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. I'm just borrowing the characters for a while and I promise to give them back later on.

**A/N: **Thanks to all for reading and for your thoughtful reviews! :) I appreciate it. :)

Okay, so I've decided that I should stop dragging my feet and get this posted, even if I'm scared to do it. Warning - you may need a tissue. -_-

* * *

Chapter 9

Danny sat in the waiting room, staring at his feet. He still wore his vest; there were stains on his sleeves, both from the dirt when he was wrestling with Jake and from Jamie's blood. His father and Jackie had been detained a little longer because of having fired their weapons but the investigation wouldn't take long. Jackie had declined Danny's offer to wait for her and drive her to the hospital; she insisted that this should be family time and she didn't want to intrude, so Danny drove up alone. He pulled his phone, his hand shaking. Swallowing nervously, he dialed his grandfather.

Henry picked up after only one ring.

"Hello?"

"You were sitting on the phone, weren't you?"

"Well, what do you expect, Danny?" Henry muttered. "Are you and Francis okay? Did you find Jamie? Is… is he okay?" Henry stuttered the last bit, his voice going quiet with worry.

"We're okay, Gramps. We found Jamie, too…" Danny trailed off, his throat tightening.

Henry's heart thundered upon hearing Danny's hesitation. "Danny… what's wrong with him?"

"It's… it's more what _isn't_ wrong with him… I've seen a lot, but that…" Danny's voice cut off as a sob threatened to break lose. "They tortured him…"

Henry sunk down onto the couch, his legs unable to hold him up. He gripped the phone tightly, hearing the plastic creaking in his hand. "I have to come down there, I need… I need to see my grandson…"

"Grandpa, you can't drive like this… you sound like you're going to pass out. I have to phone Linda and Erin… I'll get Linda to pick you and Erin up and bring you here."

"Just hurry, Danny."

Danny listened, stunned, to the sudden departure of his grandfather. The dial tone buzzed in his ear, reminding him to hang up. He quickly dialed Linda.

"Hello?"

"Babe… we found Jamie… he's not doing well." Danny muttered, tears filling his eyes as he heard his wife's voice. He heard her sudden intake of breath.

"Is… will he be okay?" she asked, her voice shaking.

Danny ran a hand through his hair. "God, I hope so, but I just… I really don't know, Lin."

"He's a fighter, Danny. He'll fight through this." Linda assured him.

"I know. You're right, babe." Danny replied, trying to sound confident. "Look, I need you to pick up Erin and my grandfather, okay? Don't bring the boys… they shouldn't see him like this. Let Nicki look after them."

"Alright, but they want to see their uncle too, you know."

"I know, Lin… but he's not in good shape. Let's give it a few days first…"

Linda paused. "Okay, Danny. If you think that's best." she replied softly. "I'll see you soon."

"Bye, Lin."

Danny slowly closed his phone, hesitating to call his sister. She had been hounding him several times a day, every day to see how close he was in finding Jamie, until he finally snapped and said that he would call her the next time something came up. He hadn't. This would be the first time she'd heard his voice in two full days… and it was to tell her that her baby brother may not live to see the next sunrise. He sighed tearfully, finally punching in her number.

"Hello?"

"Nicki?"

"Uncle Danny? Where are you? Is Uncle Jamie okay?"

"Nic, I really need to talk to your mother. Could you please put her on?"

"Okay, but is Uncle Jamie…"

"He'll… he's okay. Please, put your mother on?"

"Sure." Nicki replied, her voice telling him exactly what she thought of him at that moment, and that she didn't believe a word he said. He could hear her talking to Erin in the background.

"She's upset with you."

"I could tell."

"So am I."

"I can tell…" he trailed off. "I'm sorry, Erin. I didn't mean to hurt you… I just... it was too much pressure, you know? He's _my_ baby brother too, and I was doing the best I could and you hounding me wasn't helping anything."

"I know, Danny. I'm sorry, I should have just let you work. I know you were doing your best. You've found him, right?"

"Yes… we're at the hospital now."

"Is he going to be okay?"

Danny paused, unsure of what to say. "I don't know, Erin. I really don't. They're still working on him now… but he just didn't look good when we got to him."

Erin choked back a sob. "I'm coming down there…"

"I've got Linda coming for you. She'll leave the boys with Nicki and then you two need to pick up Gramps… he's probably tearing his hair out by now."

"Shouldn't the kids see their uncle, Danny? Especially if…" she trailed off.

"If… if it comes to that, we'll gather them. Right now, it's just better that they don't see him. It's really bad, Erin…"

"Okay… Nicki's not going to take this very well, you know. I'll blame you, okay?"

A ghost of a smiled lifted Danny's lips. "Do whatever you have to do, Erin. Linda should be there soon."

"I'll see you soon, Danny." she replied, hanging up.

Danny stuffed his phone back into his pocket, paying no attention. He leaned back in the chair, his eyes closing.

"Danny?"

His eyes shot open again, landing on his father, who was also still wearing his vest. "Dad, how'd it go?"

"Cut and dry, nothing to it." his father answered, waving it off. "How's Jamie doing?"

"They're still working on him." Danny paused, looking down. "Dad… they nearly lost him on the way here. One of the EMT's told me as they were leaving. They got him back immediately… but it was close. Too close."

Frank sat, running his hand over his face, body weary and eyes tired and stinging. "He's gone through a lot. His _body_ has gone through a lot… it doesn't surprise me that it would try to shut down…"

Danny stared at a spot on the wall. He knew his father was right, but it pained him to hear it. His normally strong brother losing his fight… the thought tore at his soul.

"Dad! Danny!"

"Francis!"

Danny immediately stood, catching Linda in his arms. She hugged him tightly as he buried his face into her hair.

Frank caught Erin in a tight hug, reaching over her shoulder to give Henry's shoulder a squeeze. "We got him, Pop. Like we promised." Henry gave him a watery smile.

"Where is he? Are they still working on him?" Erin asked tearfully.

"Yes." Danny replied. "He's been in there for over two hours…"

A tense silence hung over the family. Danny caught his father's eye, who nodded.

"Um…" Danny started nervously.

"What is it, honey?" Linda asked, still stroking the back of his head tenderly.

"You should know, just so it isn't a surprise… they lost him in the ambulance on the way here…"

There was a stunned pause, broken only by the sob Erin couldn't hold back. Henry stared at his feet, eyes watering. Linda just held Danny tighter.

"They brought him back right away… but it's touch and go…"

"What happened to him?" Henry asked, his voice barely audible.

"Grandpa, I don't think…"

"Danny, I have to know!" Henry spoke, his voice harsh. Danny stared at him, worried, until Frank nodded at him to continue. Danny sighed, still not liking the idea.

"The bastards tortured him." Danny ground out through clenched teeth, hearing the shocked gasps from his wife, sister and grandfather. His father was staring at the ground, eyes watering.

"Taser, definitely." Henry spit out. Danny nodded.

"Looked like a knife was used at some point. It also looked like he had recently been whipped…" he stopped, hearing his sister start crying. "Erin…"

"Continue, Danny…" she sobbed. "Grandpa wants to know…"

Henry looked ashamed beneath his tears. "No… _don't_ continue, Danny. It was wrong of me to ask in the first place." He pulled his granddaughter into a hug. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I should have just waited until he was alone before I asked."

Another subdued silence followed, each member of the family staring off into space.

~~BB~~

He could hear voices… were they talking to him? They seemed to be asking questions… noises buzzed around him…

He tried to cringe away from something that was poking his skin but his body wouldn't respond… tears pricked at his eyes… he just wanted to move...

Why couldn't he open his eyes?

He wanted to cry, to yell at them to stop, but he was trapped in his own mind…

No one could hear him…

No one could see the pain…

~~BB~~

Danny's head shot up as an exhausted looking doctor stepped out from the emergency room doors. He nodded at them.

"Reagan family?"

They immediately stood. "How is he?" Frank snapped out. He'd been getting more and more agitated as the hours wore on.

The doctor put up his hand. "He's stable, but he's not out of the woods yet. We had to perform emergency surgery on him. He had several cracked ribs, two broken. One had pierced his lung, which was why he was struggling to breathe when he was brought in. Thankfully it wasn't punctured, so it wasn't too hard to repair. It will heal over time. We're going to keep him on a ventilator to ease the pressure on his lungs. He's breathing fairly well on his own, though, so this is just precautionary. It will give his lung time to heal. We've set the broken ribs, and they too will heal. We'll keep them wrapped. The numerous cuts were fairly shallow, only a few needed a couple of stitches. The welts we have to keep an eye on as most turned into open wounds. He's at a very great risk of infection. His head wound was already infected, but we cleaned it up and will keep an eye on it. There is some deep muscle bruising that will heal slowly. He's lost a lot of blood, so we're putting him on transfusions until his red cell count is back up. There was some minor kidney damage to his right kidney, due to physical abuse and he's very dehydrated, but I'm confident that will heal as well. We're giving him lots of fluids to flush his system, and we'll be watching closely." The doctor paused, giving the stunned family a sympathetic look. "I understand he flat lined in the ambulance?"

Danny listened to the doctor in a daze. He could hear both Erin and Linda trying to muffle their tears, but his focus was on the words the doctor was telling them. He nodded, still feeling stunned, to confirm.

The doctor sighed. "It was less than a minute from what the paramedics tell me, and he has good brain activity, but only when he wakes will we be able to tell if there is any resounding damage. It is likely that his memory will be fuzzy, and it is always possible that he'll suffer from minor short term memory loss, though therapy can help him regain some of it back." The doctor gave them another sympathetic look. "He's been through hell, and I am amazed at his strength. I can tell he's a fighter. Though his body is weak, don't give up hope. Just don't expect a miracle, either. It could go either way at this point."

Frank nodded, dazed. "When can we see him?"

"He's in recovery. I'll let one of you in, but everyone else is going to have to wait until we can move him into a private room. We'll see where we're at in a few hours. Is there someone who wants to go in?"

"Dad, you go." Danny spoke immediately. He had been watching his father, unnoticed. His heart broke as every minute went by; the wait was killing them all, but his father was breaking. He wouldn't rest until he had seen his youngest son.

"No Danny, you should…"

"Dad, Danny is right." Erin interrupted. Henry and Linda nodded in agreement. "Go. You need to see him, and he needs you even if he isn't awake yet."

Frank nodded slowly. He was torn between the urge to run past the doctor into the recovery room or to run out the exit instead. The fear ate at him, but he knew the need to see his boy would win out. He stood, approaching the doctor. "Take me to my son."

~~BB~~

Frank stood in the doorway of the recovery room. There had to be a mistake. There was no way that broken man was his son… the pale man, hooked up to monitors that beeped quietly, IV's that dripped life-saving liquids into his veins, the tube running from the machine behind the bed that forced air into his lungs…

Frank took a shuddering breath and slowly stepped closer until he was standing at the edge of the bed. He stared at the angry red welts that ran across Jamie's chest, disappearing beneath the tightly wrapped bandage protecting his ribs, the bandage that ran down the middle of his chest, covering the cut that the surgeon had to make, the one that would likely leave the biggest scar. Cuts covered his skin, some tiny and already scabbed, a few larger and deeper, the visible stitching standing out on his pale skin. His left wrist was bandaged, hiding the cut that had scared Frank the most, the one that wouldn't stop bleeding…

Frank leaned over, placing a gentle kiss on his youngest child's forehead. He carefully took his hand, avoiding the needles, afraid of disrupting the liquid that was saving his son's life. "Jamie…" he murmured softly. "Don't leave us, son… keep fighting. We're all here with you. We love you, Jamie. Hold on to us… we're not leaving you." He heard a sound, turning to the door. The doctor was back, watching sympathetically but also motioning for him to leave. His time had already run out. "I have to go, son, but I'll be back. You just keep fighting." He leaned down to give his son's forehead another kiss, briefly placing his own forehead on his son's. It worried him that his skin was already too warm. He brushed his fingers against his cheek before reluctantly turning to follow the doctor out of the room.

~~BB~~

What was that? It was so familiar… a deep voice, calming... his jumbled nerves easing…

Something gentle brushed his face. He wanted to turn into it but couldn't make his head move. He settled for concentrating on the sensation instead. He wanted to whimper when the feeling moved away, but something was blocking his throat…

Tears pricked at his eyes when all he heard was silence…

~~BB~~

Danny sat at his brother's bedside, the hours slipping away. Jamie had been moved into a private room several hours after he had been operated on. He was being watched closely, the doctor assigned to him checking in on him at least a couple of times per hour, if not more often. The nurses were constantly in and out of the room. For the first time since they had found him, Danny was grateful that Jamie wasn't just sleeping as there would be absolutely no rest for him with the constant traffic in and out of his room.

Except that it had already been two days since then.

He stared at Jamie until his eyes stung and he was forced to blink. He couldn't keep his eyes off the bandage on his head, the cuts on his chest, the bruise on the left side of his face. His anger grew looking at each injury… the more he stared, the more he wished he had taken care of Jake himself. He sighed; there was no use getting angry. Jake was dead, the others arrested. They would be put away for a long time. There was nothing more to be done except concentrate on his brother.

Jamie had been taken off of the ventilator a day ago. He had been breathing normally on his own, the repaired lung having already started healing with the eased pressure and little exertion. The visible bruises were turning from a deep blue to a purple under his skin. The welts were still an angry inflamed red.

Danny sighed, leaning forward in an attempt to stretch out the muscles in his back. He placed his head in his hands, running his fingers through his hair. His eyes closed involuntarily; he'd only gotten a few hours of sleep over the last few days.

A small sound woke him from his doze. Tiredly, he glanced up. His head shot up, his tired brain telling him he was seeing things. Jamie's hand was slowly moving, fingers twitching. He quickly looked at his brother's face. Jamie's eyes were open, tired lids threatening to close again. He twitched his hand again, staring unfocused at his brother. Danny quickly grabbed his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Jamie…" Danny breathed, relieved. "Jamie, thank God…" he trailed off, the look in his brother's eyes scaring him. They were full of pain and fear. "Jamie, it's okay buddy, you're safe now. They can't hurt you anymore. We've got you…" he stared, his concern increasing as Jamie gave a small shake of his head, his eyes damp. "Jamie, what is it? Are you in pain? Should I get the nurse?"

Jamie's tired eyes won their fight, his lids closing as he once again fell into sleep. Danny stared at him, stunned. What had just happened? Had he imagined the whole thing, his sleepy brain showing him his brother, awake and mostly alert? All he had wanted was for his brother to wake up; maybe his mind was playing tricks on him.

A small sound behind him made him turn. The nurse gave him a small smile as she made her way over to Jamie's side.

"Um… I think he woke up, just a minute ago." Danny mumbled softly. "His eyes were open, and he squeezed my hand." Danny indicated the hand he still held. The nurse gave him a sympathetic smile, easily seeing through his brave façade.

"It's to be expected, Mr. Reagan. We expect him to fade in and out of consciousness, at least for a few days. His body and mind are still healing. I'll get the doctor, though, just to check up on him."

"Thank you." Danny replied gratefully. He watched at the nurse adjusted IV lines and checked monitors, jotting things down on his chart. She checked the pulse in his left wrist, making another note. He glanced at her, amused, when she ran the back of her hand over his forehead. He was sure that somehow, even in his unconscious state, he had managed to charm over this young nurse. He closed his mouth, the snarky comment gone, when he took in the look on her face. Her eyes were concerned, her brows furrowed in concentration. She glanced at him, pushing her face back into her usual mask.

"It's okay, Mr. Reagan."

"Please, call me Danny. We've seen a lot of each other these last few days."

She smiled. "Okay, Danny. I'm just going to get the doctor, okay?"

"What's wrong?"

The nurse hesitated. "He's a bit warm. It's just precautionary." she assured him.

Danny nodded, that familiar feeling of dread making its way back into his chest. His brother's fight still wasn't over.

~~BB~~

Images meshed together, conversations and words jumbled into one solid noise. He knew people were talking to him, but he couldn't answer…

The pain was excruciating… his body was on fire, every touch a hot poker to his skin. He wanted to yell, but he couldn't use his voice…

Something cool entered his body, only adding to the pain…

~~BB~~

Danny waited outside of Jamie's room with the rest of his anxious family, his heart pounding in his chest. The doctor had entered while he was still there, shooed him out, and then had stayed in there for the last twenty minutes. The nurse had followed him in, only to leave again a few minutes later. He barely heard his family pestering him to tell them what had happened.

"He opened his eyes…" Danny mumbled, answered only by silence.

"Why didn't you tell us sooner?" Frank shot out, annoyance breaking over worry. "He woke up and you didn't think of telling us?"

"Dad, it was so brief that I thought I had imagined the whole thing!" Danny defended himself as Erin placed a comforting hand on her father's arm. "I had dozed off and heard a sound. His hand was moving, and when I looked up, his eyes were open. Definitely unfocused, but open. They were…" he trailed off, remembering the look in his brother's eyes.

"They were what?" Henry pressed.

"They were full of fear and pain." Danny mumbled. "I don't know why. He wouldn't speak to me… but it felt like he was trying to communicate." He looked at his father helplessly. "Then he fell asleep again."

"Is that why the doctor's in there, because Jamie woke up?" Erin asked. Danny shook his head, exhaustion pushing down on him again.

"No. The nurse thought he felt too warm." he replied, looking up anxiously as the doctor left Jamie's room.

"We were afraid of infection." The doctor started. "Unfortunately, despite our best efforts, some of his wounds have become infected, and he's dealing with a fever. I've started antibiotics to help fight the infection. We'll use ice packs if his fever goes up." The doctor gave them a tired look. "We're still doing everything we can."

"Thank you, doctor." Frank sighed wearily. "Can we see him?"

"Yes, you can go in. He might wake up again, but like the last time, it will likely be brief. His body is still healing, and the infection is going to delay that." The doctor nodded at them, then left.

Danny sighed. "Dad, you go in. I've got to step out for a minute, get some air."

"Of course, son. Take your time." Frank shot his oldest a concerned look. He knew that he hadn't slept much over the last few days and it was starting to show. He tried to insist that Danny go home and get some sleep, but it was like talking to a brick wall. He had only gone home once to shower and change. He'd been back in less than an hour. He didn't need another son in the hospital, but even Linda couldn't make him see reason. He insisted on staying.

Danny knew that he should go home and get some rest, but he just couldn't kick the feeling that Jamie needed him. He'd feel horrible if he left and Jamie needed him to be there. He also didn't want his brother waking up alone… or rather, waking up without _him_ there. He knew it was selfish, but he didn't want to miss a minute. He passed by his father on the way out. His father stopped him, drawing him into a hug.

"You've been an amazing brother to him, Danny. Don't ever question that." Frank told him quietly. Danny swallowed hard, pulling back from his father. He gave him a watery smile.

"Thanks, Dad."

Frank squeezed his shoulder before heading into Jamie's room. Danny sighed again before heading outside into the cool evening air.

~~BB~~

Something touched the top of his head, something light and feathery. It reminded of the times when he was sick and his father would brush his fingers through his hair to comfort him.

He heard a soft, deep rumbling voice… he couldn't make out the words, but he was sure that it was his father. The sound comforted him…

For a few moments, the fiery pain was gone…

~~BB~~

Frank stared down at his son, worry coursing through him. Jamie was warmer than before, a light flush spread over his cheeks, his skin clammy. Small tremors would occasionally run through his limbs as if he were fighting something off.

"Jamie…" Frank murmured, running his fingers through Jamie's hair. "It's okay, son. Just relax, I'm here."

Jamie seemed to listen, the tension in his body easing and a peaceful look crossing his face. Frank couldn't stop the tears from filling his eyes.

"Jamie, if I could have done something differently… if I could have made you stay that night instead of letting you go off alone… I'm sorry, Jamie. I let you go when I could have helped you. Instead of finding yourself, you found your own personal hell… it shouldn't have been this way Jamie. It should never end this way…" Frank trailed off glancing towards his son. He jumped as he saw his son's eyes staring back at him, feverish and watery, but focused directly on his. "Jamie!" he choked out, giving his forehead a kiss. "You're awake! Do you feel okay? Should I get the nurse?"

Jamie's eyes watered as he weakly lifted his hand. Frank grasped it tightly in his own, wiping his son's tears with his free hand.

"It's okay, son, you don't need to worry anymore."

"…not your… fault…" Jamie whispered hoarsely. "I… love you…"

Frank's eyes watered. "I love you, Jamie. We all do. We're all here for you."

A small smile touched Jamie's lips as he fell into a deep slumber, his grip on his father's hand relaxing. Frank ran his hand through his son's hair once more before taking his leave.

~~BB~~

"Dad, it's been two days since he last opened his eyes. Two since he talked to you. Why is he getting _worse_?"

Frank shook his head. "I don't know, Danny. I really don't."

They were the only two in the waiting room. Erin had to get back to work and Linda had taken Henry home to get some rest. They would be back later that evening. Both Frank and Danny had taken a leave of absence from work to stay with Jamie.

The doctor bustled out of Jamie's room, looking harried.

"Doc, that look isn't helping." Danny grumbled. "What's happening to him?"

"His fever is getting worse. The medication isn't working. The infection is getting into his bloodstream and attacking his organs… we need to cool him down and get this under control. We're going to give him an ice bath and increase the antibiotics."

"I need to be in there." Frank stuttered, his voice thick.

"No, Sir… we're moving him to the ICU… he's having more difficulty breathing. There's fluid building up in his lungs that we need to drain. We may need to put him back on the ventilator."

Danny stared at the doctor. "I thought he was getting better…"

The doctor gave him a look of sympathy. "He was, Danny. We clean his wounds carefully on a regular basis and most are healing as expected, but a few are a lot worse than others and I believe that's where the infection started. The conditions he started in weren't sterile, and bacteria could have been easily introduced. We can still fight this… but we need to act fast. We're moving him now."

"Then we're following." Frank stated, his tone leaving no room for argument. "We'll stay out of the room, but we're not leaving him."

The doctor nodded. "Okay, just stay as quiet as you can. There are other patients in there that need rest."

They agreed, their hearts thumping as Jamie was wheeled out of his room on a stretcher. His skin was a flushed-pink colour, damp with sweat, his hair sticking to his forehead. His face was tense with pain and fever. They hurried after him, Danny making a mental note to call Linda to tell her what was going on.

They reached the ICU, the doctor motioning them to a private waiting room. "I'll be with you as soon as I can. This room is closest to the one we'll be placing him in."

"Thank you, doctor." Frank piped up before Danny could protest. Danny strode over to the window.

"I don't get it, Dad!" he stormed out. "Why can't we be in there with him? He _needs_ us to be there!"

"Danny," Frank placated. "The doctor needs us out of the way so he can do his work. Just give him some time."

Danny collapsed down onto the couch, leaning back and scrubbing his hands over his face. He sighed. "I can't stand this, Dad." he mumbled. Frank sat beside him.

"I know, son. I can't either, but it's not in our control."

"I've got to phone Linda."

"Go, Danny. I'll phone Erin and Pops."

Danny nodded and stood up. He made his way out of the waiting room back down to the first floor where he could use his cellphone.

Frank picked up the land line phone located in the waiting room. He dialed his daughter's office number. She picked up after three rings.

"Erin Reagan-Boyle." she greeted, sounding out of breath.

"Did I interrupt you, sweetheart?"

"Dad? No, I was just down the hall and heard the phone ring. Is there something wrong? Is Jamie okay?"

Frank sighed wearily. "Honey… they've moved him up to ICU."

"_What_? What happened? Is he going to be okay?" she asked, her voice frantic.

"The infection's gotten worse and his fever has spiked. There's fluid building up on his lungs. They're afraid they'll have to put him back on the ventilator if his breathing worsens."

"Dad…"

"It's okay, honey… they're doing everything they can." Frank soothed, trying to convince himself just as much as her.

"I'm coming back up."

"Your clients won't be happy about that."

"I only have one right now, and he's not here to care. I'll be there as soon as I can."

Frank smiled slightly. "See you soon, Erin."

He hung up, taking a shaky breath before dialing his own home number.

"Francis?"

"Hi, Pop. How did you know?"

"With everything going on, I'm not expecting anyone else. What happened?"

Frank sighed shakily. "They've moved Jamie up into the ICU. It's become harder for him to breathe as there is fluid building up on his lungs. They need to drain it off. The infection is getting worse and his fever is spiking. They're having a hard time getting it under control."

"Francis, I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Wait for Linda, Pop. Danny's phoning her right now."

"Alright, Francis, but she'd better hurry this time!"

Frank stared at the phone, now producing a dial tone. He'd never known his father to be so abrupt. If he wasn't careful, _he_ would end up in the hospital, too.

Danny wandered back in. "I've phoned Linda. She's going to phone Gramps and pick him up again. Did you let him know?"

"Yes. I've phoned Erin, too. She'll be here soon."

Danny nodded, sitting back down onto the couch. He shared a look with his father.

"Do you think this nightmare will ever end, Dad? Is it _ever_ going to get better?"

Frank wanted to say something comforting to his son, but he couldn't find the words. He could only shake his head sadly, shrugging, the same fear that was in Danny's eyes mirrored in his own.

~~BB~~

He didn't know what was happening. First, he was too warm, now it felt like he'd been encased in a block of ice… he shivered, moaning, trying to pull away…

Hazy images floated in front of him, but he couldn't make out the shapes. Someone was talking to him, trying to get his attention, but all he could hear was gibberish. Why wasn't anything making sense?

The fire was back, worse than ever because of the cold… he moaned again, trying to move away… he felt something restraining him, or someone… he could hear the gibberish again… why couldn't they just leave him alone?

He whimpered. "Dad…" he mumbled, not even able to make out his own words.

He went limp, tears threatening. "Danny… help me…"

~~BB~~

The entire family was sitting in the waiting room, minus the children, when the doctor came back. He looked surprised to see them all, but greeted them tiredly. They stood as soon as he entered.

"Is Jamie okay? What's happening to him?" Danny burst out, the tension finally getting to him. The doctor put his hand up, signalling for quiet.

"He's stable. We've cleared his lungs, and we're hoping they'll stay clear. The ice bath did bring down his temperature a bit, but I don't know if it will last. The infection is still raging. I've started a higher dose of a stronger antibiotic."

"What happens if…" Henry paused, glancing at his family. "If you can't get the infection under control."

"It could result in serious organ damage, attacking the kidney's first. If that happens, we'll start dialysis, but I warn you… if it gets that bad, there is a good chance he won't make it. That's why we need to fight this hard starting now."

The family grew silent, not even daring to look at each other. The doctor nodded sympathetically.

"I'm sorry. I wish I had better news. It's a waiting game now. Let's hope he'll go the other way and be able to fight off the infection."

"Can we see him?" Frank asked quietly.

"Yes, but keep it to one at a time." The doctor nodded again, then quietly left.

~~BB~~

It was so dark… he couldn't understand why no one came for him… why didn't they want to see him? He heard nothing, _felt_ nothing… dark shadows moved around him but he couldn't make anything out…

"Leave me alone…"

The shadows moved closer, examining him… he tried to get away, but he couldn't move… wanted to roll over, but something prevented him…

At least the dark was keeping away the fire…

~~BB~~

Danny stared tiredly at his father who was sitting on the other side of the waiting room, attempting to read. Danny noticed that he had been staring at the same page of the magazine for the last fifteen minutes.

"Dad?"

"Yes, Danny?"

"How was he when you saw him?"

Frank looked over at his father and Erin, both of whom were sleeping in the chairs by the window. Linda had stretched out on the couch where Danny was sitting and had fallen asleep an hour ago. It was four in the morning.

"Still feverish, but I think he was better than earlier."

Danny nodded. Jamie had been in the ICU for two days. The fever hadn't gotten worse, but it was taking a long time to go down, which worried the doctor. He compared it to boiling internally the longer the fever stayed. They'd even tried sweating it out to no avail. He had been put on a high dose of oxygen, but the doctor indicated that the ventilator might be next as Jamie blood oxygen level was low and dropping even more. Jamie had been restless, pain and fatigue written clearly over his face.

"Dad, how long do you think he can keep this up?" Danny asked, worry leaching out of him.

"I don't know, son." Frank murmured. "It's getting harder and harder to watch knowing that I can't do a damned thing to help."

"We can only be there for him, Dad. We just have to let him know we're there." Danny replied softly. "I'm going to go in for a bit, okay? I won't stay long, I just need to see him."

Frank nodded. "That's fine, Danny. Tell him we love him."

Danny nodded, disappearing out of the waiting room. Frank swallowed heavily, a nervous feeling in his stomach.

~~BB~~

Danny couldn't explain it, but he just had this feeling that Jamie needed him. He slowly entered Jamie's darkened room, the only light from the dimmed fluorescent above his bed. He could hear the oxygen humming, set at its highest point. Any higher and Jamie would need the ventilator. Danny slowly sat down on the chair by Jamie's bed, gently taking his hand. His skin was still warm to the touch.

"Jamie, I'm here, buddy…" Danny murmured, not sure why he was even saying it. To his surprise, Jamie's eyes cracked open at his voice. "Jamie? Hi, kid… do you need anything?"

~~BB~~

The dark closed in around him… he whimpered, wanting someone friendly…

A small pinprick of light shone to his right.

Danny…

~~BB~~

"Jamie?" Danny asked, concern filling him as he watched his brother's eyes fill with tears. Jamie lifted a weak hand towards his mask, gesturing for it to be removed. "No, Jamie, you need the oxygen. It's helping you…" he stopped Jamie's hand from removing it. "Please, buddy, leave it on…" His heart squeezed when a few tears rolled down Jamie's cheeks.

~~BB~~

Jamie wanted to cry… he wanted to talk to him…

To tell him…

Why couldn't he just understand?

~~BB~~

Danny's throat clogged at the pain on Jamie's face, the desperation he could see radiating from him. He reached over to grasp his hand. Jamie held on tightly, keeping his eyes on his brother's. Once more, he reached for the mask. Danny sighed.

"Okay, Jamie, just for a minute." he agreed reluctantly, reaching over to remove the mask. "What is it, buddy? What do you need?"

~~BB~~

He needed relief…

He needed to be free…

~~BB~~

"I need… to rest…."

"Well, yeah, that's what I thought you were doing." Danny told him, confused.

~~BB~~

Danny could be such an ass sometimes…

~~BB~~

"Jamie?" Danny asked again, watching his brother nearly fall asleep. "Buddy, you need to rest, just like you said. I don't know why you had to tell me that?"

Jamie's eyes opened again, still swimming with tears. Danny carefully wiped them away, fear tugging at his heart. Jamie's breathing was becoming ragged. Danny tried to place the mask back on his face, but Jamie just pushed it off again.

"Jamie, you've got to leave this on…"

"Please…"

"What is it, Jamie? What do you need?" Danny asked. His brother was seriously starting to scare him. Jamie's eyes were pleading with him.

~~BB~~

He just needed to understand!

The shadows were still moving around him…

The fire was coming back…

~~BB~~

"Let me go…"

"I'm not… holding… you…" Danny stuttered, his heart thundering. "Jamie, what's going on?" He had a strong sinking feeling…

"I love you… tell them…"

"Jamie…" Danny said, starting to stand. Jamie grabbed his arm.

"Tell them… I love them…"

"Jamie, what are you going on about?" Danny tried, nervously reaching for the call button.

~~BB~~

The darkness was closing in…

He was floating…

~~BB~~

"Jamie? Jamie!" Danny cried out, trying to get his brother's attention.

Jamie took another shuddering breath, gripping Danny's hand. "I need to… rest… I love… you…"

"Jamie!"

~~BB~~

I'm sorry… I love you, brother…

I'll always be there…

~~BB~~

Danny frantically pressed the call button, still trying to get his brother's attention. He placed the mask on his face once again, hoping that would help. He watched helplessly as his eyes slid closed…

"Jamie… no, you can't do this… I won't let you!"

Jamie squeezed his hand, keeping his grip tight.

"Not after everything we've been through!"

~~BB~~

I can't stay… I'm sorry…

It's getting too dark…

~~BB~~

"I can't do this again!"

Danny didn't even realize he was sobbing until a tear drop hit the blanket covering Jamie. He pressed the call button again, watching the heart monitor.

"Jamie, you hear me? I can't do this again… I can't let you go…"

~~BB~~

You have to…

I want to go…

~~BB~~

Danny went numb…

His breath caught in his throat…

~~BB~~

I love you...

~~BB~~

Jamie's grip slackened. Tears fell unbidden from Danny's eyes. He shook his head silently as the monitor slowed…

"Jamie! Jamie, no… please, you can't… you have to stay!"

He barely noticed the hands trying to push him out of the room as he fought against them. He barely noticed the room filling with doctors and nurses…

He only saw his baby brother…

~~BB~~

Jamie floated, feeling a sense of peace…

The figures still moved around him, but they weren't unfriendly…

He welcomed them.

Blackness engulfed him.

~~BB~~

"Jamie!"

"Danny, you need to leave!"

"Doc, he's…"

"Get him out of here!" the doctor shouted to a couple of nurses.

More hands tried to push him out. Another set of hands pulled on him. He tried to fight against them, but his weakened body sunk to the floor. He felt a strong set of arms wrap around him, pulling him up and guiding him into the hallway. More hands and arms surrounded him…

He could only focus on the man in the room…

~~BB~~

I love you…

~~TBC~~

* * *

**A/N 2:** Don't label me a cold hearted you-know-what just yet - I won't leave you hanging as long this time. ;) That is, if I have any readers left after this... (O_o)


	11. Chapter 10

Run and Hide

**Disclaimer:** Don't own anything, like usual.

**A/N:** Well, I did say I wouldn't leave you hanging for quite as long, didn't I? ^_^

I realize that there are parts of this chapter that may offend some people, depending on what you believe. What I have written is what I like to think happens, but it is only one possibility. Just keep an open mind. :)

I should also say that I just don't like the end of this one. It's farfetched and unrealistic, about as unrealistic as the people in various shows and movies cutting a perfect little hole in a pane of glass and using a suction cup to take out the cut part, leaving every piece perfectly intact. It doesn't happen. LOL Everything I tried to do to change/ "fix" it made it worse, so I left it. Bah.

Thanks for reading! :)

* * *

Chapter 10

"This… can't be happening…" Danny choked out, staring into his brother's room from the hallway. His father had followed the commotion and had pulled him from the room; he now stood holding his oldest son, the tears flowing down his cheeks. His grandfather, Erin, and Linda had followed a short time later, and were standing behind them, stunned and trying to control their tears.

Danny tried to struggle against his father, wanting to go back into the room. "Jamie… I can't do this again… let me go, I need to get to him!"

"Danny, you can't… let them work…" Frank choked out, shaking with nerves and fear.

'_You can't take him, not now. Not my boy!'_

~~BB~~

Jamie opened his eyes, taking in his surroundings. He was standing in what looked like a forest clearing. There was a shining lake nearby. He smiled at the feeling of peace. He looked down at himself… he was clothed and felt perfectly happy. Not a scar or a bandage to be seen.

He looked around. He had been hoping that someone would be there…

"Jamie."

He whipped around. Standing at the edge of the trees was a figure, slightly taller than him. He wore a familiar playful smirk. Jamie stared, stunned.

"Joe? Joe, is that you?"

Joe's face broke out into a grin as he practically flew over to his brother, engulfing him in a hug.

"Joe!" Jamie choked out, laughing and hugging his brother tightly. "I never thought I'd get to see you again… I missed you, brother!"

"I missed you too, kiddo." Joe smiled, ruffling his hair like he used to do when he was younger.

"Does this mean… am I dead?"

"Not quite, little brother. You still have a choice to make, but you're running out of time."

"What do you mean?"

"You can stay here, or you can go back. But if you don't choose soon, you'll be stuck here."

"Is it that bad?" Jamie laughed. Joe smiled.

"No, it's amazing actually. You're just not ready yet. You're not supposed to be here."

"But… I had to, I couldn't hold on. I didn't _want_ to hold on."

"No, and that's your choice. You went through a lot, kiddo." Joe said, his voice sounding sad.

"You knew?"

"I was always there, Jamie. I'm always there when you need me most. It killed me that I couldn't stop them, that I couldn't help you."

Jamie looked sad at first, before a funny look crossed his face. "Wait… you're always there…"

Joe laughed. "When you need me most. It's not like I follow you into the shower, kid. I'm not creepy."

Jamie blushed. "I _know_ that, dork."

Joe ruffled his hair again. "I'm there for all of you when you need me. So is Mom."

"Mom? Where is she?" Jamie asked, hope filling him.

"She's not here, kid. She said you're not ready, but if you make the choice to stay, she'll come see you. But she doesn't want that. Not yet."

Jamie looked down. "But I _want_ to stay with you… I want to see Mom again…"

"I know, kiddo, but we'll still be here when you _are_ ready. We aren't leaving you." Jamie looked like he wanted to argue. "Wait, Jamie… you need to see this…" Joe said, beckoning him over to the water's edge. Jamie followed him curiously. He stared into the water, seeing only his reflection…

The water rippled and he found himself staring at the scene in the hospital. He could see himself as the doctors and nurses worked on him, trying to bring him back. He stared out at the hallway where his family stood. Erin and Linda held each other, tears rolling down their faces. Erin's knees gave out as she sank to the floor. Linda followed, guiding her down. His grandfather stood off to the side, his arms held tightly across his chest, tears running down his face. His father stood with his arms around Danny, who struggled against him.

Danny… Jamie's own eyes prickled with tears as he watched the tears flow unashamedly from his brother's. He heard him pleading with him to stay…

"He did the same with me." Joe broke in softly. "He may act like a real bastard sometimes, but he has trouble letting go. He loves you, kiddo, even if he has trouble saying it."

"He was always beating me up…"

Joe smirked. "Yeah, well… you were the bratty little brother who liked to get into his things."

Jamie smiled back. "Now sometimes I wish he would stay out of mine."

Joe laughed. "He just worries over you. He was so proud the day you graduated. So was I. So was Mom."

"She didn't want me to become a cop in the first place…"

"No, but she knew it was where you belonged. Where you _still _belong…"

"I have to go back, don't I?" Jamie asked, turning to his brother.

"The choice is still up to you." Joe told him. "Are you ready to leave them?"

Jamie turned back to the water, watching his family. He knew they'd be okay in the end. They _all_ would be. He turned back to his brother.

"I know what I have to do." he replied, giving his brother another hug.

Joe smiled at him, his form starting to fade. "I love you, Jamie. I'll see you again."

"I love you too, Joe. I'll see you…"

"Just don't make it so soon next time!" Joe said, fading completely. His infectious laugh could be heard quivering through the air. Jamie smiled. He turned towards the darkened trees and took a deep breath…

He felt himself engulfed in darkness once more… he felt like he was falling down… down…

He could see the hospital room where his body lay… he reached out…

'_Please don't let me be too late!'_

~~BB~~

The doctor hesitated with the paddles… he stared at the monitor… he closed his eyes, knowing the inevitable. He waved at the nurse to stop compressions, to stop with the airbag…

She turned to glance at the family standing stunned in the doorway…

The doctor sighed shakily. "Call it…"

The nurse shook her head sadly. "Time of death… four forty-six AM…"

He cringed as he heard the sudden shout from the doorway, the painful voices clogged with tears begging him not to stop… his own eyes stung as he reached over to turn off the flat lined monitor…

He jumped when the monitor beeped, stared in wonder as it picked up a rhythm. Stunned, he motioned for the nurse to grab the oxygen mask as he checked Jamie's pulse… it was steady and strong. The monitor showed a good beat… his chest rose and fell in normal rhythm.

"Unbelievable…" he choked out, turning to the equally stunned family. He watched as Danny finally broke away from his father and stood back as the distraught man rushed over to his brother, taking his face tenderly in his hands…

~~BB~~

Danny brushed his fingers over Jamie's face. "Jamie… oh Jamie…thank you…" he sobbed, leaning over him, grasping him into an awkward hug. He felt his father's hand on his back as he joined him. He could hear the others crowding in around him, grasping at any part of Jamie they could reach. He leaned his forehead against his brother's, closing his eyes and relishing in the steady beeping of the heart monitor.

_'Thank you...'_

~~BB~~

Frank sat by the side of Jamie's bed, grasping his son's hand firmly in his own. Danny slept on the other side, leaning forward with his head resting beside Jamie's arm. Frank smiled softly at his sons. In his sleep, Jamie's hand had sought out Danny's. Danny, also asleep, had grasped his brother's fingers tightly. He knew that if they woke up right at that moment they'd both be mortified. Right now, though, it was the comfort they both needed. It had been a day and a half since Jamie had died and then came back to them right when they thought it was too late.

"Mr. Reagan?"

Frank turned, noticing the doctor standing in the doorway. He motioned to him to follow him out into the hallway. Frank got up, quickly following the doctor, his heart thumping nervously.

"What's wrong? Is Jamie still in danger?"

The doctor shook his head. "No, that's the amazing part. The fever has dropped drastically. It's not gone, but I'd give it another day or two and he should be back to normal. The antibiotics have been working like a dream. We'll keep them up, but we're going to reduce the dosage. The wounds we were worried about are looking much healthier already. I'm pretty sure your son's going to be fine."

Frank smiled at the doctor. "Thank you. After all we've been through, that means a lot."

The doctor smiled before turning to check on his other patients. Frank wandered back into Jamie's room. He noticed Danny blinking sleepily at him. He had let go of Jamie's hand.

"Hi, Danny."

"Dad, what time is it?"

"About two in the afternoon."

Danny looked at Jamie. "Has he woken up yet?"

"No." Frank sighed. "I just talked to the doctor, though. Jamie's fever is going down and the antibiotics seem to be working better. They're going to lower the dosage."

Danny nodded, hope in his eyes. "That's good, then."

Frank sat down, staring intently at his oldest. "Danny… your brother's going to be fine."

Danny picked at the blanket covering his brother. "Forgive me if I have trouble believing that after everything we've been through." he muttered.

"Danny." Frank admonished softly. "I would have that that after everything we've seen, you'd have more faith than that."

Danny tossed a sheepish look at his father. "I know, Dad… I mean, I thought for sure Jamie was gone…" he voice stalled as he touched his brother's arm softly. "And then out of nowhere… he's back…"

"And he's getting better…" Frank reminded him.

"We thought that once before, too…"

"This time it's real, son. The doctor himself said it."

Danny still looked unconvinced, his eyes still full of worry. He opened his mouth to speak.

"I thought you'd have more trust in me…" a raspy, tired voice grumbled.

Both Frank and Danny jumped, quickly shooting looks towards Jamie's face. Jamie's eyes were open, and he was staring at his brother, a small smirk on his lips.

"Jamie!" Danny jumped up, quickly grabbing his brother in another awkward hug. Jamie hissed slightly as his still tender ribs were jostled. Danny immediately tried to ease up, but Jamie had wrapped an arm tightly around his brother's shoulders. When Jamie finally let go, Danny noticed a look of understanding in his dampened eyes before Jamie turned to look at his father.

"Dad…" Jamie smiled.

Frank leaned down, hugging his son gently. "Jamie… how do you feel?"

"Like I was run over by a semi." Jamie smirked. He tried to make it sound like a joke, but the pain in his face told the truth.

"Do you want me to get a nurse?"

Jamie reached for his father. "No, not now. Just stay. Please?"

"Of course, son. I'll stay as long as you want."

Jamie nodded before glancing at Danny. "You, too? Please?"

Danny smiled at him. "Of course, kid. Do you really think I'm just going to get up and leave now that you're awake?"

"You? Actually yeah, I figured you _would_!"

Danny gently ruffled Jamie's hair. "Then you've got a lot to learn about me, kid."

Frank smiled at the banter between his sons. It had been too long since he heard them talking and laughing with each other. He knew things were going to be okay.

Jamie had fallen silent, staring thoughtfully at a spot on the ceiling. Danny and Frank glanced at each other, concerned.

"Jamie? Are you okay, son?" Frank asked as Danny looked on. Jamie glanced at his father before looking back at the ceiling. He smiled slightly.

"Yeah, Dad. I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" Danny asked. "You seem like you're thinking about something."

Jamie closed his eyes, concentrating as if he were wrestling with a thought. Finally, he took a deep breath. "Joe's okay… so is Mom." He cracked his eyes open, glancing wearily at his father and brother. They stared at him. They must have thought he was crazy. Jamie started to regret that he had mentioned anything.

"Did you see them?" Danny choked out. Frank's eyes looked watery again. Jamie felt a blush creep onto his cheeks.

"Um…"

"It's okay, Jamie." Frank reassured him. "We believe you. It's just…" he trailed off, unsure of what to say.

Danny glanced at his father before looking again at Jamie. "When you said that, Jamie, it just hits home of how close we were to losing you… we _did_ lose you! I guess we didn't want to believe just how far gone you were." Danny touched his brother's hair, gently running his fingers through it. "Did you see them?" he repeated softly.

Jamie eyes watered. He felt his father take his hand. Jamie nodded. "I saw Joe… but he said that Mom was okay, too. He also said that I wasn't ready to join them, yet."

"He's still got some sense, then." Danny mumbled. Jamie smirked slightly.

"He said it was my choice to stay or come back. I wanted to stay…" he trailed off.

Danny looked shocked. He glanced his father, heart breaking at the pain on his face at his son's words.

Jamie grabbed both of their hands. "But I wanted to come back even more."

Danny leaned down, giving his brother another hug. Frank squeezed Jamie's hand.

"I'm glad you decided to stay, little brother." Danny mumbled.

"You would have been okay though, if I hadn't. You know that, right?" Jamie asked seriously.

Danny tilted his head, thinking. "Eventually, maybe it would be better but no, Jamie. I wouldn't have been okay."

"We would get through it, son, but we would never be okay." Frank told him, his voice quivering. "It would never feel right if you weren't in our lives."

"You hold us together, kid. You keep us in line. Or, you keep _me_ in line, anyway." Danny grinned.

Jamie smiled back as he looked between his father and brother. "Then I'm glad I came back."

~~BB~~

It had been two days since Jamie woke up. He was in much better shape, both his fever and the infection gone. The wounds which produced the infection were healing as well as could be expected, looking healthy and pink. The surgical wound had almost sealed. The welts were merely darkened marks on his skin, set to fade at any time. Jamie had been moved out of the ICU into a private room a day after he woke up. He still fatigued easily, and the constant stream of family, friends, and nurses tired him. He slept a lot, and spent his in-between moments moving around, trying to get his strength back.

He stood in his private washroom, clad in sweatpants. He stared into the mirror at the marks on his chest, gingerly running his hand over the surgical wound, still bandaged. His ribs had healed enough to remove the bandaging, but he still had to move carefully as they were still tender. The swelling had all but disappeared, and the bruises were only slightly visible at a mottled green and yellow colour.

He gripped the edge of the sink with his left hand, noticing the pink, healing cut on his wrist. He tried to keep his mind from flashing back to that moment… the pain he felt as Jake drove the knife along his skin…

'_Stop it!'_ he told himself. _'Jake can't hurt you anymore! He's gone and never coming back!'_ Jamie stared hard into the mirror, his eyes fearful but determined.

"Jamie?"

Jamie jumped, turning towards the closed bathroom door. He took a shaky breath. "Bathroom, Danny."

Danny tapped lightly on the door. "You decent, kid?"

Jamie smirked. "Yeah. Come in."

Danny poked his head through the door, taking in the look on his brother's face. "You okay, Jamie?"

"Yeah, just…" Jamie paused before shaking his head. "Just thinking. It's nothing." he smiled, walking past his brother into the room. Danny gently grabbed his arm as he passed by.

"Jamie, if there's anything you want to tell me, you know you can just say it, right?"

Jamie smiled again, sitting on his bed and leaning back against the raised pillows. "I know. Thanks."

Danny looked at him expectantly. "And?"

"What? I don't have anything to say."

Danny sighed, annoyed. "Cut the crap, Jamie. Something was bothering you before all of this, and something is _still_ bothering you. Can't you at least tell me what's going on?"

Jamie felt his anger flare up, but it died out as he took in the concern written all over his brother's face. He looked down. "Danny, I…"

"What, Jamie? What is it?" Danny asked softly.

When Jamie looked up, there were tears in his eyes. Danny's heart broke as he sat on the edge of his brother's bed. He reached for him, but Jamie held him off.

"I can't look at myself without remembering… it's like I can feel everything they did to me all over again…"

Danny leaned forward, pulling his brother into a hug. Jamie, embarrassed, tried to pull away but finally gave in. He leaned his forehead against his brother's shoulder, fighting for control. He took a shaky breath before pulling away.

"Maybe I should never have left that day… maybe I should have listened to Grandpa and stayed. I was running…"

"From what?"

"Myself." Jamie shrugged. "You. I don't know."

"Kid, there has to be a reason that you felt you had to leave. Why would you need to run?" Danny asked. Jamie looked at him, fear breaking through. "Jamie, we know about the shooting."

Jamie looked startled. "You do?"

"Yes. You have nothing to worry about, you did just fine."

"I shouldn't have been there."

"No, but you were. And you did _just fine_." Danny emphasized again.

"I wasn't strong enough…"

"There wasn't much time to react." Danny pointed out. Jamie nodded, staring at his hands. Danny tilted his chin. "Jamie, what else is wrong?"

Jamie looked at his brother before tearing his eyes away. "I'm not good enough for this… I make too many mistakes… the stress eats at me…"

"The stress eats at all of us, kid. And what do you mean, you're not strong enough? You're one of the best cops I've ever known! You love the job… don't you?"

"Yes! Of course I do. Most of it, anyway."

Danny nodded in understanding. "There's a dark side to it no matter what, kid. It's how you handle it that matters."

Jamie stared at his hands again, his cheeks heating up. It was now or never. He glanced, ashamed, at his confused looking brother. "I… I don't like how I handle it, Danny. I don't like who I've become."

Danny stared, a nervous feeling coming over him. His brother was like a ray of sunshine in their lives. How could he possibly become something he hated? "What do you mean?"

"You'll hate me…" Jamie mumbled. He shifted, turning his back to his brother and leaning his head against the pillows. Danny tried to roll him back over, but Jamie shrugged him off.

"Jamie," Danny sighed. "I could never hate you. You know that! Even if you chose to do something so horrible, I still couldn't hate you."

Jamie remained silent, but shifted again, catching his brother's concerned gaze. He sighed. "It's tough, Danny… no one ever told me how tough."

Danny smiled softly. "You never asked, kid. You grew up in a family of cops… couldn't you tell that things were not all sunshine and flowers?"

Jamie stared at the ceiling. "Maybe I didn't want to think anything different… you and Dad and Grandpa… Joe… you all had these amazing stories… you didn't get into any of the bad stuff."

"You were still a kid… maybe we censored ourselves because of that. You grew up, Jamie. You started hearing about the bad stuff before you even decided to join the Academy."

Jamie sighed. "I just wanted to help people, Danny… all I want to do is help…"

"You_ do_ help, buddy. You're really good at it."

"I mess up… I messed up with that kid. He was just a boy…"

Danny sighed, watching Jamie fight back tears. "That doesn't mean you failed, Jamie. We can't save everyone. We'd like to, but we can't. We're not superheroes."

Jamie smirked. "I used to think _you_ were a superhero."

Danny grinned. "You used to think _you_ were, too."

"What do you mean?"

"Mom had this old tablecloth she wanted to throw out. You practically demanded she make a cape out of it for you. She gave in. You wore that thing every day for months on end. She and Dad had to beg you to take it off before you went to school."

Jamie scrubbed a hand over his face, snorting a laugh. "It had flowers on it."

Danny grinned. "And you didn't care one bit."

Jamie shot his brother a sad smile. His fist clenched. Danny felt a shot of panic that Jamie was about to fall back into his morose state, but it dissipated when Jamie tapped his fist against his.

"You're still my superhero, Danny."

Danny smiled. "Why's that?"

Jamie looked at him seriously. "You found me, Danny. You and Dad. If you hadn't… if you'd given up…"

Danny leaned towards him, tapping a finger on his chest. "We'd never give up, Jamie. Never."

Jamie nodded. "I'm still here because of you."

Danny regarded him thoughtfully. "You know what?"

"What?"

"You're still _my_ superhero, too."

Jamie smiled quizzically. "How's that?"

Danny looked down. "We thought we lost you… you didn't come home when you said you would, you didn't answer our calls. I thought that maybe…" Danny trailed off. He shot his brother a look before lifting his head to stare at the ceiling, cheeks flushing in embarrassment.

Jamie swallowed. "You thought that perhaps the job got to me enough that I'd off myself?"

Danny shook his head. "I don't know… maybe." He looked at Jamie again. "Would you?"

Jamie gazed at his brother. "No."

Danny sighed, a feeling of relief settling in his chest. "Good. Jamie, when we found you… I've seen some bad stuff, but you… I'm really surprised that you were even alive. What they did to you…"

Jamie closed his eyes. "You really don't have to remind me."

"I know, buddy. I'm sorry… you fought through that though. You kept yourself alive. You fought when you were hospitalized. You fought to come back after we lost you… you're a fighter, Jamie. Always remember that. Stronger men would have crumbled, but you're still here and in one piece. That's why you're still _my_ superhero."

Jamie smiled softly at him before turning to stare at the ceiling. "I'm not that strong, Danny." he mumbled softly.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't handle it well. The job… the dark side of it. I don't handle it very well…"

"Talk to me, Jamie." Danny murmured, reaching out to squeeze Jamie's arm. He watched with concern as Jamie's brows furrowed and his teeth clenched. He looked like he was fighting back tears. Jamie finally sighed and closed his eyes.

"I can't count how many times I've turned to the bottle, Danny." he mumbled.

"I've done the same, kid. It's not a crime." Danny soothed.

"It's not _me_. And I…"

"You what?"

"I walk to the closest bar. I drink. I follow some female back to her place…"

"Jamie…"

"I feel so disgusted with myself, Danny. I use them. I let them use me. It my way of forgetting, but then I just end up remembering _those_ mistakes… it doesn't end!"

"Jamie!" Danny soothed again, trying to get his attention. "You're right, kid, that isn't you. But don't beat yourself up over it. I mean, it's not like I have the greatest track record in that department either. I'm not exactly going to qualify for Sainthood or anything. It doesn't mean you're a bad person."

Tears leaked out of the corner of Jamie's eyes. "What do I do, Danny? It like an addiction… I have to do it, but I hate it so much!"

"Have you ever resisted it? Have you ever tried _not_ to fall into that cycle?"

Jamie thought about it. "Yes… after the shooting, I was about to walk down the street to the bar, but I forced myself not to. Had a bottle of water instead, and no women."

Danny smirked. "Well then, see? You _can_ control it and if it bothers you that much, which I believe it does, you have the power to control yourself."

"Yeah… but then I decided some alone time was a good idea, and look what happened." Jamie mumbled, gesturing to his chest.

"That wasn't something in your control." Danny told him softly. "You didn't know. The alcohol, the women… you _can_ change that. Unless… you _do _want that?"

"No! I already told you that I hate that about myself!" Jamie muttered, shooting Danny a glare.

Danny sighed. "Is it something you do every night?"

"No. Occasionally, but not all the time."

"Then you can stop altogether. You're not going to turn into an alcoholic by having a beer or two, and if you can stop yourself every time there's an urge to have more and more… I don't think there's a big problem here, brother."

Jamie quirked his lips in a half smile, half smirk. "I thought you'd be ashamed of me…"

"Why would I be ashamed of you?"

"Because I'm not living up to what you thought I should be…" Jamie mumbled, turning his face away from Danny.

"Jamie, none of us want you to be a certain way… we want you to be yourself. Do you think you have to prove something to us?" Danny frowned at his brother. "Jamie, did you think you had to become a cop just because of Grandpa and Dad and me? That you had to prove to us that _you_ could do it, too?"

"No! I wanted to do this. It was _my_ decision!"

"Then why are you ashamed?"

Jamie eased himself up so that he was level with Danny. "I've always felt so much pressure, Danny." he said, his eyes practically begging him to understand. "I've always done… everything… to please other people. To please Dad and Mom… you… I went into Law at Harvard because I thought that's what Mom and Dad wanted. For a while I thought it's what _I _wanted, too. It didn't take long before I realized that I wasn't happy. It was interesting, but it just wasn't _me_. I was bored. I was _already_ bored at the thought that I'd be stuck behind a desk. Sure, I'd be able to help people there too, but it wasn't enough. I kept at it because I thought that the rest of you would be so disappointed if I dropped out… but at the end I couldn't keep it up… I couldn't keep wasting my time. I had to do what_ I_ had to do, and if that was the Police Academy… I did this for myself, Danny." Jamie paused, bowing his head. He pressed his hands over his eyes. "I did it for myself, and now I don't know if I'm good enough."

Danny reached over, placing his hand on Jamie's shoulder. "Jamie…" he murmured, giving his shoulder a squeeze. "I had no idea you felt that way, kid. You didn't _have_ to go into Law and you didn't have to stay there. Dad wouldn't have been disappointed. Mom would have accepted it, too. I'd support you even if you said you wanted to be an Attendant at a gas station." Jamie glanced up, smirking. "I mean it, Jamie. You went into the Academy because that's what _you_ wanted to do, because _you_ felt that you could do it, and I think that deep down, you _still _think that you can do it. No, I think that you _know_ you can do it. And so do I."

Jamie gazed at him, eyes watering. He nodded. "Thanks." he murmured.

Danny pulled him into a hug. "It's going to take some time, kid." he said. "You'll get back onto your feet, though. You'll be out there chasing bad guys and hotdogs before you know it."

"Are you ever going to let that hotdog thing go?" Jamie muttered, pushing away from Danny.

"Nope." Danny grinned. "The pig was a good story, too."

Jamie snorted. "Shut up, Danny."

Danny's eyes softened. "You've done some great things, kid. Don't forget that. For every bad thing that happens, ten good ones take its place." Jamie nodded, giving him a smile. Danny smiled back. "You're going to be fine, Jamie. I know it."

~~BB~~

Frank sighed, stretching out in his chair. Jamie was still in the hospital, but now that he was out of danger Frank and his family felt comfortable abiding by normal visiting hours and going home to get some sleep and proper food. He glanced at the clock. It was nine at night, the sky dark outside the windows. Henry bustled into the room.

"I've got Jamie's old room set up for him when he gets out of the hospital."

"Getting a little ahead of yourself, aren't you Pop?" Frank smiled. They had agreed that Jamie should stay with them for a short time just to get back on his feet. Jamie had tried to argue, saying he'd be fine at his own apartment, but Frank's tone left no room for argument. He'd stay a week with them, then see how he felt. If he thought he was up to it then he could go home, but not before.

"What? It won't be _that_ much longer!"

"It'll still be a few more days. Maybe a week. The doctor just wants to make sure everything is healing normally."

"I know." Henry sighed, sitting on the couch. "I just can't wait any longer. I want to tuck him in here at home and never let him go again."

Frank sighed sadly. "I know, Pop. I wish I could do the same." He looked at his father sternly. "We can baby him for a week, but then we have to remember that he's a grown man. We're going to have to let him go."

"What if I refuse?" Henry asked stubbornly, only half joking.

"Then Jamie will probably get annoyed enough to murder you in your sleep." Frank said, his face straight and unwavering. Henry looked at him oddly before sighing.

"Yeah, wouldn't put it past him." he mumbled as his son's face broke into a smile.

"Dad?"

"In the living room, Danny."

Danny poked his head around the corner. "Hi, Dad. Grandpa."

"What brings you here at this hour, Danny? Is something wrong?" Henry asked.

"Is Jamie okay?" Frank asked at the same time. Danny put up his hands to stop them.

"Whoa, it's okay. I was in the area so I thought I'd stop by. Although… did either of you know how much pressure Jamie was under? Or how much pressure he _thought _he was under?"

Frank frowned. "What do you mean, Danny?"

Danny sighed. "Look, it's his story to tell… but he told me that he's always felt pressure to make everyone else happy… so much that he forgot about himself."

Both Henry and Frank stared at him. "Are you telling me he's a cop because he thinks that what _we _want?" Frank asked, stunned.

"No. He's a cop because that's what _he_ wants. I think he's worried that you _don't_ want him out on the streets. He's… he's having trouble believing in himself right now. I talked to him and I think I've got him convinced, but…" Danny trailed off, looking helpless.

"Should I talk to him, too?"

Danny shook his head. "I think you should let him come to you. I probably shouldn't have said anything, but he really scared me tonight. He'll kill me, though, if he finds out I told you." he smirked.

Frank smiled, his smile sad. "I had no idea." He watched his oldest son's face. "Is there anything else I should be worried about?"

Danny shook his head. "No. If he wants you to know any more, he'll tell you. I can't break his trust in me."

"You're a good brother, Danny, but if my son is in any more danger…"

"No! Dad, don't worry. He'll be okay. I've already talked to him… and I don't think he'll want to tell you everything."

"But…"

"Dad… really? Do _I_ tell you everything?"

"No. I wish you would though, son."

"Everything?" Danny grumbled.

Frank stared at him, realization finally dawning. "Well, okay… maybe not _everything_."

Danny smirked. "Then leave Jamie alone, okay? He'll tell you if he thinks it's a good idea. I just wanted to give you a heads up. He's not in the best place right now, but he'll be okay."

Frank nodded, sharing a look with his father. They made a silent pact to watch their loved one a little closer when he got home.

~~BB~~

Jamie shifted onto his side under the thin blanket resting across him. He mumbled something unintelligible as he settled his cheek on a cool part of the pillow. He could hear a shifting noise off to the side. He frowned, his sleep finally broken, his cop's instinct waking him up. He sleepily opened his eyes…

Yelping, he sat up, scrambling backwards and nearly falling off the bed. His feet hit the floor as he backed against the wall.

The man on the other side of the room put his hands up, backing up slowly. He looked startled.

"Whoa, Jamie… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

"What the hell are you doing here?" Jamie snapped, embarrassed that his voice was a couple of octaves higher than normal because of fear. "Have you come to finish me off?"

Cole smirked at him. "Really, Jamie?"

"You should be in jail with the other bastards who put me in here!" Jamie growled. He was starting to regret his hasty retreat. He wrapped his arms around his middle, the muscles and his ribs still tugging painfully. He should have known better than to move so fast.

"Jamie, would you get back into bed? You look like you could pass out at any minute."

Jamie glared. "Not until you get out!" he snapped again. He looked frantically at the door. Maybe if he ran for it, he could slip past him…

Cole stared at him, looking confused. "Didn't they tell you?"

"Tell me what?" Jamie grumbled. He started moving back towards the bed, exhaustion finally winning out. Cole stayed where he was, backed against the other wall, watching as Jamie wearily got back into bed. He stayed as far away from Cole as possible while trying to ease the tension in his body, allowing his ribs to quit tugging painfully.

"Jamie, I wasn't one of them. When I told you I was trying to keep you alive, I meant it. Cole isn't my real name."

Jamie stared at him. He had to admit that he had never hated Cole. Even trusted him a bit. Cole had never laid a hand on him with the intent of hurting him, and he sometimes caught a look of sympathy or regret on his face when he didn't think anyone was watching. "Then what's your name?"

"You really don't remember, Jamie?"

Jamie frowned, staring quizzically at the man before him. He seemed so familiar… the man smiled at him, his smile reaching his kind green eyes… Jamie's eyes widened.

"Colby… my grandfather called you Colby that night when I was twelve…"

"And you were lost in the woods." Colby nodded, grinning at him. "Duke and I found you."

Jamie kept to the far side of the bed, but relaxed more fully into his pillows. "I thought I recognized you, but I couldn't remember… how'd you get in with Jake?"

"Undercover."

"Your undercover name was Cole? From Colby?" Jamie snorted. "That's original."

Colby smirked at him. "Look who's talking, _Jimmy_."

Jamie's eyes widened. "You know? How did you know?"

Colby shrugged. "Word gets around. I was in on that for a while, too, until I screwed up. I saw you a few times, but stayed away."

"You were found out?"

"No… I unknowingly befriended someone from a rival family… _that_ was found out. They beat me up pretty good and told me to get out, that they'd kill me if they saw me again."

Jamie snorted. "Sounds like them."

"Are you still on the inside?"

Jamie paused, not sure of how much he should say. "Not right now."

Colby nodded. "You really do attract trouble, Reagan. The Sanfino's are not ones to be messed with."

Jamie smirked, remembering his past bruises and sprains. "Yeah, you can say that again."

They stared at each other awkwardly. Jamie cleared his throat. "How's Duke?"

A sad look crossed Colby's face. "Shot in the line of duty." he sighed. "He's still alive," he added hastily, seeing the look of horror on Jamie's face. "He saved my life. I wouldn't be standing here if he hadn't been there. The bullet slipped past his vest into his shoulder. It did too much damage and forced him into early retirement. He still lives with me; he wouldn't respond as well to anyone else." Colby smiled fondly. "To be honest, he's better as a companion dog than a police dog… I never did get that excitability trained out of him."

Jamie smiled, remembering how Duke cleaned his face. "He had more than German Shepard in him, then."

Colby laughed. "Yeah, I think there's a bit of Terrier in him."

"How did you get into undercover work, then?"

"A few months after Duke was shot, I was approached by the OCCB, and never looked back."

"You like it?"

"Sometimes. I think it's the thrill."

Jamie glowered. "Beating me up was a _thrill_?"

Colby sighed, annoyed. "_I_ didn't beat you up, Jamie. Unfortunately I couldn't constantly come to your rescue." His eyes softened. "I didn't want to blow my cover… Jake had been on our radar for quite some time and if I was found out, we'd lose him. He had been drug trafficking across borders, and was getting into the sex trade, taking foreign women just looking for a job and turning them into prostitutes for his profit. He had a system, though, and always managed to be one step ahead of us." Colby frowned at the floor. "Until you… you unraveled him. He was always psychotic, but he did nothing but screw up when it came to you. It gave us enough information to arrest him. I should thank you for that." Colby smiled at him. "Unfortunately my boss isn't too happy… because the idiot had kidnapped a cop, his case was blown apart. He couldn't even make the arrest."

"Sorry?"

Colby brushed him off. "Nah, it was more fun watching your brother get a piece of that bastard." he said, grinning. "Your father's a good shot."

Jamie smiled. "He taught me when I was a teenager. Took me to the range, much to my mother's annoyance."

"You must be a pretty good shot too, then."

"Good enough." Jamie shrugged.

Colby looked at him, wonder shining in his eyes. "You're a tough one, kid. I honestly thought Jake had killed you… I did try to stop him, but I thought I was too late. Jake was too out of it to notice me. You really surprised me, Jamie." He smiled. "That makes you a good cop. Use those instincts and that will to fight. They'll take you far."

Jamie smiled. "That means a lot, Colby. Thanks."

Colby nodded. "Look, I'd better go. I was in the waiting room when your brother showed up. He was pretty agitated that I was there in the first place. By now, I'm sure he's ready to murder me."

Jamie looked surprised. "Doesn't he know who you are?"

"Yes, he knows. I was the inside informant that helped to lead them to the farmhouse. Just because he knows I'm on your side doesn't mean he likes me."

Jamie grinned. "That sounds like Danny."

"I hope to see you around, Reagan."

"You will." Jamie nodded. "Colby?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

Colby smiled again, his kind eyes twinkling. "Any day, kid. I like you. I'd do anything for your family… I hold a lot of respect for your grandfather. He was Commissioner when I was new to the force, although he was about to retire. Your father's one of the best as well. You get a hold of me if you need anything."

Jamie nodded again, smiling. He watched as Colby left, feeling better than he had in a long time.

~~TBC~~


	12. Chapter 11

Run and Hide

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything, I'm just playing with the characters. I'll give them back eventually.

**A/N:** Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing! Much appreciated! :) To Mystery (since I can't answer you directly) - there's a small scene (as in itty bitty LOL) in here with Jamie/Erin and another later on in a different chapter. I'm not as good at writing the female characters for some reason, so they're not too big. And as for Jamie telling the family of what Jake wanted Cole to do to him, no, I wasn't going to have that happen... since nothing actually happened, I don't feel there's that much relevance, and I'm not sure I want to get into that theme anyway. If I did it would be very, very brief. Thanks for the questions! :) To "anon" - we'll see. ;)

Anyway, I've decided to update after a rather hectic week - and next week's just scary. O_o As for the story, now that the action part is done I'm really hoping the rest of this hasn't/doesn't become boring. Traffic stats are funny that way. ;)

Onward!

* * *

Chapter 11

Frank walked down the hall of the hospital to Jamie's room. He was there to finally pick up his son and take him home. He could hear agitated voices coming from inside the room.

"Mr. Reagan, it's procedure for the patient to use the wheelchair while leaving the hospital. Please sit down!"

"I can walk just fine!"

"We don't want anything to happen to you while you're on your way out." the nurse grumbled, pushing the wheelchair towards her stubborn patient.

Frank walked into the room, amusement playing at his features as he took in the scene. A middle-aged nurse with her dark hair pulled back tightly was sternly gesturing to the wheelchair in front of her. Jamie was stubbornly refusing to sit, his arms folded tightly across his chest as he tried to stare her down. Despite being several inches shorter, she glared up at him refusing to give up. Jamie sighed in frustration.

"Really, what's going to happen? Am I going to trip over my own feet?" he grumbled. He spotted his father. "Dad, tell her! I don't need to use that thing, I can walk just fine!" Jamie's voice sounded more like a whine by this point. Frank shook his head.

"Jamie, just do as she says." he admonished. Jamie's face fell, his shoulders drooping.

"This is embarrassing." he muttered, sitting down in the chair. "Two perfectly good legs and I'm confined to a set of wheels…"

The nurse shook her head. "You're being difficult, Mr. Reagan." she chided. "I've met four year-olds more cooperative than you."

Jamie's lips thinned as he glared at his feet. The nurse rolled him out into the hallway, smirking gleefully. Frank followed them, an amused smile playing on his lips. He knew Jamie could have walked out of the hospital on his own two feet, but he had become restless the last few days of his stay and had managed to drive most of the nursing staff up the wall. Even the younger ones who had initially giggled and fawned over him were ready to tranquilize him just to get him to stay quiet and keep quiet. He figured he could help the staff out a little more, and at the same time teach Jamie that he wasn't always going to get his way when he demanded it.

"Your ride, Mr. Reagan." The nurse rolled him to a stop beside the waiting car idling at the entrance to the hospital, watching with amusement as Jamie nearly leaped out of the chair in his haste to get away. Danny grinned at him from the driver's seat. Frank had wanted to pick him up personally, but they both knew that Jamie wouldn't take kindly to having their father's security guards hovering and listening in. He'd never felt comfortable around them. Danny had insisted that he drive his father to the hospital. Besides, he wanted to see Jamie, too.

"In you get, kid." Danny called through the open passenger window, gesturing to the passenger seat. He and his father had already agreed to put him in the front where he would have a wide view of what was going on around him. They didn't want to test him by placing him in the backseat where he would be more enclosed.

Jamie gave his brother a smile, climbing into the front seat while his father tried to make himself comfortable in the back. Jamie turned slightly, giving his father an amused glance. "You okay back there, Dad? I can sit there instead, you know."

"It's fine, Jamie." Frank said, waving him off. His knees touched the back of Danny's seat but he ignored his cramped quarters. Jamie nodded, turning back to face the front as Danny pulled away from the curb, heading out onto the main street. Jamie leaned his head against the headrest, closing his eyes.

"You okay, kid?" Danny asked softly. Jamie opened his eyes, glancing at his brother. Danny was casting him concerned looks while trying to concentrate on the road in front of him. Jamie could feel his father's eyes resting on the back of his head.

"Yeah." Jamie responded. "I'm just tired, Danny."

"Your room is already set up." Frank told him. "You should lie down, get some rest."

"I've been resting for days, Dad." Jamie sighed. "I just want to move around. I just want to get home."

Frank shared a look in the rear view mirror with Danny. "We just want you home too, son." he replied, leaning forward to squeeze his shoulder.

"Yeah, kid." Danny smiled. "Can't wait to hear your stories at the dinner table."

Jamie snorted. "What stories?"

"Oh, I don't know… how about the story of that pretty little nurse you tried to feel up…" Danny teased.

Jamie reddened. "I was delusional and hallucinating on pain meds." he stuttered.

"She seemed to be pretty giggly afterwards…" Danny continued to tease him. Jamie glowered.

"Shut up." he mumbled.

"You could always call her… I think she left her number for you…"

Jamie gave a groan of embarrassment and turned to stare out the window.

Frank smiled as he listened to his sons banter back and forth. It felt like forever since he'd last heard them laughing and talking with each other. However, he didn't think his youngest son's face could get any redder before it started turning purple. He stepped in just as Danny was about to say something else.

"I don't think that's an appropriate story for the dinner table, Danny." he admonished. "You'll corrupt your sons before they're even teenagers!"

Danny paused. "Yeah, you're probably right. Grandpa would like it, though!"

Frank sighed. "Pop would like anything." Danny laughed in response, but ceased his teasing of his brother.

"Thanks, Dad." Jamie mumbled quietly from the front, still staring out the window. Frank shot him a concerned look before giving his shoulder a squeeze.

"Didn't want your head exploding before we got you home!" Frank bantered lightly, feeling relieved to see a smile tug at his son's lips as he turned to glance at him. Frank shared another look with Danny in the rear view mirror.

The rest of the ride remained quiet as each Reagan got lost in their thoughts. Jamie snapped back to reality when he felt the car slow down, gradually stopping in front of their family home. His throat tightened as he took in the familiar sight; there had been more than one occasion that he was sure he'd never see it again. He jumped as he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"You okay, kid?" Danny asked, giving his shoulder a squeeze. Jamie smiled tightly, clearing his throat.

"Yeah. It's just…" Jamie gestured feebly towards the house. "Been a while, that's all."

"I'll say." Danny mumbled, squeezing Jamie's shoulder again before opening the driver's door. Frank had already gotten out and was opening Jamie's door as Jamie undid his seat belt. Jamie slid out, standing on the sidewalk with his hands stuffed in his pockets as he gazed at the house. The wind teased his hair. He closed his eyes as he felt his eyes start to water. He felt an arm encase his shoulders.

"Come on, son." Frank soothed, gently rubbing his back. "Let's get you inside, okay?"

Jamie opened his eyes, catching a look of concern on his father's face and a look of sympathy on Danny's. He nodded, forcing a smile onto his face. "Gramps is anxious, isn't he?" he guessed.

Frank smiled. "He's been antsy since five this morning. He was up making coffee before my alarm went off." he grumbled, making his sons laugh. Danny walked around to Jamie's other side, slinging an arm comfortably around his brother's shoulders. Frank smiled at his oldest, squashing down a laugh as Jamie tried to move away from them, embarrassed at the attention.

The front door opened as they approached. Jamie only had time to put his arms up before he found himself engulfed in his grandfather's tight squeeze. He squirmed slightly, not wanting to offend his grandfather but needing to get him to ease up. His muscles still pulled occasionally, the bruises very light but still noticeable.

"Sorry, Jamie." Henry apologized, loosening his hold. He grasped his grandson's face gently in his hands. "It's just been way too long…"

Jamie pulled him back into a hug. "I know, Gramps." he mumbled softly. "I'm sorry."

Henry pulled him back into the house, bustling him over to the couch in the living room. "Don't be silly, Jamie, what are you sorry about?" he questioned, giving his grandson a funny look as he sat next to him. He shared a concerned look with Frank and Danny. They looked just as confused as he did.

Jamie shook his head. "I should have listened to you, Grandpa. I should have stayed here… I don't know what I was thinking."

"You couldn't have known, Jamie." Henry said, resting a hand on Jamie's shoulder. "None of us could have known."

"We told you that already, kid." Danny supplied softly. "None of what happened was your fault."

"I know that, Danny…" Jamie muttered. "I just wish this had never happened…"

"We all do, Jamie." Frank said. "But it did, and we'll deal with it like we always do. As a family."

Jamie looked up at him. He caught the looks of support and determination on the three older males faces. He smiled at them. "Thanks." he mumbled, still feeling slightly embarrassed at the attention.

"Why don't you go rest for a while, Jamie?" Henry suggested. "Your room is already made up and waiting for you. Everyone will be over for dinner later on."

Jamie nodded, his energy already wearing off. "Yeah, that's a good idea. I want a shower first, though." He rubbed at his eyes, reddening at Danny's snort. "Shut up, Danny."

"What?" Danny asked, grinning. "I didn't say anything."

"You were thinking it." Jamie grumbled, standing up and glowering at his brother. He started moving towards the stairs.

"Mind reader now, kid?" Danny teased.

"Danny…" Frank sighed, watching the red deepen on his youngest son's face. "Leave him alone." Danny coughed down a laugh.

"Sorry, Dad." he mumbled. "Jamie, don't rush away. I'm sorry. That was stupid of me."

Jamie turned to look at his brother, shooting him a small smile. "Whatever, Danny. Doesn't matter." He nodded at them again, turning to ease his way upstairs. They heard his bedroom door close briefly before reopening, then the bathroom door closed.

"What was that all about?" Henry asked, frowning. He shot accusatory glances between his son and grandson.

"Nothing, Pop. Just leave it." Frank said, shooting Danny another look. Danny changed his snort of amusement into a cough. Frank sighed, standing. "I need some coffee."

Henry watched as Frank wandered into the kitchen before scooting closer to Danny. "Well?"

"Dad's right, Gramps. This probably isn't a good idea…"

"Just tell me, Daniel."

Danny lips thinned. "Fine, but if either of them kill me, I'm coming back to haunt you!" he hissed quietly, shooting a look towards the kitchen. Henry looked at him pointedly. Danny sighed. "The pain medication he was on was quite strong. It caused him to become quite loopy… it was pretty funny, actually. I've never seen him high before. Anyway, a young nurse came in at one point to check on him… he started flirting up a storm. She giggled and flirted back, of course, but she knew it was the meds talking. She leaned over him to check on one of his IV's and…" Danny trailed off, smirking in remembrance.

"What?" Henry pressed.

_# # #_

"_You're pretty." Jamie mumbled, gazing at the young nurse goofily. Danny snorted._

_The nurse smiled, jotting down a few notes as she looked at the various monitors. "Thank you."_

"_I mean it." Jamie said, pointing a wobbly finger in the general direction of her eyes. "Your eyes are like… like… blue pools…" he stuttered. A look of confusion crossed his face. Danny laughed._

"_Poetic, Jamie." he snorted. The nurse giggled._

"_Aren't you sweet?" she cooed, patting his face gently. She leaned over him to check on an IV in his hand. A funny look crossed Jamie's face. He reached up…_

_The nurse squealed and jumped back, crossing her arms over her chest. "Jamie Reagan!" she admonished, giggling. "You keep your hands to yourself, mister! And you're not helping!" She waved a finger at Danny, who was laughing uproariously. _

"_But… but you're so soft!" Jamie mumbled, trying to reach towards her, making Danny laugh harder. She slapped his hand away._

"_I suppose I should say thank you." she muttered, still blushing furiously and giggling. She quickly finished her examination and hustled out of the room. Jamie stared after her._

"_Where are you going?" he called after her, looking hurt. He looked at Danny. "Why'd she leave? I just wanted…"_

"_We know what you wanted, kid." Danny snorted, trying to control his laughter. "Don't even think about it."_

_Jamie pouted._

_# # #_

Henry laughed. "Why am I not surprised? I suppose he got all embarrassed when the meds wore off?"

Danny grinned. "He only remembered bits and pieces. I had to fill him in on the rest. I thought he was going to self-combust, his face was so red, and it gets even better. I think he'll blush every time he hears the words 'sponge bath' from now on."

_# # #_

_Danny looked up from his book as he heard a nurse enter the room. Jamie was on a heavy dose of pain medication and was spending most of his time sleeping. The older nurse smiled at them as she watched her young patient crack open his eyes._

"_Bath time." she said, holding up a sponge and bucket full of water. Danny smirked, putting down his book. He knew Jamie would rather shower, but in his current medicated state, a shower could mean an accident and an even longer hospital stay._

"_I'll be back later, kid. Enjoy." He grinned at the sleepy look of confusion on his brother's face before turning to leave the room._

_Jamie grumbled incoherently as his blankets were moved aside. He just wanted to sleep._

"_Just a few minutes, Mr. Reagan, then you can go back to sleep." The nurse gently pushed aside the hospital gown, minding the remaining scars and bruises. Jamie frowned, feeling cold. He shivered as the water cooled on his skin._

_His eyes shot open, and he turned a glowering stare onto the nurse. She giggled, while at the same time an annoyed look crossed her features._

"_Really, Jamie… I'm a lot older than you, _and_ I'm married!" she teased. He blushed, staring at the ceiling, his brain still a foggy mess because of the medication. He willed this to just be a very bad dream._

_She replaced his gown and pulled the blankets back over him, grumbling slightly, a few giggles still making their way out. He pulled the blankets up to his chin, looking everywhere but at her. She patted him on the shoulder. "There, all clean." She smiled. His lips thinned. She laughed. He rolled over onto his side as she left. Danny re-entered the room, looking after the nurse with confusion._

"_What was that all about, kid? I don't think I've ever seen someone look flattered and annoyed at the same time." He turned to look at Jamie, who was curled on his side with the covers pulled to his chin. A light flush still coloured his cheeks as he stared morosely at his older brother. Danny frowned, staring back. Then he laughed._

"_Really, kid? She's older than _me_!" he smirked. Jamie glared. "Don't worry about it, Jamie. Sometimes our parts work against us!" he laughed again._

_Jamie groaned and pulled the covers over his head._

_# # #_

Henry laughed again. "I'll be careful of what terms I use, then."

"Probably a good idea." Danny snorted.

"I knew you'd tell him."

Danny and Henry both jumped, turning to look at Frank who had returned from the kitchen. He smiled at the slightly panicked look on Danny's face.

"Sorry, Dad… he made me!"

"I knew he would." Frank said, glowering at his father. "You can never just leave things alone, can you Pop?"

Henry shrugged. "What? It makes for a good story!"

~~BB~~

Jamie stared at his reflection in the steamy mirror, his hand trailing absentmindedly over the scar from the emergency surgery. His eyes were glazed, focused on something far away. He knew the scars would fade, but they would always be there, taunting him, mocking him…

He inhaled sharply and turned quickly away from his reflection, leaning back against the counter. He buried his face in his hands, taking in a shaky breath.

'_Pull yourself together, Reagan!'_ he thought angrily. _'They can't hurt you anymore!'_

He took another shuddering breath, quickly drying off and wrapping the towel around his waist. He opened the door, padding softly down the hall to his room. He jumped at the short intake of breath that came from behind him, instinctively pulling the towel tighter around him. He turned, spying his grandfather at the top of the stairs, holding a cup of tea.

"Grandpa, you startled me." Jamie mumbled, turning again towards his room. He could hear his grandfather following him.

"I'm sorry, Jamie. I was just bringing you some tea. I thought you might like something hot."

"Yeah, thanks Grandpa." Jamie answered, smiling gratefully. He turned his back towards his grandfather, rummaging around his closet. Someone, likely Danny or his father, had stopped by his apartment and packed some items for him. He smiled at the amount of items in the closet; he felt they had gone overboard, but appreciated it just the same. He took out a button-down shirt and a pair of casual dress pants. He laid them carefully over the back of the chair by the desk before turning to the dresser, reaching for a pair of flannel pants and t-shirt. He wanted to nap, but didn't want to wrinkle his good clothes. He stood, startling again at the sight of his grandfather. "No offense, Gramps, but why are you still in here? I'd like to change…" he trailed off awkwardly, holding up the clothes.

Henry smiled sadly. "I know, Jamie… I'm going…"

Jamie nodded, feeling awkward as he turned around, placing the clothes on his bed. He jumped as he felt a hand on his back. His eyes closed as an ashamed flush coloured his cheeks. "Grandpa, don't…" he mumbled softly. "That doesn't help either of us."

Henry stopped tracing the scars on his grandsons back. His face flushed, though his was out of anger. What he wouldn't give to bring that bastard back to life and wring his neck… his thoughts stopped short. Jamie had turned slightly to look at him, his eyes swimming with pain. His heart thumped painfully as he drew his grandson into a hug. Jamie stiffened, attempting to pull away. Finally, he relaxed, wrapping his arms around his grandfather.

"I just want to forget…" Jamie mumbled, his voice thick.

Henry sat him down on his bed. "Jamie… you know it won't be easy. It won't be easy for any of us. We'll get through it, though. All of us, together. Don't shut us out. We all want to be there for you, you just have to let us in."

Jamie nodded, his elbows resting on his knees, his head bowed. "I know… but not right now, okay? I just got home… I just want to sleep for a bit."

Henry squeezed his shoulder. "I know, kiddo. If I could change it… if I could have taken your place…"

Jamie's head shot up. "Don't say that!" he ground out through clenched teeth. Henry leaned back at the sudden fury in his grandson's face.

"Okay, Jamie." he soothed, putting his hands up. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything by it…"

Jamie sighed shakily, running his hands over his face. "I'm sorry, Grandpa. I didn't mean to snap." He smiled tensely. "I guess I'm more tired than I thought."

Henry smiled back, confused and tense. "Yeah, maybe some sleep would be a good idea." He stood, giving Jamie's shoulder a squeeze. "Don't forget your tea. It doesn't taste that good when cold."

Jamie gave him a real smile. "Yeah, that I agree with." He laughed, watching as his grandfather quietly left the room, closing the door behind him. Jamie leaned forwards again, his face in his hands. He steeled himself, standing and quickly changing into the clothes he'd placed on his bed. As he hung the damp towel over his closet door, his eyes caught the scar on his left wrist, just above his watch. His fist clenched as the tears filled his eyes. He sat down on his bed, laying on his side and drawing his knees up to his chest. He closed his eyes, turning his face into the pillow.

'_Damn you, Jake! I hate you for doing this to me!'_ he thought, hot tears coursing down his cheeks and soaking into the fabric beneath him.

~~BB~~

Henry walked back into the kitchen, his thoughts far away. He didn't notice Frank and Danny staring at him from the kitchen table.

"Pop?"

Henry jumped. "What? Oh, sorry Francis… I was just lost in thought."

Danny smirked. "We could tell. What's wrong?"

Henry shook his head. "Oh, nothing. I'm sure I'm just looking into it too much."

"Into what, Pop?"

"I took some tea up to Jamie in case he wanted something hot. I met him as he was coming out of the bathroom. I startled him… I knew how badly he was scarred… but I hadn't seen everything. I didn't know his back was just as bad…" he trailed off.

Frank stared at the table. He glanced at Danny, who was fiddling with his cellphone. "They'll fade, Pop." Frank placated him. "They're still healing up."

"I know… I followed him into his room to put the tea on his nightstand. He must have thought I left because I startled him again as he turned around. He mumbled something about changing before turning his back to me again. Maybe I shouldn't have…"

"What? Grandpa, what happened? What did you do?" Danny said, annoyance breaking through the sadness that clouded his mind. He could feel the protectiveness building as he glowered at his grandfather.

"Easy, Danny." Frank soothed, reaching a hand towards his son.

"I was tracing one of the scars on his back… my mind was far away, thinking about how much I'd like to wring Caulfield's neck… he told me to stop, that doing that wouldn't help either of us."

"He's probably right, Pop. We can't dwell on what's happened. He has to be able to move forward."

Henry nodded. "I don't think he wanted me to hug him… but he gave in. I talked to him…"

Danny groaned. "What did you say this time?"

Henry glowered at his grandson. "I just told him we all wanted to be there for him, and to not shut us out. I also said that I wished I could have changed something, or taken his place… I've never seen him look so furious before. He snapped at me, told me not to say that."

Frank and Danny stared at him. "Why would he snap at that? Any of us would have traded places with him in a second." Danny mumbled, concerned.

"There's more to this." Frank sighed. "There has to be. Something happened that we don't know about."

Henry nodded. "I agree… but what? Will he even talk to us about it?"

Danny shrugged. "I don't know. He opened up to me before, but not about anything that happened to him in Jake's clutches. He seems to shut down if something is mentioned."

"We can't force him." Frank cautioned. "Just keep an eye on him, stay quiet if it seems that he's about to open up. Let him come to you." He waited until the other two had nodded in agreement. He sighed, wishing he could take away his son's pain.

~~BB~~

_He lay shivering on the floor, feeling the electricity still moving through him even though the taser had been removed. Jake leaned down, his eyes wild. Something glinted in his hand as he examined Jamie's face._

"_I could make this all go away right now, little Reagan!" Jake sneered, brandishing the pocket knife he clutched in his hand. He grabbed Jamie's left hand, caressing his wrist with the knife point. "Your precious family won't come by now, there's no point. I told them that!"_

_Jamie moaned painfully, trying to pull his arm out of Jake's grasp. Jake laughed._

"_Poor little Jamie… lost and all alone…"_

_Jamie gave a sob as he felt the blade cut through his skin. He tried again to pull his arm out of Jake's grasp… the throbbing pain focused his attention... he noticed Jake suddenly let go as Cole took a swipe at him. Jake's wild eyes darted around the room as he mumbled incoherently to himself, noticing nothing. Cole pressed a cloth to his wrist._

"_It's not too deep… you just keep holding on!" Cole whispered harshly. "Don't you dare give up!"_

_Jamie gave another small moan, wishing he could just pass out and forget where he was. There was a noise at the top of the stairs… shouts, yelling… he was sure he could hear familiar voices… he gave a twitch as he heard two loud pops… gunshots? Who had a gun? He tried to roll over._

_Through a haze, he watched as Cole seemed to perk up and look hopefully towards the stairs. He lunged suddenly at Jake, forcing him down onto his face. He was shouting something at him, though Jamie couldn't make out the words. The way he hauled Jake to his feet and shoved him towards the stairs looked very familiar…_

_He floated back to consciousness, feeling something touching his face. He was sure his partner was talking to him… he must be in worse shape than he thought… there was no way Renzulli could be there, could he? He could hear him pleading…_

_Danny… was that Danny? It couldn't be, he was sure he had told him to stay away from here. But he heard his father, too… he wordlessly pleaded for someone to grasp his hand… someone grabbed at his twitching fingers. Danny. He felt his eyes fill… he had come for him. He was really here. He could hear more voices…_

Jamie's eyes opened slowly; he found himself staring at the darkening ceiling of his old room. His eyes automatically sought out the small blue paintball stain in the corner above his bed… he smiled slightly, remembering how much trouble he and Joe had gotten in that day…

He slowly sat up, his eyes scratchy and burning. He wiped away the stray tears that lingered on his face, glancing around his empty room, running his fingers once again over the scar on his wrist. He'd caught his father glancing at it every once in a while. Danny, too. He sighed. He'd have to explain that one soon. He didn't want them thinking he'd done it to himself. He dug around in the drawer of his nightstand, reaching for the cream his doctor had given him. It was supposed to help reduce the visibility of his scars. He rubbed some into his wrist, practically begging for it to vanish before his eyes. It defiantly stayed put. He tore his eyes away; he didn't want to be reminded of the pure hopelessness he'd felt in that moment.

He could still hear voices. He smiled grimly. The rest of his family must have arrived. He moved slowly towards the clothes he'd placed on the chair. He changed, feeling like he'd rather stay up in his room than face the sympathetic, sad looks on his family members faces. He didn't want to deal with that right now. He sighed, turning towards the door. It was now or never. He opened the door. He'd have to make it into the bathroom first without being noticed.

He stepped out into the hallway, peering both ways. He couldn't see anyone, but he could hear the rumble of voices coming from the living room and kitchen below. He could smell the food wafting from the kitchen. His stomach growled. He stepped into the bathroom, closing the door softly.

He stared again at his reflection. His eyes were slightly reddened, but nothing too noticeable. He looked pale, but then again, he had just woken up. It was to be expected. He'd shaved after his shower, noticing his face looked thinner. He'd obviously lost some weight, though he was sure his family's home cooked meals would fix that soon enough. His stomach growled again. He smirked to himself.

Splashing some water over his face, he gulped some water from the tap before grabbing the towel beside him and drying off. His eyes felt cooler already, the stinging sensation having vanished with the water running down the drain. He checked his shirt sleeves, making sure they were dry. He made sure his left sleeve covered everything.

'_Quit stalling!'_ the little voice in his head snarled. _'They're your family! Are you going to hide forever?'_ He sighed, knowing the voice was right. He couldn't hide forever. He took a calming breath, giving himself another once-over. Satisfied, he opened the bathroom door and padded towards the stairs.

At the bottom, he swallowed nervously. He could see into the kitchen, watching Erin and Linda bustle around trying to get the meal finished. His grandfather hovered, attempting to be helpful. Linda looked ready to kick him. A quick glance into the living room showed Danny and his father. Danny was watching TV, his father reading the paper.

A squeal startled him. "Uncle Jamie!"

He turned towards his nephews as they ran towards him. He was aware of several pairs of eyes on him but did his best to ignore them. He smiled at Jack and Sean.

"Careful boys." Linda called from the kitchen doorway. She gave Jamie a smile.

"Yes Mom!" they chorused, pausing just as they reached him. He smiled again, grabbing each of them and pulling them into a hug.

"Hi, Jack! Sean? What's on your face?" Jamie asked, peering at the small purple line on his nephew's cheek. He attempted to rub it off for him. Sean glowered at his brother as Jack laughed. Jamie could hear an amused snort come from Danny's direction.

"I told him not to run, Uncle Jamie. Mom always says don't run with sharp objects. I guessed that a marker would mean the same thing. He didn't believe me." Jack taunted.

"It won't come off." Sean mumbled, pouting.

"Well, you believe him now, don't you Sean?" Jamie admonished, a grin on his lips. Sean huffed before grinning back at his uncle.

"Yes." he mumbled.

"Lesson learned, then." Jamie smirked, ruffling their hair. He glanced up as Nicki shyly made her way towards him. "Hi, Nic."

"Hi Uncle Jamie." she smiled. He could feel her tense up as she hugged him gingerly. She was old enough to understand more of what went on. Erin had probably explained most of what had happened. Sure enough, when she pulled away, her eyes were damp. She gave him another smile. "Glad you're here." she mumbled, quickly giving his cheek a kiss before hurrying back into the kitchen. He smiled sadly after her, hearing her double meaning.

"Jamie." He turned, seeing Linda hurrying up to him. She wrapped her arms carefully around him. "It's good to see you."

He smiled at her. "Thanks, Linda. It's good seeing you too." She patted his arm before hurrying back to the kitchen. He didn't miss the pity in her eyes.

He groaned internally when Erin hurried up to him, looking like she was about to cry. "Erin…"

She waved him off, grabbing him into a hug. "Just glad you're here, safe and sound." she sniffed. She smiled at him. "Hope you're hungry."

"Starving."

"Then you'll love this. We made all of your favourites… anything you want, you can have."

He forced a smile. "You're too kind, sis."

She smirked, her eyes watering again. "Anything for you, Jamie. I've got to get back in there before Grandpa ruins something…" she laughed, hurrying back towards the kitchen. He shook his head, turning towards the living room, trying to ignore the fact that he could feel his father and brother watching him the whole time he'd stood at the bottom of the stairs. He smiled at them, sitting next to Danny on the couch.

"It's a regular zoo out there." Danny said lightly.

"Yeah." Jamie agreed, forced lightness in his voice. His father turned back to his paper as if he'd never looked up. Jamie glanced at the TV, noticing some old movie that he couldn't remember the name of. His thoughts wandered.

He was interrupted by the arrival of his grandfather. He looked up, taking in the annoyed look on his face.

"I got kicked out." Henry grumbled, answering Jamie's questioning look. He passed a beer to Danny, handing Jamie a bottle of water. Jamie discreetly shot Danny an annoyed look.

"Pain meds, kid." Danny mumbled quietly. "You can't mix them."

"Right." Jamie mumbled back, cracking open the lid of the bottle. "Sorry."

"I swear." Henry was mumbling. "Get anywhere near the roast and Linda practically skewers you!"

"Well, you did burn it pretty good the last time, Gramps." Danny smirked.

Henry shrugged. "I thought she said she wanted a higher temperature on it. I didn't know she hadn't checked it yet."

The others laughed. Jamie grinned with them, but his mind was already floating away…

_His throat was crying out… he felt parched… his insides would start cracking at any moment…_

_Jake laughed as he grabbed up the last remaining water bottle, mockingly dumping it onto the floor…_

"Earth to Jamie!"

Jamie's head snapped up. He blinked at Danny, confused. "What?"

"Where were you, kid? You spaced out on us."

Jamie swallowed. "Nowhere, Danny. Still tired, I guess."

"Right." Danny answered, unconvinced. "You've got a death grip on that bottle…"

Jamie looked down. Sure enough, he was squeezing the bottle hard enough to dent it. His knuckles where white. He eased up the pressure in his hand. He smiled tensely. "Daydreaming, like you said." he answered shortly, avoiding the concerned looks he was getting. He was saved from further explanation by the arrival of Erin's voice from the dining room.

"Dinner's ready." she called.

"Finally." Danny grumbled. "Thought I was going to wither away before it was done."

Jamie smirked, following his brother out of the room. "I think you've got a lot to go before you wither away." He poked at Danny's side, pretending to pinch him. Danny darted away.

"Watch it, kid. Leave the fat alone." Danny teased. "Someday you're going to get old, too. I'll remember this, just you wait."

"I'd like to see you try." Jamie grumbled, tweaking Danny's head before darting around the table to his chair. Danny took a half-hearted swipe at thin air before Linda gave him her own swat and pointed to his chair.

"Sit your butt before you destroy something, Danny." she ordered, warily watching the dishes on the table. Her husband had narrowly missed the potato dish.

"Yes Ma'am." he mumbled, shooting a sly look at Jamie, who couldn't help but grin back. He watched as the rest of his family filed in, taking their places. He felt his eyes sting, but kept the tears at bay; he hadn't realized how much he missed this part. They all said grace that night.

~~TBC~~


	13. Chapter 12

Run and Hide

**Disclaimer:** Same as always, I don't own anything to do with the show.

**A/N:** Thanks for reading! :) Honestly, I'm not sure if this stuff is getting boring or not now that the action is gone - just because _I'm_ interested in a subject doesn't mean that anyone else is LOL. ;) On another note, if stories were TV shows/movies, I think I've found the theme song for mine. ^_^

Enjoy. :)

* * *

Chapter 12

The leftover food had been put away and the dishes cleaned up. Erin and Linda had gone into the living room with cups of coffee. Nicki had taken her laptop into the den to get some studying done. Jack and Sean had gone upstairs. Only the males of the family remained at the kitchen table, Frank and Henry drinking coffee, Danny another beer. Jamie was fiddling with another water bottle. There was an awkward silence as each man tried to come up with something to talk about. They were saved by the arrival of Jack and Sean.

"Uncle Jamie!" Sean puffed, tugging on Jamie's shirt sleeve. "We got a new video game for our NintendoDS! Come play with us!"

"Please Uncle Jamie?" Jack pleaded. "We're really stuck on this next part and you could help us!"

"Boys, leave your uncle alone. He's tired and doesn't want to play your game right now." Danny admonished. Jamie shot him a look.

"And maybe if your father would let your uncle speak for himself, he'd tell his nephews he'd love to join them." Jamie smiled at them before shooting Danny another frustrated look.

"Yay!" The boys took off towards the stairs. Jamie grinned after them, getting up to follow.

"You really don't have to, Jamie…" Danny started.

"And maybe I actually _want_ to, Danny." Jamie said, sighing. "Maybe I'd like to actually spend some much-needed, very-missed time with my nephews."

Danny swallowed. "Right… sorry, kid. I just thought you might be tired. They can be exhausting."

"They're not the only ones." Jamie mumbled, walking out of earshot as he headed towards the stairs.

Danny stared after him. "Did either of you catch that?"

"Nope." Henry sighed. Frank shook his head, his eyes following his youngest son as he walked away.

"He picked at his food." Frank said, mostly to himself.

"He ate everything, plus seconds and dessert." Danny defended his brother.

"He spaced out a lot." Henry said, agreeing with his son. Danny sighed reluctantly, nodding. He'd noticed it, too. Jamie would appear to be involved, then there would be a lull in conversation as everyone concentrated on eating. Jamie would slow down, his eyes often gaining a distant, unfocused quality. Conversation would pick up again, and he'd start focusing, acting as if nothing happened.

"I wish he'd talk to us." Danny mumbled.

"When he's ready." Frank reminded him, his mind wholeheartedly agreeing with his oldest son.

~~BB~~

Jamie had given up on the video game; he figured that it would be easy, as kid's games usually were, but this one turned out to be a lot more confusing than he thought. His brain hurt just thinking about it. His nephews had given up as well, opting to play a short game of basketball instead. They had tried to get him to join them, but he declined the offer. He didn't think his body was up to running and jumping just yet. He wandered past the den where Nicki was working on homework; she managed to rope him into helping her with some math. His brain was really throbbing by the time he left and wandered into the living room where the rest of his family sat. The boys had given up their basketball game in less than half an hour and were sitting on the floor, engrossed in their game again. Jamie sat in the nearest empty chair, only half-listening to the conversation around him. It was barely eight-thirty in the evening and he was already wishing that he could just go back up to his room to rest.

Words and sounds were starting to mix together into one loud buzz. His eyes wanted to close but he forced them to stay open. Finally, he couldn't stand to sit there anymore; it was getting warmer in there as the minutes passed by, and he was starting to feel closed in. He got up as calmly as possible, quietly heading out towards the back door. He slipped out onto the patio.

He leaned on the wall overlooking the yard, breathing in the cool night air. The wind whistled through the trees, teasing his hair. It smelled like rain. He felt his senses start to wake up again now that he was away from the noise and confusion. He heard the back door open and close softly. Another water bottle was placed on the ledge beside him. He glanced at his father.

"Thanks, Dad." he said, reaching for it. He fiddled with the top. He was really starting to hate the sight of bottles.

"You okay, son?" Frank asked, giving Jamie a quick once-over. He looked pale, paler than he had when he first showed up before dinner after his nap.

"Yeah." Jamie smiled stiffly. He was also starting to hate it whenever someone asked him that. "It was just getting warm in there."

Frank nodded in agreement. "I think Erin is getting ready to leave. Danny and Linda are about to gather the boys, too."

"I'll be in soon." Jamie assured him, taking a long drink of water.

Frank hung around, hoping Jamie would open up, but he remained quiet. Frank pursed his lips in disappointment. "Alright, son. Don't be too late. The boys want to say goodnight. Nicki, too."

Jamie nodded at him, watching as his father went back inside. He sighed again, not wanting to leave the cooler air, but his need for an actual water glass was winning out. He went back inside, quietly entering the kitchen to grab a glass. He poured the remaining water into it, tossing the bottle into the recycling bin. He made his way into the living room, where everyone was starting to pack up. Erin and Nicki were already hovering by the door. They smiled at him as he approached. Erin gave him a hug.

"Goodnight, Jamie." she said, smiling at him. "We'll see you later, okay?"

"Definitely." Jamie smiled back. "Night, Nic."

Nicki hugged him. "Goodnight, Uncle Jamie." she replied, waving as they walked outside to Erin's car.

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" Danny said, reaching out a hand to give his brother's shoulder a squeeze. "I could come get you for breakfast, if you'd like."

Jamie smiled. "Make it lunch."

Danny grinned. "Fine. Will you be up by noon?"

Jamie gave him a half-hearted swipe. "You're an idiot, Danny." he grumbled, a small smirk softening the blow. He smiled at Linda, who gave him another hug, her eyes looking suspiciously teary. She hurried outside, leaving room for her sons to hug their uncle.

"Night, Uncle Jamie." they chorused from either side of him. He ruffled their hair.

"Goodnight, Jack, Sean." he replied. "Good game earlier."

"We're stuck again." Sean grumbled. Jack nodded in agreement as they waved and headed out after their parents. Jamie closed the door behind them, automatically locking it. He turned to find empty space behind him. His father and grandfather's voices could be heard talking quietly from the living room, the TV playing another old movie. He entered the room, sitting down on the couch.

Henry smiled at him. "They've left?"

"Yeah." Jamie answered. He pretended that he didn't see his father glance first at the water glass then at him. He focused his attention on the TV.

"Would you like anything?" Henry continued. "More water? Tea?"

Jamie smiled. "No thanks, Grandpa. I think I'm going to just go and get ready for bed."

"Good idea, son." Frank replied. "You look tired."

"I am." Jamie said, getting up. "Goodnight Dad, Grandpa."

"Goodnight, son." Frank replied, watching him out of the corner of his eye.

"I think you've got the right idea." Henry yawned. "Goodnight, kiddo."

They watched as Jamie headed upstairs. They heard the bathroom door close. Henry looked at Frank.

"Is he okay?"

"I don't know, Pop. I think he's hiding a lot from us. I just wish I knew what he was afraid of."

"Me too, Francis." Henry sighed. "I'm going to go to bed, too. It's been a long day."

Frank smiled. "A good one, though."

Henry grinned. "Yeah, that I'll agree with!" He nodded at Frank before going to his own room.

Frank put down the magazine he'd picked up. He listened as Jamie left the bathroom and entered his room, closing the door softly behind him. He had a feeling that he might not be the only one finding it hard to sleep.

~~BB~~

Jamie groaned quietly, staring at his clock. It was nearly one in the morning and he hadn't even dozed off yet. Every time he closed his eyes, he found a different set of images staring back at him. His head still pounded, though not as bad as before. The pain pill he'd taken had started to work, but it was far from relaxing him. He rolled over in the dark onto his side, forcing his eyes closed. He tried to relax each group of muscles. He found himself yawning…

He grimaced in his sleep…

_Jake grinned brandishing a taser…_

"_You ready for some more fun, Reagan?" he taunted._

Jamie rolled over, whimpering…

_Jake swung the taser in an arching motion, the electrified prongs changing into a knife point… he laughed evilly…_

Jamie's fist clenched, a sweat breaking over his brow…

_The whip came crashing down, striking his tender skin… Jamie tried running away, but nothing seemed to move…_

_A familiar looking house came into view…_

_The flames grew larger…_

Jamie's eyes shot open as his breath left him in a gasp. He tensed, half expecting Jake to jump out at him, but his room was empty, the pale moonlight illuminating the corners. He tried relaxing as his heart thumped back into a normal rhythm. He scrubbed his hands over his face, gazing blearily at the clock. He'd managed to sleep for a few hours. The sun would be rising soon. He rolled over, facing the wall, willing sleep to come back. He didn't notice his door closing noiselessly, or the pair of concerned eyes watching him just moments before.

~~BB~~

Frank was staring down into his cup of coffee when his father walked into the kitchen.

"Jamie up yet?" Henry asked, pouring his own cup of coffee.

"No." Frank replied. Henry gave him an odd look.

"Are you okay, Francis?"

Frank sighed, glancing in the direction of the stairs. He couldn't hear anything indicating that Jamie was up. "I thought I heard something early this morning, around four. I got up to investigate. I could hear Jamie mumbling something, so I peered into his room. It looked like he was in the middle of a nightmare. He woke up, and soon fell asleep again, so I left it alone."

Henry shrugged. "Are you really that surprised that he would have nightmares, Francis?"

"No. I just wish he'd come to me."

"You said it yourself, you can't force him." Henry reminded him, rummaging around in the fridge.

"It'll probably make things worse, I know." Frank finished. He held up a hand to his father, who had turned around, about to say something. "I think he's up. I can hear movement."

"There's no reason why you can't mention something, Francis." Henry muttered quietly. "He has been acting strangely since we got him home. His mind wanders all the time. Did you see him switch his water bottle to a glass last night?"

"Yes." Frank replied. "I did notice that."

"What would he have against water bottles?"

"I don't know. He nearly squeezed that one to death yesterday before supper. He was thinking back on something, that much I _do_ know."

Henry gave him a look. "Then why can't you bring something like that up?"

Frank looked at him nervously. "I just don't want to give him any reason to push us away."

"He already is." Henry told him quietly. "Every time he brushes something off, pretends nothing is wrong and continues as if nothing happened, he's shutting us out. He's got to talk about it."

"I know, Pop. You're right. I just don't think I'm the person to do it."

Henry was interrupted by Jamie's arrival into the kitchen. He smiled at his grandson. "Good morning, Jamie. Sleep well?"

Jamie smiled back. "Morning Gramps, Dad. Yes, I slept fine. It's good to be back in a familiar bed again."

Henry smiled again. "I'm sure it is, kiddo." He replied, giving Frank a look that clearly said 'I-told-you-so.' Frank returned a look of his own, and for the first time since Jamie had been home, he felt unsure of what to do.

~~BB~~

-Earlier-

Jamie opened his eyes slowly, gazing towards the window at the sunlight hitting the other side of the curtain. He could hear some movement downstairs. He rolled over to look at the clock, noticing that it was almost nine. He didn't feel like getting out of bed, but figured that his father or grandfather would probably come up to get him if he didn't get up soon and he didn't want to give Danny any ammunition against him for sleeping late. He sat up, scrubbing his hands over his face. He'd slept fitfully and dreamlessly after falling back asleep.

He shoved back the covers as he stood up and stretched. He peered into the small mirror on the back of his door and ran his hands through his hair, trying to get it to flatten. He gave up quickly; his shower would take care of it. He glanced at his reflection and noticed the dark circles under his eyes, standing out against pale skin. Nothing new. He sighed and opened the door, stepping into the hallway. He wandered downstairs into the kitchen, noticing his father at the table drinking coffee and his grandfather pulling items out of the fridge. They smiled at him. He had a funny feeling that he had interrupted their conversation.

"Good morning, Jamie. Sleep well?" Henry asked.

"Morning Gramps, Dad. Yes, I slept fine. It's good to be back in a familiar bed again." Jamie answered, pretending that he didn't see the look that passed between his father and grandfather. He guessed that the conversation he'd interrupted had been about him. He squashed down his annoyance as his grandfather smiled at him again.

"I'm sure it is, kiddo. Would you like some breakfast? I'm making eggs and bacon and toast."

"That sounds great, Grandpa. Thanks." Jamie said, getting a glass out of the cupboard and pouring himself some orange juice. He sat at the table, ignoring the fact that he could feel his father's eyes on him. "Do you work today, Dad?" he asked, trying to make conversation.

"Yes. My ride will be here soon."

"No breakfast, Francis?"

"It smells great, Pop, but I ate already."

"Couldn't have been much." Henry mumbled.

"It was enough." Frank responded, a smile in his voice. "You need to get up earlier if you want to make breakfast for more than yourself. Haven't I told you that before?"

Henry huffed. "I have Jamie to make breakfast for, right Jamie?"

Jamie smiled. "Yeah."

"See? The kid appreciates me." Henry admonished, brandishing his spatula at his son.

Frank gave a short laugh. "If you just got up earlier…"

Henry grumbled to himself, piling eggs and bacon onto a plate. He added a couple of pieces of toast and placed it down in front of Jamie. "Ketchup? Jam for your toast?"

"I'm good, Grandpa. Thanks." Jamie answered, already cutting up his bacon.

"I've got to get to work." Frank said, getting up and putting his cup in the sink. "Have a good day, Pop. You too, Jamie. Call me if you need anything."

"Sure, Dad. See you tonight."

The front door closed, leaving Henry to fill his own plate and sit down across from his grandson. "This is nice." he said lightly. "I usually have to eat by myself."

Jamie smirked. "Maybe Dad is right, then. Maybe you need to get up earlier."

Henry grumbled again, a small smile on his face. He watched as Jamie finished off his food. "Would you like some more?"

"No thanks, Gramps. It was great. I'm going to go and get cleaned up."

Henry nodded. "Sure. I'll see you in a bit."

Jamie nodded, heading back upstairs, feeling his grandfather's eyes on him as he left the room. Why did everyone have to watch him? It made him feel uncomfortable, as if they expected him to break into pieces. He sighed, wandering into the bathroom to shower.

~~BB~~

"Kid, I can't make it for lunch. Jackie and I picked up a big case a few days ago and it's gotten even bigger. I'm going to be lucky if I get home before midnight."

Jamie sighed inwardly, not wanting his brother to hear it on the other end of the line. "It's okay, Danny. I get it."

"You're disappointed…"

"No! Of course not, the case is more important. That's where you need to be."

"_You're_ important too, and I wanted to spend time with my brother." Danny grumbled in frustration. Jamie had to smile.

"You've been spending a lot of time with me. The citizens of New York are getting jealous." he deadpanned.

Danny gave a short laugh. "Fine. I promise I'll come over if I'm able to get away. Tomorrow for sure."

"That's fine, Danny. Just do what you need to do."

Jamie sighed again as they disconnected. He had been looking forward to getting out for a bit. His grandfather, though he meant well, was starting to get on his nerves by hovering around him when all he wanted was some peace. He stared out the window, getting an idea.

"Grandpa," he called. "I'm going to go for a short walk. I won't be long."

Henry rounded the corner, taking in his grandson hovering by the door, his hand already on the doorknob. "Danny unable to make it for lunch?"

"Yeah, he's picked up a big case." Jamie answered. "I just want to get out for a bit."

Henry hesitated. "Maybe I'll come with you…"

"No!" Jamie quickly cut in. "No, Gramps. I won't be long. I have my cellphone." he added, trying to soften his harsh interruption.

Henry hesitated before nodding. "Alright. Take your time." he added, softening at the pleading look for understanding that Jamie was giving him. He had only gotten home yesterday, yet he looked like he already felt smothered. Henry vowed to himself that he was going to back off a bit and give his grandson a little more room. At least, he'd give a good attempt at stopping his hovering. "Call me if you need anything, okay?"

Jamie smiled his thanks as he opened the door. "I will, Grandpa. I'll be back soon." he repeated, stepping out into the sunshine. He closed the door behind him, trying to ignore the worried look on his grandfather's face.

He breathed in the fresh air, already feeling more awake as he wandered slowly down the street, relishing the fact that there was no one around to bother him. He was already tired of their questions, the looks they gave him when they didn't think he was watching, the hovering. He was fine; they didn't need to walk on eggshells around him. He wasn't going to crumble into irreparable pieces.

He looked up, noticing a small park to his right. He smiled, remembering the times he played here as a boy. The sandbox he and Erin built sandcastles in was still there, though it didn't look like it was used much. He and his siblings quit using it the day they found out that cats liked to use it, too. He guessed most parents kept their kids away from it for that very reason. He cut across the grass, rounded the sandbox, and headed to the swings. He glanced around, slightly embarrassed, before sitting on one. He glanced around again, a small smile making its way to his lips. It was ridiculous, feeling embarrassed. A swing was just another seat, even if it _did_ move. He dug his toes into the dirt, gently rocking back and forth as he stared off into the distance, thinking about nothing.

A figure caught his eye, just over to his left. A man and a small boy of about eight or nine. The sun glinted off of the man's reddish coloured hair as he helped the boy up the steps to the top of the slide.

Jamie's breath caught. His eyes widened as he tried to force air into his lead-filled lungs. He could see the man turning towards him…

Jake smiled at him, his smile evil. Jamie could do nothing but stare, feeling bolted to the swing… a sitting duck.

He wanted to run… he wanted to cry out for help… but he felt frozen, watching as Jake ran towards him…

"You okay, mister?"

Jamie jolted, staring down into the little boy's face as the boy stared up at him. He glanced at the man who was approaching from behind the boy, the man who was very obviously _not_ Jake. He gave him a nervous smile.

"Yeah, I'm fine." he told them. "Just daydreaming, that's all." He stood quickly, his legs still weak.

"Are you sure?" the man asked, looking concerned. Jamie had paled considerably in the few minutes he'd seen him. "Maybe you should sit down again. I could call someone for you."

"No." Jamie waved him off, attempting a reassuring smile. "I'm fine. I just need to get moving. Thank you, though."

"Sure." the man replied, his son turning to him and shrugging. Jamie walked back towards the sidewalk, not even turning to look behind him. If he didn't feel so shaky, he was sure his cheeks would be burning with embarrassment. That man was obviously not Jake. How could he be so stupid? Why would he start behaving like that?

Jamie didn't feel any better by the time he got back home. He wasn't weak and shaky anymore, but he was still upset with himself. He shouldn't have panicked like that.

"I'm home." he called, stepping through the front door. He could hear the TV going in the living room.

"Did you have a nice walk?" Henry called as Jamie walked in. He took in the look on his grandson's face. He looked annoyed about something, and he was sure that he looked paler than before he left the house.

"Yeah." Jamie answered. "I tired myself out, though. I'm going to go have a nap. I'll grab something to eat after, okay?"

"Sure." Henry replied, trying to keep the concerned look off of his face. "I'll have something ready for when you wake up."

"Thanks, Gramps." Jamie smiled, turning and heading towards the stairs. He quickly climbed them, closing his bedroom door softly behind him. He sat down slowly onto his bed. Maybe his grandfather had been right, maybe he should have allowed him to come with him. Maybe he shouldn't have gone out at all.

He lay down, curling onto his side. He felt angry tears leak out of the corners of his eyes. Even in death, Jake was still controlling him.

~~BB~~

"Pops, Jamie!" Frank called out in greeting, stepping through the front door. He could hear movement in the kitchen. He poked his head through the door. "Pops?"

"Francis! You startled me, I didn't even hear you come in." Henry said, taking a quick step backwards.

Frank smirked. "I called out as I walked through the door. You must be going deaf."

Henry glowered. "I was busy making your supper, Francis." he grumbled. "Is paying no attention a crime now?"

Frank just shook his head. "Where's Jamie?" he asked, watching with concern as a cloud passed over his father's face.

"Upstairs." Henry sighed. "Danny couldn't make it for lunch like he'd promised him and I think Jamie was disappointed about that. He went for a walk just to get outside. He was gone for about half an hour and when he got back, I thought he looked a bit paler than he did when he left. He also looked annoyed about something. He went up for a nap, saying he'd tired himself out. He came back down about an hour later to grab some lunch, but then he went back up after he'd finished eating. He's been up there ever since."

Frank glanced towards the stairs. "Do you think he just tired himself out or do you think something happened while he was out?"

Henry shrugged. "I don't know. He definitely looked tired, but something had definitely bothered him, too. I think it might be both."

"You should have called me."

"No, Francis. I'm trying to give him space. It's barely been twenty-four hours and he already looks like he wants to flee. I think that's why he was looking forward to going for lunch with Danny, just to get out for a bit. I'm pretty sure that's why he went for a walk… I'd been hovering around him and he probably wanted to get away from me. I'd offered to walk with him and he immediately refused."

Frank nodded. "Yeah, I've seen it too."

"He's going to want to go back to his own place soon."

"He just got out of the hospital…"

"He was given a clean bill of health… he's not in danger anymore."

"He still moves slowly. Obviously he still hurts."

"Francis…"

"I'd like him to open up to us. He can only do that if he's here… if he leaves, he'll probably keep everything inside." Frank found himself feeling desperate, searching for any excuse for his son to stay. He knew it was ridiculous, as he would have to let him go soon enough, but for now he wanted to keep him close.

"He's keeping everything inside already, Francis." Henry said softly. "I want him to stay, too, but it's hard watching him when I know he'd like to be somewhere else. As long as he takes it easy for the next few days, he really doesn't need to be watched twenty-four-seven."

Frank sighed. "You're right, Pops. I'd still like to give him a chance to open up, though."

"Maybe if we act like everything's normal and let him do his thing, he won't feel smothered and would be less likely to run away from us."

Frank nodded, holding up a hand to his father. He turned towards the sound from behind him. Jamie was making his way down the stairs.

"Hi Jamie." Frank smiled at him.

Jamie gave him a smile in return. "Hi, Dad. How was work?"

"The usual." Frank sighed.

Jamie gave a laugh in response. "That bad?"

Frank shook his head, lightly waving him off. "Nothing to worry about, son. How was your day?"

Jamie sat at the table. "Slow. I went for a walk but that was about it. I miss being active."

"You'll get back to being active soon, son." Frank reassured him. "Just give it some time." Jamie nodded. It looked like he was about to say something, but he hesitated. Frank peered closely at him. "Something on your mind, Jamie?"

"Dad, would you…" Jamie paused. "I noticed my car was back…"

"Well, we weren't going to leave it out there, son." Frank said, offering a smile. Jamie smiled sadly.

"Yeah, I know… would you mind if I went for a drive after supper?"

Frank shared a quick look with his father. "Did you want someone to accompany you?"

"No… I just need something to do. Just in the city… maybe I'll stop by the precinct, see if Sarge is there…"

"I think he will be, he's been doing some overtime these past few days." Frank answered thoughtfully. "Are you sure you want to do that?"

"Yeah… I think it'll be good to see it again, even if I can't go back to work just yet."

Frank nodded. "Okay, if you want to."

"Thanks, Dad." Jamie smiled. "I won't be long, just a few hours to myself."

"Take your time." Frank smiled lightly, his insides squirming nervously in retaliation.

"Dinner's ready." Henry interrupted softly. He understood his son's reluctance. Obviously Jamie hadn't lost the ability to drive, but it was the idea of Jamie getting behind the wheel of the car that he was in before his whole nightmare started, the car that he drove while running from them in the first place, that worried them. What if he froze while behind the wheel?

They filled their plates, sitting back down at the table. They made light conversation about random topics. More often than not, silence filled the air except for the random clinks of forks and knives against dishes. Jamie knew it was an awkward silence, though his father and grandfather appeared to pretend that it was anything but awkward.

Finally finished, Jamie stood to help clean up. He worked amicably beside his grandfather, washing dishes and helping to put them away. Henry smiled at him when the last dish was put back in the cupboard.

"Thanks, Jamie."

"You're welcome, Gramps." Jamie smiled back. "Dad? I'm going to head out, okay? Then I won't be so late coming back."

"Of course, son." Frank replied. "Say hi to Tony for me."

"I will." Jamie told him, heading up to the bathroom. A few minutes later he came back, keys in hand. "See you soon."

"Bye, Jamie." Frank called as Jamie walked outside. Henry watched as the door closed.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"What else can we do, Pop? He's a grown man. He hasn't lost his ability to drive. We don't have the right to tell him he can't go. He's not a child."

"I know that." Henry soothed. "My fear is that something will remind him of something and he'll freeze behind the wheel."

Frank nodded slowly. "I know, I thought the same thing. If we stop him from going because we're scared something will happen to him, it's only going to push him away even more. He's an adult, and this has to be his decision."

Henry sat down with a cup of coffee. "You're right, Francis. It just feels like he's running again."

Frank glanced at his father, in full agreement but unable to voice his concern.

~~BB~~

Jamie smiled, feeling more alive than he had in quite some time. He rolled to a stop at the light, tapping his fingers to the music on the radio that played quietly in the background. He had always loved this car, always felt like he was one with it whenever he got behind the wheel. It responded so easily to his commands, and driving was one thing he found was completely relaxing; he never really had to think about it, he just did it. Of course, he'd always had the best instructors to show him the ins and outs of controlling a vehicle. He probably could have passed the police driving exam by the time he got his driver's license, thanks to Danny's helpful tips. His father wouldn't have approved of Danny's teaching, but he didn't have to know about it. It _had_ made him a better driver, after all.

He pulled up to the precinct, feeling slightly nervous. He knew that a large part of the force had been there the day they'd found him. They had seen him at his weakest, both physically and emotionally. What would they think of him when they saw him now? Would they still consider him good enough to join them? He got out of his car, his stomach in knots. As he walked slowly up the steps to the door, he seriously considered turning around and just driving away. His fist clenched.

'_Don't let Jake control you anymore!'_ he thought harshly to himself. _'He can't hurt you! Just suck it up and get in there!'_

He took a deep breath, his jaw tight. He pushed through the door.

Familiar sounds greeted his ears and he glanced around, taking in the familiar faces. Several looked up as they sensed movement or heard a noise. His stomach loosened up as they broke out into smiles. A few even waved in greeting.

"Joining us again, Reagan?" one called, smiling easily.

"Not yet, Sir." Jamie called back, recognizing the older officer. "I'm just visiting right now."

"Well then, welcome back. Renzulli's around here somewhere. Hiding, probably."

Jamie looked at the man with some confusion, but smiled as a few of the other officers who were listening in laughed. Renzulli rounded the corner at that moment.

"Reagan!" he called out happily. "I thought that was your voice I heard!"

Jamie laughed as Renzulli hurried over to him, grabbing him into a hug. He noticed that the hug wasn't as enthusiastic as usual, Renzulli taking care not to aggravate any lasting injuries.

"Why are you hiding, Sarge?" Jamie teased.

"Is that what they said?" Renzulli asked, shooting the other officers a dry look. They quickly turned back to their work. "To be honest… yes, I'm hiding." he continued, his voice lowered. "I've been stuck with nothing but rookies these last few days. I need my experienced and trusty sidekick back!"

Jamie laughed again as Renzulli squeezed his shoulder. To a casual observer, they looked like they were jostling around and having some fun, but to someone who knew them, and to Jamie's trained eye, Renzulli was grateful that his friend and colleague was still able to stand there with him at all. Jamie's mind flashed back to the day he was found… Renzulli had been the one to find him first. He remembered Renzulli talking to him and pleading with him to open his eyes.

"_You've got to hang on, kid… you may have started out as a rookie I felt I had to babysit, but you've turned into one of the best officers I've ever worked with. You're probably better than me! And I… I care too much to let you go. You've got to keep fighting…"_

Jamie felt his throat tighten as he remembered his friend's words. Renzulli led him into another room, away from any prying eyes.

"You okay, kid?" Renzulli asked softly. He had noticed Jamie's mind wander off, saw the far away look enter his eyes.

"Yeah." Jamie answered. "Just remembering…" he trailed off, shooting a nervous look at his Sergeant. Renzulli nodded in understanding.

"I get it, Jamie. I wasn't in the best of shape myself after we found you… when I learned from your father of how close we came to losing you… well, I'm just glad my wife stayed with me. I would have been in no shape to work, that's for sure. She sends her regards, by the way."

Jamie gave him a small smile. "Tell her I said thank you." He sighed, sitting down on the nearest chair. He stared at his feet. "Sarge… I'm sorry."

"Sorry? What the hell do you have to be sorry for? Don't you _dare_ apologize for what that psycho did to you! I may not know the extent of it, but what I _do_ know is that_ I_ would have given up long before _you_ would even start thinking about it. You are one of the strongest people I know… this wasn't your fault and you have_ nothing_ to be sorry for!"

Jamie stared at him, dumbfounded. Renzulli had lectured him before, had even spoken to him in anger, but had never been quite this passionate before. He reminded him of Danny.

"I know it's not my fault, Sir." he responded hastily. "I know I couldn't control what Jake did. I'm just sorry for putting you through that… for putting all of you through that…"

Renzulli sat down on the chair next to his. "I know you are, Jamie. That's what I'm getting at. We were worried about you. We care about you… what do you expect? You can't apologize for everything, especially when you had no control over it and that goes for how we react. Some psychopath decided to get revenge on you, and he nearly killed you. We were upset, that much should be obvious. How is _any_ of that your fault? How is any of that something you have to apologize for?"

"I… I guess it isn't…"

"Exactly, kid. Something happens, we respond. It's the way of life." Renzulli said, keeping a straight face. Jamie cracked a smile. Renzulli smiled back, happy to see some life behind Jamie's eyes again. "I don't want you to apologize for something out of your control, got it? I'll stick you behind a desk if I hear 'sorry' come out of your mouth!"

"Got it, Sir." Jamie laughed.

"Do you have any idea when you'll be back?" Renzulli asked, trying to appear casual. "These rookies are going to be the death of me…"

Jamie laughed again. "They can't be _that_ bad."

"Oh, yes they can!"

Jamie shook his head. "It'll be a while yet, Sarge. I'm not allowed any major physical activity for a few weeks at least. Still healing."

"Yeah… I can tell in your movements. Well, I can hold out then. I'll just keep counting the days."

Jamie smirked. "You do that, Sarge." He stood. "I'd better get going…"

"You look tired, kid." Renzulli spoke softly, standing up. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine, Sarge." Jamie assured him, feeling surprised that he didn't feel the same annoyance that he usually felt when someone asked him that. "I still tire easily. Side effect of the pain medication, I think."

"You still on that stuff?"

"Not as much. I have it just in case. I don't even feel a need to take it very often."

"That's a good sign then, isn't it?" Renzulli smiled, leading him towards the door. Jamie waved at a few of the officers who had raised a hand in his direction. He didn't know why he felt so nervous when he got there. They'd accepted him as if nothing was wrong. They stepped outside.

"It is." Jamie smiled back. "I'll keep you posted, Sarge." he called as he headed towards his car.

"You do that, Reagan." Renzulli called back. "I need to know when I can ditch the rookies!"

"Really, Sarge?" Jamie smirked, amused. "Was I that bad, too?"

"Worse!" Renzulli teased. "See you later, Jamie. Take care of yourself."

Jamie waved as he got into his car and started it. He could still see Renzulli standing there, watching him as he drove away.

~~BB~~

"Dad?"

"In the living room, Danny." Frank called.

Danny wandered into the living room; his father was reading and his grandfather was partially watching TV, partially falling asleep. He didn't see Jamie anywhere.

"What brings you here, son?" Frank asked, smirking at Henry who had jolted awake at the sudden intrusion.

"Wrapped up the case." Danny yawned, scrubbing at his bleary eyes. "The case didn't look so big two days ago… it took nearly double overtime to finish." he grumbled.

"Fatter paycheque." Henry muttered.

"Going to start hallucinating with lack of sleep." Danny shot back.

"Boys…" Frank sighed.

Danny smirked. "What's Jamie up to? I was hoping to see him since I couldn't make it for lunch."

Frank glanced nervously at his father before turning back to his son. "He went for a drive, Danny. He wanted to get out for a bit."

Danny stared at his father, not fully comprehending his words. "You let him out?"

Frank gave him a stern look. "He's not a child, Danny." He paused, thinking harder about his son's words. "Or a dog."

"I know, Dad, but what if he freezes behind the wheel?"

"We thought the same thing." Henry supplied.

"So why'd you let him out?" Danny asked again, exasperated.

"Danny, stop it." Frank snapped. "We agreed that it was best to give him some space, let him make his own decisions. Maybe if we keep him from feeling smothered, he'll start opening up to us."

Danny had the decency to look ashamed. "Sorry, Dad. I understand that, I'm just worried that it's too soon. When did he leave?"

"A couple of hours ago. He should be back soon."

The back door opened as if answering Frank's words. Frank gave him an 'I-told-you-so' look.

"Jamie, is that you?"

"Yeah, Dad, it's me." Jamie said, rounding the corner into the living room. "Hi, Danny."

"Hi, kid. Nice drive?"

"Yeah." Jamie smiled, looking more relaxed than he had in the last twenty-four hours. "I stopped by the precinct, visited with Renzulli for a bit."

"The rookies driving him nuts yet?"

"How'd you know?"

"I had to make a couple of stops there over the last few days." Danny laughed in remembrance. "He was about to pull his hair out the last time I was there."

"So that's why he looked bald…" Jamie said thoughtfully, turning to put his jacket away. Danny grinned, happy that his brother was able to crack jokes.

"Hey kid, join me out back for a while?"

Jamie shrugged, pausing in hanging up his coat. "Sure." he replied, following Danny out.

Frank looked at his father, who wore the same look of surprise that he felt. "I guess that was what he needed." Frank said.

"I'll say." Henry replied. "That's the happiest he's looked since he came home."

~~BB~~

"I'm sorry about lunch, kid." Danny sighed. "I ended up swamped. We just wrapped the case up about an hour ago."

"I've told you already, it's not a big deal." Jamie replied, giving him a smile. "You did what you had to do."

Danny glanced at him. Jamie didn't look like he was trying to hide something. His eyes were clear and he was looking at Danny completely unfazed. He shrugged. "Okay, kid. If you say so. I did promise I'd stop by to see you, though."

"You did." Jamie smiled, looking out over the back yard.

Danny thought back to his father's words about not smothering Jamie. Was that what they had been doing? So far no one had asked him if he was okay, or how he was doing, or tried to do everything for him and he seemed almost normal. Danny resisted the urge to try to get Jamie to start talking about what had happened. He didn't want to ruin the good feeling that existed between them.

Jamie smirked as he heard Danny trying to muffle a yawn. "Go home, Danny. You need sleep."

"I'm fine."

"You're nodding off…"

"No I'm not…"

"Yeah, actually you are." Jamie said, a look of concern crossing his features as he watched Danny's eyes close while he was still sitting upright. "Maybe you shouldn't drive…"

Danny blearily opened one eye to glare at Jamie. "I'm fine, kid. Just resting my eyes."

"Right." Jamie snorted, looking back towards the garden. Danny didn't answer. The only response was a soft snore. Jamie looked back towards Danny's sleeping figure, perched uncomfortably in the deck chair he had sat down in. He got up slowly, waving a hand in front of Danny's face. Danny still didn't respond. "Just resting your eyes, are you?" he muttered, heading back into the house. His father looked up.

"Did Danny leave?"

"Nope." Jamie said, smirking. "He's asleep."

Frank smiled. "I thought that might happen. He hasn't slept much over the last couple of days. Linda called before either of you showed up. She told me that if he showed up to visit you, I had to keep him here for the night."

"She knows him well."

Frank nodded. "She does." he replied, fully noticing the wistful tone Jamie's voice had gained.

"Did Grandpa go to bed?"

"Yes, just a few minutes ago."

Jamie nodded. "I'm going to head up, too. Goodnight, Dad."

"Night, son. Sleep well."

Jamie gave him a smile before turning towards the stairs. Frank watched him go. He enjoyed watching his son perk up, looking and acting almost normal, but the disappointment that he hadn't opened up was still very much there.

Frank's thoughts were interrupted by the door opening. He turned, watching his oldest son wander inside, eyes still half closed.

"Why didn't he wake me?" he mumbled.

Frank smiled. "He wanted to let you sleep. You need it."

"Hmm." Danny mumbled again. "I should get going, Dad…"

"No, son. You're to stay here tonight."

"Really, Dad, I'm fine."

"You look dead on your feet, and you have a long drive ahead of you. You know your room is always open to you. Besides, Linda called earlier this evening and told me to keep you here if you showed up. Even _she _knows you haven't slept much."

Danny sighed. He knew his father was right. Even though their rooms had been turned into guest rooms after they'd moved out, each of them could take them back without question if they found themselves needing to stay overnight. "Okay, you win. I'll stay."

"Good." Frank smiled.

"Which means I'm going to bed. Goodnight, Dad."

"Sleep well, Danny." Frank responded, reaching over to the lamp to turn it off. The living room was bathed in darkness as the men headed for bed. Danny walked upstairs, staying as silent as possible. He walked past Jamie's room, door firmly closed, and entered his old room, the one right next to his brother's. His father continued down to the master bedroom at the end of the hall. Joe had opted to take the attic room once he realized that sharing with Danny was no fun at all, and Erin's old room was on the main floor, down the hall from their grandfather's room.

Danny settled into his old bed, exhausted. He listened to the silent peacefulness of his old family home as he quickly drifted off to sleep.

~~TBC~~

* * *

**A/N 2:** Just a note - it doesn't matter how many times they show the various rooms in that house, I can't piece together the layout for beans... so I've made it up LOL ;)


	14. Chapter 13

Run and Hide

**Disclaimer:** The usual: I don't own anything to do with the show. Please don't sue, I can't afford it. ^_^

**A/N:** To "Anon/Guest" - Jamie isn't "hopeless;" he's working through something that has affected both him and his family in more ways than one. This is psychology - how the mind works and copes with events (good and bad) is just one tiny part of the science of psychology. I'm trying to keep it as real as possible while at the same time attempting to create something that people can (hopefully) connect to and get involved with. This story isn't for everyone, and I never expected it to be. Thanks for your comment, though. :)

Right... it's Canada Day and it's thundering and raining on our fireworks show... so I'll stay home, inside, and update instead. :) Really should change that summary while I'm at it - it really has nothing to do with anything LOL.

Enjoy! :)

* * *

Chapter 13

Danny rolled over and stretched, unsure of what had woken him up; he could vaguely remember a thump, like something running into a wall. It was still dark in the room. He glanced at the clock, noticing that it was two-thirty in the morning. He tossed back the covers, deciding that a bathroom run would be a good idea. He shuffled tiredly out into the hallway, nearly bumping into his father who was standing in the middle of the hallway between his sons rooms.

"Dad, what…?"

Frank held up his hand, pointing towards Jamie's door. Danny frowned, taking a step closer to his brother's door. He could hear noise, but couldn't make out what it was. He gave his father a quizzical look. "I don't get it…" he whispered. "What's going on?"

"Nightmare." Frank whispered back. "Happened last night, too."

"So are you just parking yourself in front of his door for the night?" Danny accused, still whispering.

"No." Frank defended himself. "I always wake up sometime during the night. The bathroom is right across from his room."

Danny gave him a look before opening his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by muffled mumbling from inside Jamie's room. He moved closer to the door, straining his ears to pick up the words.

"…don't hurt them… leave them alone, they didn't do anything…" Jamie's voice was thick with unshed tears. Danny's heart squeezed painfully.

"Dad, I have to go in there… I have to wake him up…"

"No, Danny."

"Dad… we can't just let him do this alone."

"We have to."

"He's keeping it all inside. It's tearing him apart!"

"If we go in there and wake him up and start demanding that he tell us what's going on, he's going to run again. I think he's doing this for a reason."

"Why? Why would he not want to tell us what's wrong? Why can't he talk about what happened to him?" Danny asked, still whispering, his voice full of frustration.

Frank looked down. "I think he's ashamed of it. I think he's afraid that _we'll_ think he's weak."

Danny stared at his father. "He's not weak, Dad… he went through hell, we would _never_ think he's weak!"

"_You_ know that, and_ I_ know that, but I don't think _he_ knows it."

"So why can't we make him see that?"

"Because I'm afraid to."

"What?" Danny asked incredulously. "Why are _you_ afraid?"

"I nearly lost my son when we couldn't find him, when Caulfield nearly killed him. I nearly lost him again after we found him. I can't lose him to this. I can't be the one to push him away, to force him to talk about something that he doesn't want us to know. I can't handle that, Danny!"

Danny stared at his father, knowing that the pain on his father's face was mirrored on his own. He looked down. "I know, Dad… believe me, I know. I don't want to ruin what has started to build between us. This is the closest we've ever been…"

"There have been moments where I thought he was opening up… then he hesitated and brushed it off again."

"Why didn't you say something to him then?"

"I don't think I'm the one to talk to him about this."

"Then we should find someone for him."

"Do you really think he's going to be willing to just go and talk to someone?"

"He can't keep it all inside!"

"I know, Danny. Let's just wait and see if he'll come to us, then we can try something else."

Danny nodded, staring at Jamie's closed door. "I want to try, Dad."

"Danny, I just told you…"

"I know. I don't want to force him to say anything… I just want to try. He's opened up to me once before, maybe he'll do it again."

"When?"

"Right now, if he's still dreaming. I'll leave it for tomorrow if it looks like he's resting normally."

Frank sighed. "Okay, go ahead… just don't upset him."

Danny nodded, feeling nervous. He cautiously opened Jamie's door, peering over to the bed. Jamie lay on his back, a look of pain written across his features, his brow furrowed. Danny looked back at his father. "Still dreaming." he whispered.

"Alright… be careful, son. Don't push him."

"I won't, Dad." Danny answered, giving his father a nod before closing the door softly. He turned back to the bed. Jamie had rolled over restlessly, his back to him. Danny sat carefully on the bed beside his brother's legs. He watched him, waiting for any sign of alertness. Jamie's fist clenched. Danny swallowed, wondering what kind of hell Jamie was reliving. His eyes gravitated towards his face as Jamie let out a small whimper, a few tears leaking out from beneath his closed lids. Danny leaned forward and placed a hand on Jamie's arm, squeezing gently, hoping to offer some comfort.

"…don't hurt them…" Jamie mumbled.

"Jamie…" Danny murmured. "It's okay, you're safe…"

Without warning, Jamie threw out his arm, catching Danny on the shoulder. Danny nearly slid off the bed in surprise. He quickly caught Jamie's arm as Jamie rolled onto his back. Sweat was beading on Jamie's forehead as he tried to get his arm free.

"Jamie, calm down! Come on, kid, wake up…" Danny pleaded desperately, not wanting to restrain his brother.

Jamie shot up with a gasp, shoving at Danny. Danny landed with a thump on the floor, feeling alarmed when Jamie fell with him, trying to punch him. He grabbed Jamie's fists, pushing him roughly.

"Jamie, stop it! It's me! It's Danny!"

Jamie slowed, breathing hard. "Danny? What are you doing in here? What happened?"

"You were dreaming, kid. Are you okay? Any pain?" Danny worried. He hadn't wanted to struggle with him, but he couldn't think of any other way to get Jamie off of him.

Jamie leaned back against the bed, his hand automatically hovering over his ribs. He shook his head. "No. No pain."

"Are you sure?" Danny asked, indicating Jamie's hovering hand. He leaned back against the bed beside his brother.

Jamie looked down. He gave a brief nod. "It's almost second nature to do this..." he mumbled. "There's no pain."

Danny nodded, waiting patiently for Jamie to say something. Instead, he stayed stubbornly silent. Danny suppressed a sigh. "Want to talk about it?"

"No."

"It might help. It usually helps _me_ to talk about a dream."

"It's nothing." Jamie brushed him off, standing up. He rubbed a hand over his eyes, sitting back down onto the bed.

"You nearly beat me up. That's not nothing." Danny stated, remaining on the floor. He turned so that he was looking up into his brother's face. Jamie glanced at him before lying back down on his back.

"Sorry about that."

"I don't care about that. I just want you to talk to me."

"I'm_ fine_, Danny." Jamie stressed to him, annoyance colouring his voice. "I don't really even remember it much."

Danny knew he was lying. He sighed quietly in frustration. This wasn't working the way he had hoped. Jamie seemed determined to keep it inside. He decided to try a different angle.

"Who's 'them'?"

Jamie looked at him, confusion clear on his face. "What?"

"You were mumbling. You said 'don't hurt them'. Who were you talking about?"

Fear flashed briefly through Jamie's eyes before his features smoothed out. "I don't know, Danny. Like I said, I don't remember much anymore."

Danny fought the urge to retort. He knew his brother was still lying to him. "Jamie…"

Jamie rolled over. "Whatever, Danny. I want to try to get back to sleep. Please go."

Danny stood, looking down at him. "Jamie, I just want to help…"

"You can't help, Danny…" Jamie mumbled so quietly Danny wasn't even sure of what he said. "Leave me alone."

Danny sighed, turning towards the door. He paused with his hand on the handle. "Jamie, if there was something I could have done, could have changed… if I could have taken your place…"

Jamie rolled over quickly, his eyes full of panic. "Don't! Don't say that, don't _ever_ say that!"

Danny held up his hands. "Okay…" he soothed. "Okay, Jamie, I'm sorry. Just relax." He watched as Jamie's eyes closed briefly, opening again to glance briefly at him before he rolled back on to his side. "Kid…"

"Go, Danny. Just go away." Jamie mumbled.

Danny sighed again, disappointment clear on his face and in his stance. He had been so sure Jamie was going to tell him something. He opened the door and stepped into the hallway, softly closing it behind him. The hallway was empty; his father must have gone back to bed. He leaned against the wall in between their rooms, staring up at the light fixture on the ceiling. He closed his eyes. What was Jamie hiding?

~~BB~~

Jamie listened as the door closed softly behind his brother. He rolled over, taking in the empty room. He squeezed his eyes shut, forcing the angry tears away. Why couldn't Danny just leave him alone?

'_He's your brother, dumbass.'_ The little voice in Jamie's head was being snarky. _'He's worried about you, what else do you expect?'_

Jamie rolled over onto his other side, frustration pushing the logical voice aside. His eyes turned towards the closet. Getting up, he quietly pulled the desk chair over, standing on it to see into the far back corner of the shelf. He'd left a box there, full of memento's and pictures. He had a small picture album in there with family photos in it. He'd left it there, out of sight, unable to take it with him when he'd permanently moved out. Joe's death was still too fresh at the time, and he'd spent a lot of time avoiding looking at anything that would remind him of his brother. Over time, he'd eventually forgotten the box was there.

He found it, bringing it back to his bed. He sifted through it, smiling lightly as he found old ticket stubs to concerts and sporting events, his medal for track and field that he'd received in grade ten, pictures of him and his friends - a few he'd rather his father didn't see, especially when they involved beer bottles and children at the tender age of sixteen – and the family photo album. He pulled it out, laying it on the bed. He put the lid back on the box, going back to his closet. He found the suitcase that had been loaded up with his clothes and brought over before he'd left the hospital. He put the box inside, feeling that it would probably be safer if it was with him instead of remaining in the closet. He made his way back to bed, crawling beneath the covers. He pulled the album to him, opening it. He flipped through the pages, smiling as he remembered the good times. He had pictures of him and his father, of Erin trying to teach him piano, of Danny trying to teach him basketball – including one of a very bad catch, where Jamie learned that you're not supposed to catch the ball with your face. He could thank Erin for that shot; she thought it was hilarious.

His throat clogged up when he came across a picture of him and Joe. Joe had just graduated from the Academy. His eyes were bright, his face full of happiness. He had an arm thrown around Jamie, who was standing next to him. Jamie's face was full of excitement, his eyes full of pride.

Jamie lay down, hugging the book to his chest. He glanced at the picture again, gently rubbing his thumb over the image of his brother.

"I wish you were here, Joe." he whispered, his voice thick. "I really need you right now…"

His wish unanswered, he hugged the book to his chest again, drifting off into a restless sleep.

~~BB~~

Danny pushed through the door to his room, rubbing his forehead tiredly. He bit back a yelp as he noticed a figure sitting on his bed. He took a step back, his heart thundering.

"Dad!" he squeaked in a whisper. "What the hell are you doing? You nearly scared me to death!"

"Sorry, son." Frank responded, amusement clearly in his voice.

Danny took a seat next to his father. "I thought you'd already gone back to bed."

Frank shrugged. "I tried, but there was no way I could relax. How is he?"

Danny shook his head. "It didn't work, Dad. He brushed me off. Something was clearly bothering him, though. I was trying to ease him awake when he shot up and attacked me."

"I thought I heard a thump."

"That was me."

Frank smirked in response. "He didn't hurt himself, did he?"

"I don't think so. He said he didn't feel any pain when I asked him. He was trying to punch me."

"He must have thought you were Jake."

"Probably." Danny grumbled, wishing again that he could bring Jake back from the dead so that he could wring his neck and then send him back to hell. "I got him calmed down, but he just pretended that he had already forgotten the dream. He wouldn't tell me anything."

"You think he was lying?"

"I _know_ he was." Danny muttered, thinking. "Dad, he was mumbling, saying stuff like 'leave them alone' and 'don't hurt them' but I have no idea who he was talking about. He wouldn't tell me, but I _know_ he remembered exactly who was in his dream. There was fear in his eyes when I asked him about it. He just told me to leave."

Frank nodded sadly. "Anything else I should know?"

Danny paused. "Right before I left, I told him that if I could have changed anything or taken his place, I would have. He panicked, told me to never say that…"

"Like he did with Pops." Frank added thoughtfully.

"Exactly." Danny nodded. "I'm getting the feeling that maybe… maybe he's trying to protect us."

"From what?"

"I don't know. Maybe from knowing the hell he went through. Maybe Jake or one of the others said something to him…"

"Maybe they threatened us. Jake did say that he had broken him… if he used us as part of that…"

Danny growled. "I wish I could kill him again…" he mumbled, scrubbing his hands over his face. "I can only imagine what he said to him…"

"I know, and if Jamie has his way, we won't find out."

~~BB~~

"_Kid, come on! We can't start without you!" Danny called, impatiently waving his beer at him. Jamie smirked; nothing was ever fast enough for Danny when food was involved._

"_Hold on, Danny. The food will still be there two minutes from now."_

"_But it'll be cold!" Danny whined. Jamie shook his head._

"_I just need to get something from my car. Start without me if you have to."_

"_Can't start without you, Jamie. Who else is going to say grace?"_

"_You're capable of it." Jamie muttered. "Then be patient." He called back, louder this time._

_Jamie quickly walked outside, heading towards his car on the street. He touched the door handle…_

"_You might have thought to say goodbye to them."_

_Jamie whipped around; Jake stared menacingly at him, only a mere few feet away. Jamie shook his head, his heart thundering in his chest. "What are you talking about?"_

_Jake sneered. "You're pathetic, Reagan. Some cop you are."_

"_Leave me alone!" Jamie shouted. "Why can't you just leave me alone?"_

"_You do that a lot, don't you? You don't let people in on much. You like to fix it yourself."_

"_I don't know what you're talking about… get away from me!"_

_Jamie struggled as Jake flew at him, pinning him to his car. Jake leaned in towards his ear._

"_I can help with that." he whispered. "Then you'll be able to do it all alone without anyone bothering you…"_

_Jamie's eyes widened. "No… please don't."_

"_Why not?"_

"_Leave them alone… don't hurt them…"_

"_It'll be quick, I assure you." Jake sneered, stepping away from Jamie._

"_They're all I have! Please, don't do it!" Jamie pleaded, tears running down his face. "I'll do whatever you want, just don't hurt them!"_

_Jake smiled evilly at him, brandishing a small black object with a red button in the middle. "Too late."_

_Jamie stared in horror, time moving in slow motion, as Jake pressed the button. Jamie turned, a scream tearing from his throat, as his father's house ripped into flames. He whipped towards Jake, only to find himself alone. The neighbouring houses stayed dark._

Jamie shot up, sweat rolling down his neck, a strangled sob lodged in his throat. He couldn't breathe… he struggled to get out from under the covers…

The bed moved as he felt someone sit next to him. He jumped, panic flaring, before he recognized his father. Frank reached out towards him as he watched his son struggle.

"Easy, Jamie." he murmured softly. "Just take a deep breath… let it out…" Frank gently rubbed circles over his son's back, feeling his own anxiety subside as he watched Jamie's breathing even out. Jamie remained hunched over, his hands over his face. "Jamie, please talk to me, son."

Jamie could feel his throat tighten up, another sob threatening to break loose. The flames still danced in behind his closed lids. He stiffened as he felt his father's arms wrap around him.

"It's okay, Jamie." Frank whispered gently. "You'll be okay… just talk to me…" He'd felt his son stiffen as he went to hug him, but slowly Jamie started to relax as he buried his face in his father's shoulder. His breathing hitched.

"I can't..."

"Yes you can, son… please…"

Jamie stiffened again as he pulled away. "No… please, just go…"

"Jamie…"

"Go!"

Frank felt his throat tighten. "Alright, Jamie. I'll go. But you don't have to do this alone…" he trailed off, watching Jamie turn his face away. He sighed, standing up from the bed. He opened the door, stepping out into the hallway, turning back to see his son's tensed body hunch over in the semi-darkness, watching as his shoulders shook with suppressed sobs. He fought the urge to re-enter the room, closing the door soundlessly behind him. He walked to his room and sank slowly onto his bed, tears already rolling down his face.

~~BB~~

"Morning, Dad."

Frank looked up at Danny as he entered the kitchen, immediately reaching for a coffee cup. He smirked as Danny poured the black liquid into the cup, inhaling the aroma. Danny looked at him over the rim.

"What?"

"You need more sleep, son."

Danny shrugged him off. "Coffee will work for now. Where's Jamie? He wasn't in his room when I walked by."

Frank stared down into his own coffee cup. He hesitated. "I don't know."

"Obviously this coffee hasn't worked yet. I could swear you just said you didn't know where he was."

"I did."

Danny stared at him. "Didn't you see him leave?"

"No." Frank sighed. "I was up by six-thirty. He'd left already. His car is gone."

"Have you called him?"

"His phone is off. I've left a few messages."

"Morning, boys." Henry chirped, ambling into the kitchen. He poured a cup of coffee for himself, pausing at the silence he received. He turned, feeling the icy cloud that hung over his son and grandson. "Um… what's going on?"

"Your son just informed me that your grandson is missing again." Danny ground out, shooting a glare towards his father. Frank looked slightly annoyed, but mostly ashamed.

"Don't talk to me like that, Daniel." Frank said tightly. Henry raised an eyebrow.

"Francis… is he right? Is Jamie gone again?" Henry asked, a note of hysteria in his voice.

"Don't jump to conclusions, Pop. I'm sure he's fine."

"Of course, you don't actually _know_ that. You didn't actually _see_ him leave." Danny said, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

"_Enough_, Daniel!" Frank snapped, standing. Danny took a step back, shame colouring his cheeks. Henry stepped in between them.

"Stop it, you two. This isn't helping anything!" Henry pleaded. "Someone just tell me what's going on!"

Frank sat down again, his body radiating defeat. "Danny's right. It _is_ my fault."

Danny sat down across from him. "Dad, I was angry…" He stopped as Frank held up a hand.

"No, Danny. I think he's upset with me. I screwed up earlier this morning."

"What do you mean?"

"I woke up around four. I just had this feeling something wasn't right, so I got up and looked into his room."

"Another nightmare?" Danny asked.

"Yes. It was a bad one. He was sweating and restless, and he kept mumbling something, though I couldn't make it out. I sat down in his desk chair waiting for him to wake, or else I was going to wake him up myself. Right before I was about to give in, he shot awake. He was struggling, probably still half in the dream, and he couldn't catch his breath. I got him calmed down, tried to get him to talk to me…" Frank trailed off, his throat closing around his words.

"What happened?" Danny asked softly.

"He told me he couldn't talk about it… and he told me to leave." Frank sighed. "He wasn't okay, but I just couldn't force him… I don't know how badly he would have reacted."

"Have you phoned him?" Henry piped up, his voice weak.

"His phone is off."

The three men stared at each other, afraid of what Jamie was going through. None of them could believe he'd run off again. Not after what happened the last time.

~~BB~~

"Reagan, this is ridiculous! Do you even know what time it is?"

"Seven-thirty?"

"Thank you, smartass. That's not the point." Renzulli grumbled, scrubbing tiredly at his eyes, the phone clutched in his hand. It was his day off and he had been looking forward to sleeping in.

"Sorry, Sarge." Jamie answered, a smirk in his voice. "Please? Will you do this for me?"

Tony sighed. "Fine, Jamie. Where are you?"

"My apartment."

"I'll pick you up."

"I can drive…"

"No. I'll pick you up." Tony told him firmly. "I'll be there in half an hour. Stay put!"

"Yes sir." The line went dead.

Tony sighed, glancing over at his wife. She cracked an eye open sleepily.

"Who was that?"

"Jamie."

"Is he okay?"

Tony sighed. "I don't know, honey. I'm going to go see him."

"That's fine." She mumbled, getting comfortable again. A soft snore filled the air. Tony grumbled to himself, jealous.

"Damn rookies will be the death of me!"

~~BB~~

"Thanks, Sarge." Jamie smiled gratefully as he climbed into Tony's car.

"I can't believe you want to do this, Reagan."

"I have to." Jamie mumbled, a small frown marring his face. Tony glanced at him, concerned.

"Why?"

"I… I just have to do it. For me."

Tony nodded, pulling away from the curb. "Okay. I'll take your word for it."

Silence filled the car as Tony concentrated on driving. Jamie stared out the window, his body tensed and heart thumping. He couldn't believe he was going to do this, either, but he felt it was something he needed to do. He stared at the city whizzing by, time stretching on further.

His heart thumped uneasily as they turned onto a gravel road. They pulled up in front of an old farmhouse, the peeling paint and unkempt yard making him believe that no one could have been here after all.

Tony swallowed nervously, his own thoughts flashing back. He watched as his young friend took a steadying breath and opened the door. The door had slammed shut before he could even get his seat belt off. He scrambled out of the car, hurrying after Jamie as he took purposeful strides towards the house. Tony nearly bumped into him as he stopped at the bottom of the steps.

"Your father shot Jake right about here." Tony told him quietly. Jamie nodded, swallowing. There were no signs left that anyone had been there, much less that someone had been shot and killed.

Jamie took another breath and started up the stairs, pushing through the open door. There were stairs leading down into a darkened basement. To the left was the kitchen, dusty and dirty. Only a few dishes were left to indicate that anyone had been there. Flies buzzed around the stale food left on the plates. Jamie turned away, staring down the stairs. He could hear Tony's quiet breathing behind him.

"Jamie, you don't have to do this…"

"Yes." Jamie said firmly. "I need to. I need to see for myself."

Tony sighed, unconvinced. "Okay, but we leave the minute you start feeling uncomfortable."

"Already there, Sarge." Jamie mumbled, taking a couple of nervous steps down towards the basement. Time seemed to slow as he reached the landing, Tony right behind him.

"We found you right through this door… Jamie?"

Jamie was walking slowly towards the end of the short hallway, towards another door that stood partially open. He pushed it, his eyes sweeping the room. They landed on a box on the far side of the room, its lid partially ajar. Jamie's breathing picked up pace…

_The walls seemed to move in towards him as he fought to get out… he desperately punched and kicked at the walls of the box, hoping they'd splinter. His breath shortened as his heart threatened to choke him… _

"Jamie!"

Jamie jumped, whipping around to face Tony, who had reached out and grasped his shoulder. He'd been trying unsuccessfully to get his attention for nearly a minute. Jamie shook his head, pushing past his worried Sergeant.

"It's okay, Sarge. I'm fine."

"Like hell you are." Tony muttered under his breath, following his partner closely. They stopped in front of the room that Jamie had been found in. The door was open, revealing the small window high up on the wall.

Jamie stepped through, smelling the familiar dank and dusty atmosphere of the room. The water bottles, one still partially full, sat off to the side. The chair, rope still visible, sat on the other. Jamie walked over to the far side of the room, near the tiny bathroom. The floor was still stained with dried blood. _His_ blood. Jamie felt the bile rise in his throat.

"Jamie…" Tony fretted. "I really don't think this is helping…"

"Sarge…" Jamie trailed off, his breath hitching. His mind was forcing him back to face the pain, to face Jake as he attempted to kill him…

'_No, you're not going to control me anymore!'_ Jamie thought angrily, Jake's sneering face popping up in retaliation. _'You can't hurt me anymore… you can't….'_

Tony watched as his partner paled dramatically. His hands shook as he clenched a fist. One look at Jamie's face told him he was reliving the hell he had gone through. He clenched his jaw, wishing he could beat the crap out of Jake. Slowly, so as not to startle Jamie, he stepped forward, reaching out and gently taking his arm.

"Jamie, come on. We've got to go…" he murmured softly. Jamie was staring at the brownish stain on the floor. "Come on, kid… please snap out of it…"

Jamie suddenly turned, hurtling out the door and up the stairs. Tony stood, startled, moving only when he heard the front door slam. He took off after Jamie, not wanting to spend another second in that room. He pushed through the front door, searching for his partner, only to find him kneeling off to the side over a patch of dead shrubs. He knelt down next to him and placed a hand on his back, waiting for him to stop heaving.

"I'm sorry…" Jamie mumbled.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, kid." Tony told him, gently hauling him to his feet. He kept a hand on his shoulder as he led him over to the car. "Did anything help?" he asked as he opened the door for him.

Jamie sat down heavily, staying silent. Tony sighed as he closed the door and got in on the driver's side, starting the car and pulling away. Jamie leaned his head back against the headrest.

"I came here because I thought I could prove to myself that Jake can't control me anymore…" Jamie trailed off, turning to stare out the window at the scenery passing by. "But he does… I still can't get past… every time I think about it or see something that reminds me… he's still there, Sarge…" Jamie voice was clogged with tears he refused to shed.

"Jamie, don't. You're going to get through this, I know you will. You will show that bastard that he is nothing. You will show him that you are so much better than he is… you will come through this stronger than ever. I know it."

Jamie glanced over at him. He nodded, unsure of what to think. The rest of the ride was silent, each lost in their own thoughts. After what felt like hours, Tony pulled up in front of Jamie's building. It was nearly noon.

"Thanks, Sarge. I'll call you later, okay?"

"Not so fast, Reagan. I'm coming up with you."

"That's not really necessary…"

"You still look like you could pass out any minute, though I'll admit that's a giant step up from where you were at the farmhouse."

Jamie cracked a small smile. He nodded in agreement. "Fine. I haven't cleaned in ages. You've been warned."

Tony scoffed. "You're a neat freak, kid. How could it have gotten dirty when you're not even there?"

Jamie let out a chuckle. "Whatever, Sarge. Come on up if it suits you."

"Suits me just fine." Tony said, sauntering after his partner. They entered the building, heading for the elevator. Jamie hesitated.

"Let's take the stairs."

Tony looked at him quizzically, but shrugged in agreement. "Okay, whatever you want."

They headed up the stairs to the fifth floor, Tony huffing and puffing by the time they got to the landing. Jamie smirked at him.

"You're out of shape, Sarge." he teased. Tony glared in response, but softened it with a smile. He was just happy that Jamie was acting normally.

"Now see, if you just lived on the first floor…"

"Where's the fun in that?" Jamie asked, unlocking his door. "You can't get any exercise that way."

"Whatever." Tony grumbled, pushing his friend towards the couch. "Sit. I'll get you something. Are you hungry?"

"No, not really."

"Something to drink?"

"Water." Jamie answered. "Really, this is unnecessary… it _my_ apartment!"

Tony waved him off. "Just want to help." he said, pressing a glass of water into Jamie's hand. He sat down next to him. "Kid… did you let your father know you were doing this? Or Danny?"

Jamie fiddled with the glass in his hand. "No…"

"You just left?"

"Yes… I was going to call them later."

"Jamie…" Tony sighed.

"I'm going to go back there soon. I just need some time." Jamie defended himself.

"Okay, okay. I get it." Tony replied, holding up his hands. He watched as Jamie stared down at his water glass. He was positive that he was hiding something, but couldn't tell what. "Jamie… I'm going to go get your mail for you, okay? It's probably been building up."

Jamie nodded. "Sure. Thanks, Sarge."

"Anytime." Tony said, standing and heading for the door. Once he got down the hall, he pulled out his cellphone, dialing a number that would connect him to a person that he was secretly terrified of. The ringing stopped as the person picked up.

"Hello?"

"Commissioner?"

"Sergeant Renzulli?"

"Yes, Sir. I'm with Jamie… I just thought you should know that."

He heard a sigh of relief, and mumbled voices talking at the other end of the line. Finally, Commissioner Reagan came back. "Thank you, Tony. Is he okay? What happened?"

Tony hesitated. "He… he wanted me to go with him… back to the farmhouse." he stuttered, listening to the silence on the other end.

"Did… did he say why?"

Tony hesitated again. If Jamie found out about this phone call, he was sure that he would be toast. "I don't think that's really my place to say…"

"Sergeant…" Frank said, a note of warning in his voice. Tony swallowed nervously.

"He wanted to prove to himself that Jake doesn't control him anymore." he said in a rush. More silence on the other end.

"Do you think it worked?" Frank asked, his voice sounding tired and worried.

"I… no, I really don't."

"Okay… where are you now?" Frank sighed.

"At his apartment. I'm sure he'll come back to you after he's had some time to himself."

"Alright. Tell him… tell him I'm sorry."

Tony frowned, confused. "Okay, Commissioner. I'll do that."

"Thank you, Sergeant. And thank you for calling me."

"You're welcome, Sir." he replied. The line went silent as Frank hung up. Tony sighed, closing his phone. He entered the elevator, going down to the first floor mailboxes to grab Jamie's mail. He took the bundle back up to Jamie's apartment.

"You've got a lot here, kid." Tony replied, entering the living room. Jamie looked up, smirking.

"Maybe you could help me pay some of the bills." he teased. "You've helped with everything else."

"Ha, that's funny, Reagan." Tony grumbled teasingly. "You're on your own for that." He handed over the stack of papers and envelopes. Jamie quickly sorted them, tossing the junk onto the coffee table and feeling dismayed over the bills.

"Damn… are you sure you can't help? Some of these are late; they're going to be expensive."

"That's not _my_ problem." Tony teased. Jamie glared mockingly at him.

"Fine."

"Kid… are you going to go back to your father's place later?"

"Yeah, I'd better. I didn't leave on a good note." Jamie mumbled. Tony nodded, pretending to have no idea what he was talking about. "You phoned him, didn't you?" Jamie asked. Tony blushed.

"Yeah… I'm sorry, kid. I couldn't help it. I was sure they'd be going crazy worrying about where you were."

Jamie nodded. "I know… and thanks."

Tony smiled. "Your father says he's sorry. I'm sure you know what he means by that, even if I'm clueless."

Jamie smirked. "Yeah, I know."

"Do you want a lift over there?"

"No, I'll be fine. I have my car."

"Are you okay to drive?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. See?" Jamie held out his hands. "No shaking."

Tony grinned. "Fine, kid. If you change your mind, call me."

"I will. Thanks, Sarge… I couldn't have done it without your help."

"Anytime." Tony smiled. "Listen, I'd better get going, my wife had chores for me to do today." He made a face, making Jamie laugh. "She'll kick me to Pluto and back if I don't do them." He sighed dramatically before sobering. "My phone's open, kid. Any time you want, for any reason."

Jamie nodded. "Yeah. Thanks, Sarge."

Tony smiled again before heading towards the door. The door closed softly behind him as Jamie lay down on the couch. He fell into a tired but restful sleep.

~~BB~~

"I thought Jamie would be back by now." Danny worried. It was nearly seven in the evening. Danny had gone to work and come back at the end of his shift, only to find that his brother still wasn't there.

"He just needed some time." Frank replied, trying to ignore the worry that kept poking at his brain. He had taken a sick day to wait at home, hoping that his son would come back. His father had waited patiently beside him.

"So you told me earlier." Danny grumbled. "What possessed him to go out there?"

"I wanted to prove I was okay." Jamie replied, stepping through the front door. He'd heard Danny's question as he'd cracked the door open.

"Jamie!" Danny said, startled. He hadn't even heard the door open. He turned, wanting to grab his brother in a hug but he restrained himself. "You okay, kid?"

Jamie smiled. His short nap had turned into a five hour sleep. He'd made himself dinner before coming back to his father's place. He felt more awake now than he had in a long time. "Yeah. I'm good."

Danny nodded, having to admit to himself that Jamie looked better now than he had in the last few days. "That's good, then." he smiled.

"Welcome home, son." Frank said. Jamie smiled at him.

"I'm sorry about this morning, Dad." he said, glancing at his brother. "Danny…"

Danny smiled, waving him off. "Don't even mention it, kid. I've forgotten already."

"I wish I knew what you were talking about." Henry grumbled, smiling at his grandson. He pulled Jamie into a quick hug. "Welcome home, kiddo."

"Thanks Grandpa."

"I hate to leave you guys already, but Linda's probably waiting for me and I promised the Sean I'd help him with his science project."

Jamie snorted. "Good luck with that."

Danny made a face at him. "I'm better at it than you might think."

"Sure, Danny. Whatever you say."

Frank smiled, listening to his boys banter back and forth. He still wasn't convinced that Jamie's troubles were over, but this was a start. Even if all he could get was tiny baby steps, he'd take them.

Anything to get his son back to him, safe and sound and feeling like normal.

~~TBC~~

* * *

**A/N 2:** I know this seems like it's taking forever... (and it is for me, too, considering that I've hit a wall and haven't written in over a week). The reality of it is, a lot of people deny that something is wrong. A lot of people keep things hidden inside for their own reasons, even if they seem dumb or unreasonable to anyone on the outside, which I've hinted at. But he's starting to break open now, if you've noticed. :) On another note - no one was curious as to the supposed theme song I mentioned in the last chapter? LOL ;) No matter, I'll probably try to find a way to incorporate it into the story, hopefully in a way that will keep me from getting kicked off the site. ;)


	15. Chapter 14

Run and Hide

**Disclaimer:** Don't own anything to do with the show. Any OC's are mine and I randomly create names; any coincidental similarities are just that - coincidence.

**A/N:** Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing and alerting and everything else! :) Special thanks to Darcie - that meant more than you know! :)

Okay - so I had to rethink this story; I was losing control of it and running into walls and such. This chapter had been much shorter as it originally was just a transition chapter, but I've decided to get things moving - I combined another part of the next chapter and rearranged stuff - after cutting and pasting and thinking, I came out with this still-long chapter (it had become ginormous until I fiddled with it LOL). In the meantime, hopefully no one's gotten bored with waiting and wandered off. LOL ;)

* * *

Chapter 14

_Perception is a clash of mind and eye,  
the eye believing what it sees,  
the mind seeing what it believes. - Robert Brault_

Jamie sat on the edge of his bed. It was twelve thirty, and he had gone to bed two hours ago. It had been three days since he'd gone to the farmhouse, and the nightmares were still there. He'd managed to keep his father and grandfather from suspecting anything; in fact, they seemed to be pleased with the progress he was making. He had been acting normally during the day, and they had started to ease off, to let him go his own way. He'd been spending much less time at his father's house and more time out, visiting down at the precinct, or just getting stuff done on his own. However, he hesitated to bring up the possibility of leaving and going back to his own apartment; he knew that they still wouldn't be comfortable with that yet. He'd wait until after the normal family dinner on Sunday before he would try that.

He stood, peering into the hallway. It was quiet. He'd heard his father go to his own room about eleven, just before he fell asleep. He made his way into the bathroom, softly closing the door. He stared at his pale reflection in the mirror. Jake's sneering face floated across his mind.

"You don't control me." Jamie growled in a whisper. "You can't hurt me anymore."

He opened the medicine cabinet to grab this toothbrush. He found that doing normal mundane things could relax him. His hand stopped partway to the brush, his eyes spying the pills his father had been given to help him sleep. His father had taken only a few himself before quitting them, saying he hated the lasting drowsiness and other side effects. Jamie also knew it was the one thing that could make Jake go away, and would allow him to get a restful sleep. He grabbed the bottle, shaking one out into his hand and putting the rest back. He hesitated, then shook his head. He desperately wanted uninterrupted sleep, and if this could help, where was the harm? He swallowed it with a bit of water before quietly making his way back to his room.

~~BB~~

"Hi, Dad."

"Danny, I didn't hear you come in." Frank responded, quickly looking up from the paper. It was Sunday evening, and he could hear the sounds of dinner being prepared in the kitchen. Linda was ordering Henry away from the stove, and Henry was arguing back. "It must be a zoo in there, judging by the sounds."

"Why do you think I'm in _here_?" Danny smirked. "What's Jamie up to?"

"Getting cleaned up. He'll be down soon."

"How's he doing?"

Frank sighed. "I don't know, son. I thought he was much better."

"Nightmare again?"

"No… at least, I don't think so. I haven't heard anything for the past several nights."

"Then what's up?" Danny asked, sitting on the couch. "You seem to think something is wrong."

"I think he's been taking those sleeping pills I was given a while ago. The ones I stopped taking because I hated the after effects."

"I thought you'd gotten rid of them."

"I wish I had…"

"What makes you think he's taking them?"

Frank sighed. "I was reaching for my toothbrush this morning, and the bottle was turned so that I could see inside it past the label… it looks emptier than before. I only took them for three nights before I quit. There's more than three gone. I'd say he's been taking them since Wednesday. It took him longer to wake up on Thursday, though I'll admit I didn't pay much attention at the time."

"Any other signs?"

"He's been tired lately, and quieter. Nothing seems to be bothering him, but he's different somehow."

Danny stared at his father. "Maybe it's the only way he can get Jake to leave him alone…"

"That's what I'm afraid of."

"Have you talked to him about it?"

"No…" Frank looked down at his hands. "I'm afraid to. I'm afraid he'll take offense to it."

"Dad, those things can be addictive! He can't keep taking them just because he's afraid there will be another nightmare."

"I know that, Danny. Look, I'll try to talk to him… if he feels they're working for him, there may be a lighter dose of something else that we can get him, something less addictive."

"He's going to have to give in and talk about it." Danny warned. "No doctor of any kind is just going to hand out a bottle of sleeping pills randomly. He may not take kindly to that."

"I know that, too, Danny."

"What do you know, Francis?" Henry asked, shuffling into the living room. "Linda kicked me out." he said in response to their quizzical looks. "She's a mad woman when it comes to her cooking."

Danny smirked. "I thought you knew that by now, Gramps."

"You don't need to be a smartass about it, Danny." Henry grumbled. "Francis? You haven't answered me."

"It's nothing, Pop." Frank waved him off. Henry stared searchingly at him, but soon realized that his son wouldn't give in, and Danny was clearly staying out of it. He shrugged. If it was something important, he was sure that someone would tell him.

Erin made her way into the living room. "Linda's nearly finished. She just kicked me out. I must have been doing something wrong."

Danny smirked. "Of course you were. You were trying to cook."

Erin glared at him. "Shut up, Danny. I'm not _that_ bad."

"I don't know, sweetheart… you've come close to burning water…"

"That's not helping, Grandpa!" Erin snapped, yet she was unable to keep a small grin off of her face. "Your birthday cake did turn out a bit lopsided, Dad…"

"I remember that… you couldn't ice it because the icing was too runny and kept pooling on the tray."

"At least I haven't killed anyone with it." Erin defended herself, listening to the laughter of her family.

~~BB~~

Linda turned at a sound, ready to tell off whoever it was that was trying to get involved. Her gaze softened as it landed on her brother-in-law. She smiled.

"Hi, Jamie." She said, taking in his appearance. He looked tired, but otherwise normal. He smiled back.

"Hi, Linda." he replied. "It smells really good in here."

"Thanks, honey. Did you want to help? There are some vegetables that need slicing for the salad… Jamie?"

He was staring at the knife in her hand, a glazed look on his face. She started to approach him, alarmed when he suddenly backed up, bumping into the counter. She quickly put the knife down, blocking his view from it with her body.

"Jamie, look at me!" she ordered softly, placing her hands gently on his face. The cool feeling from her hands seemed to jar him back to reality. He swallowed, his eyes full of panic. "What happened, Jamie?"

"I… I can't…"

"You can't what, honey?" Linda asked, anxiety causing her heart to stomp against her ribcage. "Let me get Danny or your father…"

"No!" he croaked, reaching out to grab her arm. "No, please… don't tell anyone! I'm alright. I'll be fine, just give me a minute."

Linda watched, panic subsiding, as Jamie closed his eyes. He started taking deeper breaths, the anxiety visibly leaving him. His eyes slowly opened, a flush colouring his cheeks.

"Please don't say anything." he pleaded, glancing towards the kitchen door. "Please…"

"Okay, Jamie. I won't tell them. Are you sure you're okay?" she asked, still worried. "What happened?"

Jamie turned his back to her, leaning on the counter and staring at his hands. "It's nothing…"

"Jamie, that wasn't nothing." Linda replied, leaning against the counter next to him. She placed a hand on his arm. "We want to help you, but we can't if you don't let us in."

"I just froze, Linda. It's not a big deal."

"Jamie…" Linda sighed.

"Just leave it alone, okay? I can't do this right now."

Linda stared Jamie, shocked by the aggressiveness in his voice. He had never snapped at her before. "Alright. If that's what you want."

"It is."

"Then it's already forgotten." Linda replied, turning back to the stove. "Dinner should be ready in a few minutes if you want to tell the others." Jamie nodded, immediately leaving the kitchen. Linda stared after him; she wanted to abide by his wishes, but how could she when his behaviour scared her? How could she hide this from Danny?

~~BB~~

"Linda."

Linda ignored her husband as she continued to get ready for bed. She knew exactly what he wanted to talk about, and she had promised Jamie she wouldn't say anything.

"You can't ignore me forever, babe."

"I can try."

"You've already slipped up."

She smiled slightly at the smirk in his voice. She leaned back into him as he wrapped his arms around her waist, nuzzling her cheek.

"You can't ignore _this_, you know… I know you like it."

Linda sighed, knowing that if he kept going she'd cave in and tell him. "Just leave it alone for now, okay Danny?"

"Something was bothering you at dinner, and I want to know what's wrong." he continued stubbornly.

"Danny…"

"You kept glancing over at Jamie." he told her. "You can't lie to me. You're horrible at lying to me. You can't play poker because of it."

Linda glowered at him. He gave her an innocent smile. Damn him…

"Jamie froze in the kitchen while I was finishing dinner. I asked him if he'd like to help slice vegetables for the salad. I was holding the knife… he fixated on it."

Danny sat on the edge of the bed. "What happened?"

Linda shrugged. "He just stared at the knife, a glazed look on his face, like he was remembering something that happened to him. I made a move to go to him, and he startled. I was still holding the knife in my hand, and he backed up against the counter, panic all over his face."

Danny sighed, scrubbing his hands over his face. "Damn… I actually thought we were getting over that. What else happened?"

"He insisted he was fine, begged me not to tell anyone… and he…" she trailed off, unsure.

"What? Honey, what did he do?" Danny pressed, feeling slightly alarmed at the look on his wife's face. She seemed scared of something, worried, and confused all at the same time.

"I told him I was going to get you or your father. I thought that one of you might be better off handling this instead of me… he grabbed my arm to stop me as I was turning away. He told me to leave it alone… Danny, I've never heard such aggression in his voice, not even when yelling and fighting with you, and he's certainly never snapped at me before."

Danny felt anger slowly burning beneath the surface. "Did he threaten you?" he asked her quietly.

"What?" Linda asked, shocked. "Oh, Danny… no, you _know_ he wouldn't do that." She told him, sitting next to him. He grabbed her hand, holding it tightly.

"I'm not sure of anything anymore." Danny muttered. "No one – and I don't care _who_ it is – _no one_ threatens you or the boys and gets away with it."

"Danny, stop it!" Linda said, frustrated. "He didn't threaten me, and he didn't hurt me. Something is definitely not right with him, though. He was fidgety all through dinner."

"I noticed, but I'll admit that I didn't pay much attention." Danny mumbled. "Dad thinks he's taking those sleeping pills. You know, the ones that Dad stopped taking because he didn't like how they made him feel?"

"I thought your father had gotten rid of those."

"So did I, but he hadn't yet." Danny sighed. "He thinks Jamie's taking them because the bottle has less in it than before."

"Those are strong, and they could be addictive." Linda mused. "Maybe that's what seems to be changing him…"

"I know, that's what I'm worried about. Dad said he was going to try to talk to him tonight, convince him to not take any more."

Linda leaned her head on Danny's shoulder. "He must be desperate if he's taking them in the first place."

Danny nodded, a lump in his throat. He kept on wishing that his brother would just start talking.

~~BB~~

Frank knocked on Jamie's bedroom door. His son had gone to bed only a few minutes before. Jamie opened it, glancing at his father with some confusion.

"Something you need, Dad?"

"Can I come in?"

Jamie shrugged, opening the door all the way. "Sure. What's this about?"

Frank took a seat on the bed, patting the spot next to him. Jamie sat down, still looking confused. "Son… this morning I noticed the pill bottle in the medicine cabinet looked emptier than the last time I saw it. The sleeping pills." he clarified, watching his son carefully and noticing that as soon as he mentioned the pill bottle, Jamie started looking ashamed.

Jamie stared at his feet. "Dad, I… I just wanted something to help me sleep…"

Frank nodded. "Understandable, son. Why do you think I had them in the first place?" he told him. "They're not good pills, though. They're strong, and they shouldn't be taken every night. Jamie… they can become addictive."

"So you think I'm addicted to them?" Jamie snapped, shame immediately colouring his features. "I'm sorry… I didn't mean to snap…"

Frank nodded, frowning at his clasped hands. "Jamie, I don't think you're addicted to them, but I think it's starting. I want you to stop taking them."

"I wasn't going to take one tonight." Jamie mumbled quietly. "I don't like what they're doing either. I walk around in a daze most of the time."

"Good." Frank approved, looking again at Jamie's defeated form. "Did they help you any?"

"That was about the only good thing going for them." Jamie sighed. "I slept the whole night."

"We can get you a prescription for a lighter dose of something less dangerous, Jamie." Frank intoned quietly. "You just need to go in, answer their questions, get checked out…"

"No." Jamie refused. "I'll be okay. I don't want any pills."

Frank knew it had less to do with the pills and more to do with the refusal to talk about what had happened to him. He nodded anyway. "Okay, we'll wait and see how it goes. If you change your mind…"

"I won't."

"If you do," Frank repeated. "Come to me and I'll help you, okay?"

Jamie sighed, deciding not to argue. "Fine. I'll keep it in mind, Dad."

Frank nodded, standing. "Goodnight, Jamie."

"Night Dad." Jamie said, closing his eyes as his father gently touched the top of his head. "Dad…"

Frank turned. "Yes?"

Jamie glanced away. "It's nothing. It can wait."

"Jamie, if there's anything you want to tell me, you can just say it." Frank murmured, hoping Jamie was about to open up. Jamie shook his head.

"It's not important. It can wait until tomorrow."

"Alright." Frank said, trying to keep the disappointment from his voice. "Goodnight, son."

"Goodnight."

Frank closed the door quietly, softly padding down the hall to his room. He lay awake for a long time that night, half listening for any signs of a nightmare from Jamie, and too wound up to sleep. Worry still poked at his mind, filling his brain with questions he could not answer.

~~BB~~

Jamie lay awake in the dark, almost able to physically feel the minutes ticking by. He wanted to get up to get one of the pills, but he forced himself to stay put. His hands shook and his skin felt clammy.

'_It's not possible.'_ he thought to himself. _'I _can't _have gotten addicted already! It's been less than a week!'_

He sighed, getting out of bed. Even his legs felt shaky. He weakly stepped into the hallway, trying to unstick his shirt from his skin. He needed water badly.

Stepping into the bathroom, he reached for the glass by the sink. He stared at the medicine cabinet. Frustrated, he tore his hand from the glass and his eyes from the cabinet, quickly leaving the bathroom. He quietly made his way downstairs, stopping in the kitchen to fill a glass of water. He wandered into the living room, placing the glass on the coffee table. He sank down, exhausted, onto the couch, his elbows on his knees. He pressed his clasped hands onto his forehead, closing his eyes. His whole body felt shaky and his skin felt too warm.

"I hope that glass you're staring into contains water."

Jamie jumped, startled. He glanced up at his father over his entwined fingers. "It does."

"Good." Frank replied, sitting down next to his son. "Are you okay?"

"I'm… yeah, I'm fine." Jamie replied, knowing that his father could tell he was lying. His hands still shook, and tremors occasionally ran down his arms.

"You're not fine." Frank said, sounding as if he were talking about the weather.

"I feel sick…" Jamie agreed, his voice barely audible. "I'm just so tired…"

"I know."

"How do you know?"

"I went through the same thing. Maybe not as severe, but the reason you're sitting here is the main reason I stopped taking them. They weren't worth it."

"I thought you only took three pills. Three nights and you were done…"

"That's true. They're that strong."

"I had an extra couple of days…"

"I know."

"I want one… but I hate them…"

"I know that, too." Frank sighed, gently placing his hand on his son's back. He squeezed his shoulder. "I'll stay here as long as you like."

"Thanks, Dad." Jamie said, feeling grateful.

"Lay down, son." Frank said, trying to get Jamie to lie on his side. Jamie caved, laying his head on the pillow his father had placed on his lap.

"This is embarrassing, Dad." Jamie grumbled. "I'm not ten years old anymore."

"You did this when you were seventeen, son."

"…I did not…"

Frank smiled. "Yes, you did. You'd caught the flu in the middle of summer. It was the sickest you'd ever been; the heat wave we were experiencing wasn't helping anything. You were starting to become delirious. You begged me not to leave."

Jamie could only recall bits and pieces of that period of time. "Yeah, well… still, this is embarrassing."

"It's only you and me here, Jamie."

"And Grandpa if he happens to wander through." Jamie grumbled. Frank smirked.

"He won't say anything." he told him. "Besides, I doubt he'll even wake up."

Jamie nodded. He would never admit it to Danny, but he was enjoying this moment with his father. Frank was gently running his fingers through his hair, calming him. He started feeling sleepy.

"Sleep, son. I'll stay here."

Jamie was already starting to doze off, the shaking in his hands and arms already easing, the warmth of his father's hand on his arm and the lazy, gentle stroking of his hair lulling him into a deep sleep.

~~BB~~

Henry stretched, wandering sleepily into the living room, cup of coffee in hand. No one else seemed to be up yet. Either that or he'd gotten the time wrong and he was the only one left in the house. He stopped short in the doorway, staring fondly at the couch.

Frank was sitting, head against the back of the couch, still fast asleep. His arm was draped protectively over Jamie, who was also still deep in sleep, his head on the cushion resting on his father's lap. Frank suddenly jolted awake.

"Pop?" he asked, his voice hoarse from lack of use.

"Sleep well, Francis?"

Franks swallowed a few times, looking down at Jamie. "Yeah, surprisingly. My back isn't happy, though."

"Is he okay?"

Frank looked at Jamie again. "Yeah… I think so. Just a negative reaction to those damned pills…"

"Much like you had."

"Worse." Frank sighed. "He didn't wake up once during the night, though. Probably the best sleep he's had without the pills."

Henry nodded. "He needs it."

Frank gave his father a small smile. "You're right. He still won't talk, though."

"Give him time. If he's willing to do _this_, he'll come to you eventually."

"I hope you're right, Pop."

"Of course I am." Henry scoffed. A movement made them both look at Jamie.

Jamie mumbled incoherently, stretching slightly as his eyes opened. He looked around quizzically, glancing up at his father who smiled at him.

"Good morning, son."

Jamie sat up, scrubbing a hand through his hair. "Morning, Dad." He looked over at his grandfather, giving him a sleepy glare.

"I won't say anything to anyone, kiddo." Henry smiled. "Especially Danny."

Jamie nodded, giving an automatic smirk. "Thanks, Gramps."

"There's coffee in the kitchen." Henry told them.

Jamie stretched. "I just need a shower." He mumbled, standing. "Dad…" he trailed off, turning to his father.

Frank waved him off. "Don't mention it, Jamie. You know I'm always here for you."

Jamie gave him a small smile, nodding his thanks. He wandered back upstairs. The men heard the bathroom door close.

Upstairs, Jamie climbed into the shower, letting the warm water wash over his skin. He leaned back against the wall, tears threatening. This just wasn't fair…

~~BB~~

"Dad?"

Frank looked up from his book. It was nearly eight in the evening. "Yes, Jamie?"

"I think it's time for me to go back to my own place…" Jamie fidgeted nervously as he watched for his father's reaction. Henry looked up, surprised.

Frank worried his bottom lip. "Are you sure, son?"

"I'm positive."

"When were you thinking of going?"

Jamie continued to fidget. "Tonight, actually…"

Frank gave him a startled look. "Wouldn't you rather wait for morning?"

"No… I think getting back to my own place will help get things back to normal." Jamie gave him an almost pleading look. "I know I can't get back to work yet, but this is a start at least."

Frank nodded slowly. "You may be right, son." He glanced at his father, who was staring at him with an incredulous look on his face.

"I've already packed up…"

Frank felt a pang in his chest. He knew it was ridiculous, but he couldn't help but feel that Jamie was trying to get away from him as fast as he possibly could. He pasted what he hoped was an accepting smile onto his face. "Then I suppose you're ready to go?"

Jamie nodded, relieved that there were no fireworks. "I am. I just want to get home and relax for a while."

"Sounds like a good idea, son." Frank agreed, trying to keep the nervousness out of his voice. He stood. "I'll walk you out to your car." Jamie nodded.

"I'll just go get my suitcase." he said, heading back upstairs.

Henry looked at Frank. "Have you gone insane, Francis?" he hissed in whisper. "You made progress with him last night… it might not take much more for him to open up! Letting him leave…"

"Is something that was going to have to happen at some point anyway." Frank told his father quietly. "You know that." Henry looked like he was going to say something else, but Jamie was already descending the stairs. He stood at the bottom, nervously fiddling with the strap on the suitcase, glancing in between his father and grandfather.

"I'll call you each day…" Jamie said, looking torn. "Just to let you know how my day was…"

Frank nodded. "I'd like that, son."

Jamie gave him a small smile and picked up his suitcase. He stepped towards the door. Frank opened it for him, following his son out. Jamie opened the car door, placing his case into the backseat. He turned to look at his father. His grandfather stood off to the side, looking unsure and nervous.

"Call me if you need anything, Jamie." Frank told him, giving him a quick hug. He grasped his son gently by the shoulders. "Anything. My phone's always open."

Jamie nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat. "I will, Dad." Henry stepped up to him, looking like he wanted to drag Jamie back into the house.

"Be careful, kiddo." Henry mumbled, pulling his grandson to him. "You can always phone me, too." he told him seriously. Jamie nodded again, giving him a small smile.

"Thank you." was all Jamie said as he climbed into the driver's seat and started the car. The two men stepped back as Jamie started moving, giving them a small wave out the window. They watched as he turned onto the street, continuing to watch as his taillights disappeared.

"I don't like this, Francis." Henry grumbled. "No, that's not it. I hate it."

Frank sighed. "I know, Pop. Believe me, I know. But I can't keep him here forever. He wants to go, and physically there's no reason for him to stay here anymore. He could probably start running and exercising again if he wanted to."

Henry shook his head, sighing. He turned, re-entering the house. Frank stood outside for a long while, staring down the road his son had taken. He hoped it would eventually lead back to him.

~~BB~~

"He went back to his apartment already?"

"Danny, physically he's fine. There's no reason for us to watch him anymore. We can't keep him here forever."

"Yeah, physically… but he's still keeping things in." Danny said, feeling frustration creeping in. "It was just Sunday when..." Danny muttered, immediately pausing as he turned away from his father, scrubbing a hand over his eyes. He glanced behind him, noticing two pairs of accusing eyes staring at him, burning holes in his back. He swallowed, slowly turning around again.

"What was that, Danny?" Frank asked, his voice low and steady. Threatening, almost. "I didn't quite catch that."

"Yeah… I shouldn't have said that…"

"If something was wrong with Jamie, then _yes_ you should have." Frank replied evenly. "You should have said something on Sunday. Now I want you to tell me what it is."

"He just had a little incident… it's nothing major…"

"I'll be the judge of that, Danny." Frank accused.

"He wandered into the kitchen when Linda was still in there. She asked him if he wanted to help cut up some of the vegetables for the salad… he fixated on the knife in her hand and when she went to approach him, he panicked and backed up into the counter. She realized it was the knife that caused the reaction and put it down before calming him down."

"Anything else?"

"When she said she was going to get either you or me to handle this instead of her, he grabbed her arm to stop her and begged her not to tell anyone. He told her to leave it alone… there was an aggressiveness in his voice that she's never heard from him."

Frank nodded sadly. "Is she okay?"

"She's fine, Dad. She knows he didn't have any intent to hurt her or threaten her." Danny reassured him. "Has he taken any more of those pills?"

"No." Frank told him. "He reacted badly to them… it looked very much like withdrawal symptoms to me, mild but uncomfortable. He stayed out here Sunday night, and I stayed with him. When he left last night, I'll admit that I took a look in the medicine cabinet. The pills were still there, untouched."

Danny nodded. "Good. What did he say to you when he left?"

"That he would phone each day to let us know how his day went."

Danny raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Do you think he will?"

Frank hesitated. "I think he'll start out that way… but I don't know how long it will last."

"You think he said it because he knew that the two of you didn't want him to leave?"

"Probably."

Danny sighed. "Maybe I'll pay him a visit tonight. Pizza night, a little brotherly bonding, just some relaxation."

Frank smiled at him. "I think he would like that."

"Maybe he would open up to me."

Frank sighed, giving him a look. "Don't force him."

"Come on, Dad!" Danny grumbled. "You know he won't talk about it any other way!"

"Danny, we know what happened to him…"

"We don't know it from _his_ point of view, only the aftermath of what we can guess at. It's still eating at him."

"I know it is, Danny." Frank responded, fidgeting. "And I worry both about him and the reasons why he's keeping it to himself."

Danny nodded, the gears turning in his brain, trying to piece together the puzzle. "I've got to get back to work, Dad. I'll call Jamie later, see if he's up for a visit."

"You should, son. I think he'd like to see you."

Danny gave a small smirk, not feeling quite so confident. He nodded to his father before opening the door and walking out into the sunshine.

~~BB~~

Jamie sighed, running his fingers through his hair. He was standing on the balcony, squinting into the setting sun. He had gotten home about nine the previous night, spending time unpacking and tidying up. He went to bed an hour later, exhausted. He'd managed to sleep the whole night without any dreams. He woke up at seven, feeling more awake and refreshed than he had in ages.

It had been a good day until about one that afternoon. He'd gone down to the precinct to visit with Renzulli and a couple of the guys he'd gotten to know fairly well. Renzulli had continued to complain about the rookies he had to babysit while the other two officers had made fun of him. Jamie couldn't help but laugh. The two officers had left, each of them clapping Jamie on the back as they went, telling him that they would keep praying he'd be back soon so their Sergeant would quit complaining. Alone with his partner, Renzulli motioned for Jamie to follow him.

_# # #_

"_Jamie, my break's almost over. I've got to get down to the gun range, there are qualifications coming up that I have to supervise."_

"_Sounds fun." Jamie smirked._

"_Don't laugh, kid. I remember your first qualification. You were so nervous you missed the target most of the time." Renzulli grimaced in remembrance. "I was afraid I was going to have to fire you, you were so horrible at it."_

"_You standing over my shoulder and insulting me wasn't really helping, Sarge."_

"_I wasn't insulting you, Reagan." Renzulli grinned. "I was trying to make you work harder."_

"_Calling me a momma's boy wasn't going to make me work harder, Sarge." Jamie smirked again. "Besides, that was rather offending to begin with, considering…"_

"_Yeah, well, I forgot about that, kid. Frustration does that to me." Tony smiled apologetically. "You forgive me for that, don't you?"_

"_Yeah, of course." Jamie smiled back. "You already know that."_

_They were heading into the basement where the gun lockup and range were located. Several shots could be heard, echoing off of the concrete walls. Renzulli pushed open the door, the shots echoing louder._

"_You've turned out to be one of the best shots I've seen in quite some time, Reagan." Tony said. "I'll let you take a few shots today if you'd like, just to get warmed up again." Renzulli looked beside him, smirking at his partner. The smirk dropped off his face. "Jamie? Where'd you go?" Jamie was nowhere to be seen. His eyebrows raised in surprise as he turned to look behind him, seeing only the closed door to the range. He frowned, opening the door. Jamie wasn't in sight. He peered back down the hallway from the direction in which they'd come._

_Jamie had slid down the wall and was sitting on the floor, his forehead resting on his hands. By the looks of his face, he was struggling with something. Tony approached him, slowly and deliberately, trying not to startle him. He knelt down in front of him._

"_Jamie?" he asked, softly, reaching out to place a hand on his arm. He tugged gently, trying to get Jamie to look at him. "Kid, what's wrong? What happened?"_

"_I don't think I can do this…" Jamie mumbled._

"_Do what?" Tony asked, worried. "Come on, Jamie. Let's get you up." Tony stood, pulling Jamie with him. Jamie complied easily. Tony looked up at him, noticing his pale skin, the thin sheen of sweat on his forehead, the nervous biting of his lip. "Follow me, okay? This hallway's going to get busy in a matter of minutes."_

_Jamie followed, his hands cold as the adrenaline wore off. As soon as he'd heard the shots echoing down the hallway, his heart sped up as his mind forced him back to the campground. He shuddered again, garnering Tony's attention. He felt his Sergeant place a comforting hand on his shoulder as he led him down the hall towards a small room, a room that officers waited in as they waited for their turn to shoot. Tony opened the door, revealing an officer that Jamie had met back in his Academy days. They saw each other occasionally if they happened to work the same shift, but they didn't meet up very often. The officer's face lit up as he noticed his old friend._

"_Jamie! I heard you had been skulking around here again! How are you doing?"_

"_Officer Linden, now's really not a good time." Renzulli sighed. "Out."_

"_Okay…" Linden mumbled, glancing again at Jamie. His brow furrowed in concern as he took in his shaky, pale appearance. "You okay, Jamie?" he asked, glancing meekly at the Sergeant's scowl. "I'm sorry, Sir… I'll go…"_

"_Paul…"_

"_Yeah, Jamie?"_

_Jamie gave him a weak smile. "I'm okay. Thanks."_

_Paul nodded, not fully convinced. He turned again towards the door._

"_Linden!"_

"_Sir?"_

"_You can help me out… direct the others towards the room at the end of the hall. Just say this one's out of commission, okay? I don't want anyone to walk in here."_

"_Of course, Sir." Paul smiled, happy to be of use. He nodded at Jamie again before leaving, placing himself importantly in the hallway in front of the door._

_Inside the room, Renzulli gently pushed Jamie down into a nearby chair. He sat on another one that he had pulled in front of his partner. He watched as Jamie leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "Talk to me, Jamie. What happened?"_

_Jamie stared at his hands. "Those shots… all I could think of was the shooting I'd witnessed before all this started… and the campground…"_

"_You're remembering the boy?"_

"_Yes." Jamie nodded. "And the execution in the campground… Sarge, how am I supposed to do my job when I jump at every little thing?" Jamie's voice had become strained as his eyes pleaded with his friend to help him. Tony felt his own throat tighten as he stared back into Jamie's reddened eyes, even though they were clear of tears._

"_It may take some time, kid…" Tony said, placing his hand on Jamie's shoulder as Jamie bent his head. "You'll get through it, I know you will."_

_# # #_

Jamie leaned on the railing, staring down into the street below. Renzulli was right, but Jamie was becoming frustrated with the length of time. He hated being scared. He hated feeling weak.

His cellphone startled him, vibrating in his back pocket. The familiar chimes he'd applied to Danny met his ears as he pulled it out.

"Hello?"

"Kid, did you want pepperoni and cheese or everything-on-it pizza?"

Jamie frowned. "Why?"

"I thought we could spend some time together." Danny said simply. "Hurry up and pick, the guy's getting annoyed with me."

Jamie smirked. "Everything."

"Got it, kid. I'll be by in about half an hour, okay?"

"Sounds good to me." Jamie said, smiling easily at his brother's voice. "See you soon."

He hung up, stuffing the phone back into his pocket. He wandered back inside, picking up the land line phone, dialing his father's number.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Dad."

"Jamie." Frank answered, a smile in his voice. "How was your day, son?"

Jamie swallowed quietly, fighting with himself. He pasted a smile on his lips. "It was good, Dad. I went down to the precinct to visit with Sarge. A few of the other guys were there as well. It was nice to talk with them again."

"That's good, son." Frank replied, hearing the forced smile in Jamie's voice. "What are you doing tonight?"

"Danny called. He's going to bring over a pizza."

"That'll be nice for you two. You haven't seen much of each other these past few days."

"Yeah, Danny's been pretty busy."

They both paused awkwardly. Jamie didn't know what to say and Frank fought the urge to start asking him how he was. Jamie was saved by a knock on his door.

"I've got to go, Dad. Danny just showed up." he said, nodding at Danny who had let himself in.

"Alright, son." Frank replied, not missing the relief in his son's voice. His heart squeezed. "You two have a good time. Don't let Danny out of your sight if he has too many beers, okay? The last boy's night went a bit… funny…"

Jamie smirked, remembering. "I remember that, Dad." He shuddered slightly, remembering Danny streaking down the street, convinced he'd been dared to do it. Their father wasn't too happy, threatening to have him arrested for public indecency. Jamie just wished that some things could be unseen. "I'll watch him. Goodnight, Dad."

"Goodnight, Jamie. Sleep well."

Jamie hung up, turning to his glowering brother. "What?" he asked innocently.

"You really had to bring that up, didn't you?"

"I didn't say anything!"

"You thought it."

"You a mind reader now?" Jamie grumbled teasingly. Danny smirked, punching him lightly on the shoulder.

"I brought beer." Danny said. "You still on the pain meds?"

"No." Jamie replied, looking wearily at the brown bottles. "Haven't been for quite a while now."

"Good." Danny said, noticing his brother's look. "Do you want one? You don't have to, you know."

Jamie took a breath. "No, I'll have one." he told him, reaching for a bottle. He dug around for the bottle opener, cracking the top and handing the opener to his brother. Danny did the same. They tapped their bottles together lightly, an unspoken understanding between them.

"Hungry?" Danny asked, motioning to the pizza box. Jamie smiled.

"Definitely." he replied, opening the box and reaching for a slice.

They ate in silence for several minutes, the only sound coming from the TV playing quietly in the background. Finally feeling full, Jamie leaned on the table, playing with the beer between his hands. He glanced at his brother as Danny finished off the last slice.

"How's work?"

Danny shrugged. "Same as always. Completed a drug raid this afternoon." Danny smirked. "Bastards were too out of it to notice me… all I had to do was pretend to be one of them and the information poured out of them like water."

Jamie smiled wistfully. "Sounds kinda fun…"

Danny looked at him. "You miss it, kid?"

"What, work in general or undercover?"

Danny shrugged again. "Either."

"Yeah, I do. Not the undercover part, really." Jamie grimaced. "The rest of it, though… I miss working with Sarge."

"Word has it that he misses working with you, too." Danny laughed.

Jamie smiled. "I went to see him today. He was complaining about the rookies again."

"He's been doing that a lot from what I hear." Danny grinned. "You've been going back there a lot."

It was Jamie's turn to shrug. "Like I said, I miss it."

Danny peered at him, getting the feeling that Jamie was holding something back. "Yeah, kid. I get it."

Jamie nodded. "I met some of the other guys too. I saw Paul Linden for the first time in months."

"Linden? The goofy looking kid?"

Jamie shot him a look. "Leave him alone, Danny. He passed the physical part with flying colours."

Danny smirked. "He's scrawny."

"Danny…" Jamie sighed.

"What?" Danny asked innocently. "I'm still surprised he made it… he's always looking for approval with everything he does. You can't do that in this job." Danny held up his hand when he noticed Jamie was about to protest. "You have to make split second decisions. He likes to ask first."

Jamie quirked an eyebrow, sighing in agreement. "He has gotten better, Danny, but you're right. He's a good guy, though. He'd do anything for anyone."

"I'd rather have a quick thinker cover my back than some nice guy."

Jamie smirked. "I suppose you're right."

Danny reached for the TV remote, absentmindedly flipping through the channels. He stopped on an action flick, his face lighting up. Jamie laughed.

"Haven't you seen that movie several times, now?"

"Yeah." Danny shrugged. "So?"

"Do you even know the name of it?"

Danny paused. "No?"

Jamie laughed again. "Why do you watch it if you don't even bother to get the name of it?"

"'Cause it's good!"

Jamie snorted. "Sure, Danny. You just like it because you don't need to think."

"What's wrong with that?" Danny asked, smiling innocently. "I think too much during the day, it's nice to watch something that you can just veg out to."

Jamie shook his head, settling sideways on the cushy chair in the living room. Danny stretched out on the couch, opening another beer. Jamie nodded briefly towards it.

"You staying put tonight?"

"Yeah." Danny answered. "Unless you want to kick me out?"

Jamie smiled slightly at his brother. "No."

"Good." Danny said, settling in further.

"You'd probably lie crying in the hallway if I did that." Jamie smirked. "My neighbours wouldn't be happy."

Danny glowered. "Thanks, kid. Thought I meant something to you."

Jamie smirked again, hearing the teasing tone in Danny's voice. "Never."

"Aw…"

They grinned at each other before turning back to the TV. Jamie watched the action with some boredom; he didn't mind action movies, but they weren't his favourite. He just didn't see the hype about tiny plot lines and where the main point is to blow up as much stuff as possible. He just tolerated it for Danny's sake, though he did have an urge to snatch the remote away from him and turn to something else. He yawned, his eyes drowsy... the TV noise seemed to fade further away from consciousness…

~~BB~~

Danny stretched slowly as he floated back into wakefulness, a frown on his face. He swallowed a few times, unsure of what had woken him up. He yawned, cracking open an eye. He stared, confused, at the partially familiar ceiling as he tried to remember where he was. Finally, his brain caught up as he remembered he'd gone over to Jamie's apartment with pizza and beer, and he had crashed on Jamie's couch after the movie had finished. Jamie had already fallen asleep in his chair.

Danny stretched again, trying to make himself more comfortable. He was just dozing off when he heard a sound. He frowned again, peering at the clock in the dim light. It was nearly two in the morning. He sighed, frustrated, as he slowly sat up. He sleepily scratched his head as he glanced over at his brother's sleeping form. He sat up, completely awake, when he realized the sound had come from Jamie. There was a frown on Jamie's face. He mumbled something unintelligible.

Danny got up to stand over his brother. He reached towards him, mindful of Jamie's fists and the fact that Jamie could sit upright at any moment, and gently grasped his shoulder. He shook him lightly. "Jamie." Danny tried. "Hey, kid… wake up…" Jamie shrugged down further, still asleep. "Come on, kid!" Danny whined. "If you jump me here, I'll probably crack my head on your coffee table. Just wake up!"

Jamie frowned again, mumbling as he jerked then slowly cracked open an eye. He squinted at his brother. "Danny? What are you doing?" he rasped through a dry mouth.

"Waking you up, you were dreaming." Danny said, annoyed that Jamie had to bother to question him.

Jamie shrugged. "I don't even remember it, you shouldn't have bothered…"

"That's bull, Jamie." Danny grumbled.

Jamie frowned again, upset. "Whatever, Danny. I'm going to go to bed." He stood, pushing past Danny.

"No." Danny replied, grabbing lightly at his arm. He pulled him back. "I'm tired of this, Jamie. Talk to me."

"There's nothing to talk about!" Jamie muttered, trying to sidestep him again. "I could have been dreaming about puppies for all you know. And all_ I _know is, is that you woke me up!"

Danny snorted. "Puppies with large teeth, maybe."

"I'm going to bed, Danny." Jamie said, leaving no room for argument. He pushed past his stunned brother, hurrying towards his room.

"You can't keep it bottled up, Jamie." Danny told him, not bothering to turn around. "You're going to break, and if you don't start talking, I might not be there when you do." He waited for his brother to answer. He was met with silence. He sighed, sure that Jamie had already left. He turned, only to find his brother steps away from the hallway leading to his room, his back to him. His shoulders were tense, and his fists were clenched. Danny took a tentative step forward. "Jamie?"

Jamie whipped around. "Leave it alone, Danny!" he snarled. Danny took a surprised step back.

"Jamie, what…"

"You wouldn't understand!"

Danny stared at him, feeling positive that Jamie was about to lunge at him. The look of fury across his face was alarming to say the least. "What wouldn't I understand?"

Like a light switch, the anger faded away. Jamie slumped against the wall, exhaustion marring his features. "I'm a cop, Danny. I'm a Reagan… and Jake won't leave me alone!" His fist clenched again as his voice hardened. "I'm supposed to be stronger than this! I'm supposed to be able to control it!"

Danny took a few steps towards Jamie, still leery of him. "You went through hell, Jamie." he started, reaching towards his brother as Jamie snorted with frustration and tried to turn away. "Wait, kid. Just wait. He could have killed you… he nearly succeeded! You can't expect it to not affect you! That's why you need to talk…"

"Shut up, Danny." Jamie snapped, turning away again. He pushed himself away from the wall, stalking towards his bedroom. "Just stop it. You don't get it, you weren't there!"

"I wish I was!" Danny snapped back, frustration getting the better of him. "I _wish_ it was me instead of you! I'd give _anything _for it to have been me… I hate seeing you like this, Jamie! I wish it had never happened." In his anger, he didn't see the look of fear and horror cross Jamie's features, and by the time he would have noticed, the look was gone.

"Well, it did, Danny!" Jamie muttered, his voice cold. "Are you still drunk?"

"No…"

"Then please leave."

"Jamie…"

"GO!" Jamie glared at him, his eyes bright in the pale light filtering from the living room. Danny stared at him.

"Jamie, I won't just leave you like this…"

"Like what, Danny?" Jamie snapped again. "I'm not made of glass!"

"I know you're not, Jamie." Danny soothed.

"Then get out."

"But…"

"What part of _get out_ don't you understand, Danny?" Jamie cried out, an angry flush colouring his cheeks. "I. Want. You. To. Leave!"

Danny's mouth moved silently. He didn't know where things had gone so wrong. "Fine…" he whispered, his heart squeezing painfully. "It doesn't matter what you say to me, Jamie." he told him, his voice quiet but firm. "I'm not going to leave you to do this alone." He stepped quietly towards the door, gathering his coat. "You know how to reach me, kid."

He closed the door softly behind him before leaning on it. He breathed out, still feeling stunned.

'_Dad's going to kill me…'_ he thought as he made his way down to his car. _'Jamie, I'm so sorry…'_

~~BB~~

Jamie sunk down onto his bed, still stunned at what had happened. He couldn't believe he had just kicked his brother out of the apartment.

'_Idiot… he was trying to help you!'_ he thought angrily to himself. He lay on his side, pulling the second pillow to him, hugging it tightly. Ashamed tears filled his eyes.

'_Danny… don't go…'_

~~BB~~

"Dad, I screwed up." Danny moaned. "I screwed up bad!"

"Danny, calm down and tell me what happened." Frank sighed. His son had surprised him at six in the morning as he was pouring his first cup of coffee. It made him miss his coffee cup completely. He stood at the counter, wiping up the mess as Danny sunk down into a kitchen chair, thumping his forehead onto the table.

"Jamie hates me." he mumbled, his voice muffled. Frank sighed, sitting down across from his son.

"He doesn't hate you."

Danny looked up. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure he does."

"What makes you say that?" Frank asked calmly, positive his son was overreacting.

"I woke up this morning around two. I didn't know what had woken me up until I started to go back to sleep. Jamie was dreaming again. Another nightmare."

"I was hoping those were easing." Frank mumbled. "Sorry, Danny. Continue."

"I woke him up…" Danny paused, glancing at his father. "I told him to talk to me… I got frustrated with his lack of concern about it and started to force him. He got angry. _Really_ angry. He kicked me out."

Frank didn't know whether he should be angry with him or not. "I told you to take it easy, son."

"I know you did, Dad. I'm sorry… I'm just so tired of this!"

"We all are, Danny." Frank told him. "However, he needs to realize, on his own, that he has a problem. He isn't going to talk about it if he feels pushed."

"Well, I did. I pushed him." Danny sighed.

"He'll come back, son." Frank said, softly. He reached over the table, squeezing Danny's arm. "If I know your brother, he isn't going to kick you out of his life. Just be patient."

Danny nodded, unconvinced. "Sure."

"May I ask what you did after you left his place?"

"I ended up driving around for an hour, then drove back to his place. I stayed in the parking lot… I guess I hoped that he might change his mind."

"You slept in your car?"

"I didn't sleep much, but yes."

"You have today off, right?"

"Yes."

"Go home and sleep, Danny. Go see Linda and your boys. Don't give up on Jamie, he'll come back to you. Just give him some time."

Danny nodded, standing up. "Thanks, Dad."

"Take it easy, son." Frank said, watching as Danny left. His heart squeezed in sympathy with the look of sadness on his oldest son's face. _'You'll be okay, Danny. The two of you are strong. That'll never change.'_

~~BB~~

"_You're weak."_

"_You're worthless."_

"_You can't even control Jake when he's dead!"_

_Jamie's eyes streamed. The sneering faces of his brother, father, and grandfather floated in front of him, the mocking laughter of his sister and the rest of their family tore at his ears. He covered them, turning his face away._

"_No…" he mumbled. "You don't mean that…"_

"_Leave us alone, Jamie!" Danny snarled. "You don't deserve the name!"_

"_NO!" Jamie screamed out... they continued to laugh…_

Jamie's eyes snapped open, still streaming, his throat clogged. He scrambled out of bed, lurching into the bathroom. He leaned over the sink, fighting the nausea. "Don't be ridiculous!" he muttered to himself. He took a few deep breaths, splashing his face with cold water. He stared at his reflection in the mirror, the water dripping off of his skin. He grabbed the towel, roughly wiping off his face. "They don't think of you like that! They love you…"

'_But what about you?'_ Jamie thought to himself. He squeezed the towel in his hands. _'What do you think of yourself?'_

~~BB~~

Danny sat outside, staring into his backyard. The boys had gone to school and Linda was busy cleaning up the kitchen before getting ready to run some errands. He stared morosely into his coffee cup. He jumped when his phone buzzed in his pocket, indicating that he'd received a text message. He dug it out, quickly flipping it open.

_I'm sorry._

Danny smiled slightly, but didn't want to mess things up further. He texted back quickly.

_Don't worry, kid. My fault._

_No, it wasn't._

_Already forgotten, kiddo._

There was a pause. Danny worried that he somehow managed to lose him again. Finally his phone buzzed in his hand.

_Thanks._

Danny smiled again, the tension in his stomach easing. He wandered back inside, heading straight for the bedroom, intending on catching up on the sleep he'd avoided for the last few hours.

~~BB~~

Two days. Two days since he'd fought with Danny. Two since he'd apologized. Yet, he hadn't gone to see him. He hadn't called him. And Danny hadn't contacted him, either.

Jamie rolled over. It was nearly midnight and he couldn't sleep. He still felt horrible for what he'd said and done. Jamie groaned, trying to shut off his whirling brain. He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping he'd fall asleep. Sighing again, he sat up. Maybe some fresh air would help.

He stepped out onto his balcony, staring down into the street below. Even at this late hour, cars still whizzed by and people still had places to go and things to do. Jamie envied them. He missed being busy. The longer he stared, the more he wanted to join them.

'_Don't be ridiculous, Reagan.'_ he thought to himself. _'You need to get to sleep!'_

He turned, heading back into his apartment, fully intending on ignoring what he knew he should be doing. He couldn't fall asleep anyway, so what would a short walk hurt? He quickly dressed and stuffed his feet into his shoes. Grabbing his phone and keys, he headed out into the hallway, locking his door behind him.

He had been walking for nearly half an hour, enjoying the cool fresh air when a pair of headlights drove up behind him. A horn honked. Heart thumping, he turned, squinting into the light. The driver's side door opened.

"Jamie, what are you doing?"

"Erin?"

"Yes, it's me. Get in."

Confused, Jamie opened the passenger side door of her car, quickly climbing in. "What are you doing here?"

"Heading home. I've been working a big case these last few days." she told him. "What were you up to?"

Jamie shrugged. "Just walking. I can't sleep."

"You okay?"

"Just bored." Jamie sighed. "I hate not being busy."

"You'll get there, Jamie." Erin told him, patting his arm. Jamie gave her a look. "I'm serious, Jamie. A couple of weeks, and you should be able to start easing back into work. That's what the doctor said, right?"

"Yeah…" Jamie trailed off.

"But?"

"I'm not sure I can, Erin." Jamie mumbled so quietly, Erin had to strain to hear him.

"What do you mean, Jamie?" she asked, concerned.

He hesitated, glancing at her before staring at his hands clasped in his lap. "I've been going back there quite often to see the guys and visit with Sarge."

"That's good, isn't it?"

"It's not if I freeze up…" Jamie grumbled, staring out the window.

Erin reached over, placing her hand on his arm. "Jamie, what are you talking about?"

Jamie sighed, lowering his eyes. "Sarge had to get ready to supervise some qualifications, so I followed him down to the range. I just… froze… when I heard a few practice shots…" Jamie turned his eyes to her. She was watching him, her eyes sad and worried. "I don't even know _why_, Erin! My mind just turned back to the day Jake…" Jamie stopped, clenching his jaw.

"The day Jake _what_, Jamie?" Erin prompted. "Hon, you have to admit what happened to you…"

"You think I don't know what happened?" Jamie shot out.

"Jamie, I_ know_ you know what happened to you." Erin soothed. "I think you have to hear yourself say it. You have to admit it to yourself."

"I can't…"

Erin's heart squeezed at the pain and tension in her brothers voice. "Why? Why can't you?" Erin waited, her hand still on his arm. He stayed stonily silent. She sighed. She patted his arm once before turning on the car. "I'll drive you home, okay?" Jamie remained silent, staring out the side window.

"Jake kidnapped me." Jamie mumbled. Erin paused, her hand over the gear shift, her foot still pressing the brake. "He kidnapped and tortured me… he almost killed me… I almost wanted him to, just to get away from him…"

Erin took her foot off the brake, turning the car off again. She reached over, pulling him into a hug which he tried to resist. Finally, he slumped towards her, clinging to her. She gently ran her fingers through his hair as she listened to him struggle to keep his tears at bay. She still didn't know why he had initially refused to admit it, but she was glad he had finally given in. "It's going to be okay, Jamie… we're all here to help you."

"I hate him for what he's done…"

"We all do, Jamie." Erin mumbled, still hugging him tightly.

"Even you?" he asked, his voice still muffled by her shoulder. "You don't like hating anyone."

"_Especially_ me…" she grumbled. "No one takes away my babies…"

Jamie pulled away, smirking, his amusement only marred by wiping the dampness from his eyes. "That's creepy, Erin."

Erin smirked back. "Not really. I changed your diapers."

Jamie shuddered. "That's even creepier."

Erin laughed. "Danny and Joe wouldn't touch you. I had to help Mom out somehow so I looked after you." She turned thoughtful. "I wish you were like other babies and hated peas…"

Jamie stared incredulously. "That's gross, Erin…"

Erin shrugged. "That was you. Peas and peaches… made for some messy diapers." she teased lightly.

"Can we please stop talking about when I was a baby?" Jamie grumbled, a small smile on his face. She smiled back.

"Sorry, Jamie. It was funny… everything other kids hated, you loved."

"I like being different."

"And I like that you're different." she cooed, patting his face. He grumbled again and quickly brushed her off.

"Go away, Erin." he muttered. "You're embarrassing."

"No one's around." She grinned.

He gave her a look but couldn't help but smile. "Just take me home, Erin. I could use some sleep."

"You and me both." she sighed, turning the car back on. She pulled away from the curb. The ride back to Jamie's apartment was silent but comfortable. They pulled to a stop in front of his building.

"Thanks, Erin." he smiled, undoing his seatbelt and opening the door. "I'll see you later, okay?"

"Jamie, wait." She called, opening her own door. He met her around her side of the car, looking puzzled.

"What's up?"

She hugged him tightly. "My phone's always open, okay? You call me any time you want."

He nodded, his throat tight. "Thanks, sis."

"I'd do anything, Jamie. You know that." Erin told him softly. She gave him another hug before smiling at him, her smile somewhat watery. She climbed back into her car. He shut her door, waving as she pulled away. Smiling again, he turned and headed back inside his building.

~~TBC~~


	16. Chapter 15

Run and Hide

**Disclaimer:** After 16 entries, do you _really_ think this would have changed? ;) I have no connections to the show, this is purely for fun.

**A/N:** Thanks to everyone for reading! :) Glad you're still enjoying the story.

* * *

Chapter 15

_Thoughts shut up want air, and spoil, like bales unopen'd to the sun. _

_- Edward Young, "Night Thoughts"_

~~BB~~

_Jamie's heart thumped against his ribcage, practically beating a hole through his chest. Jake laughed at him, holding up a knife dripping with blood._

"_Leave him alone!" Jamie screamed, tears streaming down his face. "He's done nothing to you, leave him alone!"_

_Danny lay on his back, blood flowing. Jamie struggled to get to him, but he could never get close enough…_

Jamie sat up in bed, catapulting himself over the side. He landed with a thump on the floor, his knees aching from where they smacked into the hardwood, but he hardly noticed. His eyes were glazed and beads of sweat rolled down the back of his neck. His cellphone was clutched in his hand.

He squeezed his eyes shut, his mind finally coming back to reality. He pried his fingers loose from his phone, pushing down the urge to phone his brother. _'Don't be ridiculous.' _he thought to himself. _'It was just a dream. Danny's fine and at home… he'll kill me if I wake him up.'_

He got up from the floor, slumping down onto his bed. He ran a hand over the back of his neck, breathing deeply. He was starting to think Danny was right; he was starting to think he couldn't do it alone.

~~BB~~

Danny grumbled to himself, staring at the paperwork in front of him. He hated this part of the job. He'd never enjoyed forms and papers and, unfortunately, it was mandatory to fill out a report after every case. Jackie smirked at him from her desk.

"Just finish it, Reagan. The harder you work, the sooner it'll be done."

"Easy for you to say." Danny shot back. "When exactly did you finish yours?"

"Two hours ago." Jackie said smugly.

"Then you can do mine." Danny replied hopefully.

"I don't think so, slacker."

Danny glowered at her, turning back to his paperwork.

"Danny."

Danny's head shot up again. Jamie was shuffling up to his desk, looking awkward. "Hey, kid. What's up?"

Jamie glanced around, his eyes landing on Jackie. "Hi, Jack. Danny, could I speak to you? Alone?"

Jackie smiled at him. "Hi, Jamie. I'll go get some coffee."

"_Alone_?" Jamie stressed again, looking pointedly at his brother. Danny nodded.

"Of course, kid. Come with me." Danny replied, getting up. He shrugged slightly at Jackie's confused look, but led his brother down the hall towards a small conference room. He let Jamie enter first before stepping into the room and closing the door behind him. He turned, noticing Jamie still standing with his back to him. He was hunched over slightly, staring out the window across the room, his hands clutching the back of a chair. Danny frowned. "Jamie? You okay?"

Jamie didn't answer at first, continuing to stare out the window. Then his head lowered. "No…"

Danny took a couple of steps forward, hesitant to say anything. He still remembered their last encounter. He reached forward, gently grasping Jamie's shoulder. He tried to turn him around so he could see his face, but Jamie wasn't the scrawny kid that he used to be. Giving up, he stepped closer, leaning forward in an attempt to see his face. Jamie's eyes were closed.

"Danny…" he mumbled, his voice catching.

"I'm here, kid." Danny replied softly. He wasn't expecting Jamie to suddenly turn towards him. He took a startled step back.

Jamie caught him in a hug. Danny's eyebrows raised in surprise. It took only milliseconds for him to wrap his arms around his little brother as Jamie clutched at him desperately. Within seconds, it was over. Jamie took an awkward step back, unable to meet Danny's eyes. Danny stood there, stunned, before reaching forwards to tilt Jamie's chin. Jamie's eyes were watery.

"Jamie, what's this about?" he asked, softly.

Jamie struggled to find the words. Finally he sighed, nodding absentmindedly. He glanced at Danny. "Thank you."

Danny gave him a small smile. "For what, kid?"

Jamie shrugged. "For being there." He sat down slowly, running a hand through his hair. Danny sat down next to him, waiting patiently. "If I were you, I would have given up on me by now." Jamie continued, smirking.

Danny shook his head. "I'd never give up, Jamie. I've told you that already." He leaned forward, grasping Jamie's arm. "I'm always going to be there, kid. Nothing you can do will ever make me leave you alone. We're in this together."

Jamie looked at him, his eyes watery again. He stared at the table, his finger slowly tracing random patterns. "Jake said you were dead."

Danny looked at him in surprise. "Me?"

Jamie shook his head. "All of you." He paused, his throat tight. "He used you to get to me… to make me think I was alone and had no one left…"

Danny leaned towards him. "You knew he was lying to you, didn't you?"

Jamie shrugged again. "I don't know, Danny. I didn't believe him at first, and I told him that even though it…" Jamie trailed off.

"It what, kid? What did it do?" Danny prompted softly.

Jamie chewed his lip nervously. "It made my punishment worse…" he mumbled.

Danny's fist clenched. He took a few steadying breaths to calm himself down. There was no point in getting angry. He glanced back at Jamie, who was nervously sending glances his way. "What did he say about it?"

"He said there was an explosion… the others laughed about it and agreed with him… I started thinking it could be true after all…"

Danny's heart squeezed as a few tears rolled down Jamie's cheeks. "Well, obviously it wasn't true, kid. We're still here."

"I had no way of knowing that, Danny!" Jamie shot out, more tears rolling down his face. "I dream about it, I dream about the house exploding with all of you in it! Last night, he'd stabbed you and I couldn't get to you in time! He won't leave me alone!"

Danny had stared at him as he ranted, watching as Jamie stood up and started to pace. Danny quickly stood, catching Jamie on one of his passes. He pulled him into a hug, quickly releasing him to hold him at arm's length. "He doesn't control you, Jamie. You stood up to him before. You fought back, and you can _still_ fight back."

Jamie shook his head. "How, Danny?" he whined. "_How_ am I supposed to do that?"

"Just let us in, Jamie. We want to help you." Danny pleaded gently. "Please kid, I hate watching you like this. Let me help you."

"I can't even help myself…" Jamie whispered, trying to pull away. Danny tightened his grip.

"Just keep fighting back, Jamie." Danny whispered back. "Tell yourself that _you're_ in control, because you _are_, kid. You wouldn't be here if you weren't. You defied him. You've proved that you're better than him. I _know_ that you are better than him. You come to me anytime, Jamie. Go to Dad, Grandpa… even Erin though she'll probably mother-hen you up the wall."

Jamie smirked slightly. "She's tried that already."

Danny laughed. "See? Seriously though, kid… come to any of us if you feel a need to, okay? We're all here."

Jamie nodded, wiping at his eyes. "Thanks, Danny…" He looked up, smiling slightly. "You know, if this police thing doesn't work out for you, you could coach a cheerleading team. Pep talks and all that…"

Danny grinned, taking a playful swipe at Jamie's head. "Yeah, and maybe I could get one of those little outfits they call uniforms…" he trailed off, laughing at the disturbed shudder Jamie let out as he walked quickly to the door.

"Damn… that can't be unseen… forget I mentioned it!" he gagged teasingly. Danny laughed, slinging an arm around his brother as they made their way back out towards Danny's desk. Jackie was sitting there, looking bored. She glanced up as she heard their laughter.

"I should get moving." Jamie said, nodding at Danny. "I'll see you later, okay?"

"Of course, kid. Anytime." Danny replied, looking at him pointedly. Jamie smiled at him before giving Jackie a nod.

"See you, Jackie."

"Bye, Jamie." Jackie smiled back. She watched at Jamie made his way out of the precinct. "Is he okay?"

Danny sighed. He sat down behind his desk, glaring again at his unfinished paperwork. He turned his glare onto his partner, who had let out a rude snort. "Shut it, Jack. I still say you could finish this for me."

"If you hadn't put it off, you'd be done by now, too." Jackie retorted. "Again, is Jamie okay?"

Danny nodded. "He will be. It's going to take time, but he'll be alright." He was still afraid of what Jamie was hiding, but in his heart he believed his brother was okay. His confession was only a tiny step forward, but it was a step, and Danny would take anything he could get.

~~BB~~

Jamie stood on the bridge, looking out across the city. He'd felt better over the last week after his talk with Danny. Even his nightmares had reduced in quantity, though they still lingered on occasion. However, he still felt that he was fighting something, though he couldn't put his finger on what it was.

"Hey, you okay? You're not going to jump or anything, are you?"

Jamie startled, quickly turning around. A female stranger stood behind him, her face amused but her eyes concerned. "Um… sorry, what?"

"I asked you if you were going to jump." she repeated, finally deciding that he was probably safe. She dropped her cellphone back into her bag. "Someone jumped the other day. I was worried that there was a trend starting."

"Oh." Jamie mumbled. "No, I wasn't going to jump. I'm just thinking."

She walked closer, leaning against the railing. "Nice view."

"It is." Jamie agreed.

She peered at him. "What were you thinking about?"

He shrugged, smiling slightly. "Nothing important." He glanced at her. She was pretty; her shoulder length blondish hair contained red streaks. Her eyes were the color of the green leaves below them. He could get lost in her eyes… he blushed slightly, glancing away. "Sorry…" he mumbled.

She laughed. "Whatever." She glanced back out over the water before shyly looking back at him. "Hey, maybe we could go grab something to eat…"

Jamie's heart thumped. For some reason, panic was starting to flood his chest. _'This is ridiculous!'_ he told himself. She looked at him again, concerned.

"Are you sure you're okay?" she asked. "You've gone really pale…" She reached towards him, gently placing her hand on his chest, trying to get him to face her. She jumped, startled, when he jerked away from her.

"I'm fine…" Jamie choked out. "I've really got to go… I'm sorry…" Jamie stuttered, quickly turning and jogging away. He could hear her calling out to him, but he ignored her. His heart thundered as he raced towards his apartment. He nearly collapsed on the front step, his breath coming in painful gasps. He grabbed at his side, trying to rub away the stitch that had formed. He felt hands on his arm. He gasped again, jerking his arm away from the surprised doorman, who had seen him stumble and rushed out to help.

"I didn't mean to startle you, Mr. Reagan." the doorman apologized, looking rattled. "Are you okay? Should I call your brother? Maybe your father?"

"No! I'm okay. I'm sorry I scared you." Jamie waved him off, standing upright. He hurried up the steps and into the building. He turned to the doorman who was still watching him with some concern. "Thank you, though." he added before heading to the stairs.

He closed the door to his apartment, leaning against it. "What the hell have you done?" he mumbled angrily to himself. "You're an idiot… you could have gotten to know her…"

_'But you're afraid…'_

Jamie slid down the door. He landed with a thump on the floor, holding his head in his hands.

~~BB~~

Danny grumbled as his phone rang. He pulled it out, answering without looking at the caller ID. "Reagan." he barked.

"Danny, can you come over?"

"Jamie?" Danny asked, surprised, sharing a look with Jackie. "I'm kind of busy, kid…" he said, ignoring the swat Jackie gave him. He quickly brushed her off.

"Please Danny. I… I really need you…"

Danny heart constricted at Jamie's halted words. "Yeah, sure Jamie. I'll be over as soon as I can. Can you hold on until I get there?" he asked fearfully, confused as to what was bothering his brother.

"Where else am I going to go?" Jamie muttered.

"Right." Danny answered, motioning to Jackie that he was leaving. She shot him a look as she waved him away. "I'm on my way, kid. I'll be there soon."

He hung up, grabbing his coat. "I don't know what's wrong, Jack. I'm going to go to him."

"I could have told you that, Reagan." Jackie sighed. "Just go. He needs you or else he wouldn't have phoned you."

Danny nodded. "That's what I'm afraid of." he mumbled, quickly heading out the door. He nearly ran to his car, jumping in and peeling off. He fought the urge to speed, reminding himself that he really didn't need a speeding ticket right now. After what seemed like hours, he finally pulled into the visitor parking lot. He jumped out of his car, hurrying into the building. He nodded at the doorman as he waited impatiently for the elevator to arrive. The doorman fidgeted nervously. Danny gave him an odd look, but the elevator doors opened at that moment. He darted inside without giving the man a chance to speak. He practically ran down the hallway on Jamie's floor. He skid to a halt in front of the door and took a calming breath. He tested the knob, surprised when it turned. Jamie was usually vigilant about locking it behind him. He swallowed nervously, stepping through the door.

He closed the door behind him, stepping through the short hallway into the living room. He spied Jamie sitting on the couch, a bottle of beer on the coffee table in front of him. Squinting at it, he noticed the liquid still filled the bottle more than halfway. He cautiously made his way towards the couch.

"I hope that's only your first bottle."

"It is."

"And I hope you're not on any pain meds."

"I'm not."

Danny sat down next to him. "So what's this about?"

Jamie sighed and leaned forward, resting his head on his fists. "I panicked today."

"About what?" Danny asked. He wanted to reach towards him, but was afraid Jamie might spook.

"I met someone."

Danny frowned at the sudden subject change. "Okay…"

"I met someone… and I just panicked."

Danny sighed. "Do you want to start at the beginning, kid? My brain's gone into dimwit mode."

Jamie smirked, briefly glancing at him. "No surprise there." he remarked.

"Shut up." Danny grumbled, smiling. "Seriously, kid, please? Start over."

Jamie sighed again, slumping back onto the couch. "I went for a walk over the bridge today, since it's not far from here. I love the view. I was just thinking about random things when a woman came up behind me. I think she was worried I was going to jump."

"But you weren't." Danny stated, looking for confirmation.

Jamie snorted. "Of course not." he grumbled, shooting Danny an annoyed look. He stared off into space. "She was really pretty… she seemed really nice…"

Danny grinned. "Okay. We've all established that you're working just fine in that area."

Jamie reddened. "If you're not going to be serious…"

"I'm sorry, kid." Danny soothed. "I'm just nervous. You phoned me all upset, and I really started to worry about you. I'm just happy this is over a girl."

"It's not."

"What?"

"Well, it is… but it isn't."

Danny sighed again. "Dimwit mode, remember?"

Jamie shook his head. "She asked me if I wanted to grab something to eat… she seemed to want to get to know me. And I panicked." Jamie shrugged, looking frustrated.

"Do you know why?"

Jamie's lips thinned. "I'm afraid."

"Of what?" Danny prompted softly. Jamie looked at him, his eyes angry and pleading with him to help.

"I really wanted to take her up on it… I want that so bad… ever since Sydney left me…" Jamie's voice trailed off as he closed his eyes. "I miss it. Companionship. Love. Everything you've got I want…"

"Jamie…"

"I must have paled when I started panicking… she touched me, just trying to get me to face her… I realized that I can't do it."

Danny gently squeezed his shoulder, his heart thumping in sympathy. "Can't do what, kid?"

Jamie stood up suddenly, pacing over to the window, leaving Danny feeling stunned… again. "I can't even look at myself, Danny. All it does is remind me… how can I let someone look at me when I can't even look at myself… I don't want their pity… I've got too much baggage… and I don't want to relive it by having to explain it."

Danny stood behind his brother. "You'll find someone who won't care about that." he soothed. "They'll love you, baggage and all. Maybe she's that person."

Jamie's shoulders slumped. "I took off like a scared rabbit before I could even get her name."

"She didn't leave a number with you?" Danny asked, feeling sorry for him. Jamie shook his head.

"We didn't get that far, Danny." Jamie grumbled. "Eight million people and I run from one who cares... and I'm never going to be able to find her again. I feel like an idiot…"

"You're not an idiot, Jamie." Danny admonished softly. "You're working through something that's changed you. Maybe a relationship right now isn't what you need. You'll find someone when you're ready. Trust me."

Jamie nodded again. "Thanks, Danny." he mumbled, turning to him. He gave him a smile. "I'm sorry I called you when you were in the middle of work…"

"It's not important, Jamie. Jackie practically shoved me out the door." Danny smirked. "You going to be okay?"

Jamie nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay."

"Phone's open anytime." Danny reminded him, slowly making his way towards the door. Jamie waved him off.

"I know, thanks. I'll see you later. Are you going to make it to the house for supper tomorrow night?"

"I wouldn't miss it." Danny smiled. "This case won't take that long. Probably be done with it tonight."

Jamie smiled again. "Good. I'll see you tomorrow night, then."

"You can bet on it." Danny waved, heading back out into the hallway. He closed the door softly behind him.

~~BB~~

"Danny, follow me."

Danny turned, throwing his father an odd look. He had arrived for the family dinner less than half an hour previous and had just sat down with a beer. "Okay… what did I do this time?"

Frank smiled. "Just follow me, Danny."

Danny sighed, getting up to follow his father. Erin had just called to say she and Nikki were running late but were on their way and Jamie hadn't shown up yet. Linda and Henry were arguing over something in the kitchen and the boys were outside, running around the backyard. "What's up, Dad? Is something wrong?"

Frank led him into his study, closing the door behind them. "Nothing's wrong, son. I just want to know how you and Jamie are."

Danny sat down on the chair by the window. His father perched on the edge of the desk. "We're okay, Dad. He's opened up to me a bit…"

"And you didn't think to tell me this… _why_?" Frank asked, disappointment clear in his voice.

"He expects it to be just between us, Dad. I can't ruin what has started rebuilding between us. He'd probably clam up again if I ran to you every time and spilled what he told me."

Frank sighed, nodding. "I don't want to say that you're right, son, but I'm sure you are. Can you at least tell me if what he's told you has anything to do with what happened?"

"Yeah, some of it… you were right, Jake used us to get to him."

Frank squashed down the anger. Jake was gone, there was no use in getting angry at this point. "Has he said anything else?"

"No, not much." Danny sighed. "He knows my phone's always open, though. I'm pretty sure he'll use it."

"Good."

"Haven't you seen him lately?"

Frank shrugged. "Yeah, he was over for lunch a few times this week, and he came back to help with some yard work. He didn't open up, but he seemed better. He looked more relaxed and everything seemed to be more natural with him. His smile seemed real for once, and there was life behind his eyes."

"Then that's good." Danny praised. "It's a step at least, isn't it?"

"It is." Frank agreed, smiling. He stood up. "I think I hear more voices. It sounds like everyone else has arrived."

Danny followed him out of the room; the chaos had definitely increased. Erin had joined in on the arguing in the kitchen, Nikki had gone out to watch the boys, and Jamie stood awkwardly in the kitchen doorway. He turned when he heard Danny and Frank come up behind him.

"Hey kid, what's going on?"

Jamie shrugged. "I think they're arguing over gravy."

Danny laughed. "So why are you standing here?"

Jamie frowned, annoyed. "All I wanted was a glass of water, but Linda keeps pushing me back out. Erin stuffed a carrot in my mouth because I interrupted her. I still don't have my water."

Danny laughed again as his father chuckled, patting Jamie on the shoulder. "I'll deal with Linda, kid. Get your water."

Jamie sighed, stepping back into the kitchen. He pushed past Erin and his grandfather. He was only steps away from the cupboard when Linda bumped into him.

"Jamie, I've told you, you're in the way!" she grumbled, trying to push him out.

"Relax, Linda." Danny muttered, sighing.

"So you think you can just wander around in here too, do you?" Linda asked, swatting her husband.

He grinned. "I know I can, and you can't stop me!" he answered smugly, planting a kiss on her lips. The others laughed. Jamie smirked gleefully as he finally reached his destination, filling a glass with water. He snuck back out, hearing the laughter behind him. He smiled at his father as he made his way into the living room.

"Hi, Dad."

"Jamie." Frank greeted, sitting down in his chair. Jamie sat on the couch, listening to the zoo in the kitchen. A few squeals from happy kids could be heard coming from the backyard. Frank watched as Jamie eased back, looking completely relaxed. He loved seeing his son like this; it felt like everything was as it should be and he was back to normal.

Danny wandered into the room, looking wounded. "Linda kicked me out." He glowered at his father and brother as they laughed.

Henry walked into the room right behind Danny, grumbling the entire time. "If you hadn't tried to add more salt, Danny, I'd still be making the gravy!"

"It's so bland, though!" Danny protested. "Just a little more would have been nice."

Henry puffed out a lungful of air as he slouched down in his chair. "Heart diet, Danny."

Danny snorted as he sat next to Jamie. "As if you pay attention to that, Gramps." he scoffed. Jamie shared a look with his father. When it came to Danny, everything always ended up back at food.

"Danny, get your boys in the house to clean up!" Linda hollered from the kitchen. "Dinner's almost ready."

Danny grumbled again. "Yes, Ma'am." He muttered, getting back up and poking his head out the back door. "Jack, Sean! Dinner's almost on the table. Come get cleaned up."

"Sure, Dad!" they hollered back, racing each other to the house. Nicki got up from her spot on the patio, smiling at her uncle as she passed by. She flopped back down next to Jamie, who smiled at her in greeting.

"Dinner's on!" Linda called, causing the herd to stampede. Everyone immediately found their place.

"Jamie? Would you like to say grace?" Frank asked. Jamie smiled.

"Sure." he replied, falling back into his familiar role. Erin grasped his hand, smiling encouragingly. The rest joined hands as Jamie started the familiar prayer.

~~BB~~

Jamie sat on the steps of the patio watching his nephews chase each other around, laughing. They'd finished dinner two hours ago and had cleaned up in record time. Everyone was inside, enjoying coffee or beer. He smiled as the boys tackled each other, bouncing up to chase each other again.

He jumped up as Sean suddenly tripped over his own feet, landing hard on his stomach and hands. He got to his knees, a small frown on his face as he picked dirt off of his palms. Jack stood beside him, leaning over, asking if he was okay. Jamie jogged over to them, carefully hauling Sean to his feet.

"You okay, Sean?" he asked, quickly checking him over. He examined Sean's hands, brushing off the dirt. There didn't appear to be any scratches or cuts. "Your mom won't be happy about your pants, kiddo."

"I'm fine, Uncle Jamie." Sean replied, looking sadly at his grass-and-dirt stained knees. "This comes out, right?"

Jamie laughed. "She'll work her magic, Sean. Don't worry." Sean nodded, bouncing back onto his feet.

"Come play with us, Uncle Jamie!" Jack said, grabbing at Jamie's hand. Sean grabbed the other.

"Yeah, please Uncle Jamie?" Sean pleaded, giving him sad eyes. "Please?"

Jamie laughed. "Fine, boys. What do you want to play?"

"Um…" the boys looked at each other. They were happy enough chasing each other around, but didn't know what adults liked.

Jamie smirked, grabbing Sean and lifting him. Sean squealed, laughing, as Jamie tickled him.

"I'm going to pee my pants, Uncle Jamie!" Sean whined, still laughing. Jamie put him back on his feet.

"Don't do that, kiddo." Jamie begged. "Your mom will kill me!"

"Sean, look what I found!" Jack called from the corner of the yard. He held up two stringy looking objects, obviously destined for the garbage bin. Jamie recognized the rope that he'd used to mark off part of the garden earlier in the week.

"Careful guys." he called. "You could get slivers from that."

"We're fine." Jack called back, gleefully smacking Sean with his piece. Sean growled, smacking him back. He had the shorter piece, so the effect wasn't nearly as satisfying. They started chasing each other around the yard. Jamie shook his head, smiling. He started to make his way back to the patio.

The boys turned suddenly, cutting in front of him. The tip of Jack's rope hit Jamie's stomach before smacking Sean on the shoulder. Sean squealed, preparing to tackle his brother, when Jack forced him to stop. He was staring at Jamie. Both kids dropped their pieces of rope.

Jamie had stumbled backwards as the rope grazed him. He tripped over the edge of a stone marking the path to the garden, landing hard. The breath caught in his throat, both from the sudden fall and the sudden flood of panic in his chest. He scrubbed his arm across his eyes as he could hear Jake's evil laughter echo through his head.

"Uncle Jamie?" Sean squeaked, timidly approaching him. "Are you okay?"

Jamie tried to get his breathing under control, knowing he was scaring his nephews. He gently brushed Sean's arm. "I'm okay, Sean. Just give me a minute."

Jack kept looking between his uncle and the back door. He tugged on Sean's arm, pointing to the door. Sean understood, taking off towards the patio. Jamie didn't even notice. Jack hovered around him, not knowing what was going on and yet feeling guilty for Jamie's discomfort. It was his rope that had touched his uncle, after all. He felt relief as he heard adult voices spilling out onto the patio.

Jamie's heart thumped as he heard the voices of his family becoming clearer. They sounded rushed, fearful… he quickly got to his feet, trying to make a wide berth around them, heading for the gate.

"Jamie!" Danny called, immediately rushing after his brother. Frank jogged down the patio stairs, intending on following his son. Erin halted them both.

"Leave him!" she called out, pushing past her startled father and annoyed brother. "Let me deal with it."

"Erin, don't be ridiculous! I'm not going to just let him go right now…"

"Yeah, and while you're standing here arguing, he's getting away!" Erin snarled. "Let me deal with it!" she repeated, immediately following after Jamie. She left her brother and father staring after her incredulously. Linda had gathered her boys, both of whom were crying, and Nicki, who was trying to keep her limbs from shaking with nerves. Henry stood, stunned, at the top of the patio stairs.

"What the hell just happened?" he mumbled. No one answered. He was pretty sure they hadn't even heard him.

"Jack, Sean, can you tell me what happened?" Linda asked, gently wiping their faces.

"We were chasing each other with old pieces of rope, and mine hit Uncle Jamie." Jack sniffed. "Not hard! Just touched him."

"Yeah." Sean agreed. "Then he just got this scared look on his face and tripped over backwards."

"What did I do?" Jack whined tearfully.

Danny sat on the step next to his son. "You didn't do anything wrong, Jack. Your uncle went through a very hard time a while ago."

"That's why he was in the hospital." Jack said, remembering.

"Exactly." Danny answered. "Sometimes things happen that remind him of that time and it scares him. He'll be okay, though." he reassured them. "He's already better, he just needs more time. It's not your fault, okay kiddo?"

Jack sniffed again, wiping his eyes. "Okay."

"Come on, let's get back inside." Linda said, ushering her boys and Nicki ahead of her. Henry glanced at his son and grandson.

"I'll let you deal with it this time, okay? I need a drink…"

"I think we all do, Pop." Frank mumbled. Things had seemed so much better just a short time ago. He sighed, sitting down on the step below his son.

"I hate him." Danny mumbled. Frank looked at him in surprise.

"Who?"

"Caulfield. Who else?" Danny snarled. "If he hadn't taken me by surprise that night, I would have beaten him senseless…"

"You still got some good hits in." Frank reminded him.

"Not nearly enough."

Frank nodded in agreement. "You and me both, son."

~~BB~~

"Jamie, wait!" Erin called. Jamie had just dashed out of the yard through the gate. She caught up with him, grabbing his arm and gently pushing him against the side of the house. He kept his face turned away from her, refusing to meet her eyes. "What happened back there?"

Jamie glanced towards the street, his eyes glassy. "I just… he was there, Erin… I still hear him…"

Erin squeezed his arm gently before turning her eyes towards the gate. She sighed, annoyed, as she heard a scuffling from the other side of the fence. "Come, Jamie. This way." she mumbled quietly, pulling him around the front of the house. She didn't see Danny's annoyed face peer around the gate. She guided Jamie to the front step, pushing him down onto the top step. She sat next to him, placing an arm around his shoulders.

"They're spying, aren't they?" Jamie asked, sounding slightly amused.

"They're just worried." she told him. "What did you mean when you said you could still hear him?"

"Exactly that, Erin! I don't blame Jack, he was just having fun and didn't realize I was right there… but as soon as the rope touched me I remembered Jake and the… _pleasure_… he got out of hurting me… I was remembering his laugh. Just like back at the farmhouse, I couldn't catch my breath…" Jamie looked up suddenly. "Jack and Sean… how badly did I scare them?"

"You scared all of us, Jamie, but we're okay. We're worried about you. The boys wanted to help you but didn't know how. They'll be okay, Jamie." she added, seeing the annoyed look cross his face as she avoided his question.

Jamie glared at his feet. "I thought I was over it… I thought I had finally gotten control over that bastard…"

"You _do_ have control, Jamie." Erin told him gently, brushing her fingers through his hair to offer comfort. He leaned slightly towards her.

"Mom used to do that…" he trailed off. Erin smiled.

"I know. She did this to me when I broke up with my first boyfriend."

Jamie snorted. "You were fourteen and barely knew what "boyfriend" even meant. I'm surprised Dad even let you out of the house."

"As if _you_ knew what it was, either." Erin grumbled teasingly.

"I had a girlfriend." Jamie said indignantly.

"What, that little six year old? What was her name again? Posie?"

Jamie glared. "Polly. And she loved me." he grinned.

"She loved the cookies Mom put in your lunch bag. _You_, however, had cooties."

"Whatever." Jamie grumbled, a small grin on his face. He sighed again, burying his face in his hands. "I feel like such an idiot."

"Well, you're _not_ an idiot, Jamie. You're my smart, amazing little brother who just needs some time. It won't happen overnight, but you're getting better already." She said, smiling at him. "Are you still having nightmares?"

"Not as much, and not so vivid anymore. Most nights I don't even remember them."

"Then that's a good start."

"I guess." Jamie muttered. "I should go… "

"Jamie, I don't think you should drive like this." Erin told him, placing her hand over his, feeling light tremors. "It could be dangerous."

"I just can't face them…" he mumbled.

"You can't shut them out, Jamie. They just want to help."

"I know, Erin… I just… I shouldn't have reacted like that. I feel horrible…"

"Then don't you want to say something to them to make it right?"

Jamie glanced at her before nodding. "I guess I should."

Erin stood up, holding out her hands to him. "Come on, then. Let's get back there." Jamie took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. He nervously grabbed Erin's hands, letting himself be pulled into a standing position. She gave him a quick hug before taking his arm and leading him back towards the gate.

Both Danny and Frank looked up as Erin and Jamie walked through the gate into the backyard. Danny stood up quickly, shooting Erin an annoyed look before turning a concerned gaze onto Jamie.

"You okay, kid?" he asked, hesitating before reaching out to him. Jamie moved past him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm okay, Danny." he told him as he walked over to his father. "I'm sorry, Dad. I messed up the evening…"

"You didn't mess up anything, Jamie." Frank said, gently squeezing his shoulder. "We just want to know you're okay."

"I am." Jamie smiled. "I really should apologize to Jack and Sean, though. I probably scared them."

"I'll bring them out." Danny said, moving into the house. Seconds later, Jack ran out with Sean on his heels. Both boys flew towards Jamie.

"Uncle Jamie, are you okay? I didn't mean to hurt you!" Jack said, looking like he was going to cry. Jamie gathered both into a hug.

"You didn't hurt me, Jack. Neither of you are at fault, okay? You didn't do anything wrong, I'm just working through something right now."

"That's what Dad said." Sean mumbled. "Will you be okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine, kiddo." Jamie smiled. "I'll play a game with you next week, okay?" Both boys nodded their agreement.

"Goodnight, Uncle Jamie." they chorused.

"Goodnight boys." he replied, giving them another hug. "Sleep well."

Danny ushered them back inside. "Jamie, don't leave yet okay? Wait for me."

"Sure." Jamie said, sitting on a patio chair. Frank sat next to him as Erin went inside to talk to Danny and Linda. Jamie looked at him. "I'm okay, Dad. Really."

"I know, son. I'm just worried about you… when I got out here and saw you on the ground, you looked pale and terrified… you looked like you were going to pass out. I started wishing again that… if I could only have taken your place…"

"Dad, don't! Please don't say that! You don't want to know what he…" Jamie stalled. He glanced painfully at his father. "Just don't say that."

"Alright, son." Frank said, placing a gentle hand on Jamie's back. "He used us, didn't he?"

"What?"

"Jake." Frank answered. "He used us to get to you, didn't he?"

"I… how did you…" Jamie stuttered. "What did Danny say to you?"

"He didn't, Jamie." Frank admonished. "I've been in the police force for as long as you've been alive. I'm pretty good at deducing clues, son."

Jamie glanced at his feet. "I know, Dad. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply anything." He took a deep breath. "Yes, he said he'd caused an explosion that killed all of you. I didn't want to believe him, but I couldn't help it." Jamie's breath caught in his throat. "I started thinking it was true… I started to think that I really didn't have anyone left to come home to…"

Frank rubbed comforting circles on his back as Jamie did his best to regain control. Finally, Jamie looked up.

"I'm okay, Dad. Thanks." Jamie said, giving him a small smile. Frank smiled back, about to say something when he was interrupted by the door opening. Erin stepped out with Danny right behind her.

"Dad, I think I'm going to drive Jamie home. Danny will follow in Jamie's car." Erin told him, holding up her hand to stop Jamie's protests. "We just want to be safe, Jamie. That's all." She turned back to her father. "I'll drive Danny back afterwards so that he and Linda can take the boys home and I'll pick up Nicki."

"That sounds fine, Erin." Frank answered.

"Keys, kid?" Danny asked, holding out his hand. Jamie reluctantly gave him the keys.

"I want it in one piece when we get there, Danny." Jamie warned him.

Danny glowered. "You're so overprotective of that thing." he grumbled.

"She's my _baby_." Jamie told him, wounded. "She isn't a _thing_!"

"_She_." Danny snorted. "Whatever, kid. Are you two ready?"

"Yes." Erin said. Jamie nodded, standing.

"Goodnight, Dad." Jamie said, nodding awkwardly at his father.

"Goodnight, son. Sleep well." Frank answered, wanting to give him a hug. He stopped himself, knowing that it would only embarrass him. Jamie nodded again, turning to follow his siblings. Frank sat outside for a long time after he heard their engines start up and drive away. He sat there, alone on the patio, doing something he'd neglected, something he should have done a long time ago.

He prayed.

~~TBC~~

* * *

**A/N 2:** It's all starting to bubble out now... stay tuned! :)


	17. Chapter 16

Run and Hide

**Disclaimer:** Same as usual.

**A/N:** Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing! :) To Guest # 2 - (I can only guess, but maybe I've figured out who you are LOL ;) No, nothing sinister is going on. He just doesn't want his family to live through what he had to go through, and remember that Jake taunted him that he had killed his family and Jamie wondered if perhaps it was true. He's just wants to protect his family. :) Thanks for the question! :)

Okay, we're coming to the peak now - yes, the story is starting to wrap up. Just a little bit more to go.

On a completely random note - don't ever try to kill a mouse with a gun. An Ontario man learned the hard way when he shot himself. He's fine, it just grazed him, but I'm sure the mouse is in a hole somewhere laughing it's ass off. ^_^ The idiot thought he could smack it and kill it, and in his defense, he didn't think the gun was loaded. I guess he's never heard of a mouse trap. ;) And on that rambling note - onward!

* * *

Chapter 16

_No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude,  
without finally getting bewildered as to which may be true. - Nathaniel Hawthorne_

"I'm getting so bored doing nothing all the time." Jamie grumbled. "I can go back to work, can't I? It's been over two weeks already…"

Frank sighed. "You can do desk work, son. I cannot allow you back on the street just yet. You need to redo your qualifications, and you need to see the department psychologist first. He needs to clear you for street duty."

Jamie sighed. "I'm okay. We both know that!"

Frank suppressed a sigh. He was starting to feel a little annoyed with his youngest. Jamie had been doing a lot of complaining over the last few days. He knew his son was bored and just wanted to get back to normal, but there were procedures to follow. Jamie seemed to feel he could bypass them. "You might _think_ you're okay, Jamie, and maybe you are, but it's procedure. Dr. Haynes needs to evaluate you to make sure you're fit for street duty. You can't just go back after missing more than a month of work for something other than a vacation." Frank frowned as Jamie started to protest. "_Everyone_ needs to follow these rules, Jamie! You're no exception!"

Jamie's mouth thinned. "I'm not asking you to put me back in just because of my name!"

"Then why won't you just follow procedure?" Frank grumbled.

"Because you _know_ I'm okay! You _know_ I can do it!"

"That's enough, Jamie." Frank told him firmly, leaving no room for argument. He was pulling rank, and Jamie had better listen to him. "You follow procedure, or you do not go back onto the street. It's your choice."

Jamie glared, but his glare lasted only a few seconds before his eyes strayed to his feet. "Yes, Sir." he mumbled, getting up from his chair. "I need to go…"

"Jamie…"

"Really, Dad. I told Sarge I'd meet him at the golf course." Jamie grumbled, making a face. Golf really wasn't his thing, but Renzulli had begged him to go with him. His regular golf buddy had bailed on him, and he was desperate to get a round in while he had some time off. He made up some excuse that he hated to golf alone. "I'm going to be late."

Frank nodded. "Okay, then. Have a good time, son."

Jamie nodded, quickly making his way to the door. "I'll see you later." he called as the door softly snapped shut behind him.

Frank sighed again, putting down his paper. Henry poked his head into the living room. Frank waved him in.

"I thought it was about to go into world war three in here."

Frank nodded, lost in thought. "Do you think he expected me to just put him back in, no questions asked?"

"No." Henry supplied. "He's not selfish like that, he wouldn't use the name just to get his way. I think he's bored and restless, and he's still afraid. "

"He still hasn't said much to me. Or to Danny."

"I know." Henry sighed. "I'm still waiting for him to crack."

"I can't let him back on the streets because of that."

"Exactly." Henry encouraged him. "You did the right thing, Francis. You would do the same for any officer, there's no need to treat your son any different. He knows the rules, now he has to follow them."

"You're right, Pop." Frank sighed. "So why do I feel bad for it?"

"Because he's your son, and you want to see him happy." Henry replied softly.

"But just because he's allowed back onto the streets doesn't mean he'll be happy." Frank mused. "It could be dangerous. The next phone call we get could be the one I dread most."

"Which is why you did the right thing." Henry repeated. "You're the Commissioner, Francis. He's an officer barely out of his rookie days. He needs to follow you, and he knows it. He's just going through a whiny stage right now."

"I wish he'd stop." Frank grumbled.

Henry smiled. "I remember _you_ getting whiny after you'd been stuck inside for a few weeks. You'd been forbidden from working, too, and you hated it. I was ready to strangle you, I have to admit."

Frank glowered. "Thanks a lot, Pops." he grumbled, picking up the paper. He glanced at his father. "Do you suppose it's genetic, then?" Henry could only laugh in response.

~~BB~~

"I know you're not that good at this, but this is ridiculous!" Renzulli called out, annoyed. He was standing by the edge of a water trap, fishing for Jamie's ball. "How many times have you landed in here?"

Jamie glanced at the score card. He was losing badly. "Too many to count." he called back.

Tony sidled up to him. "So why is it always _me_ that has to find your ball? You're the one who keeps losing it, _you_ go fishing!"

"You're better at it…" Jamie tried. "Besides, the mosquito's are worse down there." he finished, smiling innocently.

Tony snorted, shaking his head. He peered at his friend carefully. "You really don't want to do this, do you?"

Jamie sighed. "I'm bored out of my skull, Sir, but I'm not this desperate."

Tony sighed. "Fine. This is the last hole, anyway. I was going to ask if you wanted to go another round, but I won't."

Jamie smiled gratefully. "Thanks, Sarge."

They started walking back to the clubhouse, dragging their golf bags behind them. Jamie's was tattered and well-used looking, merely a rental. Tony had his top-of-the-line bag filled with expensive top-of-the-line clubs to go with it. Tony looked at Jamie, examining him.

"You okay, kid?"

Jamie shrugged. "I'm just bored, Sarge. I want to get back to work, but I can't."

"Why not?" Tony asked, shrugging. "Just do the normal re-entry, then you'll be back with me in no time."

Jamie chewed on his bottom lip. "Sure…" he replied. "I can do that."

Tony shot him a strange look. "What, you don't think you can?"

Jamie shrugged. "I just don't know anymore… what if I freeze up? What if something happens while I'm in the middle of re-qualifying… I'll _never_ get back onto the force!"

Tony regarded him seriously. "Jamie, I know you're bored but if you're still thinking like that, if you _still _have doubts, then I think you need to take a little more time."

"Sarge…" Jamie started to protest.

Tony held up his hand. "Jamie, I'm serious. If you are unsure," he told him firmly. "Then you are a liability, both to me as your partner and to the citizens of this city. I cannot allow you back on the streets if I feel you may mess up."

Jamie regarded his friend wearily. "I thought you had more faith in me than that, Sarge." he said, his voice quiet and tense.

Tony sighed. "Kid, I do. Don't look at me like that!" he defended himself. "I'm not saying that you can't do it because I _know_ you can! But _you_ need to know one hundred percent that you can do it! If you are the least bit unsure, then that is when a mistake will happen. And in this job, a mistake can be fatal."

Jamie nodded, staring down at the ground. "I know, Sarge. You're right. I'm sorry."

"Don't be ridiculous, Reagan." Tony said, waving him off. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm just looking out for you."

Jamie smiled at him. "Thanks, Sarge."

Tony watched him again. "Do you want to leave?"

"Please, Sarge… I don't want to ruin your night, but I _really_ don't like golf!"

Tony laughed. "Fine, Jamie. Let's go. We can grab something to eat on the way back."

Jamie smiled again. "That sounds fine, Sarge." he replied as the two made their way back to the parking lot.

~~BB~~

"Jamie's agitated." Danny grumbled to his father over coffee. They were sitting in Frank's office.

Frank sighed. "What makes you say that?" he asked, not really intending for it to be a question.

"He snapped at me earlier today. It was over nothing, too." he sighed. "We're okay!" he added quickly, noticing the look his father gave him. "He apologized immediately. It just surprised me, that's all."

"He's bored. He wants to go back to work, but he won't follow the procedure."

"He needs to talk about what happened." Danny said, his tone serious. "The shrink won't let him back in unless he can prove that what happened no longer affects him."

"Exactly." Frank answered. "And I think it still does."

"He hasn't really opened up much."

"No."

"What are we going to do about it?"

"All we can do is wait, son."

Danny sighed. Waiting was the hardest part.

~~BB~~

Jamie stared out the front window of his father's home. He had agreed to help his father repaint the back fence. He knew his father was trying to help alleviate some of the boredom he was feeling. Tony's words kept running through his mind. If he was unsure, he should take more time…

Was that it? Could he do it? Jamie held his breath, letting it out slowly, angrily. What the hell was wrong with him?

"Jamie?"

"Yeah?" Jamie turned, doing his best to keep his face neutral. His father was standing behind him, holding a plate with sandwiches on it. They had finished most of the fence, and Frank decided it was time for a break.

"Hungry?" Frank peered closely at his son. Jamie looked annoyed about something, but he was obviously trying to hide it.

"Yeah, thanks Dad." Jamie answered, offering a smile. He reached for the plate, taking a sandwich. He took a seat on the nearest chair. Frank sat on the chair next to his, reaching for his own sandwich. They ate in silence for a few minutes, each lost in thought. Frank kept glancing at Jamie, noticing the far away look on his face. He sighed, making up his mind.

"Son."

Jamie looked up quickly. "Yeah, Dad?"

"Something's on your mind."

Jamie shrugged. "Nothing important. Don't worry."

"No, Jamie. We're not doing that again."

Jamie glanced at his feet, a small frown on his face. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes you do, Jamie." Frank intoned softly. "You haven't told us much of what happened to you…"

"I've told Danny." Jamie said defiantly. He didn't know why he felt such a burning anger beneath the surface.

"Maybe." Frank answered. "But even to Danny you've only mentioned some of it…"

"Maybe because it isn't important!" Jamie shot out, standing up. "Maybe because it's in the past…"

"Sit down, Jamie!" Frank demanded.

"Leave it alone, Dad." Jamie muttered, still standing. His hands were shaking.

Frank stood. "I said, _sit down_." He stared hard at his son. Jamie glared back.

"Boys, I bought more cold drinks…" Henry trailed off. He'd been out shopping for groceries and had just returned. He entered the room where he could hear mumbled voices, stopping short at the ice cloud that hung over his son and grandson. All thoughts died on his lips.

"Why can't you leave me alone?" Jamie muttered coldly.

"Because I've had enough." Frank told him firmly, his own anger bubbling beneath the surface. "It's eating at you and tearing you apart. Don't you _dare_ think that I don't see it! You've never approached me, and I want to know why!"

"Because it's not important anymore!" Jamie cried, voice rising. "All you do is bring it up…"

"It _is_ important, Jamie!" Frank said, his own voice raising. "You don't know how hard it is to watch you suffer alone when you _know_ that all you have to do is approach one of us and just tell us what's going on with you! Just tell us what happened!"

Jamie could feel the walls he'd so carefully built up starting to crack. The tremors in his hands were starting to consume the rest of his body, the pressure tightening in his chest. "You don't_ want_ to know what happened!" he shouted. "You don't _want_ to know what he did to me!" Jamie turned suddenly, pushing towards the door. Frank grabbed his arm, pulling him back. "Let go of me."

"No." Frank said, his body shaking just as much as his son's. "I'm not letting you leave like this. You need to tell me! I _do_ want to know…"

"Maybe _I_ don't want _you_ to know!" Jamie shouted coldly, his eyes burning. "Have you ever thought that maybe I don't want _anyone_ to know? That I don't want anyone to have to live through it? To live through the hell that bastard put me through? Caulfield made me less than who I am, maybe I don't want anyone to have to share that!"

Frank stared at him, shaken and stunned. "Jamie, you're not a lesser person because of what he did to you."

Jamie tore his arm from his father's grasp. "You wouldn't understand…" he muttered, pushing again towards the door. "You need to stay out of it."

"Jamie!" Frank called, taking a few steps towards him. He stopped when Jamie turned back towards him, a look of fury on his face. "Please son…"

"Leave me alone!" Jamie cried out, his voice hoarse. "Just leave me! Stop interfering!" He yanked open the door. "Stay out of it!" Jamie rushed out the door. He never noticed his stunned brother standing on the doorstep, having heard the entire fight from behind the closed door.

Danny caught the door before it slammed shut. He stared at his father, who had turned away, before glancing at his shaken grandfather and back towards the street just in time to see Jamie peel off, going much faster than was allowed. He opened his mouth a few times, his voice refusing to work.

"What the hell?" he finally choked out. He turned back towards the now empty room just in time to hear his father's office door slam and see the back of his grandfather's head retreat into the kitchen. Jamie may not have noticed him standing there, but Danny had noticed the look on Jamie's face as he brushed past him. He was barely holding it together.

Danny sighed, torn between attempting to follow his brother, and going to check on his father and grandfather. He turned into the house, knowing that it would be impossible to find Jamie right now as he could be anywhere. He'd try calling him after a while, hopefully after Jamie had cooled down.

"Grandpa?" he called softly as he entered the kitchen. Henry was staring out the kitchen window, his eyes fixed on nothing in particular. He nodded absentmindedly at Danny.

"Do you want something to eat? I just bought more food…"

"No, Grandpa." Danny interrupted. "Are you okay?"

Henry sighed, shrugging. "Are we ever okay?"

Danny nodded. "Right…"

"I came into it after they'd already started fighting." Henry added.

"Maybe I should check on Dad… will you be okay?"

Henry turned to him, giving him a small smile. "I'll live, Danny. I've faced many fights in this family. This isn't the first time."

Danny fought the urge to retort. "This is different, Gramps."

"I know."

Danny nodded again. "I'll just go check on Dad."

"You should, Danny." Henry encouraged. "He looked really upset when he stormed past me."

"Right." Danny mumbled. He headed towards his father's office, turning back just in time to see his grandfather resume staring out the window, his eyes unfocused. He felt a pang in his chest.

He knocked softly on his father's office door.

"Enter."

"Dad…"

"Danny, when did you get here?" Frank asked, attempting to look normal.

"I heard the whole thing." Danny informed him, gently closing the door behind him. Frank's face fell.

"Is it my fault, Danny?" Frank mumbled. "Did I just push him away? Maybe I shouldn't have said anything."

"Dad, don't do this to yourself." Danny told him. "We're all tired of it… but it's clear he's afraid of something. I really think he's afraid of how we'll react, either to what he had to go through, or towards him personally. We're Reagan's, and right now he doesn't feel like he fits in. You heard him…"

"He feels he's a lesser person because of what Caulfield did to him." Frank finished, sighing. Danny nodded.

"He was barely holding it together when he rushed past me." Danny mumbled quietly. "He's going to shatter, Dad… and I don't even know where to find him."

"Try calling him." Frank suggested quietly. "He'll listen to you… he doesn't even realize you're here."

Danny nodded, pulling out his phone. He dialed Jamie's number, listening to the rings, his heart thumping. He shook his head as Jamie's voicemail cut in.

"Jamie, call me. I need to talk to you." Danny said into the phone, before snapping it shut. He turned to his father. "It only rang a few times before the voicemail picked up."

"It must be off, then."

"I'll keep trying, Dad…" Danny told him, startling when his phone rang in his hand. He quickly looked at the caller ID, feeling a stab of disappointment when he saw the name. "It's Jackie. I've got to take this."

"Of course, son. I'll get a hold of you if I hear anything else or if Jamie comes back."

Danny nodded. "I'll keep you informed, too." he said, quickly stepping out of the room while answering his phone. "Jack, what have you got?"

Frank watched his son leave. The only thing he could feel was that he must have screwed up somewhere, that he did something he shouldn't have done, or didn't do something that he should have done. He rested his elbows on his knees and stared at his hands, a hollow feeling in his chest.

Danny hung up the phone. The look on his father's face when he'd entered the room was heartbreaking. He knew his father was beating himself up over Jamie leaving the way he did. Jamie wasn't the only thing that was shattering. So was the fabric that held the family together.

~~BB~~

Jamie leaned on the railing of the pier, staring out over the water. His phone was pressed to his ear as his listened to the voice messages that had collected over the last few hours. Most were from Danny, each one gaining a slightly panicked tone that he was obviously trying to hide, as he begged for Jamie to call him. One was from his grandfather, asking him to come home. The last one made the tears roll down his face.

"_Jamie, I'm so sorry… please come home, son. Please, you can tell me anything or nothing at all, it doesn't matter. I just want you safe. I love you, Jamie, no matter how you feel about me. That's one thing that will never change. I'm begging you to come home."_

Jamie sunk to the cold stones of the pier, his head in his hands. _'What the hell have I done?'_

~~BB~~

Danny knocked on the door to Erin's office before pushing it open. She looked up from the pile of papers on her desk.

"Danny, what do you need this time?"

"Why do I always need something?" Danny grumbled. "Why can't I just stop by to visit my sister?"

Erin shot him a look. "Because you _always_ need something."

Danny sighed. "Whatever, Erin. It's not for me this time. Have you talked to Jamie recently? Has he stopped by here at all?"

Erin looked surprised. "No. I haven't seen him in a few days, and he hasn't called. Why? Is something wrong?"

"You could say that." Danny muttered. "He and Dad had a blowout yesterday afternoon."

"What? What happened?" Erin asked, her pen caught in a death squeeze between her fingers. "Are they okay? How's Dad?"

"Well, it was more of a blowout on Jamie's part, but Dad was angry, at least at first. I heard the whole thing from the doorstep. Jamie nearly ran me down, but I don't even think he noticed me."

"What _happened_?" Erin asked again, her tone frustrated.

"He's afraid of how we'll view him. I think he's afraid that we won't view him the same once he's told us everything. He said that Caulfield made him a lesser person, and he doesn't want anyone else to have to live through what he had to go through."

"He thinks he's weak. He doesn't think he fits in anymore." Erin mumbled, her eyes filling with tears. "Danny… we have to find him."

"I know Erin." Danny agreed. "I just don't know how. His phone's been off since yesterday. I drove past his apartment last night and this morning. His car wasn't there, but that doesn't mean that he hadn't been home at some point. I saw Dad before I started my shift this morning, and he still hadn't heard anything from him, either. He hadn't slept all night, waiting to hear from Jamie."

Erin turned to stare out the window at the darkening sky. "Storm's coming." she mused.

"I know."

Silence hung thick as they got lost in their worried thoughts.

~~BB~~

"Thank you for coming in, Sergeant."

Tony stood nervously in front of the Commissioner. "Of course, Sir."

"Please, have a seat." Frank motioned to the chair on the other side of his desk. "You don't need to look so nervous, Sergeant."

Tony tried not to flush. "Right… is there anything wrong, Sir?"

"It's not work related." Frank sighed. "Has Jamie talked to you or come to see you recently?"

Tony looked surprised. "No, I haven't seen or heard from him in a few days. Why?"

Frank looked down. "He and I fought yesterday afternoon. I tried to get him to talk about it, and he pushed me away. He's afraid that we'll think he's weak… and I'm certain that _he_ feels that he is weak, too."

"I know, Sir. I got that feeling, too." Tony replied. "He couldn't control what Caulfield did to him, and he's ashamed because of that."

"And now we don't know where he is."

"I'll keep an eye and ear out for him, Sir. I'll let you know if I hear from him."

"Thank you, Sergeant. I appreciate that."

Tony nodded as he got up to leave, worry picking at his mind for his young friend.

Frank watched the tired-looking man leave. He turned to the window, watching as dark clouds started rolling in. _'Where are you, Jamie? I just wish I knew you were alright.'_

~~BB~~

Henry looked up as Frank walked through the door. "Evening, Francis."

"Hi, Pop. Have you heard anything from Jamie?"

"Not directly."

Frank shot him a confused look mixed with annoyance. "What's that supposed to mean?" Henry just pointed at the answering machine.

"I wasn't home when he called."

Frank dashed over to the machine, pressing the play button. Relief filled him as he heard his son's voice.

"_Dad… I'm sorry… I didn't mean what I said. I just… I'm sorry. I love you. I'll call again later."_

Frank quickly picked up the phone, punching in his son's home number. There was no answer except for his machine. He left a message of his own. "Jamie, call me back, okay? I got your message."

He hung up slowly before picking up the receiver again and dialing his cellphone. It went to voicemail. He sighed, leaving another message. "Jamie, I'll try again later. Call me."

"He's still not answering, huh?" Henry grumbled.

"No." Frank sighed, slumping down into his chair. "I don't get it, Pop. He calls here, but won't leave his line open?"

Henry shrugged. "I guess he's making sure this is on his terms."

Frank stared at a point on the ceiling as Henry went back to the paper.

~~BB~~

The rain had started to fall, soaking into his thin shirt and mixing with the tears on his face. He had been walking for hours, unsure of where he even was. He nearly tripped over a rock on the ground. Thunder crashed overhead. He looked up, more tears falling as he recognized where he was.

It was Joe's favourite stomping ground, a small park with lots of hiding spaces. Joe would come here to drink with a few buddies before they were legal. Jamie had it on good authority that he'd even brought a few girls here on occasion. At twenty-three, he'd brought sixteen year old Jamie there to have his first beer; Danny had ripped them both a new one when he'd found out. Surprisingly, their father never knew about it, or at least he'd kept quiet about it.

Lightening flashed as he crawled underneath some tall pine trees for shelter from the wind and rain. He knew it wasn't a smart idea hiding under there, but at the moment he didn't care. He was cold, it was dark, and he was soaked to the bone. He leaned back against the trunk, shivering. He dug around in his pocket, pulling out a rectangular piece of paper. It was a photograph. Three smiling faces stared back at him; Joe and Danny with Jamie squished in the middle. Danny was twenty-eight, Joe twenty-five, and Jamie eighteen. He had graduated high school that same day. Their arms were tossed around each other shoulders, not a care to be seen, and no vision of the horrors that lay ahead.

Jamie clutched the picture, his heart thumping painfully in the hollow cavern where his chest was. He found it much harder to breathe. "I can't do this…" he moaned to himself. "I can't keep doing this…" He fumbled for his phone.

~~BB~~

"His car is here, but he's not." Erin told him. Danny sighed, clutching the phone to his ear. Erin had gone to Jamie's apartment after she finished work. Danny had gone back over to his father's place to wait with him and his grandfather.

"Look, Erin, go home to Nicki. This storm is getting worse. I'm going to go look for him. I'll keep you posted."

"You'd better!" she threatened, sounding tearful.

"It'll be okay, Erin." he told her softly. "I'm not letting him go. He has to be somewhere. I'll find him, I promise you."

"I know you will, Danny. Call me."

Danny hung up. "His car is at his apartment, but he's not there." he informed his father and grandfather, who were sitting side by side in their chairs, watching him expectantly. "I'm going to go look for him. I'll start with the most obvious places first…" He was cut off by his phone ringing. He automatically flipped it open, not even looking at the screen. "Reagan."

"Danny…"

"Jamie!" Danny nearly dropped the phone in surprise. His elders sat up straighter, leaning towards him. "Kid, where are you?"

"Danny, I need you… I can't do this myself…"

"Jamie, calm down and tell me where you are." Danny instructed calmly, his heart beating a hole through his chest. Jamie's voice sounded so fragile and shaky, like he was going to cry.

"Joe's haunt."

"The park." Danny remembered. "I'll be there soon. I'm leaving right now. You stay with me, you hear me?" He nodded at his father, who quickly waved him off. He tore out through the door and jumped into his car. "Jamie, I'm going to keep you on speaker, okay? Just keep talking to me."

"Okay…"

"Jamie, where have you been? We've been phoning you, but you haven't answered."

"I know… I've been everywhere. Nowhere. I've done a lot of thinking."

"I'm sure you have." Danny said, his voice soft.

"Please just get here…" Jamie's voice broke off, a sob cutting off his words.

"It'll be okay, kiddo." Danny said, his heart squeezing again. "I'm pulling up now. Where are you?"

"North side, under the trees."

A flash of lightening lit up the sky. Danny saw a lone figure sitting under a patch of pine trees. He sighed.

"Didn't you ever learn not to sit under a tree when there's lightening around?" he grumbled, snatching up his phone. "I'm going to hang up, okay? I'm only a few feet away from you."

"Okay." Jamie mumbled, hanging up his end. Danny snapped his phone shut, running over towards the patch of trees. He knelt down, peering beneath them. Jamie looked back morosely.

"You had us worried." Danny told him softly.

Jamie looked down. "I'm sorry…"

"Don't be sorry, Jamie." Danny sighed, spying the paper clutched in his hand. "What have you got there?"

"It's a picture of us." Jamie told him, turning it towards Danny. Danny smiled in remembrance.

"I remember that day. You'd just graduated from high school. I thought Joe was going to split in two from the pride he felt. He bragged about you nonstop."

Jamie smiled softly before his smiled turned sad. "I wish he was here."

"I know you do, kid." Danny said, sitting next to him. "I do, too." He wrapped an arm around Jamie's shoulders as Jamie stuck the picture back into his pocket. "Jamie… please talk to me." Danny pleaded softly. "I want to know what's going on with you."

"No you don't…" Jamie mumbled, his resolve cracking.

"Jamie, don't do this. Not now." Danny groaned. He could feel Jamie's tensed body shaking under his arm. Another crack of thunder tore through the air as Jamie suddenly took off like a startled rabbit. Danny took off after him. "Jamie, stop!" he hollered, chasing after his brother. He grabbed his arm as he caught up to him. Jamie struggled, trying to pull his arm free.

"You can't possibly understand!" Jamie shouted back over the wind and rain.

"You're not weak!" Danny bellowed. "Don't _ever_ think you're weak! You have nothing to be afraid of, we just want to help you!"

Jamie stared, stunned. He attempted to pull away. "How?"

"How _what_, Jamie?"

Jamie shook his head, turning away. His walls were breaking further as his chest tightened. "I don't fit in, Danny. I'm not strong like you or Dad… I couldn't fight him off… I really tried, Danny, I did…"

"I know. Believe me, I know. You did the best you could." Danny said, reaching for him again. "Let's get back to Dad's, okay? I don't know about you, but I'm freezing." He moved towards Jamie, placing a hand on his shoulder. Jamie stumbled, his knees giving out as he sank to the soaking wet grass beneath him. Danny immediately knelt down next to him. "Jamie, what is it?"

The fragile walls surrounding him shattered, cold like ice and as sharp as a knife. "I can't do this alone, Danny…" he mumbled, his breath catching in his throat. "I'm so tired…"

Danny throat tightened as he wrapped his arms around his brother. "I know, kid. You're never alone."

Jamie clutched at him, finally breaking. Danny held him, rubbing his back to offer comfort as the rain continued to pour down on them. When Jamie's sobs started to quiet, Danny pulled him gently to his feet.

"Let's get going, okay?" he asked softly. "Dad's probably worried about us out in this weather."

Jamie nodded, automatically following his brother back to the car. He felt spent, and it took everything he had just to put one foot in front of the other. Danny kept on hand protectively on his back, the warmth radiating to his core. Danny unlocked the car and Jamie gratefully crawled inside, glad to be out of the rain. Danny got in the other side and started the car.

"You okay, Jamie?"

Jamie smiled softly. "Thanks, Danny. For being there."

"I'll always be there, Jamie. You know that." Danny smiled back as he pulled away. They drove in silence, Jamie staring out the window at the rainy scenery passing by, and Danny casting concerned glances at his brother. Finally, they pulled up to the house. Danny turned the car off. He noticed Jamie staring nervously up at the house, lightening flashing in behind the brick structure. "You ready, kiddo?"

Jamie swallowed. "Sure…"

Danny reached over, giving his shoulder a squeeze. "It'll be okay, Jamie. Dad doesn't think any less of you. He'll _never_ think any less of you. He doesn't think of you as weak."

Jamie nodded, his jaw tight. "Let's go."

Danny gave him an encouraging smile as they headed back out into the rain. They hurried up the steps and Danny pushed through the front door. "Dad? Grandpa? We're home."

Frank hurried out into the entryway, Henry close on his heels. He took in Danny, dripping onto the floor, and Jamie, who was standing off to the side, his arms crossed tightly over his chest, soaked through to the bone. Both boys had slightly blue tinged skin, and they were shivering. Henry hurried off to grab towels.

"Hot shower, Danny." Frank ordered. "Jamie…"

Jamie's lips quivered. Frank took a step towards him and held out his arms just as Jamie's resolve crumbled. He collapsed against his father, who wrapped his arms tightly around him. Danny quietly stepped around them, hurrying upstairs to the bathroom. Henry was watching from the top of the stairs.

"He's going to be mortified." Danny mumbled.

"Why?"

Danny gestured down towards where his brother and father were standing, Frank's arms still tightly wrapped around his son. "Why not?"

"It's just us here. What happens in this house stays in this house."

Danny looked at his grandfather. He smiled. "Yeah, you're right Gramps." He looked back down the stairs. "I'm going to go have a shower. I'll just be a few minutes."

"Both of you still have some clothes in the drawers of your rooms."

"No we don't…"

"Yeah, you do. Francis made sure of it. Just some basics, but they're there. I'll run the washing machine once Jamie's showered and warmed up. Your clothes will be ready for you later."

Danny shook his head. Trust his father to look after them even as grown men who've moved out. He shut the bathroom door, turning on the water and relishing in the steam. He climbed into the tub, leaning against the wall. A few tears rolled down his face as the anxious energy that had built up over the last twenty-four hours started to leave him. He scrubbed them away, his muscles feeling heavy and weak, and quickly washed. Reluctantly he turned off the water. He quickly dried off, wrapping the towel around his waist as he padded towards his room, nearly bumping into Jamie who was just leaving his own room dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt.

"How'd you shower so fast?"

Jamie smiled slightly. "Just because you rarely use the second bathroom…"

"Right. I forgot about the one by Grandpa's room." Danny smirked. "You heading back down?"

"Yeah."

"I'll be down in a few minutes."

"Sure." Jamie said. "Danny?"

Danny paused in the doorway of his room. "Yeah?"

"Thanks. I mean it."

Danny smiled. "I know. You're welcome, kid. Anytime."

Jamie nodded, smiling at him again, before descending the stairs. Danny closed the door to his room softly, feeling for the first time that there was a light at the end of the tunnel.

~~BB~~

Danny sat on the edge of the bed in his old room, dressed in a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. He held his cellphone to his ear, waiting for Erin to pick up.

"Hello?"

"Hi Erin, it's Danny."

"Danny! Did you find him? Is he okay?" she asked in a rush.

"I found him. He actually called me first, told me where he was. He was at the old park where Joe used to go. He was soaked through." Danny sighed. "He'll be okay, Erin, but he completely shattered before I got him back to Dad's. I've never seen anything like it."

"He had to admit it to himself that he needed help. Once he did, it must have become all too real."

"Yeah." Danny mumbled, rubbing his tired eyes. "Dad made both of us shower and Gramps is insisting on washing our clothes. Jamie doesn't look like he wants to go anywhere. I think he's ready to talk about it."

"Should I come over?"

Danny hesitated. "Would you mind not coming over right now? I'm sure he'll talk to you, too." he added hastily at the sound of her protests. "But there are already three of us here, and that's probably more of an audience than he wants to begin with."

"Alright." Erin sighed. "I get it. I'll check on him tomorrow, then." She paused. "Danny, let me phone Linda for you. You just go and look after him, okay?"

"Thanks, Erin." Danny sighed gratefully. "I'll keep in touch."

"You do that. Goodnight, Danny."

"Goodnight, Erin. Sleep well."

Danny hung up, stretching. He made his way into the hallway and back down the stairs. He entered the living room, spotting Jamie on the couch wrapped up in a blanket. There was a mug of steaming hot chocolate on the table in front of him. His father sat on Jamie's right, and his grandfather sat in his own chair with his feet propped up. Jamie motioned to the spot on the couch that remained empty. Danny immediately sat down, noticing that he, too, had a mug of hot chocolate waiting for him.

Jamie looked at each of them in turn, his fingers fidgeting. He swallowed nervously. "I'm sorry."

"Jamie, you don't have to be sorry…" Frank started.

"No, I do." Jamie interrupted him. "I thought that I could handle it myself, I thought I was _better off_ handling it myself, if only to save you from having to live with the images and memories. I thought that if I kept it hidden away, I could just forget about it. I was angry. Angry at myself, mostly, for getting into that situation in the first place, but also angry with Caulfield for taking control of me… I couldn't stop him, and I thought that there must be something wrong with me. I can't be much of a cop if I can't even stop someone from hurting me. How can I protect anyone else if I can't even protect myself? I've screwed up too many times already, I got a young boy killed because I didn't act in time! I just wanted everything to go away."

Jamie shifted, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. "It didn't go away. I hoped that it would just become some easily-forgotten distant memory, but it never did. Even though Caulfield is dead, he still tormented me. And I didn't want anyone to know. I didn't want him to torment anyone else, so if no one knew, they'd be safe from him."

Jamie glanced up at Danny, who was gazing at him, concerned, then over at his grandfather, who looked teary. He finally looked up at his father, holding his gaze. "I was too stuck on myself. I never realized that you were tormented, too. I never realized that even though I never spoke about it, Caulfield had a hold over you, and would as long as he had a hold over me. I know it hurt you to watch from the sidelines, unable to do anything because I wouldn't let you."

Jamie glanced back at his hands. His voice was barely above a whisper. "I can't keep it in anymore… I feel like I've broken into pieces and I don't know what to do anymore."

Frank reached over, lightly brushing the back of Jamie's head before grasping his shoulder firmly. Danny rested a hand on his other shoulder.

"We're here, son. All of us."

"You can tell us anything you want." Danny added.

Jamie closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He leaned back against the couch before holding Danny's gaze. "Then I'm ready."

~~TBC~~

* * *

**A/N 2:** Yep, were at that point now. Stay tuned! :)

I also just want to say that my heart goes out to all involved in the Colorado theatre shooting. Pardon my French, but there's been too much of this shit lately. The world needs a shove in a different direction. I hope everyone can find the peace they need at this time and in the future.


	18. Chapter 17

Run and Hide

**Disclaimer:** And still nothing has changed...

**A/N:** Sorry this seemed to take a long time - I usually try to do weekly updates, but this time not only had I caught up to myself and ran into an unfinished chapter, I couldn't get the drive back to complete it, either. And since when has "vacation time" meant "busier than when you are working"? Blech. Anyway, thanks for reading and thanks for taking time to review the previous chapter! Appreciate it. :)

This one seems a bit rushed to me, so I apologise in advance if it seems to jump around.

Enjoy. :)

* * *

Chapter 17

_If you just set people in motion, they'll heal themselves. - Gabrielle Roth_

Jamie fidgeted nervously. "Everything started a while ago, before the campground. Everything just piled up… I was making too many mistakes, and I just didn't handle it right." Jamie shot a look at Danny, who nodded in understanding. "I thought that if I left I could sort through it all, just take some time to myself and figure it all out. When I came back, I could start over."

Jamie shifted, pulling the blanket tighter around him. "The night of the shooting… I shouldn't have even been in that part of the city, Dad. I don't know what I was thinking!"

Frank squeezed his shoulder gently. "The report said you were on a break and buying a birthday gift for Nicki. There's nothing wrong with that. You shouldn't punished for being somewhere else in the city when you're on a break. Just keep your ear on your radio at all times."

"I know… but I should have just walked away. I never should have stopped…" Jamie stared down at his hands. Danny nudged his shoulder.

"It's also not against the law to stop, or try to stop, something in progress, no matter what area of the city you're in."

"I _didn't_ stop it, Danny." Jamie replied softly. "I was too late… only when I saw the boy come around the corner did I act…"

Danny looked confused. "From the way the report's written, it sounds like you just came across the incident at the last second and didn't have the time to catch the shooter."

Jamie shook his head, his lips pressed tight together. "No… I was hiding in the closest alley, scared of what I should do next. I completely froze… I pulled my gun when I saw the shooter pull his and the kid round the corner… I was too late. He fired, and I didn't… the kid died because of me."

"No, the kid died because someone shot him." Danny told him firmly. "It's horrible, I agree, but it's not your fault. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time and the shooter obviously cared about no one."

Jamie sighed. "I was torn between chasing the shooter and staying with the boy. I knew I couldn't catch the shooter by that time, so I tried to help the boy. His brother… Jake… kept yelling at me to save him." Jamie swallowed. "I called for help. That's when the chaos started… the cops who were _supposed_ to be there showed up and the ambulance arrived… I knew it was too late for the boy, but I kept hoping. Jake and the others had scattered." Jamie took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "As he ran, he told me I was a dead man…"

Danny's fist clenched. "We figured it was revenge." he muttered. "Jamie… why wasn't that in the report?"

Jamie looked down. "Because I didn't mention it to anyone."

Frank sighed. "Son, I'm sure you knew that it was a crucial piece of information."

Jamie nodded. "I just thought that, in a city this large, it would be tough for him to find me anyway. He was obviously dealing in drugs, I figured he'd be arrested soon enough." He looked down. "I was wrong, Dad… I'm sorry. I should have mentioned it."

"Now you know."

Jamie looked up at his father. Frank didn't look angry, just concerned. He nodded again. "What's going to happen to him, Dad? The Sergeant that created the report?"

"I'll deal with that, Jamie. Don't worry about it."

"He was just trying to help, and I let him. I should be punished because of it, too."

"He's the one who glossed over details, son." Frank told him. "Don't focus on that. Besides… I think you've had enough to deal with."

Jamie's gaze slid back to the floor. He nodded. Frank rested a hand on his arm, causing him to look up. Frank was looking at him seriously. "Dad?" he questioned.

"All I ask that in _any_ situation, in _any _report you have to fill out, you give _all _information. I know that _you_ know I'll see it, but that means nothing. I ask this of every officer… for everyone's safety, we need every piece of information."

Jamie held his gaze. "Yes, Sir. Believe me, I get it."

Frank smiled softly. "I know you do, son."

Danny cleared his throat. "Why did you leave, kid? After the shooting?"

Jamie looked at him. "I guess I was afraid you'd be disappointed in me. I just wanted to get some solitude and think everything over, start over again." He looked seriously at his brother. "I have some big shoes to fill, Danny. I have a lot riding on me. You, Dad, Gramps… Joe…"

"You're afraid that you don't measure up…" Danny trailed off. It was his turn to look at his feet.

"No, I don't."

"You do, son. Believe me, I couldn't be more proud of you. Of all of you." Frank smiled again, earning looks from both of his sons. "I never expect more out of any one person in this family, and I never expect any less. All I ask of anyone in this family is to be hard-working, upstanding citizens and hard-working members of this family. Everyone here exceeds that. I'm proud of all of you."

"Thanks, Dad." Jamie murmured, shooting him a smile. He looked back down at his hands. "I expected to get up to the retreat, spend a couple of days thinking, and come back. I never thought… of all the bad luck…"

"The information we got out of others explained why they were there." Danny mumbled. Jamie looked at him questioningly. "Jake liked to hide evidence. The retreat, being relatively quiet, was a good place to hide. Shoot the guy… and yes, it was the same guy who shot the boy… leave no evidence, bail, and get off without anyone noticing."

"Except that he _did _leave evidence behind."

"Yes. The guy fought back before they tied him up… there were markings on his fists and defensive wounds on his arms. Jake spilled some of his own blood before it all ended." Danny paused, looking at his brother proudly. "You put up a good fight, too. There was blood left from one of the other brutes."

Jamie couldn't help but smirk. "I punched the ugly one. Twice." he mumbled, causing the others to laugh.

"I'm glad you did, kiddo." Danny praised. "That was the main piece of evidence that led us to their names."

"And insider information."

"That, too." Danny smiled.

Jamie sighed. "I was afraid… I fought for my life out there, and I still lost… they got the upper hand. There was nothing I could do." Jamie's voice grew softer. "I was sure I'd be killed before they even dragged me over to the van. I didn't realize at the time who Jake actually was, and I know he didn't recognize me at first. I just knew that he didn't want me spilling on the execution I witnessed."

"That was the other thing we got out of the others. Jake hid in a nearby alley. He overheard the Sergeant talking to you, that's how he knew your name." Danny mumbled again. He glanced at Jamie. "What happened next, kid?"

"Jake had clocked me… I woke up in the van. We were moving, but I had no idea where we were. I must have passed out again."

The three listening Reagan men squashed down their anger at Jake. Jamie had a far away look in his eyes, and they didn't want him thinking their anger was directed at him. They waited patiently for him to continue.

"I woke up again in this dark, musty room with only a tiny window high up on the wall. I was dizzy, but I was able to move enough even with my hands and feet tied to check on the door, which was locked. I left it alone. By the time I woke up again, the ties were gone. And Jake had figured out who I was."

Danny glanced discreetly at his father and grandfather over Jamie's head. They wore the same look as he did… fear that they so desperately tried to hide.

"He'd seen the picture that we took several months ago, of just us that day in the backyard. That's what I had as my background image… at that moment, I was more afraid for all of you than I was for myself. He knew you, recognized you… he could go after you and I wouldn't be able to do a damn thing about it."

"But he didn't." Frank soothed, gently placing a hand on his shoulder. "He never let on, he didn't touch any of us." Jamie nodded, still lost in thought.

"I still didn't know who I was dealing with… he eventually told me, before he tried choking me…" Jamie trailed off, absentmindedly rubbing at his throat and pretending that he hadn't noticed Danny's hand clench into a fist, or the short intake of breath from his father. He glanced quickly at his grandfather, whose face was impassive, but his eyes burned with anger. Once again, Jamie focused on his hands. "It took hours for them to come back. I was already starting to wonder how long it would take before I started wishing it would just end…"

Danny stood abruptly, startling everyone and causing Jamie to look up. "I'm sorry, kid… continue, I just need to move around…"

"Danny…"

"Really, Jamie… please continue." Danny said softly. "I'm sorry…"

Jamie waved him off, taking another breath. "By the time they came back, Jake had already gone insane… he had a taser with him. It was nothing like during training… I didn't think he'd stop… I was sure he intended on killing me. It felt like I was on fire…" he trailed off, realizing only at that moment that he had leaned forward and that his father was rubbing comforting circles on his back. His cheeks were wet. He wiped his hands across his eyes quickly, feeling Danny sit back down next to him. "He wanted me to confess that I was responsible for his brother's death… I still defied him. He kicked me in the ribs because of it." He paused again, leaning back against the couch. "They left after that." He glanced again at Danny. "I thought that was it, Danny… I thought that I was about to just become a toy for them to play with when they were bored… I didn't know what was going on out here and I thought I'd never be found… the electricity stopped my watch and I had no idea how long it had been…"

Danny lightly grasped his hand. "We never stopped looking, Jamie." he told him softly. "Not once did we give up."

Jamie nodded again. "I know that now." he replied. He took another steadying breath. "They injected me with something… it must have been a muscle relaxant… I couldn't move anything and I couldn't catch my breath. They stuck me in a really small box… it felt like the walls were closing in on me. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move… all I felt was panic. Finally, I was able to start moving after what felt like hours. I begged them to let me out… Jake expected me to give in and tell him what he wanted to hear… I still didn't." Jamie paused again, his hands trembling as his mind forced him back to that day. Only the warmth of his father's hand on his arm kept him grounded. "He beat me… I felt ribs cracking… they tied me to a chair, making sure I couldn't move."

Danny fought down an angry curse, his hands trembling as much as Jamie's. Frank shifted closer to Jamie so he could reach around him to place a warm hand on Danny's shoulder. Henry sat unmoving in his chair, afraid to make a sound. He stared intently at Jamie, the entire time wishing that he could kill Jake many times over.

Jamie stood up, nervously pacing over to the window. His hands shook. "He used a knife… that's where all the cuts came from… he liked watching me squirm…" Jamie breath caught. He felt a hand squeeze his shoulder. He turned slightly, his grandfather coming into view. Henry gently took his left arm, turning it to view the tiny pink scar just above his wrist.

"Is that were you got this?"

Jamie nodded. "Later on… he thought I was close to death and decided to get one last jab in. It was right before everyone arrived on scene." He turned back to the window. "He used my family to get to me… he said that he'd killed all of you in an explosion. I refused to believe him at first, and he just beat me more because of it. It didn't take long before I started to believe him. He was capable of anything…"

Henry stood behind his grandson, one hand continuously on his shoulder. He wanted to scream and cry over the injustice that had befallen his grandson, and the unfairness that he was powerless to do anything about it. The images ran across his brain, and he knew that his imagination couldn't come up with images nearly as bad as what Jamie had to deal with.

Danny was staring at the floor, discreetly casting glances at his father, whose fists were clenched. Both men wanted to cry, but fought back their emotions; they wanted to show strength and be the rocks that Jamie needed them to be.

Jamie wandered back to the couch. He felt exhausted and just wanted to sleep but, at the same time, he felt wired. He sat back down in between his father and brother. "He left me alone for hours. I wanted to sleep, but the pain kept me awake. The next time I saw anyone, it was Cole… Colby, I mean. He'd been sent in to finish me off…"

Danny grunted. "Colby told us that. He also said he didn't touch you because he certainly didn't feel that way."

Jamie nodded. "That's what he told me while he was there." He sighed. "I couldn't make sense of him. I didn't know what he wanted most of the time. I felt like he was warning me, but then he'd change and become blank and impassive… I wanted to hate him as much as I did the others."

"He couldn't blow his cover, at least not right away, but he did his best to keep you alive."

"Yeah, he stopped them quite often." Jamie glanced back at his hands. "He was the one who untied me, then I was alone for hours again. When Jake came back… he had a whip with him. An old one, like the ones you'd hear about being used in schools a long time ago."

Frank "humphed" but didn't say anything. Henry raised an eyebrow.

"We called them straps, not whips." he grumbled.

"Same basic idea." Jamie grumbled back while Danny snickered beside him. Jamie sighed again. "Jake got real pleasure out of using that. I always tried to stay as silent as possible when he beat on me. I never wanted to give him the satisfaction that he was getting to me… but I couldn't, not when I could feel the stinging, painful sensation of wounds developing on other wounds… I don't remember when he stopped. I think I passed out before then." He looked at Danny who was staring at his hands, his face sad and angry at the same time. "I hoped that it was over at that point… I wanted to stay unconscious… but I remember later hearing him talking to you. I knew he was talking to _someone_, but I didn't know it was you until I heard him mention your name. I tried to make you stay away…"

"I heard." Danny replied softly. "We heard what he was doing to you… I think you know by now that nothing would have kept me away. Even if I knew I was walking right into the middle of a trap, I still would have shown up."

"That goes for all of us." Frank quietly interrupted. "We wouldn't leave you. Not for anything."

Jamie nodded. "I know that." he replied softly. His tired eyes were watery. "Thank you… for everything."

"There's no need to thank us, Jamie." Danny replied, slinging an arm around his shoulders. "You would have done the same for any of us. We don't leave each other behind."

Jamie smiled softly. "You're right, Danny." He looked down at his hands. "But I wouldn't want any of you to have to go through that… I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want any of you to have to live it. You're my family… I was protecting you, yet I know I was hurting you at the same time." He looked back up, meeting each of their eyes in turn. "I'm sorry… and I mean it. I should have talked to you before."

Danny looked ready to argue, then he thought better of it. "Then we forgive you." he replied instead.

"_And_ we understand." Frank added, lightly grasping his son's arm.

Jamie smiled, looking sleepy. "I also felt that I had so much to live up to, that my mistakes and my lack of control would just be a source of disappointment for you. To admit any of that would be admitting to failure… I thought that you'd be ashamed of me. I thought that you'd think I was weak." He frowned. "But I think I was… am… disappointed and angry with myself, and I just projected that on to you because that's what my mind told me was happening. It was what I wanted to believe, so I did." He looked back at his hands. "I know it's not true, but I'm still afraid."

"Well, you're right. It's _not_ true." Danny stated. "You're not a failure, and you're not weak. I've never thought of you as that. None of us have."

"You need to believe in yourself, son." Frank told him softly, gently squeezing his arm.

Jamie nodded. "I know. It's just hard to do when you feel like you've screwed up so much."

Danny looked thoughtful. "Jamie, can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"What is it with you and water bottles? Whenever you have water, either you get it from the tap or you pour water from a bottle into a glass. I still remember that night when you were squeezing that bottle until it nearly popped. What were you thinking?"

Jamie looked at him oddly before a sad looked crossed his face. "That's all I got while I was there. Colby was the one to bring me small amounts of food and he always brought a water bottle with him, too. Jake decided one day that he'd dump the rest of the water that I was saving… I guess he thought I'd confess to him that I was the one who killed his brother if I got desperate enough… he said he'd bring more once I told him what he wanted to hear. I remained silent. I was dehydrated, and I knew it… I felt sick, and it felt like I was on fire. But I still refused to say anything. Colby snuck water back into the room for me… by that time, Jake didn't notice much of anything anymore."

Danny nodded, but couldn't find the words. His brother's strength, even when he knew it might kill him, amazed him. He was pretty sure that, had he been in Jamie's place, he would have caved by that point.

"Jamie." Frank said, his voice soft. "Come on son, let's get you upstairs, okay?"

Danny quickly looked over at his brother. Jamie's eyes were half closed. He looked completely worn out. Danny stood, helping Jamie to his feet. Frank stood protectively on his other side, one hand always hovering. Henry hurried over, gently pulling Jamie into a hug. He didn't say anything, but Jamie wrapped his arms tightly around him. He pulled away, a look of understanding on his face. Henry gently patted his shoulder before taking his seat.

"I'll see you in the morning, kiddo." he mumbled softly. Jamie smiled at him.

"Love you, Gramps." he said, before turning towards the stairs. He stopped at the bottom, looking dismayed. The stairs seemed to stretch for miles ahead of him. He heard Danny snort.

"Come on, Jamie. Let's get you started, at least. One foot in front of the other." Danny said, gently pushing on him. "Unless you want to sleep at the bottom of the stairs…"

"Shut up, Danny." Jamie mumbled, tiredly stepping up on the first step. "I'm so tired…"

"I know." Danny replied, his voice soft and concerned. "I'll help you." He added, grasping his arm. He lightly pulled on him, easing Jamie up the next few steps. Frank stayed right behind his sons. By the time Danny reached the top of the stairs, Jamie was leaning heavily on him and Danny was practically dragging him. "How much have you slept over the last few days?" he puffed, leading him towards his room.

"A few hours." Jamie answered, his voice muffled. He allowed Danny to lead him into his room, where he sat gratefully on the soft mattress of his bed. "I didn't sleep at all last night…"

Danny's pressed his lips together, but kept his words to himself. The fight between him and his father had not been Jamie's fault, but he knew his brother felt horrible about it and the guilt would have kept him awake. It was a trait that plagued both brothers. Even if they hadn't done something wrong, they felt guilty anyway. He helped Jamie lay down, pulling the covers over him. Jamie's eyes were already closing. Danny gently brushed his fingers through his brother's hair. "Sleep well, kid."

"Dad?" Jamie mumbled sleepily.

"Yes, son?" Frank asked from the doorway.

"Can you stay in here for a bit? I need to talk to you."

"Of course, son." Frank answered, stepping into the room. Danny stood to leave.

"Danny?"

"Yeah, Jamie?"

"Thank you."

Danny looked down at this brother. Jamie had forced his eyes open and was staring unwaveringly at him. He nodded, smiling. "Anytime. I'll see you in the morning, okay?"

"Goodnight, Danny."

"Night, Jamie. Sleep well."

Danny made his way back out into the hallway, pausing in the doorway. He looked back inside the room. Frank had taken a seat where Danny had sat just moments ago. He sighed, turning and heading down the stairs to the living room where his grandfather waited.

Frank ran a hand softly over Jamie's hair. "Are you okay, Jamie?"

"I'll be fine, Dad." Jamie answered. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry."

"You don't need to be sorry…"

"Yeah, I do." Jamie interrupted. "I was wrong. I acted so horribly the other day… I yelled at you even though I knew you were just trying to help. I pushed you away. And when I left, I didn't know what I was doing. It's like my brain was just one big foggy mess… I could have gotten myself killed when I took off like that… I could have injured or killed someone else… but I wasn't even thinking of that. I was just thinking of how angry I was… and that anger wasn't even directed at you."

Frank could tell he was getting upset again. He squeezed his shoulder. He didn't blame him one bit, but he knew what his son needed to hear. "I forgive you, Jamie. I was angry at first, but mostly worried about you and about where you had gone. I forgive you for the fight and for taking off. If I was in your place, I probably would have done the same thing."

Jamie nodded, his eyes closing again. "I just drove around while cooling off… I scared myself when I nearly rear-ended someone. That's when I stopped at Central Park and just sat there for hours until I felt I could drive again… I turned my phone off."

"I know, I tried phoning you." Frank said, watching Jamie's breathing slowly even out. "Sleep, son. We can talk in the morning if you'd like."

"Hmm… I was at the Pier when I realized what I was doing…" Jamie mumbled, already half asleep. "Love you, Dad."

"I love you, too, Jamie." Frank whispered, his son's soft snore filling the room. "Nothing will ever change that." He sat there a few minutes longer, watching his son get the sleep he so desperately needed. Finally, he got up slowly, careful not to jostle him, and made his way out of the room. He gently closed the door behind him, the soft click of the door going unnoticed by the sleeping figure on the bed.

Henry and Danny both looked up as he entered the living room, looking tired and weary. Danny stood abruptly, looking anxious.

"Is he okay, Dad? Is there anything wrong?"

Frank waved him off. "No, son, there's nothing wrong. He's just emotionally drained, and tired from the lack of sleep over the last few days. He'd fallen asleep before I'd even stood up."

"Oh, that's good… he was getting heavier and heavier as I practically carried him up the stairs…" Danny mumbled. "I thought there was something wrong."

Frank shook his head, lightly squeezing his son close as he passed by him. "No, don't worry, Danny. It was just exhaustion kicking in. He'll be fine once he gets some rest."

Danny nodded, feeling just as tired. His body was sore, partly from the lack of adrenaline and partly from being out in the cold and rainy weather earlier that day. "I need some sleep, too." he mumbled. "Though I think I'll be dreaming of tasers and whips tonight…" he sighed, his body wavering. "Goodnight, Dad. Night, Gramps."

"Goodnight, Danny." Henry answered.

"Night, son." Frank answered, watching as Danny wearily made his way back up the stairs. He heard his bedroom door close quietly.

"I'm going to bed too, Francis." Henry said, getting up from his chair. "Though I think Danny might be right about the dreams…"

"I don't doubt it, Pop." Frank sighed. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Francis." Henry called from the hallway leading to his room. His door closed behind him.

Frank reached up to turn out the light. He sat for a long time in the dark until exhaustion finally caught up to him, too. He hadn't slept at all the night before, and his body was begging for some rest. He tottered off towards the stairs, pausing first at Jamie's door. All he heard was silence, broken by the occasional soft snore. He paused again at Danny's door, hearing more silence before a louder, more rattling snore broke through. He smirked tiredly. No wonder Linda complained.

He quietly entered his own room, quickly changing. He was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

~~BB~~

Jamie grunted sleepily, light hitting him in the face. He cracked open an eye; sunlight was peeking through his curtains. He stretched, his muscles stiff. He rolled over to glance at the clock. It was ten-thirty. Rolling again, he stared up at the ceiling. He assumed that he must have stayed in the same position all night. He wanted to stay put where he was comfortable, but figured that he might as well get up before someone came looking for him.

~~BB~~

Danny hacked awake. He'd slept solidly most of the night, waking for a few seconds only a couple of times before falling asleep again. He glared at the clock. Ten-thirty. Even though he felt more awake, he was too sore to move. Groaning, he forced himself up, ignoring the pounding in his head. Maybe another shower would work.

~~BB~~

Frank stepped into the hallway, refreshed and dressed, just as his sons exited their rooms. Jamie looked perky, but Danny looked… odd.

"You okay, Danny?"

Danny sniffed. "I feel like crap."

"The rain." Frank stated. "You've probably caught a cold."

"Damn." Danny grumbled before turning his glare on to Jamie. "Why aren't _you _sick, then?"

Jamie shrugged. "Don't know. I feel fine."

"Figures." Danny groused. "Your immune system is something else. I'm going to shower."

Jamie sighed. "Fine, I'll use the downstairs bathroom."

Danny huffed and shuffled into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. The water turned on.

Jamie smirked and headed downstairs, Frank right behind him. Frank reached out to stop him before he got to the bottom.

"Jamie, how did you sleep?"

"Slept fine." Jamie answered. "I don't think I moved at all."

"No dreams?"

"None that I can remember." Jamie smiled slightly. "I don't even think I woke up."

Frank smiled back before moving down the stairs. "Glad to hear it."

It was Jamie's turn to stop him. Frank looked at him questioningly.

"What's wrong, son?"

"Nothing… but how did _you_ sleep?"

Frank smiled softly. "I'm fine, Jamie. I barely woke up, and if I did it was only for a short time." Jamie nodded, relief on his face.

"That's good." he answered.

"You don't have to worry about us, Jamie. Just concentrate on yourself."

"I know, Dad." Jamie said. "You might want to check on Danny, though…"

"Why?"

"He might fall asleep and drown in the shower." Jamie quipped, shooting a smirk at his father before hurrying to the second bathroom. Frank looked quizzically after him, then peered at the bathroom door. He hesitated before continuing on downstairs. With his sons, anything was possible.

~~BB~~

Jamie sat on the patio, awkwardly patting Erin's shoulder as she hugged him and sniffled into his shoulder. He had just finished giving her an explanation of events, similar to the evening before.

"Please Erin, you don't need to cry…"

"I'm sorry, Jamie." Erin said, wiping her face. "It's just so unfair!"

"I know." Jamie mumbled, hugging her. It was hard to keep a lid on his own emotions with his sister soaking his shirt, but he did his best. "It's hard, but I'll be okay, Erin. Really."

"I know, Jamie." Erin mumbled. "The proof of that is that you're sitting here beside me." She pulled away to look at him seriously. "I just can't even begin to imagine how it must have felt being there, having to go through that."

Jamie shrugged, looking down. "It was a nightmare, Erin. It was the worst experience of my life… but I got through it. I survived."

"You did." Erin agreed, hugging him again.

"Don't drown him, Erin."

"Shut up, Danny." Erin grumbled, wiping her face once more before sitting up straight. Danny stepped out on to the patio. He had gone back to bed after breakfast, sleeping for a few more hours in attempt to clear his foggy head.

"How do you feel?" Jamie asked, unsticking the soggy shirt from his shoulder and smiling at Erin's huff of impatience.

"Much better." Danny said, still sounding stuffed up. "I'm going to go. I want to catch Linda and the boys. I'll see you later, Erin. Jamie, I'll call you tonight, okay?"

"Sure, Danny. Drive safe."

"Always." Danny smiled, waving at his siblings before disappearing back into the house.

"Are you staying here or are you going back home?" Erin asked, still resting a hand on Jamie's arm.

"I'm going to stay for a couple of days, then I'll head back to my place." Jamie answered.

"Are you going to be around for Sunday dinner?"

"That's tomorrow, Erin. I'm pretty sure that falls within a couple of days." Jamie answered dryly, giving her a look. She made a face.

"Shut up, Jamie." she replied, giving him a smirk. "I can't keep track of the days anymore."

"I know the feeling." Jamie sighed. He looked at his watch. "Erin, didn't you have a date with Nicki?"

Erin looked startled, before jumping to her feet. "Soccer practice, I forgot! I'm going to be late!" She leaned down, hastily dropping a kiss on to Jamie's forehead. "I'll see you tomorrow, Jamie. Call me later if you feel up to it."

"Thanks, Erin." Jamie smiled. "See you later. Wish Nicki luck for me, will you?"

"Sure. Bye, Jamie."

Jamie watched as Erin hurried back into the house. He sat outside for a long time afterwards, just thinking. Finally, he made up his mind.

~~BB~~

It was Monday morning. Jamie had left his father's place the night before as everyone else was leaving after dinner. He was anxious to get back to his own apartment. Now, he hurried around, cleaning up after himself as he got ready to leave.

Moments before he stepped out into the hallway, the phone rang. Groaning, he hurried over to his phone, lifting the receiver without even looking at the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"Jamie? You sound rushed."

"Oh hi, Dad." Jamie answered. "I was just on my way out. What's up?"

"I thought that maybe you'd like to come over for a while today, maybe help me out with some yard work?"

"You must have today off."

"I do." Frank answered. "There's a lot to do around here and your grandfather's looking pouty already."

Jamie laughed. "I would, Dad, but I can't right now. Like I said, I was just on my way out."

"Right." Frank answered, doing his best to hide his disappointment. While he _did_ want some help around the house, he also wanted to see his son just to confirm to himself, once again, that he was alive and well and doing okay. Even though he wanted his son to move forward and live his life, he was having trouble letting go.

Jamie could sense his father's disappointment. He smiled. "Look, Dad. I'll come by later this afternoon, okay? I could stay and help you make dinner if you'd like."

Frank smiled. "Sure, Jamie. That sounds good. I'll see you later."

"Bye, Dad." Jamie hung up, once again picking up his jacket and hurrying out the door.

~~BB~~

Jamie walked into the room, looking around nervously. He was sure that his emotions and insecurities were displayed for all to see, but there were only a few people in the room and none of them looked up. He walked over to the nearby desk.

"Jamie Reagan." he said, giving the woman behind the desk a smile. She smiled back, checking her log book.

"Okay, if you'd like to take a seat. It shouldn't be too long."

He nodded, taking a chair closest to the desk. His leg twitched nervously. After what seemed like hours, the woman finally stood up.

"Jamie?" she said, making eye contact with him. "Dr. Avery will see you now."

Jamie nodded, taking a deep breath. He stood, glancing at the remaining few in the room. Still no one bothered to look up. Feeling a slightly more confident, he walked towards the door the woman was motioning to. He smiled at her as he walked through.

~~BB~~

"Hi, Dad."

"Hi, Jamie." Frank smiled, watching his son walk through the front door.

Jamie smiled at him, turning a wondering glance on to his grandfather, who was fast asleep on the couch. "Is he okay?"

Frank tossed his father a withering look. "He says he tired himself out. He raked up barely a quarter of the backyard, and that was it."

Jamie laughed. "Forgive him, he's getting old."

"Who you calling old?" Henry muttered, cracking open an eye. He sat up stiffly, scratching the top of his head. "I can still outwork _you_, apparently."

"Hi, Gramps." Jamie greeted, giving his grandfather his own annoyed look. "I had plans, otherwise I would have helped."

"Hot date?"

Jamie just shook his head as he took a seat on the nearest chair. "Hey, Grandpa?"

"Yes?"

"Try going back to sleep and waking up on the other side of the bed, okay?" Jamie smirked. Henry glowered as Frank laughed.

"Smartass." Henry grumbled, cracking his own smile.

"What did you do today, Jamie?" Frank asked.

Jamie glanced at him, feeling nervous again. "I made an appointment with Dr. Avery. That's where I was heading when you phoned."

Frank raised an eyebrow. "That's good, Jamie. I hear she's one of the better ones. Did it go okay?"

"Yeah, better than expected. She's really easy to talk to, and she actually listens. I'm going back at the end of the week for another appointment. I've set up two a week for the next couple of weeks… and then I'm going to try to get back into work." Jamie let out the breath that he had been holding. "Following procedure, of course."

Frank smiled. "I know, Jamie." He looked over at Henry, not missing the faint look of relief that washed over his features. He felt exactly the same way. "I'm proud of you, son."

Jamie smiled slightly. "Thanks, Dad." He glanced at each of his elders. "It's not easy, you know, walking in there. I think I'm more afraid of her digging up a part of me that even_ I _didn't know about than I am about having to talk about the kidnapping and torture…"

Frank sighed, nodding absentmindedly. "That's normal, Jamie. Most of us are afraid to talk to professionals because we're afraid to admit out loud our weaknesses and insecurities. We're afraid to say anything because someone is going to dig that up and dissect it… we're afraid it'll change us, even though we already think that we've changed."

Jamie looked at him in wonder. "Yeah…"

Frank smiled slightly at the look on his son's face. "I'm the same way, Jamie."

"You?"

"Yeah." Frank shrugged. "The first time I went to talk to the department psychologist because of an incident at work, I hated it. It was the weakest I'd felt in a long time, and I was afraid that no one would view me the same way if I voiced my insecurities out loud." He looked at Jamie seriously. "But over time I realized that it wasn't a weakness, and no one viewed me differently. No one else knew about it in the first place, and those that did didn't care that I was talking to someone, or they encouraged me to continue. There's no need to worry, son."

Jamie nodded. "Yeah, I know… it's just getting over that first step." He looked thoughtful. "Do you still get nervous about it?"

"All the time." Frank smiled. "Sometimes, I'm _still_ afraid that something's going to change, that I'll weaken somehow. I've had trouble sleeping on occasion, so I've been offered another prescription of pills, much like the ones I've already tried. I've refused, partly because I don't like the effects, but also because I tend to feel that accepting them is to accept weakness."

Jamie frowned. "I'm sure it isn't Dad… you take a pain pill for a headache, and it doesn't mean that you're accepting that you're not strong enough to tolerate pain."

"You're right, Jamie." Frank smiled again. "But like you said, it's getting over that first step."

Jamie nodded, finally starting to realize what his father was telling him. "I'm not alone…"

"You're never alone, Jamie. You can reach out to anyone, and they'll help you. Connections are not a weakness."

Jamie smiled. "I get it, Dad. Thanks."

Frank nodded. "So… dinner?"

"Right. What were you thinking of?" Jamie asked, his stomach starting to rumble.

"Chinese food." Henry quickly answered, passing over the phone. Jamie shook his head.

"Really?" he grumbled. "I'd offered to help you prepare dinner and everything, and you decide to order in?"

"You _are_ helping." Henry pointed out, motioning towards the phone. "You can call it in." he finished, looking smug. Frank laughed.

Jamie smirked, knowing he'd walked right into that one. "Funny, Gramps." he replied, reaching for the phone book. "Have it your way." he said, smiling and opening the book.

"Just make sure there's no shrimp." Henry ordered.

"And none of those dry ribs… I'm looking for Chinese food, not Greek." Frank added.

"Dry is different from Greek, Dad. And too bad." Jamie replied. "I've had a craving for both of those for a while now. "

"Jamie!" Henry grumbled. Frank smirked. Jamie just looked gleeful.

"What?" he asked innocently. "You wanted me to help, and I'm helping. I should have a say, too."

Henry scowled. "You don't even _like_ shrimp."

"Nope."

"So don't order it!"

"You gave _me_ the phone, Gramps." Jamie smirked, waving it. Henry scowled again. Jamie went back to looking at the menus in the phone book, fully intending on ordering the usual, which included no shrimp. He just liked watching the look on his grandfather's face, which went from annoyed, to slightly worried, and back to annoyed again. He was sure that his grandfather regretted giving Jamie the phone in the first place.

"Jamie…"

"Relax, Grandpa." Jamie sighed, letting out a laugh. "I'll get the usual."

"Right." Henry relaxed, still looking slightly huffy. "Don't give an old man a heart attack, kiddo."

"I thought you weren't old." Jamie reminded him sarcastically.

"Jamie!"

Jamie laughed, thoroughly enjoying poking at his grandfather. He looked at his father, seeing the pride in his eyes and the contentment on his face. They shared another smile. He phoned in the order, shooting a look at his grandfather who was also looking at him proudly.

He could feel the shattered pieces of himself starting to mend as he felt the warmth of his family around him.

~~TBC~~

* * *

**A/N 2:** Never push buttons when you don't know what it is... I made the system proofread my writing... then promptly spent most of my editing time going over the mistakes and determining if they were even "mistakes" at all. It's late and vacation or not, I should be getting up early. Anyway, one more to go. :) Stay tuned!


	19. Chapter 18 and Epilogue

Run and Hide

**Disclaimer:** This hasn't changed - I don't own anything.

**A/N:** Okay, this took forever, I know that. I didn't forget LOL. I ended up getting busy and decided to place fanfiction on the back burner and a little further down the priority list. However, now that things are sort of easing I got a chance to finish! :)

And so it is... we've come to the finish line. The chapter isn't long - it's more of a neat little wrap up. The last section is a bit out of my comfort zone as I normally don't get into any kind of romance - obviously I don't hate it, I just don't go into it LOL. For this, though, it's just part of the 'neat little wrap up'. :)

I thank everyone who read and reviewed, alerted, and/or favourited; to those who read every chapter, reviewed often, or lurked - I appreciate the time it takes to read a story, and I appreciate the time it takes to review. Thank you! :D

So, I'll say it one more time: Enjoy! :)

Until next time! *waves*

* * *

Chapter 18

"I feel like I'm in training again…" Jamie grumbled, causing Renzulli to smirk.

"Technically, you _are_ in training, Reagan." Tony sighed mournfully. "I have to condition you all over again."

"I'm not _that _bad, Sarge!" Jamie defended himself, readying his boxing gloves. Tony smirked again, holding the punching bag as Jamie took some more practice hits.

"So far."

"That's not helping, Sarge…" Jamie grumbled again. Tony smiled in response, helping Jamie remove the gloves.

"How are you doing, Reagan?" he asked as Jamie toweled off. They walked towards the locker room.

"I'm okay, Sarge." Jamie smiled. "I'm still talking to Dr. Avery, and Dr. Haynes thinks I'm handling it pretty well… otherwise he wouldn't have let me back in." He paused. "I looked at the report, though… Dr. Avery thought it might be a good idea when I was still having the occasional nightmare. Jake was still bothering me, and if I read the report of what went down, maybe that would trigger my brain into realizing that he was gone." Jamie shrugged. "Not that I didn't already know he was gone and never coming back, but it was almost as if some small part of me didn't believe it, or didn't want to believe it."

Tony cocked an eyebrow. "Those reports always contain images."

Jamie shrugged again. "The images were removed before I got the report. All I had to do was read it."

"Smart man." Tony mumbled, referring to the Commissioner. Jamie lips quirked. "Did it work?"

"It was an emotional read," Jamie admitted. "I think that was when I fully grasped the reality of the whole thing… it really happened, it was now an official police report, Jake didn't survive… but I did."

"You beat him, kid." Tony smiled, reaching out to grasp his shoulder. "You proved you're better than him no matter what he said to you."

"Yeah." Jamie smiled back. "I felt a sense of closure reading it… it made it so real, but now it's over. And Jake won't be coming back."

Tony nodded. "Good… are the dreams staying away?"

"Yeah. Just odd ones… literally."

"What do you mean?" Tony asked, taking in the awkward look on his partners face.

"Ones like getting lost in the precinct… being unable to find my way down to the gun range…" Jamie trailed off, looking pained.

Tony laughed, lightly slapping him on the back. "That's just nerves talking, Reagan. You'll get back into the same old routine soon."

"Hope so." Jamie sighed.

"Speaking of the gun range, I'm going to head down there now. Cool off then meet me down there. Fifteen minutes or I come looking for you." Tony ordered.

Jamie smiled. "Yes, Sir." he answered as he grabbed his water bottle, waving Tony off as he unscrewed the top. Alone in the locker room, he grabbed a clean police issued t-shirt from his locker, replacing the one he'd worn while boxing. He tossed the dampened one into the bag sitting on the bottom of his locker, destined for his laundry room at home. He stuck the water bottle back into his locker, closing the door. He headed out of the room, walking quickly towards the nearest set of stairs that would lead him into the basement.

Entering the room, he immediately spotted Renzulli standing on the far side, waiting patiently. Tony smiled as he walked up.

"Right on time, Reagan." he told him, handing him a set of earmuffs. "You remember how to load, don't you?" he teased.

"Very funny, Sarge." Jamie grumbled, taking the muffs. He stood by the shelf, looking down the range at the paper target shaped like a random stranger. Nervously, he glanced down at the gun on the shelf below him and at the ammo that Renzulli had just placed there. The last time he held a gun was the night he'd met Jake for the first time. He'd hesitated then, who was to say he wouldn't hesitate again at the wrong moment?

"No." Tony said softly, gently pushing Jamie back towards the cubicle.

Jamie startled, turning to face him. "I didn't even realize I'd backed up, Sarge…" he said, feeling awkward.

"Just pick it up, Jamie. Load it like normal." Tony continued. "You're not going to leave here until you've fired it." His gaze softened. "You'll be fine once you get back into it again, kid. It's just nerves. Don't think about anything, just concentrate on this moment."

Jamie nodded, reaching towards the gun. He picked it up, feeling the cold, smooth metal beneath his fingers. Deftly, he loaded the clip, snapping it back into place. "Now or never, Sarge."

Tony smiled, handing him his goggles. "When you're ready, Reagan. Go ahead."

Jamie readied the weapon, staring down to the far end, taking in the paper target. He felt tense but ready. He squeezed the trigger.

"You okay, Reagan?" Tony asked, coming up beside him. Jamie had successfully fired off five rounds, emptying the clip.

Jamie nodded, smiling slightly. "Yeah, Sarge… felt good, actually."

"Good." Tony smiled, pressing the button to bring the paper closer. They stared at it as it got closer and stopped just short of where they were standing. "Well… it's not _bad_, Reagan…" Tony snickered. Jamie just sighed, awkwardly running his fingers through his hair as he tried to keep his face from reddening.

"I wouldn't even be able to hit a car tire, Sir…"

The paper contained five holes from five bullets; three over the head, ripping through the white space, one through the knee, and the last grazing the left hip.

"I don't know about that, Reagan…" Tony snickered again, pointing to the knee shot. "That one was pretty accurate."

"I wasn't aiming for the knee, Sarge." Jamie commented dryly.

Tony laughed. "I know. Ready yourself." he ordered, pointing down towards where a new sheet of paper hung. Jamie repositioned his feet, raising the gun again. "Go!"

Five more shots fired off, with little hesitation. It was Jamie this time who pressed the button, praying that he had better aim this time around. Tony sidled up to him.

"Better, Reagan." he commented, taking the sheet from the hook. This time, only one had missed and ripped through the white space above the target's left shoulder. One had hit dead center, and three were scattered throughout the torso. Jamie nodded in agreement. "Do you want one more go? Remember, I just want you to practice, these aren't qualifications yet."

"One more, Sarge… I've almost got it."

Tony smiled as he took a step back. "Fire when ready."

Jamie took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. The tension had been easing the entire time he was there, leaving him tired but unwilling to stop just yet. He readied the weapon a third time.

Tony smiled as the paper stopped in front of them. "Well, would you look at that!" he praised. "I've got my sidekick back!"

Jamie smiled, feeling relieved. This time, four holes dotted center mass, some almost falling out of range, and the fifth was a head shot, although it was just shy of a miss. It was enough to pass qualifications, and more practice would help, too. He removed his goggles and muffs. Tony removed his and gathered up the gun and ammo in order to lock them away.

"I'm proud of you, Jamie." Tony told him. "You've done really well today. I don't want you to overdo it yet, but I think you're almost ready. How do you feel about it?"

"I feel good, Sir." Jamie answered truthfully. "I've enjoyed getting back into it again."

"Good." Tony smiled. "Let me know how things are going, okay? When I receive word, I'll get the testing set up."

Jamie nodded. "Are we finished, Sarge?"

"Yes." Tony answered. Jamie had come in for a half day to get warmed up again. "I'll expect you back here tomorrow morning, Reagan. We'll get some more practice in and I'll set you up for some hand-to-hand combat training."

"Sounds fine, Sarge."

"Do you have another session to get to today?"

"Yes." Jamie answered, leading the way back into the locker room. "Dr. Avery wants me to continue twice a week for another couple of weeks, then she'll scale it back to once a week." He smiled. "It's really helping, Sarge."

"Good." Tony answered, smiling back. "I'll leave you to change. See you tomorrow, Jamie. Don't be late!"

"Never, Sarge." Jamie laughed, watching as left the room. He grabbed the towel he kept in his locker, heading towards the showers.

~~BB~~

"You passed your physical tests with flying colours, gun qualifications are just as good as the last time you qualified. Driving tests were perfect. Medical has cleared you. So has Dr. Haynes."

Jamie stood in his dress blues, nervously fiddling with the edge of his hat. He was standing in front of his father, in the Commissioner's office, awaiting the final results. If his father gave the okay, he'd get back his gun and badge which had been taken from him when he'd entered the hospital after his ordeal.

"If you keep fiddling with that," Frank continued. "It'll start fraying."

Jamie stopped the nervous twitching of his fingers, his cheeks heating up. Frank gave him an amused grin. Jamie smiled nervously back.

"Do you feel you're ready?"

Jamie had been doing a lot of thinking over the last few days as he got used to being in training again. He nodded. "Yes, Sir."

Frank regarded him seriously. "I need you to be sure, Jamie. Are you ready?"

"Yes, Sir." Jamie replied again with no hesitation.

Frank continued to study him. Jamie swallowed nervously, unconsciously playing with the edge of his hat again. Frank smiled slightly. "I think you are too, son." he told him quietly. He stood, walking over to a locked cabinet. He reached inside.

Jamie watched as his gun and badge were placed in front of him on Frank's desk. Jamie reached for them, only a slight shake of his hand giving away his remaining nervous energy. He picked them up, looking up at his father as he did so. Frank gave him another smile. Jamie couldn't help but smile back.

"Thank you," he started. "Sir." he added, vaguely aware that Baker was standing at the back of the room as a witness and record keeper. Not that she would have minded, but he'd thought it better to keep up an air of professionalism.

Frank came around the side of the desk. He held out his hand, which Jamie automatically took in a firm grip. "Welcome back, Jamie."

"Thank you, Sir." Jamie repeated, finally feeling the relief that he'd been waiting all day for.

"Good luck, son." Frank told him. Jamie smiled again.

"Thanks. I'll be okay."

"I know." Frank said. "Go… Sergeant Renzulli will be waiting for you."

Jamie nodded, smiling again as he turned and left. Frank watched him until the door closed. He rubbed his forehead wearily as he moved behind his desk again, catching the sympathetic look Baker shot him as he sat down. She gave him a small smile, closing her file folder and standing up from the chair she had been sitting in.

"He'll be okay, Sir." she told him.

"I know, Baker." Frank smiled back. "Yet a parent can't help but worry sometimes."

"I understand, Sir." Baker replied, giving him a nod as she, too, walked out the door back to her own desk. Frank sat there for several minutes, his mind somewhere else. Finally, he took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as he shook his head, reaching for a file. He was glad he had his own appointment with Dr. Haynes that afternoon.

~~BB~~

Jamie stood at his locker, placing his dress blues inside. He had changed into his usual uniform as soon as he'd gotten the okay from his father. He snapped his gun back into place and had just reattached his badge when the door to the locker room opened.

"You're back!" an excited voice called. "You've been cleared!"

Jamie smiled, turning to face Renzulli. "Yes, Sir."

Tony smiled. "Are you ready to hit the streets?"

Jamie took a calming breath. Truthfully, he was still nervous about it because he hadn't been out there in so long, but he was eager to get started. He smiled. "Yeah, Sarge. I'm ready."

"Good." Tony smiled again. "Let's get going, shall we?"

Jamie nodded, following Tony out of the locker room and down to the parking lot.

~~BB~~

"How does it feel, Reagan?"

"How does what feel?" Jamie asked. "Being back on the street?"

"Yeah." Tony answered. "What did you think I meant?"

Jamie shrugged. "Nothing." he answered. "It feels good, Sarge… I'm really glad I'm back."

Tony smiled. "Good. You're doing really well."

Jamie smiled back. "Thanks."

They were standing at a nearby hot dog stand on their lunch break. The hours had flown by, and Jamie was happy to realize that he had been enjoying every minute of it.

"Wow… I never would have guessed."

Jamie turned, startled, to face the female standing behind him. Too stunned to greet her, he opted for nodding. Feeling foolish, he finally opened his mouth, much to her amusement.

"It's nice to see you again…" he stuttered.

She smiled. She looked exactly the same; her dark blond hair was pulled back into a neat bun, the red streaks having changed to purple. Her green eyes sparkled. She was wearing a skirted business suit and carrying a briefcase.

"You going to run from me again?" she asked sarcastically, a small smirk softening the blow of her words.

Jamie blushed slightly, unable to keep a small sheepish grin from his face. "No." he answered.

"Good." She smiled again, reaching into her briefcase. "Because I'm going to have to run from you… I'm going to be late for work. Here," she said, handing him a card after scribbling on the back. "My number… I'm hoping you'll still be interested in my offer."

Jamie nodded, remembering. "Thanks… I'm still interested."

"Good. I hope to see you soon, then." she told him, smiling and offering a small wave before turning and hurrying down the street. Jamie stood, still feeling stunned, as he stared down at the card. Her name and business number were on the front. He flipped it over.

_Kimberly Williams  
(home) 555-8467  
(cell) 555-3971_

He smiled, unaware that Renzulli was peering around his shoulder at the card in his hand.

"She's cute." Tony said, startling Jamie. "And look, she's a marketing agent. Oh, look at that! She's the _owner_ of her own marketing business! Beautiful _and_ smart!"

"Are you finished, Sir?"

"Yes." Tony smiled. "What was that all about, anyway?"

They started walking back towards where they parked the car. Jamie smiled.

"I met her about a month ago… I was on the bridge, looking out over the water when she showed up."

"She must have a good memory; the uniform changes us. Never mind that she saw you from the back."

"She saw me from the back at that time, too."

"Right. Did she think you were going to jump or something?" Tony teased. Jamie stayed silent for a few moments.

"Yes." he finally answered.

Tony's eyebrows raised. "I was kidding, Reagan."

"I'm not."

"She really thought… well, we _did _have a few jumpers around that time," Tony mused. "So it shouldn't really surprise me. Why did she ask you if you were going to run from her again?"

"Because I panicked and ran away…" Jamie trailed off, feeling rather stupid.

"Why?"

"Because I was afraid. I didn't want to face anyone's pity… I felt that if they saw me, saw the marks left behind from Caulfield, that they'd leave me because I was damaged goods… and I didn't want to have to live it again by explaining everything."

"I get that, Jamie." Tony replied softly. "Trust me, I understand. But you can't hide forever."

"I don't plan to." Jamie smiled, flicking the card between his fingers before stashing it safely in one of his rarely-used pants pockets. Tony smiled.

"Good for you, kid." he replied sincerely. "She seems really nice, and I only saw her for a minute!"

"I hope so, Sarge." Jamie replied, continuing to walk towards the car. "I really hope so."

~~BB~~

It was Sunday night. Erin, Henry, and Linda were finishing the last bit of cleaning up. Sean and Jack were outside playing basketball with Nicki. Frank, Danny, and Jamie were sitting in the living room, each with a cup of coffee.

"What's up, Jamie?" Danny finally asked. Jamie had been out of it since he'd arrived that night for the family dinner.

Jamie looked up, startled. "What do you mean?"

"You've been quiet tonight. You look like you're on another planet. You ignored Sean… that _really_ seemed to bother him." Danny smirked, remembering his son stamping his foot in frustration and stomping out of the house to join his brother's one-man basketball game.

Jamie reddened. "I'm really sorry about that… I hate upsetting the kids…"

"He'll get over it." Danny shrugged.

Jamie nodded. He'd been staring off into space, completely unaware that his nephew had been tugging at his shirt sleeve and talking to him, trying to get his attention. It was only the frustrated stamp of his foot that brought Jamie back to reality; he'd quickly chased his stomping nephew outside, apologizing the entire way. Sean completely ignored him. Jack tried to reassure his uncle that Sean did this all the time and to give him at least an hour to cool off, then he'd be over it. Dejected, Jamie agreed and re-entered the house, much to his family's amusement.

"When are you going to call her?" Frank asked, drawing both Danny and Jamie's attention. He smiled at their surprised looks.

"What?" Jamie asked, stuttering. "I'm… that's not…"

"Yes it is." Frank smiled again. "A father just knows."

It was Danny's turn to grin. "Go Jamie! Who is she?"

Jamie reddened again, but smiled. "Believe it or not, Danny, the same one as the last time. The one I ran away from…"

"It must be a sign." Danny grinned. Frank looked confused.

"Why would you run away?"

Jamie sighed. "I didn't want her to know… I was afraid that if anyone saw me, they'd change their attitude towards me. I didn't want pity and I didn't want to relive it by explaining what happened all over again."

Frank nodded. "I understand, Jamie. But you're okay with it now?"

"Yeah, I'm okay with it, Dad." Jamie smiled. "I mean, if someone can't handle something that happened to me in the past, they're not the one for me anyway."

"You're right, son." Frank smiled. "I'm happy for you."

"Have you gone out with her yet?" Danny asked.

"No," Jamie answered. "I just ran into her yesterday. I have tomorrow off… I'm going to call her then, see if I can't set something up."

"Good." Danny said, lightly slapping Jamie's shoulder. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"No… I'll just think 'what would Danny do?' and do the opposite." Jamie replied sarcastically. Danny grumbled in response.

"Thanks a bunch, kid."

"Anytime."

Frank watched his sons banter back and forth, feeling at peace.

~~BB~~

_-Epilogue, several months later-_

Jamie relaxed against the back of the couch, his arm wrapped around Kimberly. There was a movie playing on TV, but neither were paying much attention to it. Jamie glanced down at her head resting on his shoulder, smiling softly. He poked her gently.

"Kim…"

"Hmm…" she mumbled. "What? What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Jamie smiled. "You fell asleep."

"Then why'd you wake me?" she grumbled.

"'Cause I have to get up… my arm's numb and my legs are starting to follow."

She laughed, sitting up and stretching. She yawned, peering at him as he tried to get feeling back in his limbs. She glanced at the skin on his back; his shirt had ridden up slightly, exposing a few scars. Absentmindedly, she reached out to gently run her fingers over them. He jumped at her touch.

"Sorry," she apologized.

Jamie shrugged. "That tickled… what were you doing?"

"You have a lot to tell me, don't you?" she replied softly.

He looked down, knowing immediately what she was talking about. "Yeah… yeah, I do."

She reached out, grasping his hand in hers. "You don't need to tell me now, you know." she told him. "But you should know that I'll be here when you're ready."

He looked at her, seeing the sincerity in her eyes. "Then you should know…"

"Jamie, I already said you don't have to say anything now."

"I want to, Kim… I don't want to hide anything from you."

She slid over, once again leaning against him. "Then I'm listening."

Jamie took a deep breath. "Several months ago, I was involved in a shooting… I hesitated, I was in the wrong area to being with, and things just went from bad to worse. A young boy was killed. I couldn't save him.

"The boy's brother was a drug dealer and a psychopath… yet he cared more for the boy than anything. He marked me… he wanted revenge.

"I was having a rough time and went on a solitude camping trip, much against my family's wishes and my own better judgement… of all the bad luck, Caulfield was there, committing murder of the man who had shot the boy. I witnessed it, and before I could get away to let the authorities know what was going on, he and his men had caught up to me. I spent what felt like forever with them… though it was barely a week. They tortured me… I'll admit, I was ready for death if it meant I could get away from them.

"Danny… Dad… they never gave up. They solved it, they found me… and I nearly died… they tell me that I did… then when I was finally starting to heal, I thought I could get over it myself. It all exploded in my face."

Kimberly hugged him, but remained silent. When it appeared that he was finished talking, she moved so that she was looking up at him. He brushed a strand of hair away from her face. His eyes were worried.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine, babe." she replied quietly. "I'm just taking it all in… that day I found you on the bridge, why did you run?"

He looked away. "I was ashamed. I didn't want pity. I didn't want to relive it by explaining it."

"You know this changes nothing, right?" she told him firmly. He looked at her in surprise.

"What?"

"This doesn't change how I feel." she said. "I'm angry, sure… I can't believe anyone is heartless enough to do that to someone… but I don't pity you. Clearly you're a lot stronger than that bastard thought. You're still here, after all."

He smiled down at her. "Yeah. I've been hearing that a lot."

She smiled back. "Then I hope you believe it."

"I do. Believe me, it took a long time to get here, but I really do."

"Good." she replied, sitting up. She reached for him. "I want to see."

"What?" Jamie asked again, feeling slightly nervous, and quite foolish. 'What' was becoming a rather familiar word in his vocabulary.

"I want to see what he did to you." she insisted quietly. "Remember, it changes nothing."

He nodded, swallowing nervously. He wasn't rushing their relationship – he'd had enough of rushing – so he'd never had to show her anything. Now here she was, practically demanding that he remove his shirt. He sighed, unbuttoning the front. He realized his hands were shaking when she gently placed hers over them, giving them a light squeeze.

"Let me." she said, her voice barely above a whisper. Deftly, she undid the buttons, biting her lip as she noticed the fading scars on his chest. "You have them on your back, too…"

"Yes…" he mumbled, shrugging out of his shirt and turning his back to her. He shivered as her fingers ran lightly over his back.

"These will always be a part of you," she told him. "They will always signal a change in your life… but they don't have to _become_ you. You don't have to _live_ by these scars."

He turned back to face her, wordlessly drawing her into his arms. She hugged him back tightly.

"Kim…"

"Yeah?"

"I know you have to work tomorrow… but I'm asking you to stay."

"Jamie…"

"I don't want anything from you," he rushed to clarify. "I just want you near me tonight. Please, babe... stay."

She leaned forward, capturing his lips in her own. "Anything you want." she murmured, leaning in again.

~~BB~~

_-A few weeks later-_

They lay together early Sunday morning, just enjoying each others company. Absentmindedly, he played with her hair, thinking.

"Kim… would you like to meet the rest of my family? Our regular dinner is tonight."

"Why Jamieson, after six months I thought you'd never ask!" she replied sarcastically.

"I've asked before!" he defended himself. "You've always been busy."

She laughed. "I'm teasing you, babe. You're right… work's been awful. It meant a lot of extra time on Sunday nights just to get ready for Monday morning. But it's slowed down now… and I'd love to meet your family."

He smiled. "Good… they've been asking about you." He frowned. "Danny's convinced that I've made up an imaginary girlfriend."

She laughed again. "We'll have to prove him wrong then, won't we?" she murmured, kissing him lightly. He grinned against her lips.

"I like your way of thinking." he smirked, flipping them. She squealed, but soon gave up on any attempts at conversation.

~~BB~~

Jamie watched from the sidelines as Kimberly got right into it with Erin and Linda in the kitchen. He smiled as he heard them laughing with each other.

"How's it going, kid?"

Jamie smiled at Danny. "Great." he replied. "She's amazing…"

Danny smiled. "You really like her, don't you?"

"Yeah… I never felt quite like this with Sydney before. Kim loves to have fun… everything's a laugh with her… and she doesn't seem bothered by the fact that sometimes I have to cancel dates, or leave a date early, or postpone our plans."

Danny squeezed his shoulder. "Have you told her?" he asked seriously.

"Yeah… a few weeks ago." Jamie answered. "She wanted to see the marks… she was angry that someone could hate humanity so much to do that to a person, but nothing's changed. In fact, it's better than before."

Danny grinned at him. "What did I tell you?"

"That I'd find someone who would care and nothing would change that."

"Exactly."

Jamie snorted. "No need to puff yourself up, Danny. You were right."

"I wasn't puffing myself up," Danny defended himself. "I just wanted to say I told you so."

"Sure, Danny." Jamie smirked. "Whatever you say."

"I like seeing you like this."

"Like what?"

"Happy." Danny smiled. "In love."

"Danny… it's only been a little over six months." Jamie sighed.

Danny looked him over. "Perhaps. But I can tell." he smiled again.

Jamie grinned sheepishly. "I don't know yet, Danny. But I know that I care a lot for her."

"Then go with it. See where it takes you."

"Thanks, Danny." Jamie smiled.

"Anytime."

"Dinner!" Erin hollered from the kitchen, causing the family to stampede into the dining room. Jamie sat down, Kim immediately taking the seat next to him. She smiled at him.

"Your family's amazing." she murmured, giving his hand a light squeeze under the table.

"You haven't spent enough time with Danny yet." he murmured back, causing her to laugh, which she quickly tried to turn into a cough, causing Jamie to laugh. Danny glowered from the other side of the table.

"You two are talking about me."

"No." they chorused innocently, grinning secretively at each other. Danny just shook his head, smiling at Jamie before turning to chat with his sons.

Jamie could feel eyes on him. He glanced quickly at his father, who had been watching them interact. Frank smiled contentedly, giving him a nod. Jamie smiled, knowing that was his father's way of saying he approved; he didn't even seem to mind that the streaks in her hair were now green. Jamie had asked her about that one day, about why she changed colours so often. She replied that it made her stand out, feel different amongst the mundane, yet was something she could do that wouldn't harm anyone.

He liked her even more after that response.

He glanced around at his family, watching as they chatted happily with each other. He glanced at Kim, who was happily asking Nicki about school and boys and other girly things. He smiled, the warm glow of love and support surrounding him. Erin smiled at him over their heads. He grinned back.

Everything was the way it should be.

He was home.

~~END~~


End file.
